Gifts..with or without thoughts.....

Gifts are always an integral part of our life and it gives immense pleasure to give or to take, if only everyone would give it some thought.Time and again I have got gifts where I have  thought, wish they had thought before giving like...

Once somebody brought  quite a no. of pastries to us but from a bakery not very good( though that person could afford the best), now we eat egg but we have so many conditions attached to that:)..it shouldnt taste, shouldnt smell, so we like pastries but only from standard shops, as they use less no of eggs.Even my maid didnt eat egg, so we had to just throw everything into trash.

Once on Diwali I got 7 kgs of Barfi only....

Once , when I was in France for 3 months, someone gave me a beautiful plant as gift, and i regretted my short stay there, now plant is a very good gift but only if the person is a resident, not for a tourist, I couldnt bring it home with me and they spent lot of money on that.

Many people like to gift the things, they like, instead of the items the other person who is at the receiving end would prefer. Here its better to consider other's liking..
Some people buy things in sale and then use them as gift without bothering about usage or anything, in today's time it is totally a wastage of money.
Then some people just gather few things they are not using and pass on as gifts, totally irritating, instead not giving anything is better.

I personally like to give little things but with lot of thought..about the person's liking, choice, uses that is if I know them, otherwise giving cash is better.Whether giving or taking, I never value the cost of the item, but the thought behind it.

So enjoy the season of gifts....

WISHING YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY AND JOYOUS DIWALI !!!

SOME NEWS

Today I saw the paper and two news totally crushed me..

First..a child was given IV fluid infected with insects and mosquitoes in Cuttack in a premiere hospital. And when his father complained nobody took notice immediately and he had to remove it himself and now hospital authorities will take action only when reports are filed.....:(:(..very sad situation, whats happening....Here its not the lack of money but ethics, a commitment to your profession and integrity is lacking.Even in a developing country we can  have the shortage of anything but incidents like this show that we have shortage of humans..or people who are normal..means people who justify their salaries or work honestly in their job...we lack in those quarters.


Next was...a techie committed suicide, he married without his parent's consent and so his parents told all their relatives that their son has gone to Australia, then his wife posted wedding pictures on FB, all relatives saw and bombarded them with their queries, so they asked him to ask his wife to remove, but she didnt saying that it wasn't wrong....and a young life was wasted..what for...
And here if the girl had done it, her family would have blamed the boy and her family and she herself would have left some letter or something blaming them, but here the boy had written saying..nobody is responsible for his action..which is true..Nobody is responsible for adult's actions..He should have divorced or sorted out whatever....


I always feel that marriage is THE most important decision of every one's life and should be taken  with lot of thinking....People should give more importance to similar values, life style and family background then to mutual attraction

Instead of asking each other about hobbies, favourite books, movies or tourist destinations, they should ask what each other's expectations are from marriage, what they can do for each other and what they wont.what are their limits....yes its very important, though its not a guarantee but a precaution.

Now a days everybody decries dowry, inlaws and men but my experience says....

Most of the girls dont want their parents to give dowry and disrespect their inlaws if they take, BUT I am yet to see a girl value her inlaws and give them respect, if they didnt take dowry voluntarily.....

I used to be idealistic and think that financial status should nt have any consideration in marriages, but I have seen that if the girl is marrying higher in a more affluent family then her parents,, she gets more arrogant and uncompromising then the girls from affluent  families.

so i think that for a harmonious family, one should marry  a girl from a similar financial back ground and similar values too.Earlier in our families elders used to say that they will marry their sons only with familiar and similar families and youngsters used to feel its all because of money.No it is seen that people with similar background are more compatible and marrying without family's consent brings lot of stress in life, so take it only if both of you are strong enough to bear it.

100000 PAGE VIEWS

Today i have completed 100000 page views, though its not big thing as I have been blogging for a long time, but for me it is morale boosting, as I dont have any peer group or cast group or any personal friends on blogging, who come to see me. I have got all the readers through my posts only.

Yesterday was karvachauth, which we celebrate with love and when today i saw net, found many who ridicule the idea.I really wonder..
When we celebrate Valentine day with so much pomposity, do the people really love each other all that much, I dont think west is happier than east.
When we celebrate mother's day or father's day, do we really start caring about parents more, rather it is west where parents are left to fend for themselves in the old age.
So when we celebrate something Indian why so many people want to blast it in the name of equality.Whats wrong with some one doing something for someone they love?..just tell me....Do everyday we do everything for the return only, or for everything we ask what other is doing for us..and if thats so , then its not love, its a barter system..
Already most of the traditions are loosing their charm for this generation, whatever is left, we must do, this is our culture, our roots.This tradition also attracts the young people because its about enjoying, celebrating with good clothes, jewellery, gifts and lot of fun, fasting is only a small part of it....Its a festival of bonding,bonding in the new family for girls....MILS give their DIL sagri,and  sari,jewellery( whatever they can afford and want to), and then DILs give gift to their MIL and husband pampers his wife..so its all bon homie..now a days not many go for nirjal fast, its only a fast.

Every culture has some traditions and they do it, some for fun, some for just like that..what is the logic of Halloween?..but we like that and bringing it her also, no problem, more the merrier, but dont ridicule your own festivals...everything doesnt need to be..whyyyyyyyyy.....

"We are living in a world today

where lemonade is made from artificial flavors

and furniture polish is made from real lemons."

~Alfred E. Neuman (Mad Magazine)~ 

PORTABLE ROOTS....SIVASANKARI

It is about a TamBram couple who migrated to US in 80's.As a traditional Tamil family they bring up their children but the children imbibe American culture, they dont like India, Indian food and any restrictions on them in dating. Whereas some other friend's children are different and opposite too theirs. They feel as if they havent done their upbringing well, its their fault.The couple is confused about what is right and what is wrong, when they see contradictions like..
Clara who comes for cleaning the house is sad when her daughter doesnt show any interest in boys, whereas they are angry because their daughters wants to date an American women.
One of their American colleague puts his mother in a home when his father dies and mother falls sick, pays for it and goes to see her but cant live with her, whereas the same thing happens with an Indian friend and he brings his mother to US to look after her and when his children dislike her, he makes them understand that its their duty to look after her .
When their daughter becomes too belligerent they decide to go back to India, in the meantime one other Indian tells his story of going back and children being totally unhappy and so they decide that once they have shifted the base to west, they must accept the change whole heartedly.



I saw CHENNAI EXPRESS...actually it will forever remain a very sweet memory for me, because when I was in Zurich, one of my son's friend one day asked him to see this song..lungi dance and OMG, how my little one got hooked to this, he would watch and copy the actions.But otherwise movie is a thud, only Deepika is the saving grace....

What are we doing...

Just now I went out in the balcony to get some fresh air. In our building there is a children's play area dotted with sand,complete with swings,slide and all. And what I see there---five little girls playing with the sand,making houses, doing pooja,one girl cooking, other shouting-we need laddoos for prasadam.
Now these girls dont belong to any uneducated or lower class, they all come from highly educated parents and they are not told to play these games only, but they are choosing it on their own. These girls are not traditionally dressed but in modern clothes-jeans,skirts,lowers and all. so what it is that makes the girl naturally inclined to be a homemaker? It is their natural instinct given to them by god to make a home, to nurture the world, and here we are trying to reverse the nature.Why...............? Will the food made by a boy will be better ,healthier or more appetising? Or the money earned by the women will bring more prosperity and happiness to the family? What is it we are craving for?

All this started with the suppression and domination of woman and now it has changed into a lopsided thought process. Its true that economic independence makes them truely independent, but the real independence comes from the mind. If the man is progressive, then the woman will get equality irrespective of whether they are earning or not. Havent we heard of many well earning women suffering in the hands of inlaws,husbands? Even in old times there were families where inside the house lady was the head, actually the domain were divided between man and woman.

So the need today is for the mothers to teach their sons to respect the female gender and consider them equal, not to teach their daughters to be unwomanlike or be like a man.n trying to be like a man they are accepting that they are inferior to man, whereas god has made them superior

MADRAS ON RAINY DAYS......SAMEENA ALI

Whenever I see something about Madras, I just pick it up, as i am very interested in knowing about this place and people. So I got this book, but never got any insight about Madras or its people, but the story was very engrossing and characters so real that they were on my mind for a week, which rarely happens:).Its about a girl Layla whose father went to US and settled there but makes her come back to Hyderabad and spend six months here in a year.Her life neither here nor there is free. She is brought up in an extremely conservative way.Its all about her thinking, environment around her and social stigmas.
Totally worth a read, awesome understanding of a particular community,lovely to read.

FASTING FEASTING..ANITA DESAI
This is the story of Uma who  has dominating parents and a beautiful sister and precious brother Arun.Uma lives a over protected life and so she has no life. She is not able to find a groom for her, so no marriage even. And then Arun goes abroad and lives with Mrs. Patton whose family is also sort of dysfunctional, so we see two sides of everything.Indian over bearing parents who stifle their children and how it affects the children, then a friendly mother but still her family is not such a happy one..interesting to read all that.

HOME..MANJU KAP00R
Its about a joint family of Banbaari Lal Gupta who came to Delhi after Partition and started a clothes shop. Joint families stay together due to discipline and hierarchy and where the head of te house looks after everyone.But when offsprings decide to do as they want then it disintegrates.As is usual with Manju kapoor the family life that is woven with all its strifes, manipulations and adjustments is so real, and I liked reading about different characters and their choices in life

Read one book  by Anjum Hasan also but not worth mentioning.

SATTEL

Settel is another place we went to see near Zurich, another one hour drive most scenic drive to a swiss village.. There we took the gandola ride to the top..it is called Stuckli Rondo, this is the first cable car in the world to have revolving gandola, which take you comfortably to the top.

There  we had many  fun things to do and enjoy like..
Tobogun ride..I didnt do it, was scared that I may not be able to control it, my children enjoyed it.

Raffieisen Skywalk..its the longest suspension bridge in Europe

Stuckli Jump..here we have trampoline and bouncy castle...many rides where one can jump around and here my grandchild enjoyed the most.

Then there are two restaurants, we had our lunch and ate a different type of pizza, with a very thin base and on that cheese and vegetable spread over without any sauce, it was like our masala papad:)

There was a park with swings , slides and lounging chairs, so we had a good time relaxing there, soaking Swiss beauty and enjoying an ice cream.

DRESS CODE

Just now I read a post by Ankita about dress code by inlaws..how girls are not allowed to wear what they want or when they are allowed by inlaws they feel so grateful.

I was surprised that still there are families who think like that, because I have never asked my DIL to ever wear this or that, she wears what she wants and does what she wants, but she has never thought of that as if I am being liberal or she has got an advantage,So freedom is such that if you dont get it you crib it, but when you get it you dont value it, you take it for granted.Same is true for everything in life, whatever we get is never enough, we start pining for something else...

I feel that dressing sense should have some decorum  . In our time wearing salwar kameej was also being modern, and after marriage, I felt shy wearing them whereas all my Sister inlaws and brother inlaws wanted to see me in them, I couldnt wear them then I wore only saree., till after 30 years of marriage, I wore only saree in front of relatives, they didnt say anything, it was I only who felt awkward.in other dresses...

Earlier my eldest bua use to feel shying without covering her head in front of father, whereas the yougest use to feel shy in covering her head.....this is the way time changes:)

But personally I wouldnt like my daughter to wear low neck dresses or showing legs in front of her inlaws, and if she does it would make me uncomfortable. a little bit...

Rhine Falls

Rhine Falls is one hour drive from Zurich, in the northern Switzerland and on the way we crossed some place in Germany too.In Switzerland travelling is as beautiful and enjoyable as the destination. When we reached there we saw that they have made little park for children , skywalks  where they can go from one place to other via ropes .....straight distance and up and down too.Then  when we were going down to see the fall we saw and Indian eatery and I was surprised to see him selling Idli chatney,samosa, vada pao,pao bhaji and tea, we had samosa and tea and it was  delicious, i have never tasted such good Indian food anywhere else outside India.
Rhine fall is a mini replica of Niagra Fall, its made in the same way.It is the biggest fall in EuropeThere is a ferry that takes us near that and if want to get down we can do so on the other side and then climb to the top to see the view and fall in its full glory.... Since I cant climb much, we sat in the ferry only and enjoyed it from there only.water fall are always a sight to behold..water falling in cascades.
I see that abroad people give much more importance to fitness, I saw there many old people but they were going everywhere and enjoying....whereas I feel tired so easily.