Why do men die first:)

I got this in email fwded by my sister, and I find it worth sharing..worth a few laugh:)

This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation, first:

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy.
If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough ... you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ... its equal opportunity
.If you mention how nice she looks ... its harassment. If you keep quiet . .. its male indifference.
If you cry ... you're a wimp. If you don't ... you're an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her ... you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you ... she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination. If SHE asks you ... it's a favor
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're sexist. If you don't ... you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape .. you're vain. If you don't ... you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers .. you're after something. If you don't ... you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself. If you don't ... you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache ... she's tired. If you have a headache...you don't love her anymore.

Why do men die first?Because they want to.

CHILDREN FOR YOU

Here is a conversation between mother and her son ( ..I wrote this post 5 years back...since the original conversation is in Hindi, I am putting the translation in brackets..

When she eats something

Son;---mom kuch khaane se pehle soch liya karo sugar ha , thoda parhej karo
            ( Think of your sugar before you eat ,eat less)
when she doesnt eat.....

Ma kuch khao, aise kaise chalega, agar sugar low ho gayi to.
( Eat something, I dont like it, sugar level will go down)

When she works......

ab itna kaam na kiya karo ki haalat hi kharaab ho jaaye, thoda rest kar lo.
(Dont over work yourself,you will get fatigued, rest a little)

when she rests....

isiliye to aapki itni fat ha, main jab bhi aata hoon aap rest hi kar rahi hoti ho, thoda active rahiye tabhi theek rahengi.
THis is the reason you are so fat, whenever I see you, you are resting, be active, then only you will be fine

When she gets dressed...

ab itna bhi na saja kariye, aap age ke hisaab se rahiye wahi accha lagta ha,mothers aise nahi acchi lagti ha
Dont over dress, dress according to your age, mothers look better dignified

and if she doesnt then....

thoda theek se baitha kariye, ab boutique me customers dekhte hain aise accha nahi lagta.
Dress well, it doesnt look nice in front of other people.

agar woh discipline demand karti ha to..
ab aap old fashioned baat kar rahi ha,  yeh to hame na bataaiye ki aapke jamaane me kya hota tha,ab times change ho gaye
(You are being old fashioned, dont tell me what used to happen in your time,now times have changed)

GUIDELINES FOR MODERN DAY PARENTS

I keep reading everywhere that why there are all the instructions and protocol for the children, why not any one for elders , parents and in laws, so i thought why not? lets have one which will appeal to them, and as it is giving advice, comes so easily to us Indians.....ask anyone whenever a match is lost..everybody must be telling you how the strategy of the captain was wrong, and how the batsman didnt cut the ball, and how the fielder lost the catch..so easy to play the game sitting in your drawing room:), its like discussing realistic movies and poverty in India over Champagne and caviar:), so here are the guidelines for parents and elders, take it at your own peril, the product is not guaranteed:)

You are born in this world to take care of your children only, so do it well, dont have any other thing in your mind or life.

A child is an individual by birth , so respect them ..even at the cost of your self respect:)( you shouldnt have any).

Before telling..no telling is a bad word..asking your children to do anything, tell them all the reasons and logic, but of course dont expect them to justify their actions.

Give them all the freedom...This is a free world and you may be sued for slavery, But of course if they do anything wrong..its your responsibility and duty to take care of that.

If they want to take all the decisions of their life without your consent..let them take...they are right , its their life, and dont ever say that...hamaare time me aisa hota tha..times have changed , but remember only for them, not for you--if you ever express a desire to become modern., dress fashionably .......then listen to them saying...live according to your age or..are you out of your mind?

They have every right to compare you with their friend's parents who...pamper their children silly, give lot of money and freedom, but you have no right to compare them with other children...u r spoiling their personality by continuous comparison.

Dont ever expect anything from them..obedience or anything else......You havent done anything special..all parents do that for their children,They have already given you a lot..by being your children.

If you are extra caring and protective...you are suffocating them, stifling their life, but if you dont, then you are indifferent..you dont care.

You may suppress all your dreams for their future, but they cant kill a single desire,an outing or their daily routine even for you, as it will be ruining their life .

and all this for the sake of being called a parent..the word means a person totally selfless and devoted to children.

List is endless..will keep adding:)..even you may add...

next part for inlaws:)

men and women

This I got in my email,
It is a good comparison of personality and attitude, some are true, some are said with tongue in the cheek:), but worth reading.......
MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
NICKNAMES
If Rekha, Meena and akshata  go out for lunch, they will call each other Rekha, Meena and akshata; If Amit,Brij and Shyam go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUTt;
When the bill arrives, Amit,Brij and Shyam will each throw in 500/; even though it's only for 1200/. None of them will have anything smaller  and none will actually admit they want change back.  When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay 500/  for a 300/ item he needs.;  A woman will pay 300/ for a 500/ item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows .. About dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods,& secret fears and hopes and dreams.; A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

WHAT MEN THINK AND WANT TO TELL WOMEN

JUST SAY IT.
1---YES and NO are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1---Come to us with a problem only if you want help in solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy
is what your girlfriends are for..t..Please note......these are all numbered 1 on purpose.
1---Shopping is NOT a sport. And we are never going to take it that way.
1---crying is blackmail.
1---Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this as;
Subtle hints dont work.
Strong hints dont work.
Obvious hints dont work

1--A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1---Anything we said 6 months ago is an admissible in an argument. Infact all comments become
null and void after 7 days.
1---If you think you are fat then probably you are, dont ask us.
1---If something we said can be interpreted in two ways and one of that makes you sad or angry
we meant the other one.
1---You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you alrea
dy know how best to do it, just do it yourself.
1--- Whenever possible,please say whatever you want to say during commercials.
1---Christopher Columbus didnt need directions and neither do we.
1---All men see only in 16 colours like windows default system. Peach for example is a fruit
and so is pumpkin. We have no idea what is mauve.
1--If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we act like nothing is wrong. We know you
are lying,but it is just not worth the hassle.
1---If you ask a question, you dont want an answer to,expect an answer you dont want to
hear.
1---When we have to go somewhere , absolutely anything you wear is fine really.
1---You have enough clothes.
1---You have too many shoes.
1---I am in shape, round is a shape.

SOURCE..EMAIL..

Humour

Most of the people like fun loving company and admire those who are nice to everybody and full of humour. A person is always admired for his or her great sense of humour.But I rarely meet a person who is genuinely humorous. Most of the time most of the people laugh at the cost of someone. And that type of fun never appeals me.

For instance my hubby is a silent type, but once in a blue moon he wants to joke around, it will be at my cost and when I feel offended, he would say that I dont appreciate joke. I want the person to be fun loving, thru genuine humour and good words.Though i dont mind him because otherwise he is  a nice person. and best husband.

Whenever we use some people to provoke a laugh or use some real habits or real situations to express laughter, then it doesn't remain a joke, it makes people feel humiliated and insulted.On the other hand some people use very ugly language in their conversation and find it funny. I dont. I feel that such people are frustrated ones and take out their frustrations this way.

Some people say everything they want to say to some but in the garb of joking....and it serves purpose in the sense that they may be finding humour in that but for the other one its an insult.

I believe that whatever the situation or subject, one must be civil in all interactions, humour comes thru situations or taking the things lightly, instead of enjoying at the cost of others. Words always hurt more than the actions and are not forgotten easily.

Life's Truths for Adults

Life's Truths for Adults
=========================

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to
immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. There is nothing worse than that moment during an
argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap
when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. Really, how ARE you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.
I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told
you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of
tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a
moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to
do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after
Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection ...
again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word
and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page
technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never
wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello?
Hello? Shoot!), but when I immediately call back, it rings
nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I
didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and
then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a
waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I
know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

20. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was
younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on
when I first saw it.

21. I would rather try to carry ten over-loaded plastic bags
in each hand than take two trips to bring my groceries in.

22. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm
trying to finish a text.

23. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between
boredom and hunger.

24. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before
you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or
understand a word they said?

25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of
cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.
Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

26. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants
never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

27. Is it just me, or do high school kids get dumber and
dumber every year?

28. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're
sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a
little too far.

29. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three consecutive
times and still not know what time it is.

30. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating
their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and
Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'll bet everyone can
find and push the snooze button from three feet away, in
about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!




source-email

DONT MESS WITH MOM:)

My son came home from school one day, with a smirk upon his face.
He'd decided he was smart enough, to put me in my place.
"Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The "Children's Bill of Rights."

It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think, or speak, or what to wear.
I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.
I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.

I can read & watch just what I like,
and get tattoos from head to toes.
And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with the crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.

Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.

Don't preach about your morals,
like your mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!

Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
better known as C.S.D. "

Of course my first instinct was To toss him out the door
But the chance to teach a lesson made me think a little more.
I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.

A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.
The next day I took him shopping
at the local Goodwill Store I told him,
"Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.
I've called and checked with C.S.D.,
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes instead of those Nike Airs.
And I've canceled that appointment to take your driver's test.

The C.S.D. is unconcerned so I'll decide what's best.
" I said "No time to stop and eat, or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn to make your own sack lunch.
Just save that raging appetite,
and wait 'til dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine."

He asked "Can I please rent a movie,
To watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.
I also rented out your room,
you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires just a roof above your head.
Your clothing won't be trendy now,
and I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.
I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the "Parent's Bill of Rights,
" It's in effect today!
Hey hot shot, are you crying,
and why are you on your knees? Are you asking God to help you out, instead of C.S.D.?"

Don't Mess with Mom

Have some fun:)

My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He'd decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.

"Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The "Children's Bill of Rights."

It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.

I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.

I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
and get tattoos from head to toes.

And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with the crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.

Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.

Don't preach about your morals,
like your mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!

Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
better known as C.S.D. "

Of course my first instinct was
To toss him out the door
But the chance to teach a lesson
made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.

The next day I took him shopping
at the local Goodwill Store
I told him, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.

I've called and checked with C.S.D.,
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.

And I've canceled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best."

I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.

Just save that raging appetite,
and wait 'til dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine."

He asked "Can I please rent a movie,
To watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.

I also rented out your room,
you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof above your head.

Your clothing won't be trendy now,
and I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.

I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the "Parent's Bill of Rights,"
It's in effect today!

Hey hot shot, are you crying,
and why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D.?"


source/email

DAILY CONVERSATION BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE

Husband: aaj khane mein kya banaogi?..(.What will you cook today for dinner)
Wife: Jo aap kaho..whatevr you want
H: Dal chawal bana lo..make rice and lentil
W: Abhi kal hi to khaye the...but you ate them yesterday only
H: to sabji roti bana lo..then cook some vegetables
W: bacche nahi khayenge.....Kids dont eat that
H: to chhole puri bana lo..then cook  chhole poori
W: mujhe heavy heavy lagta hai..
H:  eggs bhurji bana lo...
W: aaj guruvaar hai..Today is thursday
H: paraanthe?
W: raat ko paraanthe kaun khata hai??..who eats parantha at night?
H: Hotel se mangwa lete hain?..then we can order from Hotel.
W: roz roz hotel ka nahi khana chahiye. hotel food shouldnt be eaten frequently.
H: kadhi chawal?
W: dahi nahi hai..no curd
H: idly sambar?
W: usme time lagega.pehle bolna chahiye tha na!!....its time consuming..you should have told earlier.
H: Soup hi bana lo, usme time nahi lagega.....then soup is enough, wont take time evn.
W: woh koi meal thodi hai? Pet nahi bharta..soup is not a meal, and not filling.
H: phir ab kya banaogi?.now what will you cook?
W: wo jo aap kaho .whatevr you want.
This I got in email..since it was in Hindi, wherevr I found necessary I have tranlated in English.

46THINGS TO RMEMEBR

Below are commandments of life I got from a spiritual site I like, now I want to check what is there in the list and how much they relate to me, what i do and what need some improvement:)


1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

This is the best mantra of life and brings happiness all around us, I have started doing it and it works like magic.

2. Memorize your favorite poem.

Instead of any poem I like songs:)


3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.

Another gem......so many times we hear something and make impressions which are far from truth, and as far as spending is concerned one must always save a substantial amount from one's earnings.Sleeping too much is bad for health and life both.

4. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
Oh.. hundred percent, I dont believe in lying in any sphere of life, I ask even my children not to give me cards where they promise me the moon, unless they can deliver:).

5. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
Its two hundred percent true..sorry is one word which is used in vain all the time, people say sorry just to calm other person, they never mean it. meaning it means, not doing the same thing again, thats the best way of saying sorry,

6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married and get your parents approval.
I believe in this totally for many reasons..six months period is mandatory because it will bring your fever down and let you see the reality, and by then if you are still in love, then it is a long lasting one, and parents approval is a must as marriage as it is a very difficult relationship and cant sustain without their support.

7. Believe in love at first sight.
I dont believe in this.

8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
True, because one always dreams about seemingly impossible things, but perseverant people make them possible also.

9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt, but it's the only way to live life completely.
At a time I thought that there is no point in loving anybody as we get hurt only, but then I realised its like not living, I must be my natural self..a loving person, what others give me is their persona..it must be irrelevant to me.So now I have decided to be natural the way i am always going over the top while loving, exce-t that i wont care now what theya re doing in return.

10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
OMG..this one takes the cake..anger most of the time brings out the worst in us, but then only our character is tested, I try to control myself and whenever I have lost it, I have regretted it.

11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
Of course how can we?

12. Talk slow but think quick.
I talk very fast and so is my thinking quick:)

13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
so true when someone asks you about salary?

14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
I agree.

15. Call your Mom.
Oh yes, I call my mom regularly, and so does my daughter, its my son who is irregular:).sometimes too much, sometimes too little.


16. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
I do>

17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
I learn everyday with everything and everybody something or the other.

18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
True.specially with the children, they want autonomy in the family:) but rarely perpared to take the consequences:)

19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship
But with me it happens....trying to change....
.
20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
That I am very prompt in... saying sorry..which I mean and making amends, no verbal sorries for me.

21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice
....Yeah, whenever I call my family, and if they reply in slow voices , I get unsettled.

22. Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other skill.
This is what I told my son about how to choose a girl:)..(of course it shouldnt be the main quality:)

23. Spend time alone
Me time is very important to me.

24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
Never!!!!

25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Even I think so.

26. Read more books and watch less TV
I follow this religiously....dont like TV much except for movies. give me books any time.

27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
Doing so:)

28. Trust in God, but lock your car.
certainly..God is not a watchman for us:)

29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
I cant even live with strife in the family.

30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation; don't bring up the past.
This is one of the best advice..as most of time fighting people go so far in blaming that they forget the point even they were fighting about.Earlier I was also guilty of this, now trying to learn.

31. Read between the lines.
sometimes it is good, and sometimes it is bad also.Reading too much bings strees(between the lines of course:)

32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
Doing that presently:)

33. Be gentle with the earth.
Then only we can use it.

34. Pray -- there's immeasurable power in it.
Prayer can bring miracles.

35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
Flattery is also good to hear sometimes:)

36. Mind your own business.
This one is so true..interference anywhere is not good, lead your own life.

37. Don't trust someone who doesn't close their eyes when you kiss them.

38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
now will start this tradition.

39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That's wealth's greatest satisfaction.
I dont make a lot of money but still want to help others.

40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
That i know, because there is a saying in Hindi..khuda ganjey ko nakhoon nahi deta......God is always great and he knows better than us what we need.

41. Learn the rules then break some.
I believe in living by rules, no rule breaking for me.

42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
Trying to understand this....true with children, difficult with a spouse:)

43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.


44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
Then I have a good destiny:)..character is one thing even I give the utmost importance in life.

45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
Yeah:) I do lot of cooking for my family and love them more than I should.

46. Realize that as you get older, you are not approaching death, but heaven.
That I have realised and I dont fear death and even if today i die I wouldnt have any regrets, I would die a happy person.

GENDER BIAS :)

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this the facilities are requested to use the procedures outlined below when gaining access their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.
" MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
SOURCE: EMAIL

Really a class analogy.. An Old Story

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and

laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the

summer away.

Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or

shelter so he dies out in the cold.

Indian Version:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and

laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the

summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and

demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed

while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper

next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled

with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor

Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that

Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .

Mayawati states this as `injustice' done on Minorities.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for

not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the

Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt

support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for 'Bengal Bandh' in

West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard

in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and

Grasshoppers.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway

Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism

Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the

winter.

Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational

Institutions & in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left

to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government

and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'.

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.

CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

Many years later....

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar

company in Silicon Valley,

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere

in India,

.

......AND

As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the

grasshoppers,

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

India is still a developing country…!!!

__Ssource._,_.___Source

Valentine & rang de

Got this in email from my brother, and I laughed so much that I couldnt stay without sharing it...........enlarge it to read it..really funny:)

Now about my earlier post Rang de...Most of the readers feel skeptical and they are right too..this is what scamsters have made us, but I got this mail thru BITSAA..that means somebody from BITSPILANI..believes in this and it gives me some confidence, secondly this organisation has been featured in Outlook money and a few other also...Initially I have invested only 5000/---, I always believe that.....if I am going thru a good time, then no harm in giving as I have enough, and if I am going through a bad time, then I must give, because as it is, it is not going to stay with me:), and presently it is a small amount, I have lost much more thru raju's:) i dont worry about getting it back..BUT if it makes even one person comfortable...I will be the happiest person....its my personal feeling.

FEMALE POINT SYSTEM

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to men:
Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) ,
In the rain (+8)But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2) Named Rita (-4) Rita is a dancer (-6) Rita is single and is really beautiful (-80)
HER BIRTHDAY
You forget her birthday (-50000)
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can- eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2) It's called 'DeathCop' (-3) You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans(-15)
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, 'Do I look fat?' (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding (-10) You reply, 'Where?' (-35) Any other response (-20)
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned __ex-pression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
Now what chance you have?
Source email:)

sometimes the same words

Sometimes the same words can take two different and complete contrast meanings, its only the way we read them.And thats the way in life also, its as good or as bad as we make it out to be.
see the conversation below--( got it in my email)
Before marriage.....
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage.... Simply read from bottom to top.

conversation

A conversation between husband(H) and wife(W)
W.....hello, I am not able to fix the menu today, please tell me what to cook.
H.....its not a big thing, cook whatever is convenient to u.
W...today i want to cook your chosen dish, pl tell me na.
H--Ok, ( with enthusiasm)....then make stuffed karela and arvi
W....But u see today i have to see Munna(their son)/s home work also, I will make karela tomorrow, as it take a lot of time. and Arvi, I cant peal, it gives me itching.Pl tell something else.
H--ok then make green gourd.
W-offo...I am asking u to tell me something special, I want to do something special for u.
H.getting all puffed up with so much of bhav he is getting..fine then lets have Paneer.
W--Tum bhi na, cant u remember, last week only we had paneer, its not good for health to take too much of it.
H--, ok(with a sigh) then make brinjal.
W..U dont have any thoughts about kids, u know Munna doesnt eat it.
Husband putting up his hands says-make whatever u want, just dont bother me.
wife simply cant understand, whats wrong with him, why he is so angry, poor lady was only trying to please him:), on one side is she asking his choice and he is getting annoyed, these men:(

NEW MAXIME--SOME MEAN JOKES

got them in my email by my sister.

funny logic

Lessons in Logic Man and woman sitting together :
If happy – they are friends
If sad – they are husband and wife ..............................................................

I was born intelligent - Education ruined me. .............................................................

Practice makes perfect..... But nobody's perfect...... So why practice? ................................................................
If it's true that we are here to help others, Then what exactly are the others here for? ..............................................................
Since light travels faster than sound, People appear bright until you hear them speak. ............................................................
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word? ................................................................
Money is not everything. There's MasterCard & Visa. .............................................................
If your father is a poor man, It is your fate but, If your father-in-law is a poor man, It's your stupidity. ........................................................
Behind every successful man, there is a woman And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two woman. ............................................................
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in Life. .......................................................
The wise never marry. And when they marry they become otherwise. ........................................................
Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
Never put off the work till tomorrow What you can put off today. ................................................................ "Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep .............................................................
There should be a better way to start a day Than waking up every morning ...........................................................
"Hard work never killed anybody" But why take the risk ............................................................ "Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hours .............................................................
God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends. .......................................................... The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget The more you forget, the less you know So.. Why learn. ........................................................
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.... What more can I say........

Wisdom From Kids

Never trust a dog to watch your food.
When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents.
Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning.
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom whenshe's on the phone.