Saturday, March 26, 2011

I DONT NEED ANYBODY

Yes this is one sentence I keep hearing a lot and people say it with lot of arrogance, but is it really to be proud of?.I rememebr once a girl was getting married, it was love match and then just one of those tiffs happened and she says..its he who cant live without me, I can live very well. I felt a lot of pity for that couple,because they were not meant for each other.Anyone feeling like that is not worth marrying and now 20 years later they are living a farce.
Why do we say such things and what we want to prove? its only ego and nothing else. I see many......

Old dependent parents saying that they dont need children, they can live themselves....I would like to tell them that if they can do so, they why are not they doing it..why say man..do it and show it to everybody..but the fact is that they cant live......because they love their children too much. and cant manage ......because they are old, physically and sometimes financially also dependent..., but dont want to accept it ...what is the harm in giving some credit to children and make them happy?..but we will be nice to strangers and aquaintances but when its our family we become misers even in showing love and gratitude.I rarely see any parents praising their children who look after them day and night and sometimes even put their own life on backburner, they can praise those who are not doing anything for them and even living separately....but no appreciation for the ones who do everything.Whereas living together is totally different from looking after for one moth or two....I remember once my neighbour used to crib that his mother praises his brother a lot who lives in Canada and comes once in two years and gives her 1000 $, whereas he who looks after her and spends also double the amount is not good enough..why this dichotomy?

Many wives keep saying that they can live without husbands and manage well..i would like to suggest that why delay..do so..There are many marriages where husbands are providing finance and security, but wives are not ready to make homes and do their duty.They never realise that the  life style they are leading and living a life of luxury is all because of the man who is working hard to make their life comfortable and being a housewife its their duty to make a happy home for him, but they dont want to do their part of bargain..yes in traditional marriage..a man is a provider and woman homemaker...and woman are making the home a hell.....by disregarding family they came into  by their care a damn attitude and laziness.

Then i see many people today who make their parents miserable in their last stages of life and this is the worst.This is one duty we must do..yes there are ways of tackling every situation, but parents must not be made to cry because of our harsh words or rudenesss.Parents blessings always make our life smooth in so many unknown ways.If we cant do anything for them then so be it, but never ever say bad words .We must make sure that they are taken care of, even if we cant personally look after them.That is better than living together and having bitterness all the time. Its very sad to see that parents are least needed people today..nobody wants them, may be their value is realised only after their departure.

There is nothing good in saying..I dont need people..I say I dont need things, but I need people, my family, I need my children and they need their spouses , so I also need them, in the same way I need my hubby and he needs his family, so I too need them. and needing someone is not a sign of weekness.

It is better to lose our ego to one we love than lose one we love because of ego.

23 comments:

Lathavijayakumar said...

Awesome article.

Beautifully expressed.

Its very sad to see that parents are least needed people today..nobody wants them, may be their value is realised only after their departure.

Yes, true.

I added your link to my blog.

Please keep blogging

Bhagyashree said...

So very true. Without relations, without love, its so difficult to live. Money career don't mean anything if we don't have anybody to share.
I was feeling very low today, ur post raised my spirits, thank u

A said...

Completely agree with you. We need someone...a lot of others.. do not lie with yourself.

Rachna said...

Very true. I need people too, more than any material possession. And, you rightly said, needing someone is definitely not a sign of weakness.

A rebel all the way... said...

Renu, please don't ever stop blogging. I love your posts.
This one, particularly, made me cry like a baby.
"Its very sad to see that parents are least needed people today..nobody wants them, may be their value is realised only after their departure."
Beautifully put, and very sadly, true.

Tara said...

afterall we exist for others and we live beacuse of them too. life cannot be considered as a separate entity ! wonderful post !

Jon said...

Very thought provoking post...and even you have seen much more life

I loved ur take on appreciation. How we fail to see the goodness in our near ones!

Madhu said...

If we really look at it philosophically, I think thats what every one of us have to aim for i.e not needing anyone. But it would mean that we should also not need anything (not just anybody). Once we reach that stage in life, that's when we have truly found God; according to Hindu Philosophy.

All these people who say things about not wanting anyone are just faking to themselves and everyone around. It takes a lot more enlightenment to reach that stage...isn't it Renu?

Amrita said...

You made quite some comeback Renu, and some of the instances you have stated are so out of real life. Yea, the dichotomy bothers me a lot, so does the disregard for parents when they have given their best to us :(
Wish everyone accepted, we are after all human and we are after all social We cannot do without other humans, and family is something God gifted. It should be cherished above and beyond everything else.
Awesome post!

chitra said...

Renu, Loved the post.
Ego prevents people from expressing their love . Many feel they would lose respect by expressing it. I have seen many families staying under one roof like strangers because of this ego.

raji said...

Hello . A good article with lot of thoughtfulness.I agree with all the points.It takes some little words or deeds to show your love or gratitude towards anyone among your family and its very hard for people to do that.

rama said...

Yes, living alone is too boring. People are only happy in the company of others. Nice post.

Renu said...

Lathavijyakumar: welcome here!..yes its very sad to see thae parents so unwanted..because they require some care, time and money.

Bhagyashree: everybody needs someonbe, but their ego stops them from accepting it...I am happy to see that I could lift your spirits:)

A:.we must not make ego larger than life.

Rachna:..I truely believe that things should be used and people valued.

A rebel all the way:..main kahan stop kar rahi hoon:)...chalo is bahaane tum aaye to yahan:)

Tara; Thanks Tara!!..This need is mutual.

Jon: I always want to see the glass half full:)

Madhu:..it is a question of reaching an stage where you are satisfied with what you have...Prople who say all that they dont need are being just arrogant and hurting to their people.

Amrita: is that so:):):)..I always write real incidents and everything, just dont give the names to them:)..People cherish the family but at their own convenience.kids cherish parents and parents kids, none cherishes old parents.

Chitra: yes Chitra, it hurts me to see the children being so rude and uncaring towards parents.

My journey said...

Just loved eevry line from beginning to the end.
"In today's world things are being loved and people are being played" :)

up↑take said...

"It is better to lose our ego to one we love than lose one we love because of ego" -- Golden words, indeed. Ego thrives on complaining and conflict.

Pranavam Ravikumar a.k.a. Kochuravi said...

I loved the way you ended up. Well written. My wishes.

deeps said...

i m reminded of the movie lage raho munnai bhai...

thought provoking write up...

Tomz said...

I also have heard the same lines many often..

Renu said...

My journey: Thanks Anil:).

Uptake: Sometimes we confuse ego with self respect, otherwise ego is always bad.

Pranavam Ravikumar: Thank you so much for appreciation!!!

deeps:is that so:)?

Tomz: its the most common line today.

Pratibha said...

Ofourse we need people..people we love and who love us, people we can talk to, share activities with..and so much more.

What I do not get is this husband glorification and wife bashing tone of yours --here---
'There are many marriages where husbands are providing finance and security, but wives are not ready to make homes and do their duty.They never realise that the life style they are leading and living a life of luxury is all because of the man who is working hard to make their life comfortable and being a housewife its their duty to make a happy home for him, but they dont want to do their part of bargain..yes in traditional marriage..a man is a provider and woman homemaker...and woman are making the home a hell.....by disregarding family they came into by their care a damn attitude and laziness.'

I might be far less experienced in life than you, but I feel marriage is no trade but a vow of companionship. Why is it only HER duty to make it a happy home??And,do you mean to suggest that homemakers live a chilled out life of luxury while the men toil away to make that life possible?? Please give some credit to the woman, she works 7 days 12 months for her house and family.

Parents part I totally agree, how can anyone be disrespectful toward parents. Only lucky people get their company and the opportunity to do something for them and one should make the most of it.

Renu said...

Pratibha..I am a housewife myself and in my generation most of my family had housewives only and now my next generation works and I get to see everything first hand..Home makmakers.as housewives are called today..are the ones responsible for making a happy home, because in their case man is the only provider,.
I have done evrything in my house..cooking cleaning etc etc, but it never took me 10 hrs to do that, which the man always puts in his job(including commuting).
So the rules will be different for working and non working women.

Pratibha said...

Dear Renu, I would again reiterate that there cant be set rules for a happy home..every family is a unique fabric, in some men take pleasure in helping their women in household chores and here the women relly feel appreciated.

By your standards working women should then completely stop working at home because now even they provide..so how does the housework get done? You can't leave everything for the maids to do, as they would not..and what about the days when the maid on leave? Who should take the responsilbility according to you?

I have my been on both the sides of the balance. Post marriage I took a year long sabbatical, initially didn't even have a house help and trust me waking up early cooking and cleaning the house only too more than 4 hours. Then there was laundry to be done, utensils, getting food etc. and then again cooking in the eve..and here I am talking about a 4 unit family (my SIL & BIL stay with us)and then again there was cooking in the evening. Ofcourse there was respite in between during the day, but then more work awaited in the evening. Honestly, in toto I don't think an average homemaker works less than 6-7 hours a day, and to think of it she works even on sundays, maybe extra hours at that as there are always guests coming on sundays, delicacies being demanded. So if we average it, its a 8-9 hours/per day.Her job is completely thankless except for the odd comments like 'Paneer acche bane hai' or 'kheer bahut badiya hai' and sometimes people don't even bother to leave enough of the so called nice food for the cook.Why isn't the man expected to work at home on his weekly offs and is rather pampered??

I now work, and have hired a house help for my domestic chores like cooking,cleaning etc. I still ahve to cook in evening and seriously I really love it when sometimes I reach home and find my Husband or SIL/BIL cooking for the night, or the laundry all done.

In every case all it takes is a little understanding and support on both ends. I have seen unwell women cook and clean, while the husbands sit i front of the TV as that is what is expected of them as housewives. How inconsiderate is that?

Look, my problem is not of feminism at all, it infact is about lack of consideration and a strict adherence to gender stereotypes..we are evolving in every aspect, now we want the best of education, best of household luxuries then why do we fail to acknowledge the best practices for women and set them to practice?

Renu said...

Pratibha:..I have seen a few woman who do nothing the whole but when their husband comes int he evening, they leave some work for him to do, as to make it equal, and seen many girls today who dont take up a job, but still expect husband to share the work equally...if men wantt o do anything, they are welcome and whenevr the housewife is over burdened, they must share, but just for the sake of equality I cant support.

And I think anybody good in anything be it job or house work always gets appreciation, just the way it is given may be different..in my house all the guests eat lot more than they do in their own homes..and it tells me that my food is well cooked:)

My write up is aimed at those girls who dont do much, not for the ones who work hard.