SHUDH DESI ROMANCE

There is nothing desi about this romance, except the locales and clothes..and its not romance but passion.Its about a boy Raghuram Sitaram (Sushant Rajput) , who is an orphan and does odd jobs, he runs away from his marriage,because he is always confused and doesnt want to take any responsibility. Then he meets a modern girl Gayatri( Pariniti Chopra) who lives alone works , had many boy friends , even an abortion, and they all left her, so now she doesnt want any permanent relationship. They have instant physical attraction and start living together.Now when they decide to mary, she runs away from the marriage.Then Raghu meets the girl Tara whom he left and initially looking for and giving an apology, both of them get together,then somewhere they meet Gayatri.....Ultimately Rahu and Gayatri live together without marriage because none of them is ready for responsibility.

It is such a confused director's version, none of the character is well defined...Take Raghu, he is good for nothing, i wonder why would any girl love him, he is neither dashing , nor well placed, nor educated,on top of that he is all the time confused, indecisive.....One thing I totally disliked is that he was conning foreigner's by telling them fake sobbing stories..and till the end, nowhere he is shown to realise that this is very wrong, he is spoiling the reputation of Indians, hero cant be like that....

Now take Gayatri....She wants to live an independent life..fine..lives with many boyfriends..but  even free people have a heart and it hurts, she herself says that, but she is not ready to change that style...

And Tara(vani)..She is totally a girl who lives in dreams, I mean which girl can be like her..a boy ditches her, a boy like Raghu..She is shown always well dressed, stylish, and still she starts loving him and finding him with Gayatri, in one minutes that love dissolves and she is free......

This is the story of three irresponsible adults who never even learn from their mistakes..
Sushant as an actor is Ok, but always shown sloppily dressed and hemming....Pariniti is good , both in looks and acting, Vani is good only on few shots, but the shining star is Rishi Kapoor as a caterer and in a way guardian of the youngsters.

BOSS
It looks like 80's movie with totally corrupt police, buffoonish politicians and rigid and principled teacher  and super hero....nothing good about it,,,

Sachin

Sachin Sachin and more Sachin..today he is vevery where, coming out of everything. I really wonder why we people are hyper in everything, either we are vandalising cricketer's houses or making them God..isnt there any rational way of praising and living?

I dont doubt that Sachin is a great player, but it is his profession, he has raked in obscene amount of money through his play and endorsement..is he the only player good in his/her chosen field? or are there no other people who have excelled  in their professions?

I find this adulation for him or Amitabh bacchan or Sharukh really very childish, yes there will be fans of celebrities but people in responsible offices behaving like indulgent fans is so ridiculous..No behaving like fan is ok, its your personal choice but granting bounties and priviliges to them should have some rules.

Whenever there is a winning match, there is a race among politicians and state persons and some other businessman too to give plots, flats and cash awards to cricketers..with tax payers money of course...I feel that there should be a legislation regarding all such largess...and rules to see and check the parameters considered.

Now they have made a joke of Bharat Ratna, padamshree and all such awards, I never even read the list of awardees, because i dont trust them.

If anyone is good in his profession and and plays for money, he/she is good but not great. We place greatness very easily on people. Great are those who benefit the society, country, think of others also..I dont know what all these people have done for the society, but it wont be much because never hear from them , whenever there is a problem or calamity or any issue...
Instead I admire Azim Premji, Shiv nadar, Narayan Murthy..people who make money but share it...In a developing country, people like them are required, not those who show their opulence and revel in vulgur display of wealth like some other bussiness people.

Free distribution of anything cash, or kind need to be stopped to anybody by anybody....

What not to do while showing sympathy

I was thinking of writing about it for a long time, but for some reason or other I couldnt. First i will tell you a few incidences:----
When my father was going to have his byepass operation, many of my well wishers used to sympathise me like this-----oh your dad is going thru this operation.............hmm........Its a serious operation na (as if I dint know ). I hope everything turns out fine.---I used to feel so irritated, i would just clinch my teeth and wished them to go away.
Once when my husband got into a serious health problem and was diagnosed with high BP, anyone who met me even after 6 months or 1 year, first sentence will be----aapki tabiyaat kaisi ha ab ? How much is you BP now. hey......hello...............its is six months now, are we going to be sick for our whole life now.
My sisters's friend recently lost her mother, obviously she was very depressed, but one has to come out of it. few of her friends insisted her to come to the ladies get to gether. And there what many of the ladies say to cheer her------ I am very sorry to hear about your mother. ( now when she wanted to forget that you are reminding her again ), I just couldnt come then--( but this is not her problem )
whenever any body has any problem, many people come for courtesy call and start telling their harrowing experiences, and complications either they or their friend circle have faced and depress the patient and start suggesting all sorts of treatments and doctors.
I have many more experiences like that, so I thought---one all the people are not well wishers theyare just doing a formality, second may be people dont know how to be sympathetic,may be we can put a guideline for that--

• .Be genuine, atleast here one needs not to put any facade.
• If you have nothing to say, dont say anything, just be there quietly for the support.
• If you want to help them, tell them that you are there and you will do whatever is required, cooking the food or staying in the hospital as per the situation.
• Please dont suggest treatments and dont ridicule his doctor also, as the trust is paramount in healing the patient.
• Dont narrate the stories of complications and all that, you are not there to scare them.
• Its better if you dont talk about the sickness at all, you are there to cheer them, so why remind them--- I have seen it myself that I am always cheerful and dont worry a lot about my problems but others make me stressed by asking all the time about the problem.
• If one is genuinely caring, it always comes out, no matter what you do or dont do, so just be yourself.
• never ever at a happy occasion like a party or get together, ask some body about unpleasant questions. I you want to condole, go to their place and do it in private.
• Never say what are the probabilities and what can or may happen? nobody knows that leave it to god. That nobody knows for a healthy person even, so just be positive.
• They say in hindi
• खुशी बाटने से बढ़ती हे
• और दुःख बाटने से कम होता हा
• लेकिन मैंने देखा हा की दुःख सब को बताने से और बढ़ता हा,

so if we want to show our support , care and love for others, our actions must convey that wholeheartedly.

PEER PRESSURE

What is this peer pressure which is the root of all evils:)....It is there, it was there earlier too, it depends on the people how to face. Those who buckle they do so in childhood and same when they are adults.I am going to share some of my  experiences ...may be you could relate them...

In any family all siblings are never in the same league financially and whenever there is a celebration, there may be a rivalry in unimportant things like jewellery or clothes,I always wore whatever I could afford and felt confidant too, and everybody loved me for that and for what was me.....I was still very popular.

I remember one of my friend's kids used to study in DPS and there children would bring expensive gifts for classmates on Bdays and her children would crib and say that if they cant give the same, then they must be poor..see the children's perception...But my belief was.make friends with only those who value you for you not for the gifts, I fixed an amount for bday gifts and my daughter gave the same to all her friends irrespective of whatevr they gave her. They were studying in a private school and she was friendly with a cricketer's daughter too...so what..let her do what she can, you do what you can..show your worth thru other things...study well, take part in extra activities, be a good human being....In spite of all this pressure  my children made many friends and good ones and they were quite popular.My daughter used to help her classmates in studies and run a comics library too when she was very young..must be in 5 or 6 class..

Many people believe that if all the group has AC, car(or any such thing) in the home, my child should also have, otherwise he/she would get a complex..NO..complex comes because we dont tell them what is important in life, we dont share with them our economic compulsions..And our values are shown by our behaviour , not by lecture.

I have come up the hard way in life, so i can give you hundred of experiences where I could change my values due to peer pressure, but I never did, I tried to focus on my strengths..like my knowledge, my reading, my social skills( yes I have been managing many social gatherings like library, parties, club etc...).

So I would say try to grow as an individual and you are sure to find some people who will like you for what you are and they will be your true friends

SUCCESSS

Now a days one keeps hearing..that fellow has got such a high package,.....his children are very succesful (because they are earning good money)....have we come to value only money. What is the parameter for success? Do we ever bother about deserving anything or just getting it...Why do people equate the riches with respectability..where have  the virtues gone?...

Why every parent want his child to earn a good salary only without thinking whether,,

his/her child deserves it? and when they are earning, nobody bothers whether they are ethical, honest in their dealings or care about environment, country or society or even their own family.

In today's materialistic environment, we ourselves teach the children to value things over people, but when they start doing it we sit on judgement.

I see many people who are rich but

ill treat their servants,
pay them less than they deserve
dont look after their old parents
their children drive cars without driving  licences,
They use electricity with jugaad,
dont pay taxes,

According to me all such people are not succesful people in life, success doesnt mean earning money only...

We provide our children many things which they dont need, but just because their peer group have them, so must they, otherwise they may get a complex...instead we must tell them the difference between needs and wants , necessities and luxuries and appropriate time for indulging in them.But how shall we? When I see adults themselves aspiring only for the things..I feel pity on them. There is so much in life to look forward to and here people are looking only at gazettes.....

I always wanted my children to be good human beings first, they may do or not do lot of charity, but they shouldn't do any wrong thing, shouldn't hurt others for their happiness,shouldn't be unnecessarily rude, caring about others and value people in their lives.I dont care whether they have big bungalows, fancy cars or anything, I would feel sad if they are unethical in their dealings with anyone, personally or professionally.

So to me success means..living an honest life with ethics....and all those who do so are very respectable to me irrespective of their financial status.

CHOKHI DHANI

This is a small rajashthani village ..with all the little little things specific to that culture...like Baithaks..Chaupal, jute cots everywhere to relax, folk music and dances going on different place, Bhool bhulaiya, then one Chhatri for astrologer, and some games stalls and a shop selling rajasthani items, tehn there was a photographer too  with rajasthani costumes.

A cave, two temples, one fountain..lots of things and space to enjoy. There was one boy who was walking on the rope for visitors entertainment. This was one thing I didnt like for many reasons..one its child labour, we are spoiling his childhood, he must study and make his future.And he was putting his life in danger .

There were camel rides , camel cart ride,bullock cart ride.....

For food they have traditional sitting system where they serve rajasthani food with love..everything was good but there was this boy who was insisting people to eat sweet.saying it is hospitality, but too much of anything irritates me, I was very irritated and wanted to complain even, this is no way hospitality but a nuisance.

They have specified.... no tipping but my husband also gave that boy walking on  rope, then the one in restaurant,,a few more...Normally i dont support tips anywhere...

This place is on Banglore highway near Queensland amusement park and provides good entertainment.But gave me something to think..first we used to live in villages and didnt like that and moved towards cities, today we make villages in cities to enjoy them.

Gifts..with or without thoughts.....

Gifts are always an integral part of our life and it gives immense pleasure to give or to take, if only everyone would give it some thought.Time and again I have got gifts where I have  thought, wish they had thought before giving like...

Once somebody brought  quite a no. of pastries to us but from a bakery not very good( though that person could afford the best), now we eat egg but we have so many conditions attached to that:)..it shouldnt taste, shouldnt smell, so we like pastries but only from standard shops, as they use less no of eggs.Even my maid didnt eat egg, so we had to just throw everything into trash.

Once on Diwali I got 7 kgs of Barfi only....

Once , when I was in France for 3 months, someone gave me a beautiful plant as gift, and i regretted my short stay there, now plant is a very good gift but only if the person is a resident, not for a tourist, I couldnt bring it home with me and they spent lot of money on that.

Many people like to gift the things, they like, instead of the items the other person who is at the receiving end would prefer. Here its better to consider other's liking..
Some people buy things in sale and then use them as gift without bothering about usage or anything, in today's time it is totally a wastage of money.
Then some people just gather few things they are not using and pass on as gifts, totally irritating, instead not giving anything is better.

I personally like to give little things but with lot of thought..about the person's liking, choice, uses that is if I know them, otherwise giving cash is better.Whether giving or taking, I never value the cost of the item, but the thought behind it.

So enjoy the season of gifts....

WISHING YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY AND JOYOUS DIWALI !!!

SOME NEWS

Today I saw the paper and two news totally crushed me..

First..a child was given IV fluid infected with insects and mosquitoes in Cuttack in a premiere hospital. And when his father complained nobody took notice immediately and he had to remove it himself and now hospital authorities will take action only when reports are filed.....:(:(..very sad situation, whats happening....Here its not the lack of money but ethics, a commitment to your profession and integrity is lacking.Even in a developing country we can  have the shortage of anything but incidents like this show that we have shortage of humans..or people who are normal..means people who justify their salaries or work honestly in their job...we lack in those quarters.


Next was...a techie committed suicide, he married without his parent's consent and so his parents told all their relatives that their son has gone to Australia, then his wife posted wedding pictures on FB, all relatives saw and bombarded them with their queries, so they asked him to ask his wife to remove, but she didnt saying that it wasn't wrong....and a young life was wasted..what for...
And here if the girl had done it, her family would have blamed the boy and her family and she herself would have left some letter or something blaming them, but here the boy had written saying..nobody is responsible for his action..which is true..Nobody is responsible for adult's actions..He should have divorced or sorted out whatever....


I always feel that marriage is THE most important decision of every one's life and should be taken  with lot of thinking....People should give more importance to similar values, life style and family background then to mutual attraction

Instead of asking each other about hobbies, favourite books, movies or tourist destinations, they should ask what each other's expectations are from marriage, what they can do for each other and what they wont.what are their limits....yes its very important, though its not a guarantee but a precaution.

Now a days everybody decries dowry, inlaws and men but my experience says....

Most of the girls dont want their parents to give dowry and disrespect their inlaws if they take, BUT I am yet to see a girl value her inlaws and give them respect, if they didnt take dowry voluntarily.....

I used to be idealistic and think that financial status should nt have any consideration in marriages, but I have seen that if the girl is marrying higher in a more affluent family then her parents,, she gets more arrogant and uncompromising then the girls from affluent  families.

so i think that for a harmonious family, one should marry  a girl from a similar financial back ground and similar values too.Earlier in our families elders used to say that they will marry their sons only with familiar and similar families and youngsters used to feel its all because of money.No it is seen that people with similar background are more compatible and marrying without family's consent brings lot of stress in life, so take it only if both of you are strong enough to bear it.

100000 PAGE VIEWS

Today i have completed 100000 page views, though its not big thing as I have been blogging for a long time, but for me it is morale boosting, as I dont have any peer group or cast group or any personal friends on blogging, who come to see me. I have got all the readers through my posts only.

Yesterday was karvachauth, which we celebrate with love and when today i saw net, found many who ridicule the idea.I really wonder..
When we celebrate Valentine day with so much pomposity, do the people really love each other all that much, I dont think west is happier than east.
When we celebrate mother's day or father's day, do we really start caring about parents more, rather it is west where parents are left to fend for themselves in the old age.
So when we celebrate something Indian why so many people want to blast it in the name of equality.Whats wrong with some one doing something for someone they love?..just tell me....Do everyday we do everything for the return only, or for everything we ask what other is doing for us..and if thats so , then its not love, its a barter system..
Already most of the traditions are loosing their charm for this generation, whatever is left, we must do, this is our culture, our roots.This tradition also attracts the young people because its about enjoying, celebrating with good clothes, jewellery, gifts and lot of fun, fasting is only a small part of it....Its a festival of bonding,bonding in the new family for girls....MILS give their DIL sagri,and  sari,jewellery( whatever they can afford and want to), and then DILs give gift to their MIL and husband pampers his wife..so its all bon homie..now a days not many go for nirjal fast, its only a fast.

Every culture has some traditions and they do it, some for fun, some for just like that..what is the logic of Halloween?..but we like that and bringing it her also, no problem, more the merrier, but dont ridicule your own festivals...everything doesnt need to be..whyyyyyyyyy.....

"We are living in a world today

where lemonade is made from artificial flavors

and furniture polish is made from real lemons."

~Alfred E. Neuman (Mad Magazine)~ 

PORTABLE ROOTS....SIVASANKARI

It is about a TamBram couple who migrated to US in 80's.As a traditional Tamil family they bring up their children but the children imbibe American culture, they dont like India, Indian food and any restrictions on them in dating. Whereas some other friend's children are different and opposite too theirs. They feel as if they havent done their upbringing well, its their fault.The couple is confused about what is right and what is wrong, when they see contradictions like..
Clara who comes for cleaning the house is sad when her daughter doesnt show any interest in boys, whereas they are angry because their daughters wants to date an American women.
One of their American colleague puts his mother in a home when his father dies and mother falls sick, pays for it and goes to see her but cant live with her, whereas the same thing happens with an Indian friend and he brings his mother to US to look after her and when his children dislike her, he makes them understand that its their duty to look after her .
When their daughter becomes too belligerent they decide to go back to India, in the meantime one other Indian tells his story of going back and children being totally unhappy and so they decide that once they have shifted the base to west, they must accept the change whole heartedly.



I saw CHENNAI EXPRESS...actually it will forever remain a very sweet memory for me, because when I was in Zurich, one of my son's friend one day asked him to see this song..lungi dance and OMG, how my little one got hooked to this, he would watch and copy the actions.But otherwise movie is a thud, only Deepika is the saving grace....

What are we doing...

Just now I went out in the balcony to get some fresh air. In our building there is a children's play area dotted with sand,complete with swings,slide and all. And what I see there---five little girls playing with the sand,making houses, doing pooja,one girl cooking, other shouting-we need laddoos for prasadam.
Now these girls dont belong to any uneducated or lower class, they all come from highly educated parents and they are not told to play these games only, but they are choosing it on their own. These girls are not traditionally dressed but in modern clothes-jeans,skirts,lowers and all. so what it is that makes the girl naturally inclined to be a homemaker? It is their natural instinct given to them by god to make a home, to nurture the world, and here we are trying to reverse the nature.Why...............? Will the food made by a boy will be better ,healthier or more appetising? Or the money earned by the women will bring more prosperity and happiness to the family? What is it we are craving for?

All this started with the suppression and domination of woman and now it has changed into a lopsided thought process. Its true that economic independence makes them truely independent, but the real independence comes from the mind. If the man is progressive, then the woman will get equality irrespective of whether they are earning or not. Havent we heard of many well earning women suffering in the hands of inlaws,husbands? Even in old times there were families where inside the house lady was the head, actually the domain were divided between man and woman.

So the need today is for the mothers to teach their sons to respect the female gender and consider them equal, not to teach their daughters to be unwomanlike or be like a man.n trying to be like a man they are accepting that they are inferior to man, whereas god has made them superior

MADRAS ON RAINY DAYS......SAMEENA ALI

Whenever I see something about Madras, I just pick it up, as i am very interested in knowing about this place and people. So I got this book, but never got any insight about Madras or its people, but the story was very engrossing and characters so real that they were on my mind for a week, which rarely happens:).Its about a girl Layla whose father went to US and settled there but makes her come back to Hyderabad and spend six months here in a year.Her life neither here nor there is free. She is brought up in an extremely conservative way.Its all about her thinking, environment around her and social stigmas.
Totally worth a read, awesome understanding of a particular community,lovely to read.

FASTING FEASTING..ANITA DESAI
This is the story of Uma who  has dominating parents and a beautiful sister and precious brother Arun.Uma lives a over protected life and so she has no life. She is not able to find a groom for her, so no marriage even. And then Arun goes abroad and lives with Mrs. Patton whose family is also sort of dysfunctional, so we see two sides of everything.Indian over bearing parents who stifle their children and how it affects the children, then a friendly mother but still her family is not such a happy one..interesting to read all that.

HOME..MANJU KAP00R
Its about a joint family of Banbaari Lal Gupta who came to Delhi after Partition and started a clothes shop. Joint families stay together due to discipline and hierarchy and where the head of te house looks after everyone.But when offsprings decide to do as they want then it disintegrates.As is usual with Manju kapoor the family life that is woven with all its strifes, manipulations and adjustments is so real, and I liked reading about different characters and their choices in life

Read one book  by Anjum Hasan also but not worth mentioning.

SATTEL

Settel is another place we went to see near Zurich, another one hour drive most scenic drive to a swiss village.. There we took the gandola ride to the top..it is called Stuckli Rondo, this is the first cable car in the world to have revolving gandola, which take you comfortably to the top.

There  we had many  fun things to do and enjoy like..
Tobogun ride..I didnt do it, was scared that I may not be able to control it, my children enjoyed it.

Raffieisen Skywalk..its the longest suspension bridge in Europe

Stuckli Jump..here we have trampoline and bouncy castle...many rides where one can jump around and here my grandchild enjoyed the most.

Then there are two restaurants, we had our lunch and ate a different type of pizza, with a very thin base and on that cheese and vegetable spread over without any sauce, it was like our masala papad:)

There was a park with swings , slides and lounging chairs, so we had a good time relaxing there, soaking Swiss beauty and enjoying an ice cream.

DRESS CODE

Just now I read a post by Ankita about dress code by inlaws..how girls are not allowed to wear what they want or when they are allowed by inlaws they feel so grateful.

I was surprised that still there are families who think like that, because I have never asked my DIL to ever wear this or that, she wears what she wants and does what she wants, but she has never thought of that as if I am being liberal or she has got an advantage,So freedom is such that if you dont get it you crib it, but when you get it you dont value it, you take it for granted.Same is true for everything in life, whatever we get is never enough, we start pining for something else...

I feel that dressing sense should have some decorum  . In our time wearing salwar kameej was also being modern, and after marriage, I felt shy wearing them whereas all my Sister inlaws and brother inlaws wanted to see me in them, I couldnt wear them then I wore only saree., till after 30 years of marriage, I wore only saree in front of relatives, they didnt say anything, it was I only who felt awkward.in other dresses...

Earlier my eldest bua use to feel shying without covering her head in front of father, whereas the yougest use to feel shy in covering her head.....this is the way time changes:)

But personally I wouldnt like my daughter to wear low neck dresses or showing legs in front of her inlaws, and if she does it would make me uncomfortable. a little bit...

Rhine Falls

Rhine Falls is one hour drive from Zurich, in the northern Switzerland and on the way we crossed some place in Germany too.In Switzerland travelling is as beautiful and enjoyable as the destination. When we reached there we saw that they have made little park for children , skywalks  where they can go from one place to other via ropes .....straight distance and up and down too.Then  when we were going down to see the fall we saw and Indian eatery and I was surprised to see him selling Idli chatney,samosa, vada pao,pao bhaji and tea, we had samosa and tea and it was  delicious, i have never tasted such good Indian food anywhere else outside India.
Rhine fall is a mini replica of Niagra Fall, its made in the same way.It is the biggest fall in EuropeThere is a ferry that takes us near that and if want to get down we can do so on the other side and then climb to the top to see the view and fall in its full glory.... Since I cant climb much, we sat in the ferry only and enjoyed it from there only.water fall are always a sight to behold..water falling in cascades.
I see that abroad people give much more importance to fitness, I saw there many old people but they were going everywhere and enjoying....whereas I feel tired so easily.

RANJHNA

I saw Ranjhna and just loved it...Dhanush is the best part about it,I loved him and realised that he is not a big star for nothing... and  Sonam is also very good, and all other characters and ambiance, and dialogues,dances and music, everything has contributed.Sonam looks like a girl for whom someone can be so obsessed. Abhay deol has a small role but fits to the T. I wish the director had finished the story where Abhay dies, because after that its more of a political statement than love story.First half is excellent and this movie is definitely worth watching..for  Dhanush dancing as benaras boy,Sonam looking so beautiful and then  efficient as an activist in a college, with all the other little nuances like golguppa eating, narrow lanes of Benaras....
Watching this story, something came to my mind....that everyone wants to love whoever he'she loves and want reciprocation, but nobody care for the people who love them.....Like Dhanush loves Sonam but neglects Swara Bhaskar who loves him....This is a very common flaw in humans, I always tell everybody that to recognise and value those who love us is more important in life than people whom we love..


ONCE UPON A TIME IN MUMBAI DUBAARA
Its not a patch on the first one, but Sonakshi Sinha is a delight to watch in a simple and nice girl, then a little bit Imran khan too. Akshay is a total misfit in the role, I kept remembering Ajay Devgan.One or two songs are melodious.Akshay's dialogues are also not fitting like at one place he says....agar bhagwan bhi tumhe dekh le to bhakt ho jaaye....he is a Muslim and they dont use bhagwan and bhakt, instead allah and mureed.
would have looked better if they had used better language and more of urdu.
In the end too, three people get a bullet..akshay..his gang looks after him, Imran, sonakshi takes care and one Police officer and he lies uncared..its shown as if police doesnt exist in Mumbai, its only gangsters, I felt very bad and sad too..this type of treatment, I dont like..would have looked better it they had shown police also better looking( means better actors), and a little efficient too..that make for a better watching...first thing in reality police is not so inefficient, secondly even if they are, showing them like that in the end is not moral boosting for the public.
Watch it only for Sonakshi Sinha.

FUKREY
Except one song..ambarsariya...I dont think there is anything much to say....cheap action, cheap language, good for nothing youngsters who neither study, nor have any good morals.

WHAT MEN THINK AND WANT TO TELL WOMEN

JUST SAY IT.
1---YES and NO are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1---Come to us with a problem only if you want help in solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy
is what your girlfriends are for..t..Please note......these are all numbered 1 on purpose.
1---Shopping is NOT a sport. And we are never going to take it that way.
1---crying is blackmail.
1---Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this as;
Subtle hints dont work.
Strong hints dont work.
Obvious hints dont work

1--A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1---Anything we said 6 months ago is an admissible in an argument. Infact all comments become
null and void after 7 days.
1---If you think you are fat then probably you are, dont ask us.
1---If something we said can be interpreted in two ways and one of that makes you sad or angry
we meant the other one.
1---You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you alrea
dy know how best to do it, just do it yourself.
1--- Whenever possible,please say whatever you want to say during commercials.
1---Christopher Columbus didnt need directions and neither do we.
1---All men see only in 16 colours like windows default system. Peach for example is a fruit
and so is pumpkin. We have no idea what is mauve.
1--If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we act like nothing is wrong. We know you
are lying,but it is just not worth the hassle.
1---If you ask a question, you dont want an answer to,expect an answer you dont want to
hear.
1---When we have to go somewhere , absolutely anything you wear is fine really.
1---You have enough clothes.
1---You have too many shoes.
1---I am in shape, round is a shape.

SOURCE..EMAIL..

GENERATION DIFFERENCE

Today when i see the new generation, I find them so different from our types, yes its natural as we are from a different generation but somethings are forever ..atleast I feel like that..Like..

I am a housewife, so for last 40 years, whatever time my husband goes to work, i am always up,look after his breakfast and if required give him ;lunch whatever and then give him an affectionate bye:)...
Now today's scenario..neither wives bother, nor husbands need them, everybody is on his own for these things..eat what you want, when you want, how you want..
..For us living for the other  showed our bond , our love and commitment, and this is just one thing, I see many points like that which is why today bonds are not so strong and secure.

Today young mothers are obsessed with their children..be it their food, clothes, classes, everything they aspire for, should be more than then can afford even.Once i saw that a mother was taking the picture of daughter who was on the swing,and father was helping her, so the mother asked father to move, as she wanted the picture of only the girl..hey..hello..you daughter is not modelling, a picture with father will look better even.This type of exclusivity I find totally unwanted and un appealingand sometime rude too.For mothers, nobody exists in their planet be it husband or other family members except their child.I fear that these children may grow up into self centred adults...because everybody is adjusted according to them

Whereas we had an inclusive family where leave aside our parents, even other relatives also came and were looked after, as we adjusted everything and it didnt mean that we loved our children any less, but for us way of life was different ......we lived not for self only, it included others also.

what do you think?

trip to madurai kodai, rameshwaram and kanyakumari

Earlier when we were in Hyderabad we planned a trip to all these places all together.we went in August but it was very hot in Kanyakumari and Rameshwaram, I think its better to go in winter like from nov. to February.we took Charminar express from Hyderabad to CChennai and reached Chennai in the morning. There we had to wait at the platform as our next train vagai express was at noon. From vagai express we went to Madurai, this is quite good train with chair car facility. we reached Madurai around 8pm, took a hotel, had a bath and came out for dinner and for booking of our onward trips Food and lodging both is good and plenty and reasonable in Madurai. To our surprise many people were speaking Hindi and sometimes they told us themselves that they know Hindi we can converse in Hindi:)

Next day we went to meenakshi temple in the morning ourselves as were staying very near to the temple.This is a huge temple with some unique statues, many type of poojas were going on, we took a guide and just for Rs.50/ he helped us a lot, apprised us all the details and the stories connected to the temple and how ll the poojas should be done.We did all that and felt very happy.
I had thought long time back that I will go to Meenakshi temple some time, this time god made it possible for us.Then there are some shops outside, Madurai is famous for its madurai silk and cotton. I bought a few sarees and then had lunch.

After lunch we took a conducted tour of Madurai, good for getting a feel of the city. I am a lover of historic places and very much interested in other cultures and everything about them.so good for me, and we saw many ancient temples..

Around 9.30 we took out conducted tour for Rameshwaram,sat in the bus and around 1.30 we reached there, since we had demanded delux lodgings, he gave us a non ac room,not very good, the only redeeming point about it was that from the window we could see the see, fishing boats and all.Otherwise in these tours hotels provided were not upto the mark.In the morning at 5 a guide came for us, he took us to take a dip in the sea at the time of sunrise and then we went to to 22kund(wells) one by one where he would take out 2 buckets of water and pour over us.It was a magic moment for us,I could not believe that I am in Rameshwaram.This temple is very huge with 1000 pillars, and many shivlings there.There is a story about it, when lord Rama was preparing to cross the sea, he asked Hanuman to bring a shivling. When hanumanji was delayed Lord prepared a shivling then and there himself and started worshipping, and then Hanumaanji came. So bhagwan asked him to move the shivling he has made and at its place put the one he had brought. But Hanumaan ji could not move it.It was a defining moment for him. He understood the bhagwan had done all this to tell him his place as he was getting too proud.

After the bath there we did pooja and abhishekam and then came to the hotel for breakfast and lunch. I felt so bad that the place with so much religious importance is full of poverty and misery.I had the lunch of Daal baati choorma , took a stroll and then sat in the bus around 1.30 for the return journey. While returning we saw the temple where the two stone chosen by Neel in ramayana are still floating in a water.

Reached around 5.30-6pm at madurai, took a hotel for freshening up and then again took the bus at 9.30 to kanyakumaari., reached there at2.30 or 3, slept a little and around 5.30 we went to see the sunrise.Its an amazing experience. In the morning everything there looks so beautiful, but our tour operator bungled everything, initially he said he will show us sunrise and then leave us at hotel to get ready and after that we will for sight seeing.But instead he didnt leave us at the hotel, so we did the sightseeing without freshening up, couldnt enjoy to the fullest.Took a ferry to see  rock and foot prints of parvati and then went to see the famous temple.In kanyakumaari there is so much to see that I realised we should have stayed there for one more day.any way there is always a next time.Again we came back to hotel and then after bath went to see the market and Chamunda temple. Kanyakumari is a beautiful place worth staying there, with many hotels in and around the sea.I didnt know that there is a train from madurai to kanyakumari, because train is always better than the bus.After the lunch we took back the bus for madurai, reached madurai around 7.30 or 8 and stayed at a hotel for a night.

Kanyakumari

Rameshwaram temple

madurai

vivekanand

ZOYA FACTOR..ANUJA CHAUHAN

This book is about Zoya Solanki who was born the minute India won world cup, and so she is considered lucky for cricket team.She works in advertising.When Indian team wins few match with her presence and loose a few when she is absent, many people get superstitious and some try to bring their politics there, like The head of BCCI Jagpal Lohiya who wants to bring his boy as the captain thru this, some political party wants to make her devi and stand in elections,some want her to endorse their products.Between all this she and the captain of Indian team Nikhil KHoda fall in love.
Starting is not very interesting and language is totally insipid and boring, literal translation of Hindi idioms and all like..what does his father's go...really irritates...Later on the plot becomes interesting, though main characters are quite filmi...Zoya is an ordinary short girl, wheres hero Nikhil Khoda is some one from M & B type variety..

You may read it, if you have free time, nothing more..

LESSON LEARNT

Every happening, great and small, is a parable whereby God speaks to us,

and the art of life is to get the message

Malcolm Muggeridge

This time I have been absent  from the blogging for a long period, I hope my blogger  friends havent forgotten me. Actually I was out of country, went to spend some time with my grand son. He is a total delight as he has started talking.I was all the time dancing to his tunes forgetting everything, my comfort, my free time, my tea:). But as soon as my husband reached there little one discarded me in his favour. Now it was only daadu, daadi go away..though it was only for 3-4 days, then he came back to me as nobody could serve him better than me:):). But this taught me a lesson , yes we can learn from day to day things also..I realised that whatever we do for anyone we are not indispensable to them, so never get too attached to anyone in life...live your life to your satisfaction but of course doing the right thing.....and that way you will have minimum regrets in life.....
Now a days I am reading Zoya Factor, and while there I finished Mountains Echoed

ARE YOU TALKING TOO MUCH?

normally we people are most talkative tribe..we talk all the time, but I feel very irritated when

People visiting us dont sit because they dont have time but talk one hour at the door while saying bye..

when I go to the bank, and people working behind the counter are either busy at the phone or talking with their colleagues, while the customer sits there fuming...

When I go to nearby store and the attendant there works like a zombie in sleep..taking all the time for just keeping my bad and giving me token.-

I go to some govt office for some documents, and people responsible for that are relaxing,chatting with all the time in the world at their disposal, whereas a long queue of people is waiting in front of them for their work.

I go to this nearest mall and the security women at the gate are all sitting together and talking, joking,neglecting their job of watching the entrants...and putting the security of the people at risk.

When at the security checkup at airports..people sitting at scanners are talking and taking their job lightly and again putting many lives at risk....

When I see a man on scooter driving with his head tilted on one side because he is balancing his mobile while talking..again putting many at risk...

Cant we have some rule which denies them talking...not while at JOB..do all your talking at your leisure time, but please be sincere in your profession...

A Lesson

I got his in email and just loved it, so sharing it...I wish there were more professors like the one here .....

A Lesson

 

 

A young man, a student in one of the universities, was one day taking a walk with a professor, who was commonly called the students' friend for his kindness to those who waited on his instructions.

 

As they went along, they saw lying in the path a pair of old shoes, which were supposed to belong to a poor man who was working in a field close by, and who had nearly finished his day's work . . .

 

Student turned to the professor, saying: "Let us play the man a trick:

 

we will hide his shoes, and hide ourselves behind those bushes, and wait to see his perplexity when he cannot find them ..."

 

"My young friend," answered the professor, "We should never amuse ourselves at the expense of the poor . . . But you are rich, and may give yourself a much greater pleasure by means of this poor man.

 

Put a coin in each shoe, and then we will hide ourselves and watch how this affects him." Visit: The student did so and they both placed themselves behind the bushes close by. The poor man soon finished his work, and came across the field to the path where he had left his coat and shoes . . .

 

While putting on his coat he slipped his foot into one of his shoes, but feeling something hard, he stooped down to feel what it was, and found the coin. Astonishment and wonder were seen upon his countenance.

 

He gazed upon the coin, turned it around and looked at it again and again.

 

He then looked around him on all sides, but no person was to be seen. He now put the money into his pocket, and proceeded to put on the other shoe; but his surprise was doubled on finding the other coin . . .

 

His feelings overcame him . . . he fell upon his knees, looked up to heaven and uttered aloud a fervent thanksgiving in which he spoke of his wife, sick and helpless, and his children without bread, whom this timely bounty, from some unknown hand, would save from perishing . . .

 

The student stood there deeply affected, and his eyes filled with tears.

 

"Now," said the professor, are you not much better pleased than if you had played your intended trick?"

 

The youth replied, "You have taught me a lesson which I will never forget. .. I feel now the truth of these words, which I never understood before: "It's more blessed to give than to receive."

 

If you want happiness....For a lifetime - help someone . . .

 

MAHASHWETA..SUDHA MURTHY

I brought this book just because it had Sudha Murty as a writer.Though its not a very good or entertaining but its great if it has changed a few lives as told by Sudha Murty. This is a simple story about a very poor but extremely beautiful and talented girl who gets white spot -lucoderma after marriage.Lucoderma in our country is a very dreaded disease not because its not curable or contagious but because it mars the external beauty of a person and is mistaken as leprosy.Here a very rich, handsome and educated boy marries her but forgets all his vows when she gets white spots. She is left without any moral or financial support to fend for her life and Then what an illustrious life she makes of it.And in the end when he realises his mistake and wants her back in life, she refuses.
By this story the writer as tried to emphasise few things-
1-- the myth that leucoderma is hereditary, or infectious disease.
2-When we take marriage vows-- we should take them seriously
3-In our life we should never take our near and dear ones for granted nahi to--

jindagi ke safar me gujar jaate hain jo mukaam
woh fir nahi aate, woh fir nahi aate

INSCRUTABLE AMERICANS..ANURAAG MATHUR
I wanted to read this book for a long time .But to my dismay its not very interesting.Its about an Indian student of chemical engineering going to US for further studies in 1982. he is from an affluent business family but from a small town.Its all about the culture differences,thinking and sensibilities and since he is a very intelligent person ( only with limited linguistic proficiency), sometimes his analysis of situations and thoughts is very enlightening, and some times downright bizarre.The ambiance of 80's is portrayed in a very realistic way.and sometimes made me feel nostalgic.

Married Life..Manju Kapur
It is about Aastha a middle class girl brought up by parents who are honest and bound with social norms. She has a few friendships with the boys on sly, but nothing stable happens and her parent marries her to rich boy from a bussiness class family.I dont know why but most of the time be it in literature or movies bussiness class is synonymous with no scruples and kindness.She has a happy family and starts teaching too but feel discontent in her married life and gets attracted outside , first to a man, then a women.
I find it disconcerting to see that a women who neglects her children for her own happiness is favoured but a man who is a devoted father is derided..why?

Humour

Most of the people like fun loving company and admire those who are nice to everybody and full of humour. A person is always admired for his or her great sense of humour.But I rarely meet a person who is genuinely humorous. Most of the time most of the people laugh at the cost of someone. And that type of fun never appeals me.

For instance my hubby is a silent type, but once in a blue moon he wants to joke around, it will be at my cost and when I feel offended, he would say that I dont appreciate joke. I want the person to be fun loving, thru genuine humour and good words.Though i dont mind him because otherwise he is  a nice person. and best husband.

Whenever we use some people to provoke a laugh or use some real habits or real situations to express laughter, then it doesn't remain a joke, it makes people feel humiliated and insulted.On the other hand some people use very ugly language in their conversation and find it funny. I dont. I feel that such people are frustrated ones and take out their frustrations this way.

Some people say everything they want to say to some but in the garb of joking....and it serves purpose in the sense that they may be finding humour in that but for the other one its an insult.

I believe that whatever the situation or subject, one must be civil in all interactions, humour comes thru situations or taking the things lightly, instead of enjoying at the cost of others. Words always hurt more than the actions and are not forgotten easily.

Helpful Facts for Young Adults

Ten Important Research Findings on Marriage
and Choosing a Marriage Partner
============================================

Helpful Facts for Young Adults

1. Marrying as a teenager is the highest known risk factor for
divorce.

People who marry in their teens are two to three times more
likely to divorce than people who marry in their twenties or
older.


2. The most likely way to find a future marriage partner is
through an introduction by family, friends, or acquaintances.

Despite the romantic notion that people meet and fall in love
through chance or fate, the evidence suggests that social
networks are important in bringing together individuals of
similar interests and backgrounds, especially when it comes to
selecting a marriage partner. According to a large-scale
national survey of sexuality, almost sixty percent of married
people were introduced by family, friends, co-workers or other
acquaintances.


3. The more similar people are in their values, backgrounds and
life goals, the more likely they are to have a successful
marriage.

Opposites may attract but they may not live together
harmoniously as married couples. People who share common
backgrounds and similar social networks are better suited as
marriage partners than people who are very different in their
backgrounds and networks.


4. Women have a significantly better chance of marrying if they
do not become single parents before marrying.
Having a child out of wedlock reduces the chances of ever
marrying. Despite the growing numbers of potential marriage
partners with children, one study noted, "having children is
still one of the least desirable characteristics a potential
marriage partner can possess." The only partner characteristic
men and women rank as even less desirable than having children
is the inability to hold a steady job.


5. Both women and men who are college educated are more likely
to marry, and less likely to divorce, than people with lower
levels of education.
Despite occasional news stories predicting lifelong singlehood
for college-educated women, these predictions have proven false.
Though the first generation of college educated women (those who
earned baccalaureate degrees in the 1920s) married less
frequently than their less well-educated peers, the reverse is
true today. College educated women's chances of marrying are
better than less well-educated women. However, the growing
gender gap in college education may make it more difficult for
college women to find similarly well-educated men in the future.
This is already a problem for African-American female college
graduates, who greatly outnumber African-American male college
graduates.


6. Living together before marriage has not proved useful as a
"trial marriage."
People who have multiple cohabiting relationships before
marriage are more likely to experience marital conflict, marital
unhappiness and eventual divorce than people who do not cohabit
before marriage. Researchers attribute some but not all of these
differences to the differing characteristics of people who
cohabit, the so-called "selection effect," rather than to the
experience of cohabiting itself. It has been hypothesized that
the negative effects of cohabitation on future marital success
may diminish as living together becomes a common experience
among today's young adults. However, according to one recent
study of couples who were married between 1981 and 1997, the
negative effects persist among younger cohorts, supporting the
view that the cohabitation experience itself contributes to
problems in marriage.


7. Marriage helps people to generate income and wealth.

Compared to those who merely live together, people who marry
become economically better off. Men become more productive after
marriage; they earn between ten and forty percent more than do
single men with similar education and job histories. Marital
social norms that encourage healthy, productive behavior and
wealth accumulation play a role. Some of the greater wealth of
married couples results from their more efficient specialization
and pooling of resources, and because they save more. Married
people also receive more money from family members than the
unmarried (including cohabiting couples), probably because
families consider marriage more permanent and more binding than
a living-together union.


8. People who are married are more likely to have emotionally
and physically satisfying sex lives than single people or those
who just live together.

Contrary to the popular belief that married sex is boring and
infrequent, married people report higher levels of sexual
satisfaction than both sexually active singles and cohabiting
couples, according to the most comprehensive and recent survey
of sexuality. Forty-two percent of wives said that they found
sex extremely emotionally and physically satisfying, compared to
just 31 percent of single women who had a sex partner. And 48
percent of husbands said sex was extremely satisfying
emotionally, compared to just 37 percent of cohabiting men. The
higher level of commitment in marriage is probably the reason
for the high level of reported sexual satisfaction; marital
commitment contributes to a greater sense of trust and security,
less drug and alcohol-infused sex, and more mutual communication
between the couple.


9. People who grow up in a family broken by divorce are slightly
less likely to marry, and much more likely to divorce when they
do marry.

According to one study the divorce risk nearly triples if one
marries someone who also comes from a broken home. The increased
risk is much lower, however, if the marital partner is someone
who grew up in a happy, intact family.


10. For large segments of the population, the risk of divorce is
far below fifty percent.
Although the overall divorce rate in America remains close to
fifty percent of all marriages, it has been dropping gradually
over the past two decades. Also, the risk of divorce is far
below fifty percent for educated people going into their first
marriage, and lower still for people who wait to marry at least
until their mid-twenties, haven't lived with many different
partners prior to marriage, or are strongly religious and marry
someone of the same faith.

source..email