Someone wrote..its a choice whether we want to live with our inlaws or not, nothing wrong or right with that or no crime in not loving your parents(inlaws of course)
I say..there are many fields in life where we have no choice, parents are nor chosen and if one is very particular then before marrying check inlaws also and only if you find them to your liking marry, otherwise dont..Second suppose the parents also exercised this option of choice and didnt do anything for their children where would they be..today the boys who are well established and educated.attract the girls, but will they be there in the same position if their parents didnt work hard for them....and will the same girls like them then? .are they there without any contribution from their parents?
Yes if inlaws are bad, then issues must be sorted out keeping in mind both the parties...I would anytime love my daughter inlaw to come to me and say that ma I dont like this or I like this,and I will try my best to fulfil her wish, as children's happiness is paramount to parents. but I would never accept if she talks rudely to me.....politeness is always demanded, I dont know whether I command it or not.I totally reject this concept of commanding etc, because in that case in the eyes of DIL ..inlaws wills command respect only when they are dead...my BIL always says that whatever you do for your DIL, it will never be enough for them, they will always say....अभी इन्होने मेरे पैर तो धो कर पीये ही नहीं हैं:) ......so if you believe in family values and importance of family its better to be polite and a little disciplined...I feel that it is more important than loving,because not many can love inlaws..its fine, will not disturb the balance but bad behaviour will do...Dont hide your bad behaviour behind this commanding bussiness.....even some great people were also not respected by all or their inlaws.
And about boys not liking their inlaws and it not making a issue....its because in a patriarchal society, boys dont live with their inlaws but a girl comes into a new family, seondly still boys are treated as VIPs in their inlaws house..may be because they are guest there whereas bahu is a member of that family..I know that I am entering a dangerous territory:) as the new girls are going to bombard me with their equality theory:)
Most of the problems come because of no communication, we never communicate our desires or wishes simply,.all the time we are either blaming or complaining. and living with parents is not a joint family..joint family consists of one or more brothers or sisters family living together..its a western concept where family means husband wife and children...I am yet to see any boy writing that he would like to live without his parents, though I read a few who said that they would like to marry a girl who would live with their parents...and girls dont want to see the writing on the wall, they deluge themselves thinking that the boy will love them whatever they do.and of course here I am taking about normal families, not aberrations.
And there is a solution for everything..some girls think that after marriage one has to work too much and she is taken as a domestic servant, asked to cook all the time...this is not the scenario anymore..if both are working, they need to workout between them how will they share the housework, but if girls are housewife...like my husband, my son, my brother all work out side for more than 8 hrs everyday, so if their wives demand or look upto their husbands to share their work its not proper and justified for those who demand equality, yes if they willingly want to share its their choice.
I dont find doing work in my own home demeaning,its my fort and I can do whatever it needs, why is it that working in a office even if one is a steno is dignified but doing your housework is not, being a personal assistant to some stranger is very important job, but being the same to your husband or your MIL is insulting........
..isn't it a irony that we can work under anybody outside and feel proud in taking orders from a stranger,if he/she scolds us we are prompt in saying sorry, we dont talk back, even if we say something its with utmost politeness, but inside our home we deny our inlaws even a simple desirecourtesy,leave aside their orders, reply them rudely, talk back frequently...We need to do some introspection.
.we can be courteous and kind to total strangers and say we are good human beings, but we are very rude and impolite to our inlaws..are they worse than even strangers? why?..
when we talk to our boss, our temper never gets better of us..we have that much control, but when we talk to 0ur mother.inlaw..( mano na mano boss to woh ha ghar ki)..we loose temper and say whatever comes to us why?
I read so many blogs and girls talk about everything good....
being kind to environment
do some charity work
kind to animals
give time to social work
look after the poor
they have a responsibility towards society and country everybody( but nothing towards their husband's parents) etc etc....why invest all your energy time and nature outside..why not inside?
but when it comes to inlaws they are most uncharitable, lazy, unkind why?..think about it..if you want to be kind to human beings , animals and environment, but you cant be that to the parents of your husband..why..try to be all that at your home first..charity begins at home..and It can assure you a happiness rare to find......give some of your time, and your heart and you will see that investment multiplies many fold and returns are unprecedented.
A family is a boon..ask the people who dont have how they miss not having close relatives,but those who have it take it for granted. Nothing comes free...free things are not really worth it also..so make efforts and see the change.Today girls are doing so well in everything then why not in this aspect of life.....