Monday, August 29, 2011

Difference in living in East and West

I observed so many differences in the upbringing of children between east and west..and I am not saying who is right who is wrong,but then results are always different..see how...

There they leave the infant on the bed to sleep all alone and if he cries  then they let him, he will slowly reconcile himself and sleep..and for this behaviour they have their own compulsions as they have no family support to bring up children and most of the mothers are working too, so they cant devote so much of time to children, but to advice doing so to everyone. irrespective of circumstances is not required...We in India never leave a child alone and never let them cry for long..they are always made to feel precious and very valuable to us.

But then they contradict themselves by saying that mother should give the skin touch to child and tell all the artificial ways to make it so..why not do it natural way...pick up the child when he wants to be comforted.But NO everything should be done as we want it, not the way child wants it..we must programme the child to suit our life style.

There, personal life is very important, and personal entertainment cant be postponed even for some period, and people will take out time for themselves..managing the children.....anyhow...and this is where we sow the seed of self importance..self comes before everything, whereas in Indian culture..there are so many times in life when other than self is more important..sometimes children, sometimes parents,inlaws, relatives and that makes our life so beautiful.and meaningful too....WHenevr I go to my children, I nevr think about my likings,whether I would like to laze around or sleep late or go out, I always try to think of their comfort , and to make them happy, its they who think about me, and this makes everything so charming, if everyone thinks about self...then also the same things will happen, but there wouldnt not be so much of charm.

Then.... dont give any water, or Indian gripe water or janma ghutti, but one can give anything advertised on the net.its safe, just because its on internet,and other users are advocating..how can one authenticate the internet users?.whereas what our elders say.it is authenticated.

 one thing is positive that there children become very independent from the early age...and want to have their own way.one incident remains in my mind..one young child whenever disliked some instructions or anything from any body be it elders or outsiders, will instantly snap at them saying..go away to your home..or stop laughing..now in India whenever a small child says something like this, we instantly tell them with love...beta bado ko aise nahi kehte.its not nice, we dont just laugh it off.

But one thing I liked that there girls really work equally, they have no qualms about lifting heavy things or doing any work. whereas Indian girls want to have their cake and eat it too, that way I appreciate my nephew who never vacates the seat for girls in bus, he says...if you want equal rights, then stop asking for the privileges..I also feel the same and asking for any special treatment is an insult to me

Monday, August 22, 2011

THE LAST LECTURE...RANDY PAUSCH

This book is about how to live life. Randy Pausch is suffering from pancreatic cancer and has only 2-3 months to live and he wants to document certain things in his life, so as to tell his children everything when he is not there with them.Though this book must be read in full to understand properly, still I am going to quote a few things,I liked very much......

The instinct in our house was never to sit around like slobs and wonder..we knew a better way.open the encyclopedia,open dictionary..open your minds.

He(his father) liked humorous anecdotes that turned into morality tales.

Never make a decision until you have to and if was in a position of strength I had to play fair.

My parents really knew what it took to help people.

Have something to bring to the table, because that will make you more welcome.

When you are screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore means they have given up on you.You may not like to hear it, but you critics are often the ones telling you that they still love you and care for you and want to make you better.

While teaching sports to kids,..what we really want them to learn is far more important: team work,perseverance,sportsmanship,the value of hard work, an ability to deal with adversity.

Tenacity is a virtue, but it is not always crucial for everyone to know how hard you work at something.

The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.

One needs Dutch uncle( who gives fair opinion about you)

Well you just cant have some of me Jai" I told her. You appreciate the part of me that didnt get angry because two thing we own got hurt. But the flip side of that is my belief that you dont repair the things if they still do what they are supposed to do. Cars still work, lets just drive them. Everything doesnt need to be fixed.

The truth can set you free.

Time must be explicitly managed like money.

You can always change your plans but only if you have ONE.

Ask yourself..Are you spending time on the right things?

Develop a good filing system.

Delegate.

Enable others to fulfil their dreams.

Earnest is better than hip..one is long term, whereas other is short term.

Dont complain, just work harder..if you took one tenth of the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem, you would be surprised at how well the things work out.

Treat the disease ,not the symptoms....this one I like best, as whenever people are stressed out they say..deep breathing , yoga etc etc is helpful in decreasing the stress, instead they must look at the things causing the stress and try to remove them.

Watch what they (people) do, not what they say.

Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.

Whether you think you can or you cant.you are right.

Dance with the person who brought you...its a reminder about loyalty and appreciation.

Experience is what you get when you didnt get what you wanted.

Showing gratitude is one of the most powerful thing humans can do.

Loyalty is a two way street.

Hard work is like compound interest in the bank.

Always be prepared.

A bad apology is worse than no apology..its so true, some people keep saying sorry without ever meaning it.

On every level, institutions can have and should have a heart.

No job is beneath you.

All you have to do is ask.

If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself and  dreams will come to you.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

CONSUMERISM

I have no shame in saying that i always get ideas to write something while reading other's posts and this is no different:).whenever ideas similar to my thinking are posted, I want to say so much, then think why not write your own post about it.
When the riots in London happened, since then I was thinking that consumerism is showing its results. As I read in the papers that many youth looted things with selection..particular brands of jeans and like that.
In the west they bring out new paraphernalia for every month.it may be Halloween or fall..and people buy it..
They always try to tempt the customer and make them shopping prone.For every little thing one gets a different gazette and one accumulates everything. Showing love needs buying things..sometimes things which are not even used.

We are destroying our future and this planet both.In every sphere of life we need better behaviour , love and respect, not things.

Do we praise a guest who is obnoxious, though he/she may bring us an expensive present?
Are those children happier whose parents buy them a lot of toys  than those who buy less and give more love and time?
Are the parents who get lot of gifts without any respect are happier than those who get less gifts but respect?
Can the husband wife be happy only with the gifts without any care and love?

Things matter but to a limit only..its our character that matters more than anything else and nothing compensates the behaviour.

In most of places good values and behaviour wins all the way..neither our appearance nor the tags of our clothes matter, so why we hanker after them ignoring the values?........because it comes easy to us, behaving well or achieving something needs hard work, which not everyone can do....we are taking the shortcuts in life.

I request everyone to think and buy only what you NEED not what you WANT.Dont encourage waste shopping and accumulate garbage in your house, rather than accumulate wealth, that makes everyone happy in the long run.. I feel really sad to see the wastage of food in west..here whenever I have to throw eatables in  trash, I am very uneasy..so many people in the world are going hungry and here we are throwing.why? because we buy more than we need....why not buy a little less than a little more?

We dont need to do many donations or social service if we become judicious in our own life.everyone can have enough to eat and wear.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Riots in London

The riots in London really shocked me.the way young boys looted the shops and even injured people, shows the lack of civic sensitivity and morality in the people.Nothing...being jobless or poor or without any hope..absolutely nothing justifies this sort of behaviour..it was pure criminalism. Because there will be thousands of people in the world who are jobless, and poor but it doesnt mean that they start killing other people.
Two things  very clearly come out of this incident..
One that society must look inward and give more importance to teaching morals and ethics, less to consumerism as is rampant in west and now coming to India too.
Two..Suing of doctors, police etc demoralises them, here police action was not very swift and sometimes people were left to fend for themselves, police is not given even real bullets..too much of citizen rights and all has made citizen also forget their duties...all the citizens also have a duty towards their country and they have no right to torch either govt property or other's shops and houses, they must be made to pay for their crimes..as here everywhere CCTV are used so one can identify those criminals.

As I was thinking about this I heard the news that in India also.in Moradabad communal riots happened..there also every year when people bring Kanwars, areas become sensitive to riots..I dont know why...some people question the practice of bringing it, but its individual's choice and if they want to do it, their journey must be facilitated and they must be given security too..thats govt.s duty...instead lot of traffic jams happen and this time riots.

Monday, August 8, 2011

ARE YOU LUCKY

Just now I was reading Kanu's post and it struck a chord in me. I have also heard from many people that I am lucky to have such good children or I must have donated pearls in my last life to get such well mannered and good children, but nobody wants to see the hard work put into making them what they are. I am not denying children's own individuality and their own contribution, because parents can do that much only after that its children who have to work hard to reach there, but from my side I have also done a lot of hard work..like..

I loved my children a lot, but to me love never meant pampering only, from a very young age, I instilled in them that they couldnt buy everything, they have to choose what they want..or if it was a big item, then save fifty percent and I shall add rest and then they could get it.I worked hard to make them hard working...I firmly believe that there is one thing that scores over every other quality and gives success in life and it is..hard work...and people have this false notion that rich dont work, I have seen that they become rich only because they work harder than anybody else.....show me a single person who doesnt work and is successful....at least i dont know anyone....

No matter what, they always got their lunch dinner and BF all in time and properly, no friends, movies or party could change their schedule.I made a schedule and stuck to it.Never bothered about me time or my personal entertainment.

From the beginning they were told that a person is respected for his qualities, not for money or clothes, so gain the qualities and you will be respected, dont worry about fashionable dresses and latest gizmo.That was the time for education and character building and should be devoted to that only.And I followed this principle wholly, I  never bothered about the prices of the gifts etc..given or taken.....I led them thru example...even now I dont like  people who like the things with the price tag...I like to live within means.

Every day they couldnt indulge in junk food..NO..they were served healthy food only, once in a week they could eat as they liked....and for that I prepared food every day.and tried to make it tasty too.

If I denied them TV during exams, then even I also didnt see it myself, its futile to expect them not to be tempted.if we cant control ourselves.

And I never shouted in front of them, to nobody, never used foul language, or rudeness even....thats the way they know..that no one speaks rudely to elders in our family..it doesnt mean that we dont have differences in our family, they are but sort them out coolly.....thats what I like:)

I cancelled many trips and parties, as they were not convenient to my little ones, but never made any face as if my life is spoiled etc....they were my little angels and I loved them and love them now.

Still so many times I feel guilty that I could have done this and that and I didnt do enough..there was much more that could have been done.....there is never a limit to what parents can do, and should do...as in a way they make or break their children's future with their up bringing,..again I am not saying that individual's contribution is any less, but children are raw material, its upto the parents to mould them as they want....first ten years of their life are most important as they make the foundation...

Parenting is not a cakewalk...those who take a short cut always get shortchanged later in life...its only those who go a long and hard way get the fruit.


Thursday, August 4, 2011

London sight seeing

Normally I dont watch TV soaps, but since here I dont have much choice so started watching whatever comes on Star Plus..Last week there was one very good episode in Sasuraal genda phool...Here from the beginning everybody has loved and looked after their new DIL who is good from heart, but otherwise totally spoiled brat, but she also changes a lot with love.and here they have brought out a very good point that for living in a joint family, its not enough, if you have a good heart, but you have to be sensitive to other's feelings and joys and sorrows..it shouldnt be all about our own comfort, convenience and likings. The way the elders explain everything without being biased and the youngsters listen and accept their mistakes is very heart warming...there was one particular incidence , very natural, where Suhana promises to make pizza for everyone, and other DILs do lot od primary work in collecting the raw material to help her, and then Suhana forgets all about it and says breezily ..sorry, I will do it next time and goes out to dinner with her husband..all others feel so bad and she has no idea that she did anything wrong...She is good at heart, but that is not enough, she has to be sensitive to other's needs also.

Last sunday we went  out to see London and took an hop on hop off tout,I think it is 26 Pound per person and very convenient, goes to every place and one can get down, whatever one wants to see. Since we have seen many things earlier though 30 years back:) so  first we just took a round sitting in the bus and then got down at Tower bridge..and roamed around a bit and took a wrap from SUB and cheese toastie and coffee from Starbucks..food was quite good and reasonable over there and the area is very pretty to just walk around. From there we took the cruise (it is included in the ticket.so why not avail it).Then we got down at Westminster Abbey and walked down to  London Eye.So much crowd is seen everywhere that it looks like India...Otherwise in US its difficult to see many people on road.
London Eye is a new attraction here and what a crowd there was...they are really making money through this,..there is a long queue for tickets and then for entry, so we had bought the tickets online...an added value is there 4 minute 4 D movie..it was fun. London Eye is a giant wheel sort with some 19..I am not sure about the no... capsules, and it goes quite slow, so the purpose is not thrill, its to see the London from the top.Here also there are many restaurants, we took burger from the McD, and it was yummy.
London eye
view from the top
Big Ben from the cruise
Then I wanted to take another round in the bus, but it started raining, so my hubby wanted to go back home to his grandson.