Tuesday, June 21, 2011

FIRST WEEK IN LONDON

When i was waiting at the Chennai airport, in the lounge two women were sitting with three vacant chairs, but when I wanted to sit there, they said that they had their family coming....this sort of reservation irritates me a lot...in the waiting lounge, nobody is there permanently, by the time their family would come, there may be few more seats vacant..such people are very inconsiderate type.

I reserved AI India ticket only because of their service and food, and this time both were not good.One air hostess was so indifferent to passengers that I thought that she shouldnt be here. They didnt serve anything till we were in the air for one hour and then too, neither food was good, nor any variety..it looks like the airline is poverty stricken..but then why penalise the passengers, we are paying full fare, cut your own costs.Once serving the food, nobody came for even water, for three hours, even if we called, they just ignored...now AI has lost atleast me, I would never travel with them.
London has become so crowded and a structure in total concrete, there are hardly any open places or greenery. and traffic is as slow or sometimes even slower than Chennai:)
But we are living in an apartment on the Thames....its just so beautiful..whole day we can watch cruises and ships going here and there.
Here little kids are given a very special care and most of the things are provided free from the govt ...its something worth emulating for us...for one month midwives come home and chk mother and child and provided all the care and medicine free.
Some norms are very different too, like they dont allow us to give water to our grandson, whereas in India it is highly recommended., they dont give a bath daily, which is mandatory for us.

Lastly I am sorry that i am not able to reply to the comments and chk other blogs, but let me settle down a little bit:).......




Friday, June 17, 2011

My Father

On this father day, I would like to share a few things about my father.I had a father whom not only his children, but his whole village loved and admired.Its very rare to inspire such trust, love and respect.

Today when I read in the blogs about unequality and all that, I dont understand much, as I was born in 50's and still my father loved me a lot, pampered and provided everything I demanded. I never felt any discrimination, Only thing different was that he taught us to behave, to learn values of a good family, as he always thought that I would be a live torch bearer of his name, when I go to other family as bahu. Today girls shout at the top about their parents ..they are so great and all that, but my father taught me never to praise my parents in front of inlaws, instead my good behaviour will bring them the real praise from their mouth only.

Even After I got married, he was always there to support me, whenever and wherever I required, but he never put any claims on  me or my family. He never said that he should have equal rights in my house or anything like that..according to him, girl's parents should never interfere in their daughter's life after marriage, if they want her to live happily.My parents hardly ever accepted any gifts even.

Once when i was very young, I used to go to another city for education. And our driver left me after I boarded the bus, he didnt wait for the bus to start. Unluckily bus had some technical problem, and it didnt go and I had to return home all alone, and it had become dark also. MY dad called the driver and fired him left and right. Driver even said that he could have lost thousands, if he stayed,  but my dad said..to me my daughter is much more important than money,always remember, that to me nothing comes before family. Her safety is paramount, and it should never happen again...That incident made so much impact on me that family always comes first....

He had so many accidents in life, but god always saved him, and his reason was....your good deeds always protect you in contigencies....bhalaa kaam aagey aa jaata ha bachaane ko.....And I learned that good deeds are your protection in life.

In our area every one used to say that if anyone has any financial or any other problem go to him(my dad), from his door no one is denied....he will go to any length to help others and has no vicious bone in his body. Even those who bade bad for him, even if they needed him, he would go.Others before self.that was his mottoo

We had many  employees  and many were muslims, but they were all  like a family, and they loved him from his heart and who were ready to give their life to him, he always treated his employees with lot of love and respect, and generosity, on outings, they all ate with him only..no segregation....'
Our family was secular in behaviour, not in words.

He taught his children to be honest and ethical and kind to others, and today not only me, I can vouch for all my siblings that whatever we may be, but we can never be dishonest, or inhuman to any body.My brother has imbibed almost all his values, and with the kind of ethics and honesty he does his business and behaves in personal life..very rare to see today........and my sisters they are so kind and always helping others..

He used to say that anyone who cheats never prospers, and anyone who cheats an honest person is always destroyed on the end.

When my dad was alive, I couldnt even imagin that I could live without him, but this also I learned that life goes on........

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

My little bundle of joy

Tomorrow I am leaving , going to London to be with my new born grandson:)...These little angels are such a delight to hold and cherish and god has granted me sch an occasion, so I am going to take it with a open heart, full of joy.and I hope and wish that I would get time to share my experiences with all of you, till then enjoy!!!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Is it journalism?

Today I saw one heading in TOI today and it pained me a lot....

Maoist diary  thrills cops, informer hits jackpot
The informer is said to have been paid 2 lakhs and said to be a woman...written by Abdul Qadir


Now tell me who is an informer? a person who puts his/her ;life on stake either for a cause or for money and  is given a promise that his/her identity wouldnt be revealed. Now in the above where was the need to add that info about informer?..isn't the journalist putting someone's life in danger for nothing? where has the ethics gone? Its all for sensationalism. Now if anything happens to that informer..I would always think about you Mr. Qadir.

Second one..
Save ganga crusader dies after 115 days fast
I was very pained to know that  Swamy Nigamanad.only 35 years old lay in the same hospital where baba Ramdev was, but nobody paid any heed to him...it shows the importance of media and publicity..he was fasting for a ban to mining along the stretch of Ganga..but nobody, neither the govt, nor the people bothered about him and he died unnoticed at a very young age..so what is importance..is the cause or all that hype?..Media only highlights those people and things who are connected...where is the true journalism?

Then one quote from Anna Hazaare gladdened my heart....
In Pune's Yerwada there is a mental hospital he(Digvijay singh) should be taken there....
Really:)


Monday, June 13, 2011

Parents

This time my post generated so much of diversity in views,i respect all other opinions, but still maintain that...
In my opinion....

Respect for elders doesnt need any parameters.....they deserve it by just being our parents..no demanding or commanding business.

Changing times doesnt  mean defying elders ..the way we dont stop eating or sleeping, we dont stop respecting them.

Everything is subjective..in our times we were way ahead of our parents and, today our children are and tomorrow their children will be, but values remain the same.

Our culture is not materialistic, it is spiritual and has lot many advantages,so discarding it for the sake of luxurious life may not be good for our future..so think about it...looking after self  first is not our culture, we are made better than that, so why go for baser instincts?

I also believe that only a happy person can give happiness to others, but that doesnt mean that we must drive our happiness through..tamogun...happiness that comes after satogun is the real one only..everything else is momentary.

Atleast one relationship..thats parents should be left alone, and parents should never be judged on any parameters, right or wrong..we dont have any right to do that....utna karja unka banta ha ham par.

Last but not the least..whether parents should respect the children or not..its a different topic and a separate post can be done,it cant be discussed here in short





Thursday, June 9, 2011

shortcut

some people think that listening or obeying your elders is a sign of less intelligence or being old fashioned or unprogressive..on the contrary it needs lot of intelligence and patience to decide which are  the battles worth fighting for and where silence or obedience is golden.

Listening and following little little rituals or traditions your elders want you to, doesnt mean that you believe in them It is about your thought process..your feeling  to make them happy..whatever you want you may otherwise follow in practice and teach your progeny.
Standing up for bigger things in life ..like career,marriage etc is worth it, but arguing and defying in small things is nothing but bad manners.

What is the purpose of our being on this earth?..is it eating sleeping and enjoying and working towards that only.
We are fortunate to be born as humans and we are sent on this earth to make it a better place with our sensibilities.and we must start it from our home..then neighbourhood, then city and then country..The baser instincts are there in animals too, but they dont have finer ones. We are the chosen ones ,provided with a brain that can think, with capabilities which can bring pain and pleasure both. Its our duty to make this world a better place..and if we cant be considerate towards our own parents, what can we do for anybody else..its useless than talking about humanity, charity, NGOs and what not.
The process of being a better human beings starts at home....be a good child,good spouse and then good parents, and then look outside to be a good friend, neighbour and a good citizen..

Today everybody wants a shortcut..first look after self only and then satisfy that guilt feeling by joining an NGO on sunday..if everyone thinks about being good to one's family, we may not need so many charities and NGOs also.
Living for self all the time..is what other inhabitants on this earth do all the time..we being human have a better way of living defined for us....its not only about getting good things, good career and money, its about what we are as a person..how compassionate and caring we are.....

Monday, June 6, 2011

CONTINUED

In response to my last post I got quite different views and I thought that instead of giving long answers, I will write a different post, as I am not sure home many people check the answers to their comment.


everyone should have their time and space to live and grow as they want.
Complete freedom is never conducive to a civilised society, and one can never do what one wants all the time, certain amount of decorum is always required to be a good human beings,Total individual freedom is bound to bring unhappiness.

most of the successful guys and girls are from conservative Indian families where parents are not defied. And most attribute their success to the discipline that their parents instilled in them.

I totally agree with the above statement, as I see many youngsters who are very intelligent, but since there was no push or guidance from their parents and they were given freedom, they got into a mediocre education only..I know a family where children were very intelligent, but their parents never gave them any aim to fulfil or any targets, and today they are just an average employed person, whereas they could have reached much higher, if they had that discipline in their life.


Nice thoughts, but was that little Utopian thought?
Why does everyone think that it is a Utopian thought..its possible with a little adjustment.

I guess whats important is that we are happy
But not everybody is happy, one generation is suffering.....


whatever it is, as long as there is some harmony in place, its a good deal.
why do we want to settle for some harmony, why not strive for complete happiness?

Daughters or sons,it is their duty to take care of parents.
completely agree.

Please tell me which typically patriarchal family would encourage their DILs to have a prolonged stay at her maternal home, even for taking care of parents? II do not think it is possible to take serious responsibility of parents for girls staying in patriarchal set up, its an evil skewed against women on most counts.
I think the need for longer stays is not a common need, its only at rare times, and today when inlaws tolerate everything, they will be happier if in other ways they find their DILs caring....it all depends on the girls , if they are genuinely caring and look after their inlaws well, they get lot love and freedom too...and in anything we must not look at any thing from the point of woman or man, but family as a unit, and for a family to work cohesively, it has to be either matriarchal patriarchal...wh6 do the girls feel the need to strictly look after their parents, their brother and his wife will look after them, and occasionally they can do so....because if they want to change the equation, then boys may complain the same thing,so ultimately we are back to square one

with one set of In-laws staying with couples the other set is generally not comfortable visiting often and for longer durations. Why should the girl and her family be devoid of each others company?
It is not a question of devoiding anybody of anything..it is our culture..if you want to change it then....
in the marriage girls parents shouldnt do Kanyaadan, that time they do it and feel great, why complain later on..or we do everything without understanding the meaning?
There shouldnt be any concept of Baraat or anything else,,it should be registered marriage, because in a traditional marriage, a girl always goes to inlaws and boys take the dulhan to their home.

When we want to shun everything Indian, just because it suits us fine, we  are veering towards west and following them blindly, we have many good things like....
A family who looks after our interests before themselves.
Our children respect elders and take care of them with love.
Our children get the loving care of grand parents, not the clinical environment of creche.
Our youth thinks twice before going astray as he has the pressure of family , and he thinks about them before himself.
Our children dont have to live with changing fathers and mothers and with siblings all from different parents.
And in face of contingencies, whole family stays around us and helps us.
Whenever i have any problem, all my family is there to help me, they never think, how it will disturb their routine or how much will be spent, I never get into loneliness, though my children are abroad, only because of my family and to maintain that one has to adjust and compromise somewhere.I look after my MIl ande my parents are looked after by my sister in law and brother..and suppose my SIL is not good(hypothetically), then it also may may be that tomorrow daughter's husbands may not be so good,and may not like to live with their wives's parents..... these things can be same...then it is everybody's Karma.

last but not the least, I always believe that happiness that comes from self gratification is temporary, to find long lasting happiness, one has to do something for others..and what better way of doing it than looking after your own family first......today young people think of doing lot of charity, but make their own hubby;s parent pariah:(..sad indeed.

Today whatever the west does is the golden mantra to every one, but they have materialistic culture whereas ours is a spiritual one and you can yourself decide which would be better in the long run. Earlier if my mother told me to do something for tradtion, I never questioned her, whereas today my children question me like a quiz master.But whatever their friends do or westerners, it is accepted without a quiver. MY mil gave me khichdi with ginger..nothing else  for one whole month after delivery and i never protested, or questioned her as I thought it was only for my health and my welfare only,That was the trust we had in our elders, today for everything everybody has hundred querries, but whatever the west does, it is acceptable without any questions..Nobody even bothers to search, wheather they are really very happy and healthy with their choices and even if they are, why should we copy them?..if they do it, we will also do it defying our elders and everything, but their families are different..so many things we follow because that way we make a tradition, we shall leave some cultural inheritance for our children, otherwise they will have nothing, only borrowed ideas , culture and history.

One more thing, please dont think that I am myself a dependant parent or something like that, no given a choice, I would never like to live with the children permanently,I prefer my independence and self respect  too much, but yes I would love them to want me to stay with them....I always write what I feel is right and should be done .

Thursday, June 2, 2011

RESPONSIBILITIES

Yesterday i read an article in Meri Saheli..about how daughters have become responsible now. I didnt agree with the author. Till 70's daughters were brought up differently with a clear understanding that they are..PARAYA DHAN, and one day they will go to SASURAL and that will be their home.Daughters were given some dowry and later on feted on every festival and visits. They were not given equal importance and opportunities like sons.They didnt have much say in the family matters, they were not given equal share in family wealth, sons got everything....inheritance as well as duties.Rights and duties always go hand in hand....when they were not given any rights, they couldnt be expected to take the responsibility of parents also, rather unfair to think of that....because of other reasons also, as per society rules they were supposed to take the responsibility of inlaws family. And in a way it was good also.....दो नावो मैं पैर रखने से नाव डूबती ही हा,उस समय कोई दुविधा नहीं थी मन में,वही सही भी था.शादी के बाद लड़की अपनी ससुराल में रम जाती थी,.Daughters after marriage were treated as guests, and parents also never wanted to take anything from them, rather took it as humiliation, if they ever had to.
Though exceptions are always there..and those who didnt have any son, they might have faced some loneliness also.....but there was and is never a case of daughters not being responsible.

Now today scenario is different..parents are bringing up their daughters and son with equal importance, girls are getting assertive, joint families are vanishing, and inlaws pressure is not there. Girls are working and financially capable of doing everything.And parents dont mind living with them or taking gifts.But since this is a transition period, there are many misconception and the time passes, we will be getting near to the model of west..where children always make their own home...may be we shall be getting more freedom but loosing lot many things in the bargain.

To me ideal situation would be a mix of old and new...instead of going for literal equality, daughters should look after their parents and do everything to make their life comfortable, and be always there when they need...but otherwise live in a model patriarchal society, where girls make a home with their inlaws.and follow the name of husband and his traditions..that brings lot of harmony in life.