Thursday, April 13, 2017

parents and responsibilities

Whenever I see the posts on old parents, old age homes and the people's comment..he is a good son, or he is a bad son...all being judgmental without even knowing the circumstances and problems of the young people....I feel like saying something with real experience...
I want to ask all the young girls who become idealistic..how many of them are ready to live with their in laws and look after them..inlaws who are financially dependent on you?..live with them life long...with respect and care?
Not many will be amiable to do so..Looking after parents means sharing your money,time, and all other resources, making changes in your life style and having many restrictions and sometimes forgoing your dreams too or changing their direction.
Its so easy to brand the children specially sons,..... but I know the pains and travails of the children who do so..because I have been doing it..and here are inlaws who were not even good to the same DILs and did all they could to make their life uncomfortable and miserable, but when their time comes they and the world with them wants the sons to look after them, pamper them etc etc..why? and make the children feel guilty..
I refuse to have such beliefs..I have been looking after my MIL even now when we ourselves are senior citizens, though she was never good to me but I take care of her to the best of my capabilities because thats what is taught to us....but today I resent her presence in my life because I am at the fag end of life and cant wait to live it..and I refuse to feel guilty for such feelings...
Its the duty of parents also to see that they dont misbehave with the girls they are to live later on...secondly they should always maintain one place where they can retreat for some time, it will rejuvenate both them and children...Dependent parents should also learn to adjust...and whatever they can, they should do to bring comfort to their children.They shouldnt always think about themselves only..
Many parents who are not financially sound will say , when we have nothing what can we do..but money is not the only thing you can give, you have a heart..make it loving, care for your children..dil se...and help them with their work..make a place in their heart...but nobody will do that, they want to be accepted for what they are, but want children to change for them..
Wherever parents are wealthy,they should never give all the wealth to their children..no.. keep it with you, make a will....let them make their life on their own...they will learn the values in life...
Its all in the mind..once you start thinking positively,you can make your life yourself...whether its parents or children..and I dont ever want anyone to stop living because of me....If I am lacking in physical strength or financial independence, the repercussions should be 80% on me and 20% on children,not the vice versa...If I am physically semi independent or dependent, and have money I must keep a care giver to look after me and my personal idiosyncrasies , and If I cant afford,I must accept the situation and make peace..same for finances, if I am financially dependent, I must learn not to demand anything, or very little and the same set of values go for children and everyone...Its called living life to the best of your capabilities.....

Monday, April 3, 2017

RIGHT YA WRONG

I have been thinking for a long time, what is right?
To reach the aim or target , by any ways or
The ways we follow are more important than the end?
Some people say-there is no harm in a little twisting here or there if our intentions are good and our ultimate aim is for the benefit of may be society or country or mankind whatever it is.But then like they say--chori to chori ha--one cant give it any other name.and it will always leave its footprints on your mind.
There are so many people who justify corruption by less paid people, but i dont agree with that, because in a world there would be many people earning more and many less, earnings dont decide the morality of a person.
Personally i think means are more important than the end, we must choose the right path and it will always take us to a good end,may not be the pinnacle of success , but the satisfaction of the journey will certainly outweigh that.Journey is more important than the manjil(end).Intentions only make us feel good......like may times we say..but my intentions were not like that ,so what.., but they dont affect anything else, its only our deed which bring results. and any unfair mean for a righteous cause also will certainly somewhere bring unfairness.
What do you think?

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Why do men die first:)

I got this in email fwded by my sister, and I find it worth sharing..worth a few laugh:)

This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation, first:

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy.
If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough ... you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ... its equal opportunity
.If you mention how nice she looks ... its harassment. If you keep quiet . .. its male indifference.
If you cry ... you're a wimp. If you don't ... you're an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her ... you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you ... she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination. If SHE asks you ... it's a favor
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're sexist. If you don't ... you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape .. you're vain. If you don't ... you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers .. you're after something. If you don't ... you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself. If you don't ... you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache ... she's tired. If you have a headache...you don't love her anymore.

Why do men die first?Because they want to.

Friday, January 13, 2017

Changing times

I was thinking that how with the times sensibilities also change..Like when I was young before marriage I wore salwar kameez , and after marriage, as was the custom sari..never found it uncomfortable or cumbersome, instead whenever some one from my in laws side wanted to see me in other dresses, I felt shy and uncomfortable....Today girls feel more comfortable in any  dress other than sari.

After marriage, when my surname changed, i never felt that its an attack on my identity, I felt even happy with Mrs. so and so..with my changed status.

In the same way I never ever thought that after marriage , I will do everything as in my parents place or follow the traditions of my parents family..I took to everything in my inlaws house very naturally, because i was brought up with that..I was given lot of love and everything, but i never thought that I will have any share in my parents's property, nor i will have any responsibilities  towards them...both remained with my brother.My duties and rights both  were in my new home.

Because of this type of thinking, in our times girls took less time in becoming one with the new family.






Tuesday, January 3, 2017

SCOUTING FOR A PARTNER

Now a days on of my nephew is looking for a life partner. And we came to know that today arranging a marriage is tough job, because earlier only boys had expectations, today girls have more expectations than boys, so matching them is quite difficult.
One thing i noticed that most of the time when boys scout for a girl , they like the girls who are good looking if not beautiful and talkative, and independent type,and they dont mind giving girls expensive gifts and doing other expenses while dating, but after marriage, they want wives to be economical, domesticated and polite.
And whenever they meet prospective candidates, they never ask relevant questions, instead its about trivia.like hobby, food etc.Though people change over time, i thought of certain things, which should be clarified before marriage...

  1. Both should know what they are looking for in a marriage..is it about eating out more, more movies and good clothes and exotic vacations only............................................................My thought...marriage means housekeeping, managing the extended family, cooking,and managing finances, so think who will do what?
  2. Is the partner ready to live with other one's parents? and if he situation arise how will they manage?.......................................................My thoughts..In our society its assumed that boys parents will live with them, so any girl assuming otherwise should be clear from the beginning,and if and when girls parents need them, boys should be ready for that.
  3. what do they think about having  children..
  4. what is their outlook about savings and expenditure?
  5. And most importantly..are both going to work? then what will be their coping mechanism?..My thought....is that if both work then both shouldnt be ambitious in career, one needs to take it easy..And if only one works, then other should take the responsibility of house without expecting any help from working spouse.
One's whole life changes with marriage, so its very important to take a decision with lot of mulling over all aspects.I like to think before marriage, and then make it work.





Thursday, December 29, 2016

New Year and my resolutions

Another year passed and again its time to think about resolutions. So far my track record has been very good, whatever I resolve, I follow, but this year what I am thinking of, needs others co-operation too. You see recently I crossed the milestone of 60..and got the proper stamp of a senior citizen( though women are considered senior citizen after 58 only)..I feel that its high time I got complete freedom from all societal pressures.Now everybody may think that at my age what pressure I can have,but this is not true.I have so many.But now I want to say that..

I will not call or talk to anybody whom  I dont want to.for whatever reason.I feel irritated with forced talk..result may be the loss of relationship,but i am ready to loose that.

I will not go anywhere, where I dont find the need to go like there are so many occasions where its just a formality to show your presence, and in the process, one spends sometimes lot of money and bears the inconvenience..most of the time its for some deaths in the families, sometimes its for marriages also..But here my belief is that if i care for someone, I do my best for them, and to them I will show my grief also, but going long distances just to give attendance is a waste of resources and i find it very awkward to condole somebody verbally.

I dont want to be extra nice to bad people..yes there are some vicious people whom you want to blast left and right and being nice to them is a strain on my energy.

I  shall voice my opinion freely without thinking of consequences :)

Dont you think that there should be a certain span of life when you live as you want?
Now friends, tell me, are my resolutions feasible, will I be able to follow them?





Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Suicide

Recently an army man's suicide made me think about it..Generally suicide is considered a crime, even insurance doesnt pay for it and here Delhi Govt. promised one crore to his family.isnt it instigating people to do it..because ours is a poor country and one crore is a big amount.Govt. should pay where its right, legal and required.Not to someone who is doing a crime.

I have seen many people commiting suicide due to different reasons, family feud, marital discord, poverty.etc etc. and most of the time some or other people are blamed for their act. But according to me,no where we can blame others for that..its like this..In life many people are getting exploited but not everyone becomes Phoolan devi and this is not the course we can advocate.Life is difficult for everyone at sometime..and one has to face it .

I saw one youngman committing suicide after marital discord with wife..now tell me there may be a divorce also and there are many other people who needed him and this was 35 years back when anti dowry act was not so popular.

Many time I have seen people acting differently and depressed, but then nobody bothers, they should get medical help, but blaming others.. family members or office colleagues or boss or society is not right.

We can do multiple things to make a better society and living environment, but blaming others is not one of them.

From the beginning, one must inculcate the feeling that adults have all the responsibility for their own life..how they live, or how they treat it.

We are a society of blamers.....some body doesnt work hard..but not getting promotion is boss' bad attitude or the eaisest way to say is because I dont do buttering.
Road is dirty.blame the govt..but we will always throw the trash there.
I didint get the job..not because I may not be worthy of it, but because i didnt have a push
We never take responsibility for our actions.