Marriage

I was always of the opinion that we are better off because we dont have divorces so much.because i feel that divorce always makes a very Strong effect on children, but thats another topic,another time.In this week i came upon a few couple and some of them in their 50,s and realized that they are living a facade, they are so unhappy and full of aggression, whereas outside nobody can realize that even.So I cant say now that unhappy marriage is better than divorce, but.yes I have a few suggestions to resolve that conflict,its only my experience which I am sharing, no expertise,,

For our happiness we have to take charge ourselves, it shouldnt depend on others behaviour or doing be it spouse, children, relative or friends.we should do what makes up happy, of course without hurting anyone.

We should have lot of communication, unless we tell our spouse what we dont like, how the situation will change.

we should do our own thing some of the time, like I love watching movies but my husband doesnt, so i go with my friends, and if no friends, I may go alone also. Same way if one person doesnt like travelling or has any other reason may be health or anything, and second one wants to see places, then occasionally make a programe on your own.

We can not be conjoined twins, we are two individuals, coming from different back grounds and different personalities and if its an arranged marriage, then may be we dont have a single common interest, so we need to find a common ground with lots of communication.

Many spouses never realize that other one doesnt like their too much emotional contact with their siblings, it doesnt mean that we stop loving our siblings, but we should honour our spouse feelings also, and he/she should always come first. we can love our siblings and do everything but without involving our spouse all the time.

I would say that..

Life is not about pleasing everyone,
but hurting no one.

SCOUTING FOR A PARTNER

Now a days on of my nephew is looking for a life partner. And we came to know that today arranging a marriage is tough job, because earlier only boys had expectations, today girls have more expectations than boys, so matching them is quite difficult.
One thing i noticed that most of the time when boys scout for a girl , they like the girls who are good looking if not beautiful and talkative, and independent type,and they dont mind giving girls expensive gifts and doing other expenses while dating, but after marriage, they want wives to be economical, domesticated and polite.
And whenever they meet prospective candidates, they never ask relevant questions, instead its about trivia.like hobby, food etc.Though people change over time, i thought of certain things, which should be clarified before marriage...

1. Both should know what they are looking for in a marriage..is it about eating out more, more movies and good clothes and exotic vacations only............................................................My thought...marriage means housekeeping, managing the extended family, cooking,and managing finances, so think who will do what?
2. Is the partner ready to live with other one's parents? and if he situation arise how will they manage?.......................................................My thoughts..In our society its assumed that boys parents will live with them, so any girl assuming otherwise should be clear from the beginning,and if and when girls parents need them, boys should be ready for that.
3. what do they think about having  children..
4. what is their outlook about savings and expenditure?
5. And most importantly..are both going to work? then what will be their coping mechanism?..My thought....is that if both work then both shouldnt be ambitious in career, one needs to take it easy..And if only one works, then other should take the responsibility of house without expecting any help from working spouse.

One's whole life changes with marriage, so its very important to take a decision with lot of mulling over all aspects.I like to think before marriage, and then make it work.