SOME NEWS

Today i saw a news that  in Chennai old parents committed suicide because there DIL filed a false report that his FIL misbehaved with him. It saddened me a lot.Parents always think that children will be their saviour when they grow old and then this..

I would say that parents must understand that the time of living with children is gone, so whether you are able to do less or more for your children, but make sure that you arrange for your old age, and never live with children. I have seen that wherever parents are rich or earn more than the children, they are respected and certain discipline is followed , but once children start earning more, DILs become totally irreverent and arrogant without any discipline in life. So whether we like it or not money matters.

Somewhere most of the people cant give up a life of comfort, even if it comes after forfeiting self respect, here I differ.I believe in living with dignity, may be without material comfort or some day to day problems even..Now the onus  is on the older generation...what they want...to exhchange their dignity for comfort or live on their own ...to take the crumbs or live with self respect..

You have done you job with bringing them up, now let them live, whether they do their duty or not is their outlook...,,you must let them be free....

Extra Marital relationships

Recently I read two books one from Nirupama Subramaniyam and other from Anita Nair., and both had extra marital relationship at the core.Why do they happen? Normally people think that some dissatisfaction is at the core of that, but not necessarily. Sometimes, or many time people just think of themselves and enjoying the life.
Whether arranged marriage or love, there will always be a time when life settles to a routine without any adventure, and if one is ready to think then it is stagnation. Or sometimes its individual growth, one advanc3s and other is not able to grow with times and people feel incompatible. I hear many women saying after 25 years of marriage that they are ill suited to each other or they feel a vacuum in their life.Of course it happens, but sensible people find the solution withing marriage only.
The best way to find a solution is to communicate what you want, but the problem arise when its one sided and other just doesnt want to do anything to better or always thinks of her/himself as perfect, then may be its time to move on, but never think outside while living in a marriage..otherwise same thing happens as in the two novels I wrote earlier about.

In Intermission..Nirupama subramaniyam..Varun sareen and Gayatri marry for love but after some  years love goes out of the window. Gayatri always finds fault in everything her husband does and regrets her choice, Varun gets attracted to a neighbour and seduces her..
In Mistress..Anita Nair,..Radha is a snobbish daughter of a rich industrialist . has affair with a married man, does an abortion and then his father marries her to a man who was earlier poor, but not any more. She gets married but neither loves him nor respects him, and then gets into a relationship with a foreign tourist who stays in their resort.I totally dislike people who marry but dont respect the institution or the commitment it requires. Better not to marry..Her uncle is a Kathkali dancer, and I loved every detail written about this dance form.
In both the stories all the extra relationships are temporary, they could never turn into something permanent, so bring only misery either to the person involved or people who loved them.

In fact I found in them a moral lesson...to cure unhappiness, dont ever do something immoral or never do any thing just for yourself if it will hurt others involved..short term happiness is not worth it.If one is getting restless in a relationship, better to find some creative outlet, take some hobby, learn something new or start doing something for social causes or unprivileged people..it will bring long term happiness and may be better your married life too.

MOTHER'S DAY

For the last week whenever I open any paper there are deals galore for mother's day, and gifts could be anything..from home appliances to home....I smile at the merchants finding one more idea to sell their merchandise.Now a days there are so many special days in a year that diificult to remember..mother's day, father's day.children's day,bdays, anniversaries and then our festivals,and Akshay tritiya and many more.....

Mother's day is celebrated with pomp and show whereas today only I read a news where one set of parents in Gujarat are running from pillar to post to get relief from their DIL and son who are tormenting them so much.Its not something you can celebrate in a day, it should be your day to day business. Today not many children want to live with parents, not in the same house. Those who live, are rude frequently and disrespect them frequently, but on mother's day all feel happy by giving some small token or a card. Ask anyone who celebrates these days, how much they do for their parents, not many will be even calling their parents twice a week...citing a busy life where they find time to go out, to eat, to do shopping and sometimes sight seeing...

There are not many children who even know what their parents like,
If parents want them to write regularly or call, they dont think that will show their love...
if parents want them to send a card, they will forget and not consider it as important...
if Parents live with them, then since they are all the time there, no need to be anything else,
if parents are visiting, then also they want parents to conform to their lifestyle,

They want to show their love only in their own way..not bothered if it makes their parent happy

but come mother's or father's day..they are celebrating it.....
I fail to understand this celebration....
I consider day to day care more important...and round the year I try to do whatever I can,if my mom wants anything, I try to get it and go out of the way without thinking of any convenience, and whenever i am with her, I conform with her lifestyle, and try to do everything to her satisfaction, I call her often, because that makes her feel better. And same for my MIL, she lives with me at her ripe age, though she has 4 other children, I look after her every need  and liking...be it medicines, food, clothes...instead of her son, she would ask me if she needs anything..
And That s my celebration....
I dont say that dont celebrate, but do it only if you can manage it round the year, dont make a farce..

it shouldnt be like you are making them miserable round the year, and salvage your guilt by celebrating this one day...

Corruption in our homes

Now a days whenever we open the paper in the morning, there is a new scam..corruption is reaching new heights and we all feel sad and frustrated. But are we all not doing some little corruption in our daily lives..and doest it matter only with quantum or even spirit is important....
I have seen many people who consider themselves as pillars of society and are quite arrogant and snob, but totally corrupt financially...And they are called respectable people, though personally I dont respect anyone like that..Few examples...

Many people participate in the pilferage of electricity...rich by having a jugaad for running multiple ACs and paying for none, wheres poor just take it without paying anything, as in slums...

Many doctors get a govt job and collect the salaries without going there at all, all the while running their own practices. And many who go charge extra from the patients, and prescribe them expensive tests where their cut is predecided.Tests may not be even required and here they dont leave even very poor.

Many people pay for 2 BHk flats, but then cover all the balconies and extra space into extra rooms, storage ,without thinking that doing this they change the ecological  environment  and ventilation in the houses  of the other people.

People never put plants in their own area, instead they show their love of green only by occupying some extra space from the public area.

All the shopkeepers keep inreasing the footpath or road area occupied by them, they pay for some only and try to get double of that, irrespective of the inconvenience caused to to pedestrians or other road users.

All autoriksha drivers never run by meter, its not that only rich are corrupt....its the mentality that counts, money has no value in morality........

Many fruit sellers cheat in weighing...

Milk, subsidised by govt. is always being sold at  higher price..

We pay big amounts to schools for admission of our child, isnt that a bribe?

When we have no reservation in train, we are ready to pay anything to get a berth.

I can count many more such incidences where rich and poor are equally corrupt and never realise it.but raise a hue n cry only when someone influential does it. But we can remove it only if we become ethical in our day to day life...

I request to everyone to think over it..
Use only that much electricity which you can pay
Dont occupy unauthorised spaces anywhere.
Be  genuine in your profession, or i can say be loyal to your profession..

LESSONS IN FORGETTING

Lessons in Forgetting..Anita Nair
a very good, interesting book and with a purpose.Meera is a corporate wife happy with her parties, elegant settings and etiquette's.whereas her husband is ambitious and wants to sell her house to start a business. When she denies it( she cant sell it as she has no right over it, but she doesnt tell it to him), he leaves her.Then the story is about how she picks up her life, meets Jak(Indian American, also divorced). And Jak is looking for the people who destroyed her daughter because she found a clinic where infanticide is being practised for money.Its quite interesting to read how Indians see a girl who is born and brought up in US and the different interpretation of same things and behaviour by Indians and Americans. How sensibilities change with upbringing and environment.

Stay Hungry Stay foolish...Rashmi Bansal
This is a very inspiring book. It is a compilation of 25 stories of IIM graduate who became entrepreneurs..I was very impressed with Mr Venkat Krishnan..graduate of 93 batch, he founded Give India...A quote from him...We need the best minds in our country to think .what is the best human ideal we aspire towards. Rather than what is the next 30 Cr. flat I can buy for myself or whatever else I can do for myself..
Otherwise everybody is an inspiration in this book.

Who will cry  ,when you die..Robin Sharma
Nothing special, very routine advice for a good living..

safety tips

Girls Be Careful
Share this please .. 

1) What should a woman do if she finds herself alone in the company of a strange male as she prepares to enter a lift in a high-rise apartment late at night?

Experts Say: Enter the lift. If you need to reach the 13th floor, press all the buttons up to your destination. No one will dare attack you in a lift that stops on every floor.


2) What to do if a stranger tries to attack you when you are alone in your house, run into the kitchen.

Experts Say: You alone know where the chili powder and turmeric are kept.And where the knives and plates are. All these can be turned into deadly weapons. If nothing else, start throwing plates and utensils all over.

Let them break. Scream. Remember that noise is the greatest enemy of a molester. He does not want to be caught.

3} Taking an Auto or Taxi at Night.

Experts Say: Before getting into an auto at night, note down its registration number. Then use the mobile to call your family or friend and pass on the details to them in the language the driver understands .Even if no one answers your call, pretend you are in a conversation. The driver now knows someone has his details and he will be in serious trouble if anything goes wrong. He is now bound to take you home safe and sound. A potential attacker is now your de facto protector!

4}What if the driver turns into a street he is not supposed to - and you feel you are entering a danger zone?

Experts Say: Use the handle of your purse or your stole (dupatta) to wrap around his neck and pull him back. Within seconds, he will feel choked and helpless. In case you don’t have a purse or stole just pull him back by his collar. The top button of his shirt would then do the same trick.

5} If you are stalked at night.

Expert Say: enter a shop or a house and explain your predicament. If it is night and shops are not open, go inside an ATM box. ATM centers always have security guards. They are also monitored by close circuit television.
Fearing identification, no one will dare attack you.

After all, being mentally alert is the greatest weapon you can ever have.

Please spread it to all those women u care & spread awareness as dis is d least we can do for a social & moral cause and fr d safety of women.
Dr-Ihab Maher

Chennaivasi

The incredible banker....Ravi subramaniyam
I saw this book everytime I went to landmark, so when i got a chance to read it, I was not going to miss it.And it didnt dissappoint me.I was wondering do they teach writing also in IIM:)..
Initially when i read about the working of banks in details, I thought I am not going to enjoy, but then story kept on growing. This book is about a foreign bank in India and how targets for teams can be motivating too but may backfire too. How people manipulate everything, everyone and how banks negligence in filling KYC in everything may cost them and country. People could do money laundering and support terrorists and naxals. I am happy that it gave me an insight into the working of banks, credit cards etc.It compelled me to think how ethics and morality should always come above promotion and money, thought temporarily one may suffer too...

Two Sisters.....Rabindranath Tagore
I got this book because I have always liked  to read about old era and have found that somethings are still relevant, but this book sounded totally obsolete to me, nothing much interesting or relevant.


Chennaivasi...T.S.Trimurthi
I am always interested in reading about Chennai, its people and traditions here, so as soon as I saw the title, I got it and it didnt dissappointed me..very very interesting book. Its about a TamBram boy falling in love with a jewish american and how he and his family deals with this...His parents are very conservative tamilians, specially so the father(its universal),he cant accept it, though in his own time he also loved a britisher, though he left her due to parental opposition.I loved reading everything in the book, except the boy's behaviour, he protects his love all the time..fine thats very good and he should do so, but he is very callous and uncaring and disrespectful towards his parents. If its because of their opposition to his girlfriend, then its irrational, because what could he expect from them when he knew they were rigid. But no boy from a cultured family would be like him...he is a selfish modern child, I wished him to be a better person , considering his back ground.


The Bankster...Ravi Subramaniyam
As the name suggests, its about a banker, who is a gangster:)...its an amazing story and tell us the details about how any good movement is hijacked by vested interests and turns into a riot and something against country..its like a thriller and  keeps you glued to it.woven into the theme is free wheeling dealing society, broken marriages,and low morals.