Today i saw a news that in Chennai old parents committed suicide because there DIL filed a false report that his FIL misbehaved with him. It saddened me a lot.Parents always think that children will be their saviour when they grow old and then this..
I would say that parents must understand that the time of living with children is gone, so whether you are able to do less or more for your children, but make sure that you arrange for your old age, and never live with children. I have seen that wherever parents are rich or earn more than the children, they are respected and certain discipline is followed , but once children start earning more, DILs become totally irreverent and arrogant without any discipline in life. So whether we like it or not money matters.
Somewhere most of the people cant give up a life of comfort, even if it comes after forfeiting self respect, here I differ.I believe in living with dignity, may be without material comfort or some day to day problems even..Now the onus is on the older generation...what they want...to trade their dignity for comfort or live on their own ...to take the crumbs or live with self respect..
You have done you job with bringing them up, now let them live, whether they do their duty or not is their outlook...,,you must let them be free....
I would say that parents must understand that the time of living with children is gone, so whether you are able to do less or more for your children, but make sure that you arrange for your old age, and never live with children. I have seen that wherever parents are rich or earn more than the children, they are respected and certain discipline is followed , but once children start earning more, DILs become totally irreverent and arrogant without any discipline in life. So whether we like it or not money matters.
Somewhere most of the people cant give up a life of comfort, even if it comes after forfeiting self respect, here I differ.I believe in living with dignity, may be without material comfort or some day to day problems even..Now the onus is on the older generation...what they want...to trade their dignity for comfort or live on their own ...to take the crumbs or live with self respect..
You have done you job with bringing them up, now let them live, whether they do their duty or not is their outlook...,,you must let them be free....
17 comments:
Very well said.What about parents who are financially poor or have very poor health?Life can be cruel to them if their children are not caring.
It is really shameful incident. You are right about being able to live with dignity. Which is why we should encourage women to be also economically independent , so that they never have to depend on anyone in such times.
KPARTHSARTHI...I am saying to the people to arrange for their future as well as they provide for their children,...if they are poor, this is the way they have been, so they must adapt..
Chatty Wren:..I would any day prefer dignity to comfort..
Totally true. No point in waiting for crumbs from anyone even if they are your own children.
And very true. money matters. Reminded me of an episode of Satyamev jayate where one of the guests said, now a days keep money for yourself and your old age. It keeps ur children bound to you. Thats the truth.
Amrita: its sad but tru, now its time parents thought practically..
My husband also always says that educating children and bringing them up well is our duty. Once they join a good job, we should not expect them to take care of them. If they do on their own, well and good. Then we should start taking care of ourselves without depending on them. In extreme circumstances they have to help us and we have to help them.
I only wish that each parent is able to inculcate the right values and have no expectations what so ever from the children. They must be allowed to live the life the way they choose!
Hi Renuji..Long time..yes a shameful incident..paisa se bada koi rishta nahi ye ek kadvi sacchai hai..so yes we all must take responsibility for our future and not expect our children to be our financial supporters..if they do out of their own will, v good, else we should be prepared to be in charge of our lives ..
It’s better planning on future and save something for themselves to look after rather depending on others.
We don't know the truth until we are in their shoes..however, one needs to arrange for their retirement. Depending on kids is never a good thing. Not at all kids are ready to take the responsibility.
Sandhya:you husband is a progressive man in reality..if most of the people start thinking like that half of our problems will be solved.
Rahul Bhatia:very idealistic situation:)
My space; Oh Arti..I am so happy to see you here...why dont you come back to blogging...I really miss you..
Jeevan: yes we must do that..
Found in Folsom:Dependence on anybody is nevr good..whatevr the age we must try to live independently..
Totally agree, there is a big diff btn doing out of free will and doing because it is expected.
Reflections: Hello Nancy How are you?
when we will leave the children free, they will improve..
that's the need of the hour .. maintain space to have good relations .. and this both generations must understand ..
yes well said!but not all DILs are like that..plus in some cases the boys parents just don't want to let go!! Your point about setting your kids free is very valid but many parents don't do that and then cause emotional issues for their DIL..
What about cases where the parents want to live a life of dignity, the son insists that he provides support within his means, but the DIL doesn't want to? The DIL now a days, of course with exceptions, are taught lessons on independence and empowerment, and supported by the parents in all their actions, valid or invalid. The law, as in your example as well, will usually support the DIL. The worst sufferer is almost always the son / husband.
Rahul: In my circle parents most of the time have no say in anything:)
SRS: I know, but those clinging parents are vanishing today and very few, majority cases its the girls who are victimising families..
ruminating optimist:I know, but here boys will have to take a stand..as is true to any thing in life.we have to stand up for the right thing..no matter what..today daughters are not empowered, they are misguided and breaking the families...I feel that before marriage everything should be clarified.
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