Friday, January 13, 2017

Changing times

I was thinking that how with the times sensibilities also change..Like when I was young before marriage I wore salwar kameez , and after marriage, as was the custom sari..never found it uncomfortable or cumbersome, instead whenever some one from my in laws side wanted to see me in other dresses, I felt shy and uncomfortable....Today girls feel more comfortable in any  dress other than sari.

After marriage, when my surname changed, i never felt that its an attack on my identity, I felt even happy with Mrs. so and so..with my changed status.

In the same way I never ever thought that after marriage , I will do everything as in my parents place or follow the traditions of my parents family..I took to everything in my inlaws house very naturally, because i was brought up with that..I was given lot of love and everything, but i never thought that I will have any share in my parents's property, nor i will have any responsibilities  towards them...both remained with my brother.My duties and rights both  were in my new home.

Because of this type of thinking, in our times girls took less time in becoming one with the new family.






Tuesday, January 3, 2017

SCOUTING FOR A PARTNER

Now a days on of my nephew is looking for a life partner. And we came to know that today arranging a marriage is tough job, because earlier only boys had expectations, today girls have more expectations than boys, so matching them is quite difficult.
One thing i noticed that most of the time when boys scout for a girl , they like the girls who are good looking if not beautiful and talkative, and independent type,and they dont mind giving girls expensive gifts and doing other expenses while dating, but after marriage, they want wives to be economical, domesticated and polite.
And whenever they meet prospective candidates, they never ask relevant questions, instead its about trivia.like hobby, food etc.Though people change over time, i thought of certain things, which should be clarified before marriage...

  1. Both should know what they are looking for in a marriage..is it about eating out more, more movies and good clothes and exotic vacations only............................................................My thought...marriage means housekeeping, managing the extended family, cooking,and managing finances, so think who will do what?
  2. Is the partner ready to live with other one's parents? and if he situation arise how will they manage?.......................................................My thoughts..In our society its assumed that boys parents will live with them, so any girl assuming otherwise should be clear from the beginning,and if and when girls parents need them, boys should be ready for that.
  3. what do they think about having  children..
  4. what is their outlook about savings and expenditure?
  5. And most importantly..are both going to work? then what will be their coping mechanism?..My thought....is that if both work then both shouldnt be ambitious in career, one needs to take it easy..And if only one works, then other should take the responsibility of house without expecting any help from working spouse.
One's whole life changes with marriage, so its very important to take a decision with lot of mulling over all aspects.I like to think before marriage, and then make it work.