Returning To India..Shobha Narayan

This is the story of a young Tambram Shoba who is from a traditional family but wants to spread her wings. She tries to go to US for studies, and for that the hard work that is needed to get visa and scholarship ..how she manages her family who are against her going there..all we see thru her eyes..we are talking about 80's.And then all the comparison between east and west. How western society encourages individualism in everything, one gets multiple choices in life for professions and hobbies,and the earnings over there make everybody fulfil his dream, which not many can hope for in India.Every generation that goes from India, later on starts feeling confused about their loyalty and choices. They miss India but dont want to leave that financial independence and other facilities and good life in US. This dilemma is a big part of their life. Here the protagonist returns ultimately, feeling that advantages of living in your own country cant be quantified..

It is a very interesting account of incidents and people where every Indian will identify herself somewhere..certainly worth a read or twice even

Chennai Latte..Ranjita Ashok and Bala subramaniyam
I got this book thinking that this would be about Chennai life or more accurately..local flavour of everything..tamilian food, maamis and all..but is a contemporary take on local problems...didnt interest me at all. so didnt read it after a few pages.

What I wish

Sometimes I envy my hubby..yes:)..it is true..he gets up in the morning, without any worry about cooking, comes to the table and his breakfast is there:)...comeback in the evening and somebody is right there to give you hot tea, snacks ,fruits and prepares your favourite dishes in the dinner and all with love and smile and caring ways..I long to have even 15 days in a year to spend like that...

Sometimes I envy my MIL too..she doesnt need to bother for anything, like grocery, vegetable and fruits..all stocking, no cooking, no budgets, repairs, or commitments, and gets all her breakfast, tea, mil lunch dinner everything in time..come on the table..its ready. She doesnt have to remember when to take the medicine, somebody is there to give her, do her laundry and take care of every chore....

But I would  like to live like that Maami Sandhya wrote about...Living independently at the age of 88 and being helping to all and sundry...Thats my wish ultimately:) and I hope I get it.

Life's Little Instruction Book

I got it in email, but found it worth sharing..there are few points I strictly follow and believe in and those I have made in bold letters, rest I will try to do:)


Have a firm handshake.
Look people in the eye.
If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
Keep secrets.
Never give up on anybody.
Miracles happen everyday.
Always accept an outstretched hand.
Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference
 Avoid sarcastic remarks.
Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.
Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
Lend only those books you never care to see again.
Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.
When playing games with! children, let them win.
Give people a second chance, but not a third. Be romantic.
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.
Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for your convenience, not the caller's.
Be a good loser. Be a good winner.
Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
Keep it simple.
Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.
Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets
Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the one's you did.
Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.
Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.
Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.
Begin each day with some of your favorite music.
Once in a while, take the scenic route. Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're terrific.'
Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.
Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.
Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
Become someone's hero.
Marry only for love.
Count your blessings.
Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home. Wave at the children on a school bus.
Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.

Stress

Stress is the most common word today..everybody talks about it and has it and wants to lessen it.but nobody thinks about why it happens.Most of the time people attribute it to others..like the other people in their life are creating for them and adding to it. Nobody bothers to introspect and realise that most of the time stress is caused because of our behaviour..and wrong behaviour.If we dont do anything right, we get stressed , so why not do it right...but then they want temporary happiness with self gratification and invite stress in their life..

Just the other day i was talking to a young girl who felt that her stress was because of her in laws, and when I enquired a little more, I came to know that they are very accommodating, but she is very in disciplined in her life and can not run her house in normal timings, she likes to get up, eat and go out as and when the heart desires and  and since this way one cant manage   a family, stress comes.So instead of realising that stress is there because of her only, she blames her inlaws..easy escape goats.

Yesterday I saw Breakup and the fight between hero heroine is so common...husband not helping in the house, not remembering the grocery list and all that. I fail to understand why people dont communicate all this without shouting..and blaming each other.Wife must understand that husbands are human and you cant change them according to your desires in a perfect man and the same way husband must realise that sometimes they need to understand that wife also needs support and some molly cuddling even if they are tired..Most of the time couple is so wired in keeping their other relations in perfect sync that they forget to bother about their own life.

Change yourself instead of changing the world or wishing others to be perfect, try to perfect your self..

Good samaritans

Yesterday I went outside for a little tid bit shopping. In the evening on the road just outside our apartments, the traffic is a continuous flow of vehicles.can you believe it I stood outside our apartments to cross the road for 20 minutes ( actually I am always quite scared of crossing the roads and extra cautious also ) and then one young man of the nearby shop also wanted to cross the road and with him I crossed it. And then he waved the hand at me and it dawned on me that,he crossed just to help me:) and then went back to his side.It just made my day. These are the little gestures which make life so beautiful.People like him make me believe in all the good things in life. He didnt know me, not even my language, he knew only Tamil, but he came out to help.
Then I thought over it that we see many big people in big cars least bothered about pedestrians, , they will just pass through with a needle;s space between them and people and we feel-what has world come to ? So its not money or splendour which makes you feel good but the goodness of people which moves you, makes you happy.

  I suddenly remembered one more incident from the past........long time back, when we were in Noida, I used to go to learn shorthand and typing by bus. While returning I was standing at the bus stop and whenever the bus came, the crowd surged, as there is no cue system in Delhi, and i was left standing, then a young boy of 14-15 came, he was coming back after his sports, he saw this, and when the next bus comes, what I see that he stops it, and stands behind me, and doesnt get into the bus till i have boarded. he was a very well dressed boy, must be from a rich family and due to preconceived notions, one expects brattish,and may be naughty but not this polite well mannered behaviour from them. I was so impressed, immediately the thought came to my mind----his parents are blessed to have a son like him, and i vowed to teach my children, who were young at that time, to be kind and polite all the time. These things are very small but leave a long lasting impression, this happened to me 30 yrs back but whenever i think about that boy a smile comes to my face and blessings on my lips.

And I can tell you about many more incidents where totally unknown people have helped me...sometimes I feel I am lucky and blessed,but then it make me feel good about the world we are living in is not so bad after all..there are enough good people here and it is sustaining on them only..actually this is what my father used to say....earth remains there because of a handful of good people and doesnt go down because of the majority of bad ones.so thing how much important good is!


I always try to help wherever I can, though in India pro active woman are still stared at, even if somebody asks the location of some place which I dont know, I try to go that extra mile to find it, even at the cost of my hubby's exasperation:)

Joy and grief

Some people help others and feel that they have given a lot to others and others who take help feel happy to get it  and enjoy the life, but both are ignorant. God has a different way of accounting, those who are giving, they are not actually giving, but it is just getting deposited in their account and they will  get it back multiplied many times, whereas those who are taking, are getting momentary pleasure only, because they have to pay back multi fold, so think before taking and give without thinking...
There is joy in giving and for those who give...

ROAD LESS TRAVELLED..M.SCOTT PECK

This one book I wanted to read for a long time and never knew that my daughter has it:)..so when I came here I started reading it. It is about the psychology of love,traditional values and spiritual growth.The writer is a psychiatrist , so he explores the ideas from every angle.

Few things I have always believed in and when I saw them written here, I loved, they are.....

Love is not simply giving, its judicial giving and judicial withholding.

True love leads to spiritual growth.and anything that doesnt make for growth is not true love.

Branding of quality time is not worth it, children need quantity time also.

Most of the problems of personality have their roots in childhood and relate to  parents.

Wherever we are in our life its always because of us not anybody else.

Many problems in life can be solved if delaying gratification is practiced,quoting the book.........delaying gratification is a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with.

over all this is an awesome book and worth a two or three read:)



Serendipity..Ashok Ferrey
Story is based in srilanka in the days of turmoil, didnt find worth it...

CRAB MENTALITY

There are so many articles and advertisements regarding women empowerment and everything but it is women only who dont change their attitude.
We are looking for some insurance scheme in Max and the person we are talking to is a women. She has come to our place and knows us also . When she asked about email ID and I told mine, she wasnt satisfied with this, she wanted my husband's ID only. Then my hubby told her that its my wife only who looks after all this and i also do it thru her only, she was like ok..but give me your office ID atleast. And now she wants to email him only even if his official ID doesnt accept any attachments:)

I have seen such attitude in many women..They always give  more importance and preference to men..
Like its mothers only who differentiate between son and daughter...
My MIL used to find my male servant whom I employed when I did some business) more efficient and knowledgeable than me:).
Many DIls will respect and care for their FILS even if they do nothing, but the same will not be accorded to MIL even if she cares....
I dont know about today but in my times, no women friends supported their women friends in their any venture..They would prefer to go to a men for every requirement...and bring down their friends...

So more than anything else its the crab mentality of women which is putting them down...its the animosity and jealousy among the women which stops them from making a support system..be it family or society, otherwise nothing can beat them.

WOMEN'S DAY

women's day is around the corner and my simpleton hubby was asking me what is to be done:).I said that i believe in doing everything continuously instead of only one day, so I would suggest some ideas that I like and follow...

Give respect to women, irrespective of their age, caste, status and dress.

Listen to their opinions and problems..give them importance..

Help them whenever ou can...

If one is really interested in uplifting a woman then give them preference in daily life, like i always prefer to buy my vegetables from women vendor, shop at the places where women are managing it.

Really really treat daughters well...dont say that they are equal to sons..thats a way of saying that they are not good as daughters....

Say no to sex determination test and female foeticide.

Give them good education, freedom to choose their life, but good values too..women emancipation doesnt mean foregoing the family .....

Being an independent woman doesnt mean
 being like a man, but a woman with her own qualities and mind....
being arrogant and uncaring but being humble and affectionate..

Women are the backbone of any family and society, and when they become self centred, they disintegrate it.