GIFTS

Diwali is awaited with so so much of enthusiasm and now its gone:(.and it is synonymous with gifts.Dont know why but I am not a gracious person while accepting gifts, I feel very awkward too.So many times I keep mulling that from the next year i will take a vow not to accept anything from anyone..then postpone it for another year:).Actually now at my age I dont want to take anything..I just want to give..though my hubby says that if you dont take, then you cant give also:)

Lot many people decide the type and amount of gift depending on the status of recipient,rich people get opulent gifts,whereas not so make do with ordinary things. whereas I think gifts should be decided by the status of the person who si giving..and I keep thinking that I must have that uniformity in mind, but then mind starts thinking that wouldnt it be injustice to a person who is giving you more? and I am always in a confusion about what is right..and if  are you are reading my blog regularly, you must be knowing by now that I have this fetish for doing the right thing always.To me being righteous and fair is very important...and on the other hand I dont like to be taken for granted too.

So what do you think is the right way?..Should we always reciprocate only? or should we keep giving even if some people dont?

THE CAT

The Cat
========

Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about the pastor of his
church.

He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then
was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk,
etc. The kitty would not come down.

The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided
that if he tied a rope to his car and drove away so that the
tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten.

He did all this, checking his progress in the car frequently,
then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree
would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten.

But as he moved a little further forward, the rope broke.

The tree went "boing!" and the kitten instantly sailed through
the air  - out of sight.

The pastor felt terrible.

He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they'd seen
a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten. So he
prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping," and
went on about his business.

A few days later he was at the grocery store and met one of his
church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and
was amazed to see cat food. Now this woman was a cat hater and
everyone knew it, so he asked her, "Why are you buying cat food
when you hate cats so much?"

She replied, "You won't believe this," and told him how her
little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept
refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again,
so the Mom finally told her little girl, "Well if God gives you
a cat, I'll let you keep it?"

(Can you see where this is heading?)

She told the pastor, "I watched my child go out in the yard, get
on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you
won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes.

A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws
outspread, and landed right in front of her."

Never underestimate the Power of God and what may appear to be
breaking on one end, is answering prayer on another.


source.email

AMITABH BACCHAN

I havent been a big fan of Amitabh bacchan , as a person, but this time I watched a few episode of KBC and I am hooked.He is so cordial and nice to everybody and makes everyone so happy. The format of show has also changed a little..now there is more interaction with the contestants, a sort of bon homie being generated and contestants from the unprivileged section are getting more chances..its all so heartening to see.

Here I am quoting what AB wrote on his blog..its worth reading.....

Each contestant that I meet on the sets of KBC expresses similar desire. They are of challenged means. They have not the luxury of home and house of their own, yet all they ever want is to create an environment in the house so that their entire family can come together and live together. This desire to remain together, to care and consider the conditions of their elders is one that is universally expressed each day. And for this I wish to thank all those that think similar. These old concepts of being under one roof, has been through the test of time and the largest percentage of our people believe and thrive that thus be achieved. The grace the beauty and the warmth of such conditioning is what fills me with pride for my countrymen and women. Let not our traditions break or be diluted or polluted, by the ill guided thoughts from other regions. Our studies and scriptures and all that the wise may ever have thought of is by itself a wonder. It is an entire dedicated wanting which some of us, mostly from the metro region fail to understand. But let me say this, that culturally and in every other way, our system has been through the test of time. Thousands of years of our history and belief has been designed by those great souls after immense study and research, in conclusion of which it would be fairly correct to say that what they did do has proven to be correct and wise.

I would spend the rest of my life in guilt and remorse if I were to, in some small way, forego the idea of looking after my parents as they grew older. They caught my little finger and taught me how to walk along with them. In their old age, when the walk for them is like a discovery of another continent, will we be able to hold their hands and help them to walk, albeit almost child like, to their destination.

Whereas Big boss start disappointed completely..Sanjay Dutt is not needed there, rather he is making it drab., and then participants.barring a few, all are nobodies, and dont generate any interest.
Earlier I always used to deride TV soap, as most people do calling them saas bahu soaps and all that, but I realised that inspite of everything they have certain good points, ....
Like most of them emphasise the value of discipline in a family,
Most of the members make effort to assimilate in a family,
Most give importance to hard work and home cooked food.
All of them love good values and traditions,

So I can say that soaps are not bad only, its the people who are watching are not taking good things but only the indulgence, earlier people always idolised the hero and heroine in the film and both were seen as virtuous people, today many people may be liking the villains and vamps, because protagonists even today are very hard working and righteous.

A VERY HAPPY DEEPAWALI
संसृष्टं  धनमुभयं  समाकृतमस्मभ्यं दत्तां वरुण्श्च मन्यु: I
  भियं दधाना हृदयेषु शत्रव: पराजितासो  अप नि लयन्ताम्‌ II

Festivals

This time of year is my favourite as most of the festivals fall in this period.Though sometimes in a month I have 15 days fast:)Last week was karvachauth.And I feel amused to see how the face of festivals have changed. In our childhood festivals meant cleaning the house, decorating it and lots and lots of cooking and making sweets and snacks and then distributing. To a some extent it is still like that for me.We dont cook or light a gas only in mourning, so its considered bad omen not to cook on festivals.But today its a given that many of the women dont cook on Karvachauth and their hubbies take them out to dinner.But I dont  do that, I still make special dishes and we have a sumptuous dinner on all the festivals.Then we give byana to MILs...and MILs give sari and other gifts to DIL..basically these give and takes were meant to bring them together..MILs welcome the new entrant into their family with love and gifts and DILS give the gifts to get blessings and as a thanks giving to the person because of whom they got their husband.....In any family women were considered more important, so all the shaguns were made for women,because its only woman who makes or breaks a home.

Today is Ahoi Ashtami and again fasting for children..I was just thinking that many women  query that do men fast for us then why should we? but do the children fast for us then why should we? But I dont go into that frame of mind at all...I am missing my children and the no. has increased this year with my little angel:)...On ashtami I make all the chaat items and my daughter used to love that, so I miss her very much.
I believe in celebrating all the festivals with festive spirit and following the traditions and rituals, as they always teach us something,..like to adjust,to work hard(with all the cooking and cleaning),how to live with community and a feeling of sharing, only we must be ready to learn. And they are our roots, we cant be happy far away from our roots.

EAT PRAY AND LOVE

BUDDHA HOGA TERA BAAP

I had seen the trailers and they were quite amusing. This movie is actually more of a documentary about Amitabh Bacchan.AB is a gangster who has left India and living in Paris running a pub. When he gets to know that his son is being targeted by mafia, he comes  back to save him.Sonu Sood is his son and Hema  malini his wife And Raveena his girlfriend.The director couldnt decide what he wanted to make, because it starts in a comic way and ends seriously..If one wants to take it in a light way, its ok, but if you take it seriously, then itsa all wrong. What I liked was....
When Hema says that she left him because of his gangster ways, AB asks her..we first met when i was in handcuffs..then you didnt realise I was a gangster, when you came to see me in jail, you didnt know that i was a gangster, you loved me and married, only after our son was born you realised that....
and she left him in the jail later on and vanished.
Charmme kappor..the daughter of Raveena is really charming and delight to watch..the scene where she comes to know that Ab likes baigan ka bharta and she too, but her dad doesnt and she makes two and two five:)..is really hilarious.

ZINDAGI NA MILEGI DUBARA
Recently I read an interview of Zoya Akhtar where she didnt like people saying that she has made the movie as promo of Spain, but when I saw the movie i also felt the same..its more about the city, less about the characters.And at some places.like the diving scene, it looks like we are watching discovery channel.Secondly it is made for a very niche audience. I dint like it much..what felt..
Farhan Akhtar..his character is shown like a cheapo./or I dont know why but he doesnt get my respect at all.
Characters are not developed at all..
Hritik is best in the dance scene and show his skills to the best.where you dont want to even check the other two....
Abhay Deol is the best in this one....
Kalki  looks more in her character than Katrina kaif....
What i totally dislike is people jumping into bed casually..before any commitment...but it happens in most of the movies.

EAT PRAY AND LOVE
Its about a divorcee(julia Roberts) going to India and Indonesia to find herself.What irritated me is that about India they show only crowded roads, jammed traffics, garbage, begging kids, dirty places...is that all to India, why couldnt they show a beautiful drive, because thats what a foreigner coming to India will see as Delhi has beautified roads, but no.........Then whatever the character they take from India, they are all non descriptive actors.very ordinary in everything be it looks or acting or appearance, why make them stand beside your best.Julia roberts..why not take some of our best or may be medium label and then see how they fare...
anyway she stays in a AShram here and then goes to Indonesia, where she finds all answers and in Indonesia ..they show all the beauty and goodness..anyone who only sees this movie and knows nothing about Indonesia and India will form a conclusion that Indonesia is a nice place with good markets and beauty and India is a poor filthy country whereas its far from the truth.......
But I envy the freedom dollar grants to people there..going anywhere, getting the best and doing what they want, would love to get that freedom..financially and socially(but of course within morality rightly).

Some misconceptions

I read on Harman"s blog about how people have certain myths. I have also experienced it and some more.People have certain biases or preconceived notions like....

Any one who speaks good English is a learned man, whereas its only a language proficiency only.And fluency in English doesnt indicate the intelligence or knowledge..

Anyone who cant speak English is not worth knowing, as he doesnt know much, whereas he might be a real learned man..its time we differentiate in real sense.

Anyone dressed well is competent and if not well.sloppy..but this definition also limits to appearance only, many fashionable and well dressed people are totally dumb otherwise.Fashion is a choice of dressing only, it doesnt have anything to do with intellect.

Fair complexion and beauty and youth is given preference everywhere..whereas there are some professions which demand it..like this time in AI..air hostesses  there were so aged,plump and ordinary looking, and their service was very poor without any smile, so it irritates the passengers, and same for glamour world, we watch TV for entertainment, and deserve to see good looking and fit  people ..but otherwise in every profession looks dont count and shouldnt...and same in personal life too..after a time its only the qualities of a person which make them endearing.

Some people call GANWAR to anyone who is traditional and gives importance to Indian way of life,or doesnt speak in modern lingo, doesnt call people by names, instead with didi, bhabhi etc...to me GANWAR means a person who doesnt have manners and etiquette's and doesnt respect elders and love children, is not kind to others etc.
With the influx of arrogant girls, today boys are getting lot of misconceptions, like my nephew says that he would like to marry only a girl from a small town and not highly educated one because he wants a close knit family where the new entrant respects the elders, but it is not that all big city girls dont value families or dont want to work in the house or are ill mannered, and same goes for the other side too.not all small town girls are family oriented....My two friends have DILs who are doctors, one of them works, but still cares and does a lot for family, second one is not working even..and out of choice only, and totally being a homemaker keeps a fabulous house and does everything to even perfection.so its only individuals only  and what makes difference is their upbringing.

Some people have regional biases also, but I have seen good, bad all sort of people everywhere.I see lot of biased behaviour in south too..like vegetable seller charging me double and not treating me well,making me wait,auto rikshas and bus driver not stopping for me,maids asking double rates etc etc, but in comparison to those few I find more people who are nice and friendly and I remember them and feel happy.

To me real education lies in thinking without a bias.be it regional,caste or creed.

One thing I would like to add..that in north, they have this complex obsession even among themselves, for many old people beauty meant fair complexion, irrespective of feature, height wt or figure..nothing else mattered..girl could  be short, fat,big teeth, no hair,no brain, but if she is fair, she will do:)..once I had someone in my sasural, who was such a bore with her dumbness, and big mouth,she couldnt talk about anything sensibly,..but was considered beautiful just because of that one thing..:)..from the beginning i taught and wanted my children to think beyond.the appearances....

A Small Story of Appreciation for Managers

Below is the email my hubby forwarded to me, and it applies as much to family as to corporates..its a beautiful story with a very important message, so I am sharing with you all.

A Small Story of Appreciation for Managers

This is a powerful message in our modern society. We seemed to have lost our bearing & our sense of direction.

One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company.

He passed the first interview, the director did the last interview, made the last decision.

The director discovered from the CV that the youth's academic achievements were excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never had a year when he did not score.

The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarships in school?" the youth answered "none".

The director asked, " Was it your father who paid for your school fees?" The youth answered, "My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.

The director asked, " Where did your mother work?" The youth answered, "My mother worked as clothes cleaner. The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.

The director asked, " Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?" The youth answered, "Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.

The director said, "I have a request. When you go back today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.*

The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to the kid.

The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water.

This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fee. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence and his future.

After finishing the cleaning of his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.

That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.

Next morning, the youth went to the director's office.

The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, asked: " Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"

The youth answered, " I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes'

The Director asked, " please tell me your feelings."

The youth said, Number 1, I know now what is appreciation. Without my mother, there would not the successful me today. Number 2, by working together and helping my mother, only I now realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done. Number 3, I have come to appreciate the importance and value of family relationship.

The director said, " This is what I am looking for to be my manager.

I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life. You are hired.

Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and as a team. The company's performance improved tremendously.

A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop "entitlement mentality" and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of people, who may be good academically, may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel sense of achievement. He will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying the kid instead?*

You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow gray, same as the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your kid learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done.

Fasting in Navraatri

Navratri has gone and so the fasting for us too.I feel so nice during those days. Fasting is one process which is advised in every religion..muslims fast twice a year in Ramadan, Christians have their own lent period, Jains have their paryushions.etc etc. Most of the commandments are also similar ..like these are the days  a sort of penance, so be pious,share the food, donate ,and dont harbour bad feelings.
We have one more, like eat satvik food.As food affects our mental process.Many people make fun of the people who are fasting and feasting saying that what is the point in fasting if you are making no so many dishes or eating all that,but they themselves cant do it even for a day with all that feasting too, but i have never felt so, Even to my children i say keep the fast, but you may feast , but on restricted items only, but inspite of that my daughter does it and son doesnt, so fine.its their choice.Though I dont eat fried items and lot of sweets as my age and health doesnt allow that, but wouldnt mind if someone does it.Because whatever I do, still for 9 days I am following lot of discipline..like cant have any bed tea, first have bath and pooja, then only anything to eat or drink. Then we dont have any salted breakfast, we skip lunch and eat only dinner. In dinner too its only limited variety which can be taken..not everything..so these days are all about bringing some discipline. Plus they give us such a nice feel when we do some special pooja everyday.And when on the Navmi, I prepare, halwa ,poori, chana and distribute it a as a prasad, its a culmination of days of fasting, so gives you so much of satisfaction.
Inspite of that if people find that its all feasting only, then try doing it for some time, and then only you can realise whether it is easy or feasting or fasting.It always needs lot of discipline of body and mind, we go out and see so many culinary delights, but never could partake..
Traditional ways of celebrating festivals always include some fasting and feasting, we have accepted feasting, but deride fasting:).. When we can accept the valentine day celebrations so easily without any analysis, why not our own festivals.And if anyone feels the need to say..why? why should I only? then its not worth it.These are all emotional things and if one is not emotionally connected to someone to do it unconditionally, no point in doing it...I used to fast it from the beginning, and never thought that why should I, why not my husband too? rather felt very happy in doing everything, when on the way he joined me in fasting, I dont even remember and today too, I dont worry about myself, but if he is being strict in fasting, I worry..want to give him the best I can....Thats companionship to me..or love...loving doesnt mean enjoying together only, but being there all t he times..good or bad, easy or tough, and caring without thinking what the other person does for us.

IS SELF ABOVE ALL?

Yesterday i read an article and I have been watching that Shastrarth also on CNBC with DR Devdutt Patnaik and since both of them are related with the topic of my last post..so I thought of sharing that.

On CNBC they discussed that  for todays corruption and  valueless society.if we want to see everything through spirituality and Vedas, what will be out justification or clarification for that..why its happening?.its because we are in the process of changing from an animal to human being.Its the nature of animals to look after self only  thats the reason they live in Jungle  raj, where every big animal eats up the smaller ones..and they have no discipline in life, they do whatever they want and whenever they want and always looking for self survival only and will do everything for that because they dont have any code of conduct or society or any ethics.

Now thats what happening to us also..its always the INDIVIDUAL..we will do what pleases us or satisfies our materialistic desires, physcial pleasures, we dont want to have any norms or code of conduct to bind us.And the result is there  for everyone to see. For being a good human being it is necessary to see that what is good for us and then our family and then society and then country too, because unless there is a strong society, individuals cant be strong..just like one player cant win a match, the team has to be good.Anything which is good for us as an individual but is hurting the rest, is not to be done.

There always three types of people..for some self is beyond everybody and they are making this world the way it is..with no family and no ethics..all corruption and enjoyment.

and the other ones  are who put self the last..they are people who are making this world better to live in for the third type of people..

and third ones are in the middle..they enjoy life , but also fulfil their duties towards their family, society and country.

Life is never a bed of roses, nobody gets rosy relatives, nor all the people are happy today because of the disintegration of family and changes should be accepted only if they are good for self..family,society and country..otherwise not...we dont choose our families or relatives they are the gift of god to us as we are to them..if everything happens in life the way we want it to be,life wouldnt be so complicated and interesting too. We get education not only for earning money but to evolve as a good human being too and that means making others happy too..if we cant make our own families happy, how can we think of doing charities and social services..doing something for others doesnt make us weak or down..its only strong people who do things for others and adjust because weak always break under pressure.

Secondly I am not talking about those families where DILs are burnt for dowry or exploited because these are extremes and need extreme measures too..I am talking about the families where people are breaking families for their  self gratification and for very small things or so called independence and making old inlaws miserable.

I know that I keep repeating myself, but I will, in the hope that even if one person understands my view and makes a happy family, my life would be worth it.Admiration lies not in saying..how happy I am/but how happy I make others too..

Happiness of any single  individual shouldnt be above the welfare of family...society and country.When we had strong society..samaaj as we said, people had fear of bad things ..be it bribe, promiscuity,bad behaviour divorces or anything like that, if anybody did it, he did so clandestinely, not openly as they do it today, becaus ethere is no fear of society

jab se yeh meri marji shuru hua..sab bigad gaya