PART 2

My last post created lot of confusion, as I didnt write it clearly,It was not about independent people but about those who are dependent  or live with their children so I want to say here now very categorically
I love the people who maintain themselves and live well and are active and live life well.I admire them.
I was talking about
this tendency of reminiscing about their youth and its flirtations, and exaggerating the importance they got from opposite sex:).......talking about which looks very ridiculous at this age..atleast to me.I can never talk to my children or even my sisters and tell them that i was so popular among boys etc etc, I find it embarrassing. and feel that they are not so important topics now, as life has much more to offer.

My second point was about the DEPENDENT older crowd that most of the people find old people's plight very pitiable and bad, but do old people make any effort to make life better for their young children.and most of the problems can be solved with a little different attitude to life.If all women love their DILs and care for them when they enter their family, they will get if not hundred percent, but I am pretty sure atleast  50 percent return will be there..but then when its time to do, nobody wants to do anything, but when its their time to take, they are ready to take from both hands. And a good life comes to givers not takers.

In the old age also  elders are so demanding ,..Even if they have always taken the best of culinary delights.now they must be accommodating and partake everything with pleasure.simple food is good for their health also, but I see that whatever they couldnt get in their youth even, they want it now.

May be they had a very hectic social life in their prime, but now do whatever the situation demands..One cant tag along the children everywhere, or make your own separate circle and socialise with them, dont ever try to dominate your children's friend circle.

May be you were very fond of travelling and sight seeing, but now do it if you are able to to do it on your own,If children take you anywhere, bless them, but otherwise too dont feel bad, we can see so many things without going anywhere too if we put our minds to them.and we must try to see thru our children's eyes.and find our happiness in the family.

Elders get respect if they are generous with their mind , not only with their age, but if they behave according to the age...and its children's duty also to see that their parents are comfortable, well looked after,and make them feel a part of their life,not a liability.What happens is that everyone wants to do the best for  children and least for the parents( not true for all) and this is the way life circle goes on.

I will end this year with this quote....

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better man.
- Benjamin Franklin

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

AGEING GRACEFULLY

I have seen that most of the women when they cross 50 start thinking about their past and reminiscing about their youth. Now you are going to say that being nostalgic is so common to everybody, past always seems to be better..no. but here comes the catch:)..they remember more about the crushes, who were the boys after them(or they were after them?), how popular they were( even if nobody liked them:). And today if anybody wants to maintain friendship and if the person is from the opposite gender, then its their attraction which is still working.....some go to the length to exaggerate, how much they are liked in society and by others.

What is the thought process behind it? is it the fear of growing old? or growing unattractive? or some complex is growing inside of feeling unwanted?

I have always felt that appreciation and praise if any should come from others..blowing your own trumpet is so ..not very appealing ?
Secondly if people age gracefully and behave accordingly, neither they are neglected nor look unattractive. Because after a certain age, nobody looks at your clothes or figure or jewellery, but your deeds.and your heart. And a good heart always reflects on your face and brings dignity to it..One must take pride not in physical appearances or materialistic things, but in being compassionate and kind.
Just the other day some one was telling me..that aged people face many problems, I said..true, but most of them are because of their attitude towards life.My feeling is that....with age we must look inward,instead of indulging and desiring everything young people do,because we bring misery to us, as well as our family.Yes if one is physically and financially sound, and can manage his/ her indulgence, fine do it, but never do it at the cost of bringing problems in other's life,be it your children or other family memebrs.Instead we must be satisfied with little and devote ourselves to society and god.God has given us four stages of life.

In our child hood we indulge and parents pamper us.first 20 years
In our youth we work hard to make our life..next 20 years
Now we enjoy the fruit of our labour..next 20 years
Now is the time to give back to society and others, and our aim should be to give,  to do and make others happy.

AKSHAYA NAVY QUEEN BALL

Just the other day I saw an advertisement for Navy ball and decided to  go there.Whenever I see the people from forces, I stand in awe at their grooming..what discipline and style they have !!very admiring ! This function was so systematic When i heard that there would be around1000 people, I was apprehensive that may be there would we too much of crowd in a cramped place or may be a long queue for food, and ultimately food may be short too..and all that. But nothing of the sort. It was planned in a huge space where all the people were assigned a table and coupons were given for drinks and food. and no lines anywhere.
In the show for entertainment there were belly dancers from Russia and laser shows, both were very good. In the three laser shows best one was where they showed how this navy day came into existence.from 71 war...that time  Navy had helped the country get an awesome victory.
When I saw the girls who participated in the pageant , I realised how much work must be being done by Femina people who organise them. Because here  Except the three girls woh won, rest all were just not prepared at all...they were total raw, and so nervous that they looked like beauty( I am not even sure about that though) without brains.
Food was catered by Ambasador Pallava, I dont know this hotel and now I dont even want to know:). For vegetarians, neither there was variety nor taste .It was a great opportunity for them to publicise themselves , but they botched it up all.

The judges were P Vasu, Chitti Babu,Renuka David, Rekha Menon, and Mrs, Girhotra.

Can we do it?

In the response to my last post everyone said that it is best if one does what one likes, but is that really ever possible in life? I dont think so. Its not that we always want to do the right things, we may desire so many things, which may not be proper to do and if we do that may be we would be ruining all our relationships and then could we be happy after that.? Life cant be lived for a few moments of happiness.its along term thing.
It all reminded me that once my son gave me a card with the matter.......what can I give you.may be  Ican wish you to have. the freedom to do what you want , freedom to do as you want..I loved that card so much that I have treasured it for last 6 years. Because yes that freedom is the greatest thing, but even he cant give me that because if ever I do something which he or his wife dont like he is wont to ask me..mom how can you do it:)
I know we cant live life with complete abandon as we are social animals, but sometimes I feel that in a year .a month must be given to everyone to live freely without any restrictions( to me restrictions never mean doing anything immoral or illegal.) that is.. sleeeping, whenever you want without worrying about making breakfast lunch and dinner, eating whatever you fancy without worrying about calories and living with the people you want to......
what do you think?

ADJUSTMENT AND JUGAAD

I read about adjustment and Jugad at one fellow blogger's post and when I thought of adjustment, it reminded me a very old story I read long back may be 20 years back but even today one identify with this.here is the synopsis of that...

Aparna was married to Shyam with lot of fan fare. Shyam was a very loving and caring husband and she was very happy with him.But his mother was a typical MIL who never wanted to leaver her hold on his son.So Shyam asked her to be polite and respectful to his mother whereas he will do everything otherwise to make her happy. WHenever Shyam went somewhere and brought 2 sarees for two most important women in his life, it was his mother who chose first and he then consoled Aparna saying..she is immature, but you are mature, let her take it, you can adjust, after all she is not going to be with us forever(though she outlived Shyam) and life went on. She had a son, who grew up to be a fine young man and a caring and loving son.
She married the son the with  a girl of his choice, and now whenever he brought anything it was his wife who chose first and his son always said..amma you are the most understanding mother and mature too, she is immature, let her take it...
It left her pondering..was she born mature? is it a crime to be flexible and understanding? and in the end she decided to live independently and do what SHE wanted to do, instead of being mature and understanding all the time..Finally she was free of adjustments.
This story touched me so much that I could never forget it, because I have seen it that whosoever adjusts more, is always suppressed more..its the vocal and uncouth who get the upper hand in life. Does that mean that we must stop adjusting?......I dont know actually ....I think adjustment should be from both sides,one sided maturity or understanding never brings love and harmony in relationships.
Most of the women  complain about inlaws asking them to cook for whole family and do all the chores single handedly and do the job also,I can say for myself that I did everything as a DIL too and I do as a MIL too and there I dont have any complaints even,because for inlaws I thought it was my duty and I could never shirk from my duty and for children I love to do everything.

DAILY CONVERSATION BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE

Husband: aaj khane mein kya banaogi?..(.What will you cook today for dinner)
Wife: Jo aap kaho..whatevr you want
H: Dal chawal bana lo..make rice and lentil
W: Abhi kal hi to khaye the...but you ate them yesterday only
H: to sabji roti bana lo..then cook some vegetables
W: bacche nahi khayenge.....Kids dont eat that
H: to chhole puri bana lo..then cook  chhole poori
W: mujhe heavy heavy lagta hai..
H:  eggs bhurji bana lo...
W: aaj guruvaar hai..Today is thursday
H: paraanthe?
W: raat ko paraanthe kaun khata hai??..who eats parantha at night?
H: Hotel se mangwa lete hain?..then we can order from Hotel.
W: roz roz hotel ka nahi khana chahiye. hotel food shouldnt be eaten frequently.
H: kadhi chawal?
W: dahi nahi hai..no curd
H: idly sambar?
W: usme time lagega.pehle bolna chahiye tha na!!....its time consuming..you should have told earlier.
H: Soup hi bana lo, usme time nahi lagega.....then soup is enough, wont take time evn.
W: woh koi meal thodi hai? Pet nahi bharta..soup is not a meal, and not filling.
H: phir ab kya banaogi?.now what will you cook?
W: wo jo aap kaho .whatevr you want.
This I got in email..since it was in Hindi, wherevr I found necessary I have tranlated in English.

Koffee with karan

Last week suddenly i had to make a trip to Hyderabad and what a pleasure it was.weather was so good over there and i realised that how much the mother tongue means to everyone. I felt so good that i could talk in Hindi and when I went to Fresh..lovely Hindi movie songs were being played, and I enjoyed so much that just loitered around.

Koffee with Karan season 3 has started and I watched a few episode and liked that new generation stars are not so diplomatic.When Deepika and Sonam put Ranbeer down for his sex appeal, so much noise was made, but when Ranbir and Imran put Sonam and Deepika last in acting and looking sexy , nobody batted an eye.I didnt understand why. But for Salman, stars are high now .a days, Dabang is the biggest grosser of all times and he is the top most search ( in Bollywood) at Google also  and then everybody  at KWK praised him and chose him most of the times over Sharukh.I am happy for that.

Now a days I am reading a book by Dr. Sunny Satin..Incerdibly believable..The Shift...its quite interesting and says that by 2012 the world will start changing and by 2029 we will have a new age where all the corruption and maladies of today will disappear.and its all scientific as earth's vibrations will change and become higher. And I was surprised because last week only my sister told me that her guru also told the same thing that by 2012 things will start changing, and people will start behaving in the right way instead of being selfish and self centered

India versus abroad

Recently a blogger friend sm wrote here a post about the advantages and disadvantages of coming back to India..initially I didnt agree but it made me think and here is what I think......

Advantages in living abroad.....

1. the biggest I find is money, Indian money has no value, there the same calibre person can earn enough to live well and still have expendable money, here even qualified well placed people also cant have that freedom with money..of course now things are changing as both the spouses are working here.
2. Infrastructure and governance.there one doesnt have to run door to door for getting things done and then ultimately grease the palms.
3. many people cite job satisfaction also, but I think politics is everywhere, may be here it is more.
4. Less pollution.
5. One doesnt have to look after day to day guests and other family responsibilities and as is the trend in India:) people living abroad get more respect and awe even from the relatives without doing anything, and so they are forgiven everything. I remember once I had a neighbour who used to say...my brother comes in five years and gives a chq of 1000 dollars to my mother and she keeps singing his praises, and here I am who looks after her daily and must be spending a lot , so I who is doing everything physically and financially and taking her responsibility is nothing..and he used to be very bitter about it...I wouldnt take it as an advantage if I am abdicating my duties but for some people it is.
6. Education has better access.

Advantages of living here .....

1. One feels at home.
2. we can bring up our children with our culture..now I know that many youngsters themselves dont want to follow discipline, but believe me once children come everybody comes on this earth and realises the value of traditions and customs.
3. One thing I agree with sm that whatever people might say but nobody comes back for parents or family.Its a bitter truth that whatever children might say, nobody changes his life course due to parents, they do only what they can after making their life. Once in 80's   I met a young manwho was the only son of his parents and he always used to blame his parents for ruining his life, as they didnt allow him to go abroad and he was struggling here(in his eyes)..Then only I decided that I will never stop my children from going anywhere. Sometimes I feel sad when I see very old parents living alone, but then how many DILs are there who make their inlaws happy if they live together, so may be it is ok living independently.
4. One gets help for domestic chores.
5. we get our own type of food.
6. Medically also I feel more comfortable here, though not many people will agree with me.

 I would like you to add to my list.......

I AM SORRY......

Pencil: I'm sorry.... Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong. Pencil: I'm sorry cos you get hurt bcos of me. Whenever I made a mistake,   you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you   lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time. Eraser: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this.  I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day,  I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with   my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad. :) I found this conversation between the pencil and the eraser very inspirational.   Parents are like the eraser whereas their children are the pencil. They're always   there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes. Sometimes along the way...  they get hurt, and become smaller (older, and eventually pass on). Though their   children will eventually find someone new (spouse), but parents are still happy  with what they do for their children, and will always hate seeing their precious ones worrying, or sad. This is for all parents out there.....