GIFTS..

Accepting a gift is also an art and not many people know it..I see many reacting like this..
Why did you get something so expensive?...( now expensive is a very subjective approach,it may insinuate the giver is not capable of affording it)
I never use it..
You give it to someone else....( who are you to suggest it...its so awkward to hear this, make you feel humiliated)
I dont wear this material.
I dont like border sarees..etc etc..

I see that people refuse to take gifts very easily saying.I don't use it or it wont be of any use to me.In the past i took whatever some one gave to me, later either I donate it or recycle it, in case  the gift was not of my liking, but i never could refuse it, because i thought it as an insult to the giver.
But today i am in a dilemma...what is the right thing to do...when we refuse to take something,
 what will that person do of the that gift?
 and if another gift is bought, may be its an additional burden to her,..
and is it civil and polite to say so?

And in the opposite case, if we take something and never use it, whats the point in taking?
Secondly the other person will never know our choice and may keep giving us the same thing?

Personally I think gifting should be kept as token and minimum, and shouldn't be refused, accepted with grace, irrespective of whether we use it or not?

What do you think?

Am I being selfish?

Now a days I am reading Spouse..truth of Marriage by Shobha dey.and since its a book on major relationship in life ..one starts thinking about so many things, like there are some people in my life who claim to care for me, but rarely call me or even if my hubby goes on tour, i am alone,even  then they never make a call even once to ask, how i am managing..and about few of them, i can say that if I ever need them , they will be there for me, but some others ..may be..may not be, or whatever is convenient to them..
so what I am supposed to think..do they really care?
 Should I consider them my own...or i am right in feeling hurt? These are the same people whom I  have cared a lot and done a lot..so is it like asking my pound of flesh?
 Am I being selfish in the feeling that they should reciprocate?..I did what my heart told me to do, because i cared for them, why do I need their social grace, yes its that, to feel happy..Shouldnt I be happy with the feeling that I have done the best I could? and move on....
If ever for some reason, I am not able to do something, people make me feel so guilty, but they themselves never conform.
Is it right to feel exploited or this is the norm today..not to keep up the grace of being in touch..

Really, I am exasperated..sometimes people and relations make me feel so frustrated, but I am a typical saggi..comes out of this phase very fast, and start believing..I am doing my karma, they theirs...

I love my parents and wish them to live 100 yrs

ON face book I get many posts saying.I love my parents and wish them to live 100 yrs..And i start thinking..its my brain which makes me think everything....why do they wish their parents to live 100 years...because most of the time a person above 90 cant be very independent and needs children to look after him/her, whereas their children will also be at that time in the age group of late 60;s or early 70's, and they themselves may be in need of care..of course its all probability only..some people may be fit and fine after 90 and may be independent also..but i am talking in general...How many children are able to take care of their parents for 40 years....barely minimum no. of people..most of the children get fed up after 15 yrs..They want an independent life...and there is nothing wrong with it..its a tiresome journey to look after somebody your whole life..even if he/she is your parent.

So get real..why wish something like this which is totally hypothetical..why not wish your parents a happy, healthy and respectful life..irrespective of years.

Even for myself I never wish for a long life for myself, instead I wish to be useful to somebody and live an independent life..I have no desire to see my grandchildren, then their childhood, then their marriage.....so on so forth...the list goes on...

Media and its priority

I am very saddened to see the news in last one week.

 A respected and revered person,s funeral gets second page whereas a convicts hanging gets full and front page. What is considered news now a days?

Then victims of Bomb blasts hardly get mentioned anywhere, may be a small corner somewhere, nobody wants to see their miserable life,but they are busy in the moods of criminals.

yes we are in a country where people like to read about prisoners mood and food but nobody is bothered about general public's plight.

Media is always fanning the passions in the wrong direction, earlier nobody wanted to comment on anything subjudice, but today every Tom Dick and harry has an opinion and on all serious issues and they  are trivialised either for personal gain or fame.

Imagine  all sort of people giving advice to supreme court. If people had such strong opinions, then why dont they fight it in court, why have a media trial?..otherwise whats the point of having law system.

Capital punishment should be there or not, is a separate issue and should be discussed separately, but as long as its there in our law system, nobody can say that it shouldnt be given.

So much is being done by good people but they get no mention anywhere, so much is needed to be done but nobody brings it to light, they are so busy with trivia.

Are the lenders at fault?

Every day a read some news with biased reporting or hear people who are so biased about people, views, it irritates me no end..like there was a news today about a couple who took 20 lakhs loan for IVF, unfortunately the husband died and when wife couldnt pay the loan she committed suicide,leaving the child an orphan, and they wrote..lenders were hounding her..Here they make it sound as if its a crime to ask back the money, but i want to ask why people take loan beyond their resources.And we must never sympathise with the people who dont pay their loan.The days of Shylock are gone, today when someone takes a loan, all facts should be considered..why he is taking loan, and how are they going to repay it..what is their contingency plan?
Here i find the couple at fault for many things..

First they should havent taken a loan so big, that they couldnt pay..

Secondly if only husband was working, they should have thought of something like this..

And if in spite of that , some emergency happens like it did, woman should have struggled, leaving her child orphan is not the way..

And whatever ,we cant always blame  circumstances or lenders or somebody else..its time we take responsibility for our actions.

DIL DHADAKNE DO

I saw Dil Dhadakne DO..this week. Its the story of Mehra family..a wealthy family where marriages are made as business transactions and not for love.They want son to take interest in family business, though he is least interested and good whereas daughter who shows her mantle as a good business woman, she is not given preference, because according to them daughters are supposed to be married off and done.Happiness here means ...shopping,husband not  raising a hand on wife and such things not love in spouses.what love has to do with marriage and divorce is a bad word even if there is no love and respect between spouse, even if wife is unhappy and husband is cheating.All these emotions are shown thru  a wealthy family where they take their friends on a cruise for celebrating 30 yrs of marriage...a marriage which is so fake..

I just loved Ranvir in this movie..he is so lovable and done the excellent job in his role of kabir..so cute, innocent looking and then so protective towards his sister.
Anil Kapoor , Farhan Akhtar,Priyanka chopra, Shefaali shah, Riddhima sud , parmeet Sethi and all the assembled cast is just so perfect and done well.
They didnt need Anushka to show as Ranvir.s love interest, she was not required there, and movie gets slow and boring with her track...

If you take out Ranvir Anushka's love story part, movie is very interesting and worth a watch.

Tenant tantrums..

Last 8 days i was in Hyderabad looking for a tenant.Normally people think that landlords are the privileged lot, but I differ here, ..In my opinions landlords put their hard money in apt, and then run around for pittance, and live in stress.

When people see the house they go like this..first the person who is going to live see it..if he likes then he will show his wife, then his parents will see and approve and then inlaws also want to check..helloooo.... you are not looking for a prospective bride or groom..

Sometimes men say.I like the house but my wife is very finicky, I will send her the pics then let you know..

Other one says..everything is fine..please finalise it tomorrow...and then tomorrow, he wants his brother to see and approve..

They want to check vastu..facing sides, then location, then construction, amenities..what not..it looks like that they want to fulfill all their wishes with rented house only..

Then there are good days and bad days to have negotiations..

One person almost finalises everything then next days asks me..if my wife doesnt get transferred here then I will go back in two months so...why didnt he tell me this before finalising?

There was this old man who came to see for his son, then brought his son, then his daughter inlaw and he kept apprising me how highly placed are his daughter.inlaws relatives.. and he will be a good tenant then even his Son.s FIL comes and meet me and asks hundred questions..when they are satisfied they take it, and I come back to Chennai..Lo..within 20 days I get a call from his wife that his MIL doesnt want to live in that upper storey and they have to vacate it...and his husband is all non cooperative to me and doesnt want to pay the one month notice period even..good tenant?

continued in the next post....