After a long time

I have neglected my blog for last one month and havent even replied to the comments and I am really sorry for that.And I dont want to go into the reasons even, because they may be only excuses. Because I firmly believe that whatever we want to do, we do it, and take out time for that.

I envy the people who remain the same despite ageing because in myself I find lot of change. My choices in everything have become quite different and so the way of living..( though even earlier I was nevr impressed with anyone's money or attire).like When I hear people talking with awe....

So and so is buying every saree for 20-30 thousands and spending so much  money on marriage..
Their party was awesome, so high end, they must have spent a bomb..
He bought a house for this amount and furnished it so well....
They take a yearly vacation abroad

and so many other such things which dont find any importance in my life..for me that money is important which is spent on good cause, or that life or event is worth sharing where it made any difference to somebody's life..personal extravaganzas and opulence for individual material satisfaction have no importance for me and dont feel like talking about them.Whether its in relatives or friends or acquaintances, I fail to understand why people highlight it.

I prefer to talk and listen about something new happening anywhere, some new innovation, or about people who are changing so many things on this planet, like the other day I read about someone who has started Gram power in villages like a prepaid electricity....There is so much happening everywhere...how can people find so much interest in mundane things and that too in others....do something yourself....

so my motto for new year is....

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” —Mark Twain

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

SHUDH DESI ROMANCE

There is nothing desi about this romance, except the locales and clothes..and its not romance but passion.Its about a boy Raghuram Sitaram (Sushant Rajput) , who is an orphan and does odd jobs, he runs away from his marriage,because he is always confused and doesnt want to take any responsibility. Then he meets a modern girl Gayatri( Pariniti Chopra) who lives alone works , had many boy friends , even an abortion, and they all left her, so now she doesnt want any permanent relationship. They have instant physical attraction and start living together.Now when they decide to mary, she runs away from the marriage.Then Raghu meets the girl Tara whom he left and initially looking for and giving an apology, both of them get together,then somewhere they meet Gayatri.....Ultimately Rahu and Gayatri live together without marriage because none of them is ready for responsibility.

It is such a confused director's version, none of the character is well defined...Take Raghu, he is good for nothing, i wonder why would any girl love him, he is neither dashing , nor well placed, nor educated,on top of that he is all the time confused, indecisive.....One thing I totally disliked is that he was conning foreigner's by telling them fake sobbing stories..and till the end, nowhere he is shown to realise that this is very wrong, he is spoiling the reputation of Indians, hero cant be like that....

Now take Gayatri....She wants to live an independent life..fine..lives with many boyfriends..but  even free people have a heart and it hurts, she herself says that, but she is not ready to change that style...

And Tara(vani)..She is totally a girl who lives in dreams, I mean which girl can be like her..a boy ditches her, a boy like Raghu..She is shown always well dressed, stylish, and still she starts loving him and finding him with Gayatri, in one minutes that love dissolves and she is free......

This is the story of three irresponsible adults who never even learn from their mistakes..
Sushant as an actor is Ok, but always shown sloppily dressed and hemming....Pariniti is good , both in looks and acting, Vani is good only on few shots, but the shining star is Rishi Kapoor as a caterer and in a way guardian of the youngsters.

BOSS
It looks like 80's movie with totally corrupt police, buffoonish politicians and rigid and principled teacher  and super hero....nothing good about it,,,

Sachin

Sachin Sachin and more Sachin..today he is vevery where, coming out of everything. I really wonder why we people are hyper in everything, either we are vandalising cricketer's houses or making them God..isnt there any rational way of praising and living?

I dont doubt that Sachin is a great player, but it is his profession, he has raked in obscene amount of money through his play and endorsement..is he the only player good in his/her chosen field? or are there no other people who have excelled  in their professions?

I find this adulation for him or Amitabh bacchan or Sharukh really very childish, yes there will be fans of celebrities but people in responsible offices behaving like indulgent fans is so ridiculous..No behaving like fan is ok, its your personal choice but granting bounties and priviliges to them should have some rules.

Whenever there is a winning match, there is a race among politicians and state persons and some other businessman too to give plots, flats and cash awards to cricketers..with tax payers money of course...I feel that there should be a legislation regarding all such largess...and rules to see and check the parameters considered.

Now they have made a joke of Bharat Ratna, padamshree and all such awards, I never even read the list of awardees, because i dont trust them.

If anyone is good in his profession and and plays for money, he/she is good but not great. We place greatness very easily on people. Great are those who benefit the society, country, think of others also..I dont know what all these people have done for the society, but it wont be much because never hear from them , whenever there is a problem or calamity or any issue...
Instead I admire Azim Premji, Shiv nadar, Narayan Murthy..people who make money but share it...In a developing country, people like them are required, not those who show their opulence and revel in vulgur display of wealth like some other bussiness people.

Free distribution of anything cash, or kind need to be stopped to anybody by anybody....

What not to do while showing sympathy

I was thinking of writing about it for a long time, but for some reason or other I couldnt. First i will tell you a few incidences:----
When my father was going to have his byepass operation, many of my well wishers used to sympathise me like this-----oh your dad is going thru this operation.............hmm........Its a serious operation na (as if I dint know ). I hope everything turns out fine.---I used to feel so irritated, i would just clinch my teeth and wished them to go away.
Once when my husband got into a serious health problem and was diagnosed with high BP, anyone who met me even after 6 months or 1 year, first sentence will be----aapki tabiyaat kaisi ha ab ? How much is you BP now. hey......hello...............its is six months now, are we going to be sick for our whole life now.
My sisters's friend recently lost her mother, obviously she was very depressed, but one has to come out of it. few of her friends insisted her to come to the ladies get to gether. And there what many of the ladies say to cheer her------ I am very sorry to hear about your mother. ( now when she wanted to forget that you are reminding her again ), I just couldnt come then--( but this is not her problem )
whenever any body has any problem, many people come for courtesy call and start telling their harrowing experiences, and complications either they or their friend circle have faced and depress the patient and start suggesting all sorts of treatments and doctors.
I have many more experiences like that, so I thought---one all the people are not well wishers theyare just doing a formality, second may be people dont know how to be sympathetic,may be we can put a guideline for that--

• .Be genuine, atleast here one needs not to put any facade.
• If you have nothing to say, dont say anything, just be there quietly for the support.
• If you want to help them, tell them that you are there and you will do whatever is required, cooking the food or staying in the hospital as per the situation.
• Please dont suggest treatments and dont ridicule his doctor also, as the trust is paramount in healing the patient.
• Dont narrate the stories of complications and all that, you are not there to scare them.
• Its better if you dont talk about the sickness at all, you are there to cheer them, so why remind them--- I have seen it myself that I am always cheerful and dont worry a lot about my problems but others make me stressed by asking all the time about the problem.
• If one is genuinely caring, it always comes out, no matter what you do or dont do, so just be yourself.
• never ever at a happy occasion like a party or get together, ask some body about unpleasant questions. I you want to condole, go to their place and do it in private.
• Never say what are the probabilities and what can or may happen? nobody knows that leave it to god. That nobody knows for a healthy person even, so just be positive.
• They say in hindi
• खुशी बाटने से बढ़ती हे
• और दुःख बाटने से कम होता हा
• लेकिन मैंने देखा हा की दुःख सब को बताने से और बढ़ता हा,

so if we want to show our support , care and love for others, our actions must convey that wholeheartedly.

PEER PRESSURE

What is this peer pressure which is the root of all evils:)....It is there, it was there earlier too, it depends on the people how to face. Those who buckle they do so in childhood and same when they are adults.I am going to share some of my  experiences ...may be you could relate them...

In any family all siblings are never in the same league financially and whenever there is a celebration, there may be a rivalry in unimportant things like jewellery or clothes,I always wore whatever I could afford and felt confidant too, and everybody loved me for that and for what was me.....I was still very popular.

I remember one of my friend's kids used to study in DPS and there children would bring expensive gifts for classmates on Bdays and her children would crib and say that if they cant give the same, then they must be poor..see the children's perception...But my belief was.make friends with only those who value you for you not for the gifts, I fixed an amount for bday gifts and my daughter gave the same to all her friends irrespective of whatevr they gave her. They were studying in a private school and she was friendly with a cricketer's daughter too...so what..let her do what she can, you do what you can..show your worth thru other things...study well, take part in extra activities, be a good human being....In spite of all this pressure  my children made many friends and good ones and they were quite popular.My daughter used to help her classmates in studies and run a comics library too when she was very young..must be in 5 or 6 class..

Many people believe that if all the group has AC, car(or any such thing) in the home, my child should also have, otherwise he/she would get a complex..NO..complex comes because we dont tell them what is important in life, we dont share with them our economic compulsions..And our values are shown by our behaviour , not by lecture.

I have come up the hard way in life, so i can give you hundred of experiences where I could change my values due to peer pressure, but I never did, I tried to focus on my strengths..like my knowledge, my reading, my social skills( yes I have been managing many social gatherings like library, parties, club etc...).

So I would say try to grow as an individual and you are sure to find some people who will like you for what you are and they will be your true friends

SUCCESSS

Now a days one keeps hearing..that fellow has got such a high package,.....his children are very succesful (because they are earning good money)....have we come to value only money. What is the parameter for success? Do we ever bother about deserving anything or just getting it...Why do people equate the riches with respectability..where have  the virtues gone?...

Why every parent want his child to earn a good salary only without thinking whether,,

his/her child deserves it? and when they are earning, nobody bothers whether they are ethical, honest in their dealings or care about environment, country or society or even their own family.

In today's materialistic environment, we ourselves teach the children to value things over people, but when they start doing it we sit on judgement.

I see many people who are rich but

ill treat their servants,
pay them less than they deserve
dont look after their old parents
their children drive cars without driving  licences,
They use electricity with jugaad,
dont pay taxes,

According to me all such people are not succesful people in life, success doesnt mean earning money only...

We provide our children many things which they dont need, but just because their peer group have them, so must they, otherwise they may get a complex...instead we must tell them the difference between needs and wants , necessities and luxuries and appropriate time for indulging in them.But how shall we? When I see adults themselves aspiring only for the things..I feel pity on them. There is so much in life to look forward to and here people are looking only at gazettes.....

I always wanted my children to be good human beings first, they may do or not do lot of charity, but they shouldn't do any wrong thing, shouldn't hurt others for their happiness,shouldn't be unnecessarily rude, caring about others and value people in their lives.I dont care whether they have big bungalows, fancy cars or anything, I would feel sad if they are unethical in their dealings with anyone, personally or professionally.

So to me success means..living an honest life with ethics....and all those who do so are very respectable to me irrespective of their financial status.

CHOKHI DHANI

This is a small rajashthani village ..with all the little little things specific to that culture...like Baithaks..Chaupal, jute cots everywhere to relax, folk music and dances going on different place, Bhool bhulaiya, then one Chhatri for astrologer, and some games stalls and a shop selling rajasthani items, tehn there was a photographer too  with rajasthani costumes.

A cave, two temples, one fountain..lots of things and space to enjoy. There was one boy who was walking on the rope for visitors entertainment. This was one thing I didnt like for many reasons..one its child labour, we are spoiling his childhood, he must study and make his future.And he was putting his life in danger .

There were camel rides , camel cart ride,bullock cart ride.....

For food they have traditional sitting system where they serve rajasthani food with love..everything was good but there was this boy who was insisting people to eat sweet.saying it is hospitality, but too much of anything irritates me, I was very irritated and wanted to complain even, this is no way hospitality but a nuisance.

They have specified.... no tipping but my husband also gave that boy walking on  rope, then the one in restaurant,,a few more...Normally i dont support tips anywhere...

This place is on Banglore highway near Queensland amusement park and provides good entertainment.But gave me something to think..first we used to live in villages and didnt like that and moved towards cities, today we make villages in cities to enjoy them.