Friday, February 26, 2010

What is in surname

Recently i read a case where the divorced wife continue to use husband's name despite the prohibiting orders and she was taken to court for that by her inlaws and husband and one more case where a celebrity has been legally prohibited from using the famous surname and both these cases reminde me of my old post about surnames..and it seems that its the ordinary mortals of the category.of husbands who are put to this...... individuality and keeping parents name and all that, but wherever the husbands are big names, none of the girls have any qualms in using their surname, or should I say want to use it purposely.........

Recently my MIl has been sick, and though she is 90 years, but she hasnt taken much antibiotics or allopathic medicines in her life and what a ruckus she creates when she has to take them. And i realised what all precautions one has to take when en elderly person lives with you like..

There shouldnt be any water anywhere on the floor...for the fear that she may slip.

Every two hours she may need something, so I need to be on my toes all the time.

All the BF and lunch and dinner should be prepared in time , so as to give her and no short cuts will do.

And then there are few things doctor doesnt allow to eat, and what is good for her she doesnt like, so its an uphill task for me to manage the food variety.

And till she is competely well, i dont have any personal life, as I cant go anywhere..I have to devote all the time to her.

And all this has made me feel so scared that one day may be I will also be in a similar situation,.and what will happen...But then we can only accept what god give us at every step of life.we have nothing in our hands, except our karma..that only we can do....and its not a simple mathematics of give and take......I may pamper my DIL silly and love her , but I will get respect and love from her is not necessary.....The only thing I can believe in is God..he always looks after us..and gives us what we deserve..may be if we get disrespect from someone, or dont get respect and love, inspite of we doing our best,then it is His way of telling us that ..see this person is not worth it, dont get carried away with love...He always gives us signals, its we only who fail to recognise.

today girls, have a very low threshold for inlaws..leave aside not going anywhere, they may not even like to tell where they are going and when they will be back.....and my MIL was a very tradional MIL of her times who thought that DIL have only duties and no its not that she has done a lot for me and so I am doing a lot for her...I clarified it only because otherwise many girls will say that she may not have exploited you or behaved badly thats why you are doing all that for her..but she has done all:)

And this incident has brought a very subtle change in my thinking also. My daughter awlays used to say that this society should change to a matriarchial one and parents should live with daughters, but I never wanted that.myriads of reasons for that and I can do a separate post on that, but one thing I have realised that whenever one is not well, presence of a daughter can give real comfort, i may look after my MIL very well, but with daughters one has so much to share.but then my son's presence gives me so much of strength, so now I am pondering what can be the better situation for both.

Time and again I have felt the need to have some senior citizen homes, equipped with all the facilities, where people can live in dignity. Dignity Living Organisation has one such facility, but that is in Maharashtra....I would love it if something similar is available in north..if anybody comes across something please let me brother keeps telling me that he wants to build an old age home , but after 10 years:) his land is not in a hill station...I want to live in a cool climate.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


I got a mail from this site to take part in this contest, and me being so careless, lost it somewhere and today suddenly I remembered and saw that today is the last day, so posting something in a hurry:)

S was a very brilliant girl born in a lower middle calss family, but she was very ambitious, she used to say..I am born in a lower middle class but its not necessary for me to die in this class, I am going to reach the stars. She worked hard in her studies, and extra curricular activities and was quite self centred in her attitude. If she wanted something, she will take it, no consideration for anyone else. But her perseverance with her studies paid of, today she is a women in her own right, living lavishly, and in her own independent way as an accomplished person.

M was young pampered daughter in a modern household, Her mother pampered her a lot, gave her what she wanted, be it food, clothes, outing anything, as she wanted to make her feel no less than boys. and she didnt even ask her to do anything in the house.She got hooked to a boy and married..since she was not well educated, neither she could do a job, and she wasnt good any anything else. So she was not much respected in her new family. and lost their love also because of her manners.

A was a very intelligent girl whom every body thought of highly and she also wanted to be a professional, but as fate would have it she got married and sucked into a whirlpool of family relationships. Since she was not financially independent, she had to bear the brunt of that and live in an emotionally damaging relationship with her uneducated inlaws , but she was strong enough to bring up her children with sound values and education and today she is a proud mother.

Now here in all the cases it is education which makes the main difference in life...
in the first case though the girl is not a very good human being, but still succesful due to her hard work in her education..though personally I dont like to get success at the cost of good behaviour.

In the second one, though one can never be happy if one is not hard working, still if the girl was well educated and working she would have changed lot of equations.and made her life fulfilling.

In the third also that girl suffered only because she married without education, had she been well educated, life would have been totally I totally give all emphasis to our education, it only can remove all other problems.

Now it is a must to tag three friends, though now they wouldnt be able to do the needful, but still i would like to tag...Preeti,Shalom,Piper and Amrita

Friday, February 19, 2010

A very long tag

I am sorry Amrita that I am doing this tag so late, but i just forgot it..I am really feeling bad.....This tag is too long and I just hope that I am able to do the justice..lets see:)

1. Last drink:Tea

2. Last phone call:my sister

3. Last text message: Some Airtel promotion message

4. Last song you listened to: tere has really melodious songs.

5. Last time you cried:...When i was young I never wanted anyone to see my tears, as I thought they show your may be I have become weak, as I cant stop them sometime, children only make me cry...nothing else disturbs me more than their wrong behaviour.

6. Dated someone twice:never dated

7. Been cheated upon? Cheated - I can never cheat anybody but I have been cheated many times.

8. Kissed someone & regretted it?never kissed, so no question of regretting:)

9. Lost someone special?never got anyone special, so was saved the hurt of loosing:)

10. Been depressed? Of course!! And I tell you its an awful feeling.

11. Been drunk and threw up? Drinking is one word which is not in my dictionary

12. Red
13. white
14. Blue

15. Made new friends:.Since I keep changing the houses and city so often,so always making new friends.

16. Fallen out of love:Never fell in, so never out of it:)

17. Laughed until you cried:once on a joke:)

18. Met someone who changed you:..No

19. Found out who your true friends were:never had very close friends.

20. Found out someone was talking about you:All the time:)

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list:NO:)

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real blog?.....I have met 3, rest i know thru their posts only.

23. How many kids do you want to more..hahaha..I have 2

24. Do you have any pets:No

25. Do you want to change your name: NO

26. What did you do for your last birthday:last year I was with my sis and she mad e it so special...whole day I felt so happy and that is very important for me, because otherwise whole family pitched in sending cake and everything, but its her only who did everything to make me happy..that was my best bday in my whole life.

27. What time did you wake up today:I always get up at 7..though on sundays I want to sleep late, but my hubby wont let me:

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: my trip to my mom and siblings:)

30. Last time you saw your father: 17 year dad died in 92.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life:since I was very good in studies, I regret not getting any professional degree.

32. Most visited web page: google

Whats your:
33. Name: Renu

34. Nicknames: ..I never had any nickname.

35. Zodiac sign:Saggitarius and I am atypical one.

36. Male or female or transgender: Huh. Female

37. Elementary:forgotten the names even:)

38. School: Sahu gopinath and ram bharosey..Bareilly

39. Colleges:Bareilly college

40. Hair color:Brownish Black

41. Long or short: short :)

42. Height: A little less than 5 4"

43. Do you have a crush on someone?I liked Shashi kapoor and Vinod Khanna when i was young.

44. Ever been in love? No

45. Piercings? Ears only....piercing the body anywhere..eeks

46. Tattoos? I dont like them

47. Righty or lefty: me a lefty:)

48. First surgery: got my thyroid removed.

49. First piercing:ears only

50. First best friend: not best, but I was friendly with Mussarrat in my college days

51. First sport you loved: Badminton..not that I play well:)

52. First pet: I dont like pets.

53. First vacation: We used to make yearly trips to Nainital in my every summer..and sometimes my dad will leave us there for 15 days and then come to take us..what an enjoyable time we had:)

54. First concert: I saw one in Vienna.earlier I saw Silk route once and then mamta shankar etc etc..

55. First professor in wasnt crush, I admired him.

56. Eating: gobhi paratha

57. Drinking: tea

58. I'm about to: Make lunch

59. Listening to: nothing

60. Waiting for: tomorrow(..its Sunday and I would be stepping out after 20 days)

61. Want kids? already had:)

62. Want to get married? I am. and once is more than enough:)

63. Careers in mind? earlier I had many, now want to join some NGO

64. Lips or eyes:Eyes undoubtedly

65. Hugs or kisses: hugs

66. Shorter or taller: Tall.

67. Older or Younger:Older

68. Romantic or spontaneous:I am hopelessly romantic person

69. Nice stomach or nice arms: Nice arms

70. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive

71. Hook-up or relationship:Relationship

72. Trouble maker or hesitant:I am both..:)

73. Kissed a stranger: what do you think of me:)

74. Lost glasses / contacts: Never..too meticulous to loose something like that.

75. Broken someone's heart: No I am not a heart breaker

76. Had your own heart broken: ...many times:) but not in a traditional sense:) heart is broken if any of my child doesnt behave as I imagine:)

77. Been arrested: NO.

78. Turned someone down:NO

79. Cried when someone died: yes

80. Liked a friend that is a girl?Like? .....friends are those only whom we like:)

81. Yourself: All the time.

82. Miracles:happen all the time

83. God:He is the all time support to me and has all the answers for my queries

84. Love at first sight:dont believe in.

85. Heaven:may be

86. Santa Claus:NO

87. Kiss on the first date?No.

88. Angels:Yes. they take many forms..sometimes in the garb of total stranger also.

89. Devils: Yes :)

90. Is there one person you want to be with right now?

91. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time?No.

92. Wanted to kill someone ever? better to ask god to take them away:):):)

93. Among your blog mates, whom would you like to kiss? none

94. Committed a blunder and regretted later? committed many blunders and some such that I will regret them as long as I live.

95. Wanted to steal your friend's boyfriend / girlfriend? No..stealing is bad for me:)

Associate with something you wear:
96. White: Kurta

97. Black:chooridaar

98. Red: Saree

99. Pink: salwar kameej

100. Posting this as 100 Truths? Was fun :)

Now i would like to tag...

The Bald Guy










Destiny's child

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Valentine Day

For the last one week , TV, newspaper, magazines , everywhere there was valentine day and valentine fact over dose of it..but did anyone remember even that in 1931 on 23th in the morning time legendary BHAGAT SINGH,RAJGURU and SUKHDEV were hanged to their deaths. Nobody even remebers their names...we only celebrate choclate day, hug day, valentine day etc etc etc......we didnt bother to salute them.because we are hung up on media and its commercialisation.
commercial establishments hype these things to sell their merchandise and then they laugh away to the bank.

Many couples who keep fighting everyday but on this day splurge to show their love.

There are many children who humiliate their parents everyday, but on mother's and father's day bring them gifts, and treat them.

What do you prefer.....long term respect and love or one day of king size life?

Do we really need these days to affirm our love ?

To me day today behaviour matters more than these one day affiliations..yes if normally everyone behaves well then these pampering also bring a meaning to life, otherwise parroting them is useless...

To me
Everyday is valentine day if my husband loves me , and takes care of me.
Everyday is mother's day if my children love me and respect me and are not rude to me.

Since day to day caring is difficult thing to most people they take the support of these symbolic celebrations to ease their conscience.

And when the whole country was busy with MNIK and SRK....terrorist striked at their will at is so very sad and frustrating to see that if a film is disturbed, whole county is moved to action and when there are so many lives are stake we are not the threat was already there, what was our administration doing? looking after SRK,his family and movie....why cant we mobilise the common man for some good causes..atleast against terrorism which affects the common man most?

I just hope that better sense prevails and none say now..Pakistan is a great neighbour..Peace will not come with closing our eyes to the reality, but with accepting the reality .Here is a good letter to SRK

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


Today our newspaper stated that Australian minister has accepted that some attacks on Indians were racial and guilty will be punished...but we Indians always put the blinkers on in all this type of situations...many said and wrote in blogs....

That they they are living in Australia for so many years and have never felt it....I can say that I am living in India forever and never faced communal rights, but that doesnt mean that I can say that communal rights dont happen here, or I ridicule the people who faced them, that they must have done something to warrant that, its like in never had a burglary in the house then it is alright to say that thefts dont happen here.

Then some people said that doesnt India has law and order problem...yes we have, but does it mean we have no right to ask for it anywhere else...

I feel sad at so little pride in our nationality, that we jump to the conclusions very fast, though we are just like any other country with many good thing and few problems also

Then some people said that its all happening because Indian students are rowdy or showing off, but Even yesterday's paper said that indians shouldshow off themseleves as poor to ward off attacks.whenever any crime happens to tourist in India we are ready to condemn ourselves and our police..we never think that these tourists may also have something to blame...In the drive against eve teasing, we say that nothing can justify the crime,nothing means,..the way women dress or behave, so why think differently here.

some say..why are people going if they are not getting good treatment and all that.......but thats not the type of statements we expect from a civilised society of a global world..I have seen that most of the people want to pass derogatory comments for the people who go abroad to earn money..why?..its a free world and individuals choice..first these countries come here, keep seminars and attract students to come there for education,give incentives.. why? because they get money, so its their moral duty to protect the people who go to their country with visa provided by them only..if there is any internal resent, its their govt. duty to attend to it,and if you dont want them, dont grant visas, its all upto them, none can go on its own will, but its not right to leave the students to the peril..its like having your cake and eat it have made your money and now leave the rest to speculation.

Whatever may be the reason for attack, these attacks must be stopped and people be protected.Instead of starting a blame game, govts must be proactive there,look for the reasons and tackle them.

Another example of our blinkers is SRK issue..whatever he said was wrong.....we have great we really have great neighbours,then what about 26/11 and so many other attacks and Kargil...No we have a troublesome neighbour and sooner we we accept it better it would be.And since Thackeray's are always needling unnecessarily and reacting in a bad way, he got the benefit...Raj Thackeray is always after north Indians..but has he ever bothered that so many Pakistani artists are living here in Mumbai, working and earning pots of money, may be at the cost of Marathi manoos:)...and our artists are denied visas time and again.sometimes they ban our movies, magazines and.he has never bothered to see even that they have proper work should we think that he has more tolerance towards Pakistanis than his own fellow countrymen....Once in the history we had given a strong signal and all of this got diluted because of blinkers..why do we need to be extra sympathetic to Pakistanis...are they indispensable? how can we isolate sports from other things..ask this thing from the people whose family members died in those attacks?....We must be united at all fronts..anyone making trouble in India will not be tolerated and shouldnt be matter what..and some people have no loyalty for anyone except money.

What do you think?

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


Below are commandments of life I got from a spiritual site I like, now I want to check what is there in the list and how much they relate to me, what i do and what need some improvement:)

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

This is the best mantra of life and brings happiness all around us, I have started doing it and it works like magic.

2. Memorize your favorite poem.

Instead of any poem I like songs:)

3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.

Another many times we hear something and make impressions which are far from truth, and as far as spending is concerned one must always save a substantial amount from one's earnings.Sleeping too much is bad for health and life both.

4. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
Oh.. hundred percent, I dont believe in lying in any sphere of life, I ask even my children not to give me cards where they promise me the moon, unless they can deliver:).

5. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
Its two hundred percent true..sorry is one word which is used in vain all the time, people say sorry just to calm other person, they never mean it. meaning it means, not doing the same thing again, thats the best way of saying sorry,

6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married and get your parents approval.
I believe in this totally for many reasons..six months period is mandatory because it will bring your fever down and let you see the reality, and by then if you are still in love, then it is a long lasting one, and parents approval is a must as marriage as it is a very difficult relationship and cant sustain without their support.

7. Believe in love at first sight.
I dont believe in this.

8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
True, because one always dreams about seemingly impossible things, but perseverant people make them possible also.

9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt, but it's the only way to live life completely.
At a time I thought that there is no point in loving anybody as we get hurt only, but then I realised its like not living, I must be my natural self..a loving person, what others give me is their must be irrelevant to me.So now I have decided to be natural the way i am always going over the top while loving, exce-t that i wont care now what theya re doing in return.

10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
OMG..this one takes the cake..anger most of the time brings out the worst in us, but then only our character is tested, I try to control myself and whenever I have lost it, I have regretted it.

11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
Of course how can we?

12. Talk slow but think quick.
I talk very fast and so is my thinking quick:)

13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
so true when someone asks you about salary?

14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
I agree.

15. Call your Mom.
Oh yes, I call my mom regularly, and so does my daughter, its my son who is irregular:).sometimes too much, sometimes too little.

16. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
I do>

17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
I learn everyday with everything and everybody something or the other.

18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
True.specially with the children, they want autonomy in the family:) but rarely perpared to take the consequences:)

19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship
But with me it happens....trying to change....
20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
That I am very prompt in... saying sorry..which I mean and making amends, no verbal sorries for me.

21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice
....Yeah, whenever I call my family, and if they reply in slow voices , I get unsettled.

22. Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other skill.
This is what I told my son about how to choose a girl:)..(of course it shouldnt be the main quality:)

23. Spend time alone
Me time is very important to me.

24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Even I think so.

26. Read more books and watch less TV
I follow this religiously....dont like TV much except for movies. give me books any time.

27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
Doing so:)

28. Trust in God, but lock your car.
certainly..God is not a watchman for us:)

29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
I cant even live with strife in the family.

30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation; don't bring up the past.
This is one of the best most of time fighting people go so far in blaming that they forget the point even they were fighting about.Earlier I was also guilty of this, now trying to learn.

31. Read between the lines.
sometimes it is good, and sometimes it is bad also.Reading too much bings strees(between the lines of course:)

32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
Doing that presently:)

33. Be gentle with the earth.
Then only we can use it.

34. Pray -- there's immeasurable power in it.
Prayer can bring miracles.

35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
Flattery is also good to hear sometimes:)

36. Mind your own business.
This one is so true..interference anywhere is not good, lead your own life.

37. Don't trust someone who doesn't close their eyes when you kiss them.

38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
now will start this tradition.

39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That's wealth's greatest satisfaction.
I dont make a lot of money but still want to help others.

40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
That i know, because there is a saying in Hindi..khuda ganjey ko nakhoon nahi deta......God is always great and he knows better than us what we need.

41. Learn the rules then break some.
I believe in living by rules, no rule breaking for me.

42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
Trying to understand this....true with children, difficult with a spouse:)

43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
Then I have a good destiny:)..character is one thing even I give the utmost importance in life.

45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
Yeah:) I do lot of cooking for my family and love them more than I should.

46. Realize that as you get older, you are not approaching death, but heaven.
That I have realised and I dont fear death and even if today i die I wouldnt have any regrets, I would die a happy person.