Obsession..II

I am going to share some experiences  with the girls obsessed with their parents. I want to say categorically that i am not against daughters looking after their parents, but  these are the instances where they brought lot of problems in the other households.

Such girls marry for their own comfort, they never really feel any love affection or respect for their husbands even leave aside inlaws..but they want their spouse to respect and care for their parents.

On every small small thing..good or bad they run to their parents,without worrying about their own family(husband and kids only because inlaws are never considered family) leaving husbands with children .

Their priorities always remain with their parents, nobody else.But how can they grow as a family and get roots? Earlier we used to say for the boys that dont marry if you want to be a son only, today i want to say the same to daughters that dont marry if you want to be a daughter only.

And the main culprits are parents who bring their daughters with love but no discipline and values..
And on top of that after marriage they still call them for little little celebrations and small small health problems, creating disharmony in their life

I feel very surprised with the attitude of parents, how can they do it..demand their pound of flesh, earlier it was with sons and now with daughters..whats the difference.
I myself have a daughter and son both , but i would never demand their attention or finance unnecessarily or if it disturbs their life.

I have a suggestion to all the parents of young girls..and their parents
Its commendable that you gave your daughter love and affection and equal opportunities and didnt make any difference between sons and daughters, but tell them also how to make a family, how to add value to your marriage,if you cant be a giver then bring a balance, dont be a taker only.

I find it exasperating to see home makers asking their husband who is having a 12 hour job to do help in the house also.
I you want equality earn it..if he is working 8 hours outside you better work for 8 hrs first then demand help.
Have a division of labour..if both are working, they can divide the work, but homemakers should look after the house completely, if they can afford, then keep a help, if not do it your self.

Same about finances..I see girls spending indiscriminately on trips to their parents and gifts, try to restrict them and you are in a worst war zone...why cant they think about their own future, kids future and other emergencies.

If you cant live without your parents, better to make them stay with you instead of running six times a year. You will be able to take care of them and will not be disturbing your own family too.

.

Obligation

If you worry about mother you should do this.

If you want to make your parents happy you must do this.

This is the least you can do after what we have done for you.

Have you heard all these sentences? I hear all them all the time from so many people. Is it the way life has to be or should be?? NO..Everybody has one life even your children, so let them live independently. And blackmailing them with the  sentence that their end is near so they should fully concentrate on them  is again misleading because life and death both are very uncertain, nobody knows how long he/she is going to live whether young or old.

I see many parents outliving the children.so.We consider the parents children  relationship very sacred and selfless but is that really so.I dont think so. In most of the families I see that parents are main reason for the conflicts in life.

I would never like to send my children on a guilt trip for anything and everything.I want them to fulfill their dreams and live a happy life.For me if they are happy, I am happy. I dont feel the need to call them for every little thing.Or make make me the centre of their life..No I am a part of their life and I want to remain there.

I feel that if parents have money, many problems can be solved by that,But if they dont have then children should provide for them but children shouldnt be asked to do the service of an attendant after a particular age.Yes its the duty of children to see that their parents get food, medicine ,clothes and all the care, but devoting 24 hrs to them is not good for children even..

Everyone needs to have a happy life to spread happiness all around.

In the next post i am going share some experiences about children being obsessed with their parents and the result of that:)

Can you suggest something?

This is a personal problem of my close friend, she is not able to find the solution to it, so I am posting here, may be somebody could tell her what to do.

It relates to her husband, he is always doing what he likes, without giving any consideration of her feelings, like he would welcome  many people to their home, and expect her to be very hospitable and do everything for them, though these people may have insulted her and even now dont give her any respect or love, not even to her husband, but whenever they need they suck up to him and he is all theirs.there are some who havent done anything for her her or her family in last 20 years.Even if the need arose, they were not there for them.

She feels very hurt that her husband has no consideration of how she feels, according to her, her feeling should be more important than other people, whether they are his friends or relatives.

What do you think? Should she allow him to trample her sentiments and  tolerate it? It hurts her self respect, because there are some in whose house she was totally ignored and treated badly.

If not then whats the solution?

Am I being selfish?

Now a days I am reading Spouse..truth of Marriage by Shobha dey.and since its a book on major relationship in life ..one starts thinking about so many things, like there are some people in my life who claim to care for me, but rarely call me or even if my hubby goes on tour, i am alone,even  then they never make a call even once to ask, how i am managing..and about few of them, i can say that if I ever need them , they will be there for me, but some others ..may be..may not be, or whatever is convenient to them..
so what I am supposed to think..do they really care?
 Should I consider them my own...or i am right in feeling hurt? These are the same people whom I  have cared a lot and done a lot..so is it like asking my pound of flesh?
 Am I being selfish in the feeling that they should reciprocate?..I did what my heart told me to do, because i cared for them, why do I need their social grace, yes its that, to feel happy..Shouldnt I be happy with the feeling that I have done the best I could? and move on....
If ever for some reason, I am not able to do something, people make me feel so guilty, but they themselves never conform.
Is it right to feel exploited or this is the norm today..not to keep up the grace of being in touch..

Really, I am exasperated..sometimes people and relations make me feel so frustrated, but I am a typical saggi..comes out of this phase very fast, and start believing..I am doing my karma, they theirs...

Story

Arey! Mr. Sharma hasnt come today..said Mr. srivastav to other friends..they were all retired people who used to gather in the evening in the park. Just then they saw Mr. Sharma coming..today he seemed very happy and had a spring in his gait. He told his friends  that just now he had got the phone from his son that he was coming home for two weeks.
Sharmaji was a middle class man, and he had a dream that once his son grows up, and gets settled, he(sharma) would sit in the balcony in the morning, with his wife and drink tea, read newspaper free of all responsibilities. But his son decided to go abroad..now he was coming for a few weeks...so Mr. sharma thought that he can fulfill his dream for atleast 2 weeks, his wife thought..my legs would get some rest now..DIL will look after the house, I will play with the children and enjoy their company.

There his son and family were thinking about their India trip, son said..I am so tired of all these deadlines and all the work, I am going home,and relax, papa is there , I will ask him to complete some of my paper work also. Wife said..I am so fed up of cooking all the time and taking care of the children..I will just sit there..mom can look after the kids and cooking..

When dreams clash..everything goes down..kya hona tha, son went back earlier than planned..parents were totally dissappointed..nobody remained happy.

This is the synopsis of a story i read in a magazine and thought of it..why it happens?..Its always the wrong expectations.

Lets take the parents first..They always postpone their life for children,instead children should be a part of their life, not life  itself..If they need help they must employ a domestic help..may be cut some other expenses but spend on getting help..They must save for their retirement, instead of providing only for the children,nothing for their old age.

For the children..when they go home, they are grown ups and their parents have grown old now, so instead of taking help, they should try to help them. For relaxing they must take another holiday...on their own.

What are we doing...

Just now I went out in the balcony to get some fresh air. In our building there is a children's play area dotted with sand,complete with swings,slide and all. And what I see there---five little girls playing with the sand,making houses, doing pooja,one girl cooking, other shouting-we need laddoos for prasadam.
Now these girls dont belong to any uneducated or lower class, they all come from highly educated parents and they are not told to play these games only, but they are choosing it on their own. These girls are not traditionally dressed but in modern clothes-jeans,skirts,lowers and all. so what it is that makes the girl naturally inclined to be a homemaker? It is their natural instinct given to them by god to make a home, to nurture the world, and here we are trying to reverse the nature.Why...............? Will the food made by a boy will be better ,healthier or more appetising? Or the money earned by the women will bring more prosperity and happiness to the family? What is it we are craving for?

All this started with the suppression and domination of woman and now it has changed into a lopsided thought process. Its true that economic independence makes them truely independent, but the real independence comes from the mind. If the man is progressive, then the woman will get equality irrespective of whether they are earning or not. Havent we heard of many well earning women suffering in the hands of inlaws,husbands? Even in old times there were families where inside the house lady was the head, actually the domain were divided between man and woman.

So the need today is for the mothers to teach their sons to respect the female gender and consider them equal, not to teach their daughters to be unwomanlike or be like a man.n trying to be like a man they are accepting that they are inferior to man, whereas god has made them superior

Helpful Facts for Young Adults

Ten Important Research Findings on Marriage
and Choosing a Marriage Partner
============================================

Helpful Facts for Young Adults

1. Marrying as a teenager is the highest known risk factor for
divorce.

People who marry in their teens are two to three times more
likely to divorce than people who marry in their twenties or
older.


2. The most likely way to find a future marriage partner is
through an introduction by family, friends, or acquaintances.

Despite the romantic notion that people meet and fall in love
through chance or fate, the evidence suggests that social
networks are important in bringing together individuals of
similar interests and backgrounds, especially when it comes to
selecting a marriage partner. According to a large-scale
national survey of sexuality, almost sixty percent of married
people were introduced by family, friends, co-workers or other
acquaintances.


3. The more similar people are in their values, backgrounds and
life goals, the more likely they are to have a successful
marriage.

Opposites may attract but they may not live together
harmoniously as married couples. People who share common
backgrounds and similar social networks are better suited as
marriage partners than people who are very different in their
backgrounds and networks.


4. Women have a significantly better chance of marrying if they
do not become single parents before marrying.
Having a child out of wedlock reduces the chances of ever
marrying. Despite the growing numbers of potential marriage
partners with children, one study noted, "having children is
still one of the least desirable characteristics a potential
marriage partner can possess." The only partner characteristic
men and women rank as even less desirable than having children
is the inability to hold a steady job.


5. Both women and men who are college educated are more likely
to marry, and less likely to divorce, than people with lower
levels of education.
Despite occasional news stories predicting lifelong singlehood
for college-educated women, these predictions have proven false.
Though the first generation of college educated women (those who
earned baccalaureate degrees in the 1920s) married less
frequently than their less well-educated peers, the reverse is
true today. College educated women's chances of marrying are
better than less well-educated women. However, the growing
gender gap in college education may make it more difficult for
college women to find similarly well-educated men in the future.
This is already a problem for African-American female college
graduates, who greatly outnumber African-American male college
graduates.


6. Living together before marriage has not proved useful as a
"trial marriage."
People who have multiple cohabiting relationships before
marriage are more likely to experience marital conflict, marital
unhappiness and eventual divorce than people who do not cohabit
before marriage. Researchers attribute some but not all of these
differences to the differing characteristics of people who
cohabit, the so-called "selection effect," rather than to the
experience of cohabiting itself. It has been hypothesized that
the negative effects of cohabitation on future marital success
may diminish as living together becomes a common experience
among today's young adults. However, according to one recent
study of couples who were married between 1981 and 1997, the
negative effects persist among younger cohorts, supporting the
view that the cohabitation experience itself contributes to
problems in marriage.


7. Marriage helps people to generate income and wealth.

Compared to those who merely live together, people who marry
become economically better off. Men become more productive after
marriage; they earn between ten and forty percent more than do
single men with similar education and job histories. Marital
social norms that encourage healthy, productive behavior and
wealth accumulation play a role. Some of the greater wealth of
married couples results from their more efficient specialization
and pooling of resources, and because they save more. Married
people also receive more money from family members than the
unmarried (including cohabiting couples), probably because
families consider marriage more permanent and more binding than
a living-together union.


8. People who are married are more likely to have emotionally
and physically satisfying sex lives than single people or those
who just live together.

Contrary to the popular belief that married sex is boring and
infrequent, married people report higher levels of sexual
satisfaction than both sexually active singles and cohabiting
couples, according to the most comprehensive and recent survey
of sexuality. Forty-two percent of wives said that they found
sex extremely emotionally and physically satisfying, compared to
just 31 percent of single women who had a sex partner. And 48
percent of husbands said sex was extremely satisfying
emotionally, compared to just 37 percent of cohabiting men. The
higher level of commitment in marriage is probably the reason
for the high level of reported sexual satisfaction; marital
commitment contributes to a greater sense of trust and security,
less drug and alcohol-infused sex, and more mutual communication
between the couple.


9. People who grow up in a family broken by divorce are slightly
less likely to marry, and much more likely to divorce when they
do marry.

According to one study the divorce risk nearly triples if one
marries someone who also comes from a broken home. The increased
risk is much lower, however, if the marital partner is someone
who grew up in a happy, intact family.


10. For large segments of the population, the risk of divorce is
far below fifty percent.
Although the overall divorce rate in America remains close to
fifty percent of all marriages, it has been dropping gradually
over the past two decades. Also, the risk of divorce is far
below fifty percent for educated people going into their first
marriage, and lower still for people who wait to marry at least
until their mid-twenties, haven't lived with many different
partners prior to marriage, or are strongly religious and marry
someone of the same faith.

source..email

Vibes

Just the other day my nephew was saying that people are neither good or bad,its vibes only we have good vibes with some and with some we dont...The same people are liked by some and disliked by some
And I have heard many people saying that in the outer world people love them whereas in family they are not valued...
Both above statements stem from the same....karma

In the first lets talk about vibes...what are vibes..we care for somebody, talk with love, spend our time, money on them, and do things for them and they get get good vibes from us..its our behaviour which gets us vibes, nothing else, if one misbehaves with some one, that someone will not good vibes from one..

The same person behaves differently with different persons...with one set of people he/she is all sweet, caring  ,polite and eager to please , and with other set of persons, she/he is arrogant, rude,and never ready to do anything for them..so the result is obvious, first set of people will like and second one will dislike..

And all this is not because different people react differently, NO all people react almost same to love, care, affection and rudeness and arrogance.So the culprit here is not other people, but the person himself/herself.

People outside have totally different view of the same person, as they get to know only the best side of the person or the fake facade put up by the person, its only the people living with them, who know the real person and their verdict is real.....

So be good to the people....everyone, not your own family only and see that you will get only good vibes and appreciation. If you get criticism, then think about it, and introspect whether its true. If its true, then instead of blaming people try to change yourself.

SOME NEWS

Today i saw a news that  in Chennai old parents committed suicide because there DIL filed a false report that his FIL misbehaved with him. It saddened me a lot.Parents always think that children will be their saviour when they grow old and then this..

I would say that parents must understand that the time of living with children is gone, so whether you are able to do less or more for your children, but make sure that you arrange for your old age, and never live with children. I have seen that wherever parents are rich or earn more than the children, they are respected and certain discipline is followed , but once children start earning more, DILs become totally irreverent and arrogant without any discipline in life. So whether we like it or not money matters.

Somewhere most of the people cant give up a life of comfort, even if it comes after forfeiting self respect, here I differ.I believe in living with dignity, may be without material comfort or some day to day problems even..Now the onus  is on the older generation...what they want...to trade their dignity for comfort or live on their own ...to take the crumbs or live with self respect..

You have done you job with bringing them up, now let them live, whether they do their duty or not is their outlook...,,you must let them be free....

Extra Marital relationships

Recently I read two books one from Nirupama Subramaniyam and other from Anita Nair., and both had extra marital relationship at the core.Why do they happen? Normally people think that some dissatisfaction is at the core of that, but not necessarily. Sometimes, or many time people just think of themselves and enjoying the life.
Whether arranged marriage or love, there will always be a time when life settles to a routine without any adventure, and if one is ready to think then it is stagnation. Or sometimes its individual growth, one advanc3s and other is not able to grow with times and people feel incompatible. I hear many women saying after 25 years of marriage that they are ill suited to each other or they feel a vacuum in their life.Of course it happens, but sensible people find the solution withing marriage only.
The best way to find a solution is to communicate what you want, but the problem arise when its one sided and other just doesnt want to do anything to better or always thinks of her/himself as perfect, then may be its time to move on, but never think outside while living in a marriage..otherwise same thing happens as in the two novels I wrote earlier about.

In Intermission..Nirupama subramaniyam..Varun sareen and Gayatri marry for love but after some  years love goes out of the window. Gayatri always finds fault in everything her husband does and regrets her choice, Varun gets attracted to a neighbour and seduces her..
In Mistress..Anita Nair,..Radha is a snobbish daughter of a rich industrialist . has affair with a married man, does an abortion and then his father marries her to a man who was earlier poor, but not any more. She gets married but neither loves him nor respects him, and then gets into a relationship with a foreign tourist who stays in their resort.I totally dislike people who marry but dont respect the institution or the commitment it requires. Better not to marry..Her uncle is a Kathkali dancer, and I loved every detail written about this dance form.
In both the stories all the extra relationships are temporary, they could never turn into something permanent, so bring only misery either to the person involved or people who loved them.

In fact I found in them a moral lesson...to cure unhappiness, dont ever do something immoral or never do any thing just for yourself if it will hurt others involved..short term happiness is not worth it.If one is getting restless in a relationship, better to find some creative outlet, take some hobby, learn something new or start doing something for social causes or unprivileged people..it will bring long term happiness and may be better your married life too.

GUIDELINES FOR MODERN DAY PARENTS AND INLAWS

I keep reading everywhere that why there are all the instructions and protocol for the children,and DIls why not any one for elders , parents and inlaws, so i thought why not? lets have one which will appeal to them, and as it is giving advice, comes so easily to us Indians.....ask anyone whenever a match is lost..everybody must be telling you how the strategy of the captain was wrong, and how the batsman didnt cut the ball, and how the fielder lost the catch..so easy to play the game sitting in your drawing room:), its like discussing realistic movies and poverty in India over Champagne and caviar:), so here are the guidelines for parents and elders, take it at your own peril, the product is not guaranteed:)

You are born in this world to take care of your children only, so do it well, dont have any other thing in your mind or life.

A child is an individual by birth , so respect them ..even at the cost of your self respect:)( you shouldnt have any.

Before telling..no telling is a bad word..asking your children to do anything, tell them all the reasons and logic, but of course dont expect them to justify their actions.

Give them all the freedom...This is a free world and you may be sued for slavery, But of course if they do anything wrong..its your responsibility and duty to take care of that.

If they want to take all the decisions of their life without your consent..let them take...they are right , its their life, and dont ever say that...hamaare time me aisa hota tha..times have changed , but remember only for them, not for you--if you ever express a desire tobecome modern...are you out of your mind?

They have every right to compare you with their friend's parents who...pamper their children silly, give lot of money and freedom, but you have no right to compare them with other children...u r spoiling their personality by continuous comparison.

Dont ever expect anything from them..obedience or anything else......U havent done anything special..all parents do that for their children,They have already given you a lot..by being your children.

If you are extra caring and protective...you are suffocating them, stifling their life, but if you dont, then you are indifferent..you dont care.

You may suppress all your dreams for their future, but they cant kill a single desire for you, as it will be ruining their life for nothing.

and all this for the sake of being called a parent..the word means a person totally selfless and devoted to children.

List is endless..will keep adding:)

Now for the inlaws.....

Please be there when we need you, rest of the time live as if you dont exist.

I want every right in your home as a grihalakshmi.but I will remain my parent's daughter .

forever.

I will do as i want, I cant consider your opinion or consider your liking or disliking.

Respect my choices and lifestyle ( yours ..you look after yourself)

Whenever i feel like doing something , i will do for you, and feel grateful to me forever.

I wouldnt like to change anything..my name, my lifestyle or my choices..why cant you ALL make yourselves compatible to me...thats if you love me or want me ( i dont want anybody)

I want you to love me more than your daughters even, but you can never be like my parents accept it for your benefit only.

If i earn, it is for me and my family ( and family is always her parents and siblings)( it was this way in my times, cant say if the equations have changed today).

If i am ever rude to you, think about what you have done to bring it upon yourself i am never rude to my parents,or otherwise, so it must be your fault somewhere.

In my life inlaws have all the duties and rights belong to my parents,understand it, so you will not feel any anguish later on. ( oh come on..my parents have brought me up with so much of hard work and all that, and boys upbringing....... hardly involves any work or money.), so chill.

Society may be patriarchial but we will work as a matriarchial one.

Learn the meaning of adjustment well, because now that is your life going to be.

Boys , beware or be happy that the days are not far when girls will bring a baraat and take you to their homes:)

All the above material is fictitious and any resemblance to anyone's life is coincidental only, the writer doesnt take responsibility for that:), read it at your own risk:)

Mother

In all the relationships this the one which is the backbone of every relationship in life, because its mother only WHO moulds the personality of an individual into what he becomes when he is grown up, so if one tries to be a good and efficient mother, many other problems of future are solved.and since mothers are adulated so much, itys time they took the responsibility also for the wrong doing s of their wards..Nobody can be a good mother by just pampering and providing for all the whims of their children.Mothering means giving them a good foundation with good values..... Of course there is no fixed formula for that, and it depends on person to person and circumstances, still if few basic things are maintained lot of work is done

when the kids are young that is time to start their education for discipline and moral values and better if its done through practice. At this time we can make their foundations strong with our love and model behaviour. Children always imbibe their elders. Whatever is learned in the childhood, stays forever.Normal practice is to leave them free when they are young , thinking-bade ho kar sab seekh jaayenge , but its not like that, habits are formed in the beginning only.and love doesnt mean just giving ,its judicial giving and judicial withholding.And sometimes listening to a firm NO makes them resilient,teaches them acceptance of life, where they cant get everything ..

In the teen years, they need a friend and confidante,so try to be friendly,not a friend, because its necessary for the children to respect the parents,no matter what,this habit of respecting parents brings in them a lot of discipline in life.This is the time to teach them to be confidant, not to be in awe of peer pressure, tell them about the rights and wrongs in the life,and if there is any problem, then parents are the best people to solve that.Give them a confidence that they can share anything with you, their fears, their choices everything. Dont be judgemental.When the children are taught values from the beginning, they may come to some cross roads in life and may be in a dilemma, but be sure they will never deviate from the path of righteousness.Trust them. This is the most turbulent phase of their life support them, be like a rock behind them and see them grow into confident individual.

Then it is time for them to choose a profession, let them make a choice, dont choose it for them.Its their life and they should have every right to take its decision.Give them freedom, but tell them that freedom with itself brings lot of responsibilities.Tell them the pros and cons of everything but the final decision should be theirs.Life is not always a bed of roses, let them find it for themselves, they will respect and value everything more this way. The best gift parents can give to their children is ROOTS---that is unstinted support in their ventures and.... WINGS. freedom to do what they want, its not that o parents can teach only, sometimes they can learn a lot  also from them .Dont do everything for them, rather tell them how to do it..Parents who try to do everything for their lot, are not making their life comfortable, rather sowing a seed for lifelong dissatisfaction, because when they will not get the same treatment from others in life, they will never appreciate anyone and wont get any appreciation too,They will be miserable due to their dependency habit.

Last duty-for the parents, if you feel like that is -finding them a partner, here also if they choose themselves, accept it happily,believe that you have inculcated enough sense of propriety, and values, so hopefully they will not go wrong. or they will learn..

Life cycle

When I was young and had two children and a very active social life, there was no time for anything else and i must have missed many opportunities for self.for education, job and awareness. Life seemed to be so complete that i became quite complacent for personal growth...
And when children grew up a little, they always wanted ME only everywhere, whether it was their lunch time or home work or anything else, and then  sometime i wanted some me time..Like whenever I used to go for my annual trips I would ask my children and hubby not to even call me:) because if I didnt pick the phone they would get angry with me, so i wanted to be free of all expectations..it was liberating to feel NOT NEEDED...But my children and hubby used to keep tab on my travelling time, safety and everything..they will call me before I left, once in the middle of journey and then when I reached safely, they will be relieved..and I think somewhere deep inside me I liked that feeling of being cared:)..
Because today when children have become busy in their own world,they neither have time nor inclination to keep track that much, I miss that...
Its human tendency that what we get we dont like, but miss it when it is not there,( thank God my husband still  keeps track of me, wherever I go).
Its called life cycle, where sometimes you like it if you are not needed, and sometimes you want to feel that you are needed

Person first

sometimes I wonder why I cant separate any one's professional life from personal one.Like I cant appreciate anyone professionally unless I feel that he/she is a good human being with good character. And once someone goes down that way, nothing can redeem him/her in my eyes. In that way all my reviews of actors are biased, because I always see the person first than work.

And the same happens to me in my all relationships.everybody has to have that humanity to get my love respect, otherwise however i may want but I cant..even if someone may care for me a lot....what is the problem with me?..even in blogging world, I have to like the person in that blogger to like the content or atleast somewhere their persona affects me..

is it the same with everybody or me only?

Loving and Living together...

Everyone thinks that if we live with the people we love, life would be a bliss, But it is not always so. There is a big difference in loving and living together.

I am not saying it in context to spouses only...Normally it looks like if we love someone, living together would be right, enjoyable and fun. But in my opinion its not always so.one may love so many people, and some a lot,but  living with them 24 hours..may be still difficult.... Because love comes from heart , but living together needs different type of synchronisation, similarities and adjustments.and practicality.

Living together and in harmony needs a lot of practical compromises, sharing of space,finances privacy and work.and lot of etiquette.. and as everything in life it has its own pros and cons, but there are more pros.....
It makes one a better human being, brings more patience in a person and makes you care for others....sometimes more than yourself.

MY DAUGHTER

MY daughter keeps saying to me..when men were exploiting women, nobody said anything but today when women are doing it, there is so much of noise everywhere. I told her that it wasnt so. Men were also blamed but at that time there were not many avenues to publicise, today Internet has made it so.Ask any women in the age group of around 60 and you will find that 80% were not happy in their marriage. But they remained there because..
They were not economically independent or didnt want to struggle in life.
They feared the society..log kya kahenge.

Secondly it was the same women who were exploited, made the life of their DIL miserable, sons were helped by mother only or rather instigated by them..
And when I write so much, it doesnt mean I have an ideal life..no I had a usual MIL and still have and today I have both..MIL and DIL and so I know the both sides of a coin. And I dont believe that to remove a malady, we must do injustice to some or misbehave.....I Make it a point, not to do anything with my DIL which rankled me as a DIL..to me as a person, it matters that I dont do anything wrong...

If yesterday men were making life miserable, so today girls should do so?Then what is the difference between them and us.When they had power, they were self centred, today if we have power, we must show them what is fair dealing.Being good is all about being fair when you have everything going for you, not doing so when you have no choice.

God made women with lot of love and care and its only they who can love others with abandon, men dont have that quality, they can love their own only. So should we abandon our qualities and embrace their vices(smoking, drinking, promiscuity) to become equal..isnt it like burning our own house to  get light.
If somebody is stealing, it doesnt mean we can steal and we are not thieves.

We are much superior to men, why do want to be equal...Inspite of doing everything, my MIL has stayed with me only, and its me only who does all her work and looks after her, could my hubby do the same. Could he keep my mother for so long,without her doing anything for him and always saying bad things,NO..he would never be able to do that and so I think of myself as a much better person and human being,let him think whatever, but i dont need or want equality.

LIVING TOGETHER

Recently i heard  a woman of a young boy saying...now a days I feel afraid of what will happen, when he marry as no girl is interested in living with inlaws...

True, but has anybody thought why this mindset happened...it is because...

Parents wouldnt let the couple decide about their life,day to day living,everything has to be asked from them and done thru their consent only.

Parents think that sons are there to do and give only, if they are successful then its because of their parent's sacrifice only, so they need to repay everything with interest.

Since parents are experienced they know everything better and have a right to advise and be listened to..

Whenever children go out they must take their parents too..because they couldnt do all these things only because they devoted all their money and time to children

But now when they are suffering are they ready to learn the lesson...

I feel that for parents its enough if they can live with the children, more than that they they shouldnt desire anything..

for a happy living and happiness in the autumn they ......

Shouldnt think of interfering in what the DIL should wear, when should get up, what should they eat, where they should go or how they should bring up their children, they should only demand that they are given their choice of food at their time and looked after in illness.and their all requirements are fulfilled

Dont demand them to do certain social obligations, leave them to decide with whom they want to maintain or not and whatever they want to give, its their choice, if you have money, you can do that your self and if not, then dont bother.

Dont expect them to take you with them, rather dont go with them all the time, If you are financially and physically able to do, make your own group and do the trips,otherwise be happy to stay at home.and derive satisfaction from watching your children and grand children enjoying life...and growing up.

Never ever give unsolicited advice and dont accept responsibilities you cant perform..saying no is better than feeling bitter.Dont become the caretaker of house and children, then feel dejected.

Devote your time in spiritual pursuits and social service instead of worrying about relatives.

As far as culinary satisfaction is concerned, first in your age you cant digest heavy food, so believe in simple food,dont be a complaining type,everything has its time and place...You have passed that time...

satisfaction is the key to happiness. those who dont have it, bring unhappiness to themselves and others.

One thing I Strictly believe that whether children care for their parents or dont, its their choice but they dont have any right to disrespect them and speak rudely.period...its non negotiable

Living with parents has its advantages for the children too...grandchildren have someone in the house when parents are at work.
While going for vacations, house is not vacant making it a target for burglaries.
Whenever someone is sick there is help available from loving persons.
And above all the satisfaction one derives from doing his duty towards his parents cant be measured in words...

Live IN

After living together for 8 years,  when he ditches her and tries to marry another girl,....girl accuses the boy of rape

when i read this news I was appalled. This is so ridiculous.In the beginning why people started this trend of live in relationships? Because they thought ...why bind ourselves in marriage, if we are not compatible, so lets try living together. The first and foremost advantage of these relationships is that the couple is free with no responsibilities and so it suits modern generation best.
And now they want some conditions..its like having your cake and eating it too..if one wants some commitment, why not marry.You dont marry because you dont want a commitment and some responsibilities which comes with marriage...

In the beginning I never liked those live in relationships, but today when I see  the rate people are divorcing, I feel its better to live in first than marry.But once a couple decides to live in, they should also be free to leave that arrangement whenever they want too... otherwise it looses its advantages....when we choose freedom, we must accept all that which comes with it..freedom is both ways..to us and to others...

and on top of that court denies bail to the boy...slowly and slowly the fall out of modern thinking is visible..people will realise the consequences of their ultra modern thinking.

Beautiful moments

Yesterday i was talking this octogenarian acquaintance of mine and he told me about one of his friends...his friend's grandson got married, so he asked him to keep two days for family pooja and then for rest of his leave(he works in US), he could go to honeymoon. But what the grandson replied made his grandpa so emotional that he started crying....He said....Tatha, Honeymoon was meant for those persons who lived in a joint family and needed privacy to get to know each other. But here both of us are anyway going to live alone in US, so I wouldnt spend my leave going away..rather the money you are giving me to spend, with that we shall hire a vehicle and all of us would go and meet all our close relatives, and we wouldnt be eating with them, as it may inconvenience them, so we shall stay at hotel and eat outside.This way we can meet all of them, otherwise it gets difficult.

Tatha said..I am surprised at the suggestion you are giving, it should have been who suggested this and expected you to reject. I am blessed to have a grandson like you..

This sort of memories are meant to cherish forever...

conversation

My hubby and I do our daily walks in the evening, and most of the time do it silently as we find nothing to talk about..whereas even if I join any other strange woman,we have enough to talk about:).Same whenever we go to a restaurant, most of the time we are finished in 45 minutes..so when  I see the couples talking all the time, sometime inane things for hour, I feel very envious, as my husband talks very little.
But then i observed that whenever husband and wife talk too much, they end up having an argument ending with fight and sulking. And this is true of many relationships, like MIL, DIL..its better that they live with certain boundaries, the minute they start getting over friendly, pally and gossipy..tension creeps in...
And with SILs.I much prefer the old system, where they were given a pedestal and kept there only..And daughters were not asked for anything, today families make so many demands on married daughters and make their life difficult by bringing conflict in the couple.
what do you think?