Monday, January 18, 2010


Been away from this place two long for me:) actually i had my hubby's sister and her husband with us. Both are senior citizens and in the same boat as us( their son also settled in US) i was busy with cooking, talking and as usual my maid was absent. But we met after a long time, so enjoyed picking up the threads about all our distant relations and everything going in the family, as we are living quite in a distant place here...and sometimes I think I live in my own virtual world quite out of the sync with reality, talking with her I realised that still there are.....

Inlaws who dont allow their DILs to wear salwar kameez even, leave aside western wear......( I never ever set any protocol about dress to my DIl, its totally her choice what she wants to wear),

MILs.. who dont help at all their DILs in any housework when they visit......

Still a girl's parents are looked down upon by her inlaws if they stay....

There are parents who dont help their daughters much if they need any financial assistance, though the parents are rich and can do so, but they let their daughters suffer.

MILs have the authority to scold their DILs for their mistakes.

And this I am talking about educated, well-to-do families.

I was quite surprised , but life is such, it surprises you at every corner..if you see one person always doing and thinking about the right thing, then dont think that even that gives the right results. It is always different permutations and combinations in life for anything and everything .I read on many blogs that there is no right and wrongs about disliking inlaws..its personal choices only, but I think that there IS right and wrong my dear..its wrong not to want to live with your inlaws but your parents are fine.if they live with you...If we deny someone's right, we never get that in our life also. To live always the way we want to without any thoughts about good or bad, or whom we are hurting is not living like a human being. I dont believe that any boy can love his wife whole heartedly if she is not respectful of his parents..I completely refuse to believe that....none is made like that....not atleast educated cultured the girls who think like that, dont even know what they are missing and what they are loosing in this bargain.......

We were planning to go to Chidambarm and Thanjavur etc, but didt due to this eclipse,one day we went to Covelong or Kovalam, whatever is that. I had read so much about this place, and the route was quite scenic also.this is a small fishing village. But it is very dirty, all the place is full of garbage..littered everywhere...It could be a good spot if our govt. takes some interest. but presently it is in bad shape.there were many boats, long and narrow ones, one fisherman caught 3 big silver colored fishes int that.Beach is quite good and unique with some rocks and all. There is a dargah also, there also first time I found that many people were after you for money, religion is being sold everywhere..I thought only Hindu Pandas are like that.Most of the places demand some cleanliness.

We wanted to see # Idiots but didnt get the tickets:(



Dreamer said...

This is the Kovalam beach near Chennai, right? Not the one in Kerala? It's a pity that the most scenic and beautiful spots in India end up being so filthy, thanks to acute lack of civic sense and apathy of the authorities.

If only all MIL's were to have your mindset...

Renu said...

Dreamer:..yes its that one only, I read two name of it..covelong on the net and saw Kovalam written everywhere on the was very filthy..disgusting sometimes.
Govt. as well as citizens, both are to be blamed..people throw garbage everywhere.

But it doesnt help much, if MIL is too soft then DILs neither appreciate, nor respect, rather ride roughshod over them.

Sandhya said...

You won't believe, I visited Kovalam in my school days! Somehow, this place skipped our visit!

Our people do not know to maintain any place. They don't know the spelling of cleanliness. If the govt. cleans today, within two days, the place becomes dirty. Hmmm

Jayashree said...

Do watch 3 idiots,'s a total timepass movie....I loved it.
Kovalam is a beautiful beach, but like you said, it's impossible to step onto the sand without feeling disgusted.......

Shrutzz said...

Hey Renu, how yu doing?

1) AMAZING template ...loved the change...your blog looks so fresh now...

2) cool Pics....hope yo had great vacation...

3) About the In-laws and stuff, I liked what you wrote....AS shared with you before, I Live with my In-laws and every family wll have their own set of rules and how things are managed....

"I dont believe that any boy can love his wife whole heartedly if she is not respectful of his parents" caught my TRUE!!!!

ts all about compromise and not complaining....I have chosen the first fine with it..

Sparkling said...

Cool! New look to the blog, huh? :)
I like the color pink.
I quite liked the rangoli (can I call it that?)
The fishes looked! And the beach looks happy :)

You know what, I'd love to live with my in-laws, whoever they are :p

P.S: You should do s'thing about the header, we can't read the whole text there.

radha said...

It's sad that we cannot maintain our lovely tourist spots. It may be that we have a huge population - that does attribute to the filth - but some civic sense needs to be instilled. When will we ever learn?... And that talk about In-laws. Well, that's also another thing that may not change very soon.

Renu said...

Sandhya:..kehte hain na ki ghar ki murgi daal barabar:)
..maintenance of anything is very low in our priorities..I feel very sad to see so much of filth around our tourist spots.

Jayshree:..Oh yes I am not going to miss this movie:)...and the beach was really different and beautiful but I felt ashamed to see so much of garbage littered everywhere.

Shrutz: i Thanks for liking this new template!

I enjoyed the holidays as I had my SIL with me for two days and two days we went out:)

Shruti..those who adjust now get a famly and lifelong bliss, but those who dont will find disstaisfaction in their life later have chosen well.

Sparkling:..thanks:) again the change is done by my daughter:)...

It is rangoli only:)

Fishes are not delicious..hhhaha:):)..I am a vegetarian, so be kind to animals on my blog:)

I have asked my daughter to do something for the header.

You know one girl said that its all about choice, nothing wrong or right..but I dont agree with far as family is concerned, we dont have any choice..we cant choose them nor we can discard them..they are given by god, so we must accept them:)

When are you marrying:)?

radha:..I think its more to do with our apathy towards any rules or cleanliness...secondly govt. doesnt do garbage picking, no trash cans, no placards even telling you not to litter, and no one over there to look after.

Amrita said...

MIL DIL stories make the world go round :D
u should try the kovalam beach in kerala.. its so divine!
Good to hear of the good times u had :)

April said...

I think, I had visited the Kovalam beach during my visit to Chennai. I remember another famous beach..err..Marina beach. is it correct? It's really frustating our govt is not careful about our natural scenic place.
Abt DIL & MIL --this topic is all the time HOT topic in the world. and that's why Ekta Kapoor is making so much money.
As for DIL & MIL -- if there is a mutual understanding between both party, there would be a heaven! But, from my experience and observation there are lot of ppl who still lives in 16th century! They will never accept or understand new generation and vice versa!

Renu said...

Amrita:..yes because they only make or break a family:)

Wil plan sometime for Kovalam in kerala, though I have seen quite a lot there but not kovalam.

April:..Marina is the main beach in chennai and Kovalam beach is more famous in Kovalam..the name is same here..where I went, but it is a smaller one some 40 kms from chennai.

People tend to live in 16th or 21st whatever suits them.

SG said...

Nice interesting post. I dont know much. I thought MIL DIL traditional story is changing nowadays? If not, pls let me know.

Belated Happy Pongal to you and your family.

Amrita said...

You been awarded Renu!

Renu said...

SG: MIL DIL stories nevr end:)only the balance changes, Earlier MIL tortured and now the baton is in DIL's hands:)

Amrita: Thanks! coming to see.

Manjunath said...

Belated Happy Sankranthi and Pongal to you and your family :-)

and between hope you enjoyed the festive well... and rangoli looks like alien beings with single eye lol ;-)

Reflections said...

Oh I thought u were talking abt the Kovalam beach in Kerala & was wondering how come it was dirty coz they keep it quite clean;-).

I've been to the Marina & Mahabalipura, beach during my school and college days. The mahabalipuram beach I remmeber was beautiful & there was a hotel at the beach itself which served Yummy Masala Dosas and ice-cream and we the hungry school girls sat and relished it watching the waves:-).

Reflections said...

The new template makes ur blog look very cheerful Renu:-)

Renu said...

Manjunath:...Thanks for the wishes!..since my hubby is rarely at home as he doesnt take leave, so whenevr his presence makes my these 4 days were pure fun.

Reflections:..I dont know why some names are repeated and confusion prevails:)..Been to Marina many times and mahabalipuram also but dont know about that hotel.

I like change, so keep changing the template:)

Shalom said...

Whoa!!!! I'm visiting after a long time (sorry about that!) & have been bowled over by the new look!!!!

I also know some "educated" people who still have such outdated, useless beliefs. We just live our lives the right way, hoping someday they'll realise their errors & follow our example.

Babli said...

Belated Happy Sankranti to you and your family. Wish you a very happy Vasant Panchami and Saraswati Puja.
Beautiful post. I liked the kollam design very much. I appreciate for this marvellous post.

Chatterbox said...

It is such a pity that people so easily forget their duty to maintain the natural heritage they've been gifted with.

This Christmas we went for holidays at the Whitsundays in Australia. The most striking feature of the White haven beach is it's snow like sand, and I was amused how spotlessly clean the spot is despite being an international hot spot for tourism and no person living there.

It's the civic sense of the people that makes a place sustain for the generations to enjoy.

Wonderful post Renu :)

Hope you had a good time this festive season.


Renu said...

Shalom: And how much I have missed you.

exactly the same way i think in the hope that world would be a better place tomorrow.

Babli: Thank you Babli! Wish you too!

Chatterbox:..I always wonder, why people who go abroad and sing paecans .cant copy their attitude, their cleanliness, punctuality, honest..why we take fronm them the worse?

Balvinder Singh said...

Welcome back Renu, wish u too. Nice to see u enjyoing with your near and dear.

shail said...

It is not surprising to me to see that DILs are 'not allowed this' or 'not allowed that' coz I am still seeing it all around me. They are still property owned by the in-laws, except very few who are 'allowed' to be themselves so charitably!!

Personally I believe its okay if you aren't able to love your in-laws. (There are children who don't like their parents!) I don't believe one can be asked to love anyone right from the word go, be they in-laws or even husband (in arranged marriages). Love is not something that can be switched on by a click. It develops. So both parties get to know one another and start liking and loving each other. One can only give due respect due as an elder and human being in the beginning of any relationship. Rest of it has to be earned whoever it is.
As for me if my husband feels he cannot love me if at all I cannot get along with his parents, it is fine by me because I too wouldn't want to have anything to do with a man who cannot love me for myself. Of what worth is such conditional love anyway?? :) If I can love my husband independent of the fact that he gets along or not with my own parents, I expect the same from him too. Not wanting to live with in-laws is no big crime. Sometimes we cannot get along with some people, so it is better to live separately and be on cordial terms.
I never knew there was another Kovalam. I was going to ask you if you had come to Trivandrum! :) The kolam looks stunning.

Renu said...

Anonymous: Thanks for visiting me, why not give yourself a name?

Balvinder:..Family is always a boon.

Shail:..I agree that its ok not to love..but its not ok to be rude to them and not be polite...Nodoy get love by demand, but politeness they derve.

And I am saying it as I have seen somuch of life and so many families, ask any man..if he has courage to say frankly..can he love his wif whole heartedly if she disrespects his parents..none will say yes..its not conditional love, though I always believe that love is conditional except parent's love.
Only if inlaws are demons or really bad people then only men have no choice, but otherwise all people have faults, so have the girls and their parents..and inlaws are not somebody..they are the parents of your husband who is dear to you,,secondly if one cant love the parents who took pains in bringing up that boy and made him what he is tday , so that you could love him and marry him, what is the guranty that the girl loves him, tomorrow someone better comes and she can leave with him...parents are nevr chosen

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