Effects of marriage

AmritaTagged me  by asking :-
A question to all my blog buddies. You can answer anonymously, in case you`re uncomfortable. But do answer.

Has marriage killed the girl in you?
Are you more programed, more regulated in your thoughts and deeds?
Or are you simply calmer? Assuaged?
Are you still in love?
Or are you simply loving? Caring, fond and loyal..?

What does marriage do to you?

Since the journey of my marriage has been a long one.to be precise 35 years,it will take me some real thought to think about it.....Has marriage changed me..yes in some ways, I was the one famous listener, and marriage to a totally same type of person turned me to become a talker:)...Otherwise our home would be a silent era. And in many other things I have grown as a person, since i got married very young, I was an impulsive,hyper ,rigid and righteous to the extent of being very adamant. To me everything was in black and white, grey never existed, now I think its most of the grey, I am still righteous, but have learned to be flexible.But I was very naive, and even today when I see girls being so manipulative, saying something and doing the other thing, I wonder, do they teach this also in colleges today. I always say what is in my heart,even living with inlaws hasnt changed my mindset, I cant manipulate people.

Marriage nevr killed the girl inside me, rather  I bloomed...all the things I couldnt do before marriage, I did after ..like watching all the movies in hall:) and learned so many things, as my life partner always encouraged me and supported me in all my hobbies.

Dont know whether I should term it as programming, but yes after marriage one learns to do something for others also. I do many things, just because they make my hubby happy..all the time I cant think what is making me happy..its always family.I have always put my family first than me, so none of my ambitions or ego, nothing comes before them. And I have learned to take everything in my stride..plus and minuses both.like earlier in my life I couldnt do many things due to the constraints of finances, then children and their education, and today because of my old MIL,but thats a part of life, when I enjoy all the privileges my husband provides, then I must take the responsibility also willingly...I know of few girls who enjoy the privileges citing it as their luck, but dont want to take responsibilities

Love means different feelings for different people, and to me its never unconditional,,because I dont think I could love my husband if he didnt care for me, so its always reciprocal, and in arranged marriage it grows with time..as a different understanding comes.I have been conditioned to the thinking that marriages are forever, so the moment I completed my Saptpadi, I was bound to him in a sacred bond which I could never think otherwise, and we have certainly matured with time..both of us, I just wish that we had this insight earlier:)
Being disloyal, never even came to my mind,I cant even think of it, nothing could ever tempt me, I told you I am a very righteous person.To me strength of character is the first quality one must have, and this is what i have inculcated in my children too.

Marriage has given me two wonderful children who give me maximum pleasure and pain:).....and a partner who may have many priorities in life, but i am very important to him and he to me.Life is never perfect but it is good.

I wouldnt say that journey has been full of pleasure only, it had its own ups and downs, but I am happy that we managed them and reached where we are today.

PEEPLI LIVE

This movie has generated so much of interest that it was a must for a movie addict like me to see it..asnd thats what I did:)..............................This is about two brother..farmers who cant pay loan to thebank, and when the bank decides to auction their land they go to a landlord for some loan. He makes fun of them and then one of his aid says that he has heard about a scheme of govt where govt sanctions one lakh ruppess to the farmer's family if he commits suicide.And when they are not able to find any respite from anywhere, elder brother manipulates younger one to do suicide..and from here the drama starts.how English channel people first deride rural news, then once they air, all others follow and be it channels, ministers or local politicians, everybody wants to get a mileage out of it, nobody is bothered either about farmers or the person's life,his family.Itas a great comment on our media, govt and police.
First half is very good, but second half just stretches, may be because story line is very thin.Actors have raised this movie above par...and best is Omkar.one who is going plans to commit suicide and then their mother's dialogues are superb..so natural.And his wife, she is excellent in her portrayal of a no nonsense person who may be poor but is prudent.

But this movie clearly shows how big names association helps a movie.

ISHQIYA:...in the last year, there has been a spurt in movies with rural back ground, not that I am complaining, they deserve it too, as our majority lives there.This is the movie about two small town thieves.Naseeruddin shah and Arshad warsi, who cant pay a loan to Nasser's BIL and they are given 15 days time to recover. They find a refuge in the house of Varma(illegal arms dealer)'s house.His wife.Vidya Balan attracts both and then involves them in kidnapping an owner of steel factory who was associated with her husband and then everything goes wrong.......
They have absorbed the ambiance of eastern UP very well, and language reminds me of my hometown so much:)...Arshad Warsi is good, but I was disappointed with Naseeruddin shah, he is my favourite actor, but here he is lack lustre. Its Viday Balan who is excellent, she has done the role with a great abandon....
All in all movie is just OK,not very entertaining  in the first half.

Sleepless in Seattle...This one is so much like Indian movies where a man marries an unknown girl:), liked it for the child and Tom Hank who is looking so innocently handsome.

Curious case of Benjamin button.....very good and has a totally unique story.

Few Good Men....I saw Shaurya also, but Tom cruise and Demi Moore are much more impressive than Rahul bose and Minisha Lamba.


Disclosure...its Indian adaptation Aitraaz is much better, actors and otherwise both..Akshay, Kareena and Priyanka..this trio looked good.

Sixth Sense...Very good, the child and Bruce Willis both and entertaining too...Indian Adaptation.Hum Tum aur Ghost was also good.

Family

last week I went to meet one of my friend, she is a retired professor, but still keeps studying something,like social welfare etc. In the talks she told me that there had been a survey that rate of divorce is increasing in India by leaps and bounds.And in the discussions she says...Renu I have seen that all the relationships face some problems sometime or the other.But when young couple has some strife, men mostly keep it to themselves, and women, most of the time turn to their friends who are their peer group, in the same age group and facing the same problems sometimes and so their suggestions may not be very constructive or unbiased or even able to solve. Instead if they turn to someone senior who has been through that route and in the position to say.....been there done it, may be they can find some solace and some really good adviceand save the family.
This reminded me how young girls react to some little things even...

OMG...you are such a good cook, you are superb...
Or..You are looking so beautiful, just like aishwarya:)

I have seen that most of the time friends keep complimenting the friends, sometimes over complimenting...I know that appreciating others is a good quality and all that but when there is no genuineness, it brings disaster.because continuous friend's compliments make a person conceited, and when someone from a family has a genuine problem with them they dont take it in a right way, I have heard it from many people....

Outside everybody loves and respects me so much, its only my family who doesnt understand my value.

But these people never look inwards...and always put the blame on family for that.
Outsiders behave like that because...
it is social grace,
They meet you only for a short time,
In that period one is always on one's best behaviour.
And we also always do our best for outsiders,we speak to them nicely, never rudely, we go out of the way to be nice to them, if we call somebody we cook special foods for them , in fact work hard to maintain that image.
Whereas we take the family for granted, we dont make any efforts to be nice to them or please them and we are sometimes even rude to them.
and thats the reason in different perceptions,If the way we behave to outsiders, we follow those principles for our family, our life will be much more happier.

God Will not ask you......

1. God wont ask you what kind of car you drove. He will ask you how many people you drove who didnt have any transportation.
2. God wont ask you the square footage of your house.He will ask you how many people you welcomed into your house.
3. He wont ask you about the clothes you had in your closet. He will ask you how many people you helped to clothe.
4. God will not ask you what your highest salary was. He will ask you if you compromised your character to get it.
5. God wont ask you what your job was.He will ask you did you do it to your best and gave it your best.
6. God wont ask you how many friends you had. He will ask you to how many people you were friend with.
7. God wont ask you in which neighbourhood you liuved.He will ask you how you treated your neighbour.
8. God wont ask you about the colour of your skin,He will ask you about the content of your character........

So learn what is important.

Source..email

My take on some movies...

Badmaash Company...I liked this movie main for its punchline..that if a person is intelligent and Sharp mind, then if he puts it in the right direction, then only he can lead a happy life...Otherwise he is doomed..sooner or later destiny will catch up with him..And then its quite entertaining also..Shahid as usual entertains and looks good, Anushka is Ok in acting, but lacks in looks.Veer and Chang are OK.Rest of the cast...Anupam kher..looks too old, Kiran Sippy and Pawan Malhotra just do their job.But all in all its entertaining.

My Name is Khan....This movie confirms that kajol is one of her kind, she just lights up the screen and I enjoyed those parts only where she is present, plus music is good.Why all retarded people are shown to walk with a stoop?

Well Done Abba:.very unique..with Hyderabdi back ground..this is a satire on our government, where even Babdis(ponds), can be stolen...this is a good movie and grows on you slowly..Boman Irani.everybody knows is good and so is Illa arun, But here Minisha Lamba and Sameer Dattani score .they are excellent and I liked Ravi Kishen....movie with a message and an entertainer too.

Once Upon A time...Main thing I didnt like about this movie is that they have tried to show a criminal like a robinhood..this is not acceptable to me..in most of the movie, they dont show that part of life from where these criminals get the money to do all these so called good deeds, and they dont show where they are hurting the country and its residents..I prefer the movies like Ab tak Chappan etc.
If one is so good at heart, then why be a criminal, why not be a common man and help the people.
.Ajay Devgan looks a  good don, this type of role suits hime well,but Kangna is looking fabulous, she is the highlight of this movie. Imraan Hashmi is his usual self, Prachi Desai seems to be clearly uncomfortable in this bold role..

Aisha:..Very light movie, and an entertainer, with designer settings and clothes.Abhay deol and Sonam Kapoor both look good.Loved this song..mithi mithi.Its about Sonam, who always tries to set the pairs by her own choice and parameters, but it doesnt happen in life that way..love is natural and none knows where it may happen..and she learns it by her own love.
Saw many more...

Tag from G and Hipgrandma

I was tagged by Hiphopgrandmom for seven unknown facts about me and kind of same thing by G and tag from g says.....

Here are the rules of the tag.

1) You have to tag 7 people.

2) You have to link their pages in your tag post

3) You have to leave a comment in their comments section telling them they've been tagged.

4) You have to say who tagged you.

I dont think till now there will be anything unknown about me to my friends, as i always write everything very frankly But still tag is a tag and to me its always a honour to do them  and so here I am:)

1. I have joined the maximum no. of hobby classes like..shorthand,typing,dance,hawaain guitar, enterpreneural course etc..some I completed and some left midway:)
2. I am all the time observing and analysing the beahviour of all the people.if he did so why did he do it? and all that crap:)
3. Though i look a very strong person, but i have been  exploited by my all sometime or other, as I am a emotional fool.hopefully now I have learnt a lesson.
4. I cant stand lies and I am not a very sweet talker too, rather I am a doer...I always show my love through my deeds, not my words.
5. I feel very put off by the people who give all the importance in life to clothes jwellery and food...to me life is beyond that too.....
6. I work better under pressure....without it, I get complacent.
7. If I am doing something, I want my helpers to be just that without any interference, but when I am working under someone, then I am a  very good assistant too, I just dont like crossing the boundaries in whatever you do.Be hundred percent in whatevr you do..leader or follower.

Now I would like to tag...
Shruti, Amrita,jayshree,Baldguy,Manju,Nisha and Deepa

Shall we judge?

Most of the time when I read  my blogger friends, I feel like saying so much in their comment section, but then I think instead of blocking their column, why not put your views on your own blog. So most of my posts are reactions..reaction to some news, reaction to other posts or someone's behaviour:)
As I was reading G, I realised that i have seen many people judging others on very trivial things...

If someone can speak English....he/ she is very intelligent ,way above in society and all that......But I have always disagreed because English is a language and it makes us multilingual to know it, and it has nothing to do with any other accomplishment.

Clothes...though it is said that clothes define a man, but i could say its only first impression, once you start knowing the person, clothes are immaterial...We dont care for anyone for the way he/she dresses, we love people for what they are inside.But many people give respect to dress also..initially without knowing the credentials if they see two people, they always veer towards the better dressed one.The same way as some have bias against complexion..a person should be fair to be called beautiful,  height ,features,qualities evrything may be damned....The person instantly scores certain points in his/her favour whereas a dark one has to do something to gain that..I find all that highly unfair attitudes.

Money..This is an all time important...it gets immediate respect... a person may be corrupt, uncouth, debauched and dishonest but if he/she has money, he is respected and given that extra privileges.One more thing if a rich lady wears an artificial ring..people take it for real and praise it as such, on the other hand if not so rich wears a real one also, even then people ask..is it artificial? We always let the perceptions rule and neglect the facts.

I feel that only models and people in glamarous fields should be analysed for their clothes ,like TV people should for their looks, because thay are there for them.

But even god judges the people after they are dead, so who are we to judge? what do you think?