In the comment section Bikram wrote about his cousins calling him Veerji and listening to what he says..these are the values I think everybody must learn. In our times, I called all my sister.inlaws and brotherinlaws, even if they were younger to me with..didi and bhaiya and reason being that is the way to start learning to love and respect them. All my hubby's friends used to call me bhabhi.and in this there was lot of respect towards their friend's wife. Earlier everybody was given some relation like this because that way we could maintain a decorum in that relationship , but today people calling bhabhis are considered backward, as calling with names sounds cool..but then there is no boundary also, thats why one finds so many affairs etc.not that we didnt have them earlier, but still ..there was some hesitation. Today we want everybody to be friendly.be it parent,inlaws others..but can friendship really replace all relations?..why do we want everyone to be friends only? dont we have enough friends?.....To me it seems as if no one wants to do any efforts to maintain any relation, and friendship seems to be the easiest thing to do..though I dont think it is easy to have good friends, but then when we have good friends we say..they are like family..what does it mean?..
Just like people say that ...DIL is like a daughter to me..
my MIL is like a mother..
My daughters are like son to me..
But I would say that..
Why not love you dil as a DIL only..because daughter is totally different, nobody can be like her, but one can love another person also in her own role if she is good to you.
Same MIL can never be your mother, Mothers take every thing from their daughters even trash and you can take them for granted,but with MIL one has to have certain courtesy, and show some respect and restrain, otherwise your relationship is doomed.
And last one, though people say it to show their love to their daughters, I feel there cant be anything more insulting than this...why not love your children just like that?
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23 comments:
So true. I think people say these things when they are more interested in demonstrating or showing off their love and affection rather than actually go through the process of maintaining a relation.
You are absolutely right. Mother and Mother-in-law are separate. A girl can tell her mother "shut up" and the mom won't mind. Can the same girl tell that to her Mother-in-Law (however much she may think DIL as her own daughter).
Renu, Again a good post stressing on the need of following good values in life.
this is true...in today's society relationships are gradually losing their bond..
Dreamer: exactly...maintaining a relationship needs lot of work.
SG: yeas, neither she can, nor she should.Even the giurls whatevr they say, they dont do even 10% of what they bwould do their mothers.I should know:)
Chitra:.I feel that success with out anybody is irrelevant.
Tomz:But i tell you after 10 years, all those who didnt maintain anything would feel lost as they would have no one to share their success with..only spouse and children are not enough.
Renu,
I agree with you on most parts. Actually my mother in law is very close me. She considers me better than her sons.
The part I don't agree is at times it is not possible to call 'uncle' or 'Chacha' or 'auntie', 'Bhaiya'....for example if someone is older than me but friends of with elder bothers but not his age either...it kind of becomes difficult to pick proper way to address. Most of the time, I am able to speak with them without addressing them with anything...even name.
How do I follow your blog? No option !!!
You are absolutely right here...
You are right to some level.Love is a word difficult to define.We love different persons in different ways.There is no need to titrate it and measure and say this much or that much.A daughter is daughter and DIL is simply DIL. We just exaggerate to show our affections. No one is a subtitute for the other.
I feel exactly the same way as you do. I mean it's imp to be friends with your kids/nephews/nieces/bhabhis and all but it's also imp to respect the relation.
For most circumstances, the maintaining the right distance yet keeping the love intact is very imp. Its really not as complicated as it sounds, if you really are interested in keeping the family together.
Thanks for sharing this Renu. Very thought provoking post indeed.
I completely agree. I have said it time and again, my DIL is my DIL and I love her as one. I can never be her mother, she already has one .... and I am glad she loves me like a mother in law - the mother of her husband. There is a huge difference as it should be!
A: I am not talking abour some different situations, but generally, that was the way of speaking.and reason behind it was good...and people thinking that by just calling by names one could be modern or otherwise is so silly....
..I know that you must be a good SIL but generally Son.in-Laws and daughters are always appreciated, but its difficult for the sons and DILs and MILs:)to get appreciation.
Followers list had gone down on the page, now I have brought it on the top, so you can join now:)
Chanz: Thanks:)
Phoenixritu:..Thats what i wanted to emphasize, that a MIL needs some decorum also with love...
Dr. Antony:..Yes exaggeration is a way of life to us. Love cant be measured, notr it can be defined.
Desigheeandcoffee: I think that this new trend is creating problems as boundaries are vanishing and, respect is diminishing.We used to respect a person because of a relation, even if she/he was only one year older.
You are so right, wish more people thought like you. Your DIL is a lucky lady.
Renu,
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Exactlyyyyyyy ... I know what you means i hate the uncle and aunty cause they put everypone in the same bracket ...
and true daughter is daughter , and MIL can never be mother, you can respect her like your mother :)
Yes mam got your point loud and clear ...
and thanks for mentioning my name :) yayyyyy
Bikram's
ladylovesblogs:..Welcome here ! and thanks too:)..I am good only if my DIL thinks like that:)
Chitra: Thanks Chitra..coming there to see that>
Bikram:..Indian nomenclature makes all things very clear:)..
I admire you for your values..
Exactly! Respect in any relation is a must.
And one should never cross the limits in any relationship.
Nice post!
And thanks for commenting on my blog! :)
I agree to some extent when you said we need to address
as Bhayya, bhabhi and such to have that respectful relationship.
But I feel every such word in the Indian context has some emotion
associated with it. In our tradition, it becomes
obligatory (in some cases) to call people in such a manner and I
do not agree with that compulsion.
A BIL or SIL have to be addressed as Bhayya or Didi,FIL & MIL as
pa & ma...and in many cases they dont even treat you like you belong to the family.
The way you address someone should come on its own and should have
some feeling associated with it, else it is better to address anyone
by name.
Enigma: welcome here! hope to see you more !
lady: welcome here!
Once you respect through address, emotions also come slowly.
As far as relationship with inlaws is very complex ..its an acquired one, so one needs to make lot of efforts here, which none of the side is prepared to do.
I know, however close you are with your DIls and MILs and Fils we can't have the same bond with them like our parents...
that being said, about the name thing, I prefer calling people by their names, and prefer people to call me by mine, Those who call me something else, have been calling me such since they were quite young or I was, and we have a bond. I find a relation has to be made to call somebody bhabhi or bhaiya because you have to feel it, I find it very difficult and have been ridiculed for being this way by many!! but it has nothing to do with being friends or not maintaining a relation...
Renu, you caught the words from my mouth :) every time I see someone saying, my MIL is like my mother, I look squarely and say, "really?" and the start laughing. So much of pretense I tell ya! How can a MIL be mom and vice versa? How can my SIL be a sister? Its not possible...its called pretense.
We need not compare our MIL to our mother. We can express our love without comparing the relationships.
I like our system of separate addressing system as bhabi, bhaiya, chacha, chachi etc. In English it is just uncles and aunts! For others it is just names.
Interesting post, Renu.
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