Wednesday, January 28, 2009



Today my post is more about my reaction to different readings in newspaper and blogs:)

I was reading this news about Julia Robert's stay in Bangalore..award winning Julia Roberts and her cameraman husband......find it quite amusing ,these adjectives which journalists add to people..isnt it funny....are the awards to be flaunted like that or must the profession be always added before the name, cant say about others but I dislike both praise and demeaning in this somewhere I read...small time actress.....i mean what is actress is an actress......and then they have coined a word...starlet seems to me rhyming with piglet:).I dont know if there is any such word for male actors also?

Then i read at a blog how she felt bad at the behaviour of her parents and few incidents reminded me of my children's childhood. When my daughter used to get her report card, her friends used to say that if they had got marks like her their mothers would be at the top of the world and my daughter would say...but my mom will ask me why 95, why not 98, where did u loose 3 marks?............I never meant to hurt my daughter, it never even came to my mind, since she was at topper and we had such expectations from her.Even for the water bottles, they used to break one in a month atleast, and same for the keds. Even sometimes my son also has this complaint that he never got the praise for his marks, if he was in top 5 we wanted him in top 3 and when he was in top 3 we wanted him right at the top:)..again the expectations and now it has become the bad word in my dictionary.if the children feel so hurt by these things that means parents are wrong somehwere..but where and how...can a middle class parent can afford to ignore the studies and academics in India......tomorrow if the children are not well settled, wont they blame parent..wont they say....we were young but you were adults, you should have been strict with us? wont we as parents wouldn't feel unhappy if we are not able to enhance their careers? Then may be we as parent would feel guily of not fulfilling our duties sincerely.....Seems to me that for parents its a nowin be strict and make them study, get them settled...still they feel hurt, You let them free..they dont study...dont fare well...they blame you for their failures. Sometimes being a parent is the toughest profession in life.But personally I would say that I loved my children more than anything in the life, nothing else mattered to me more than their happiness and life, and I took most of the decisions thinking about them first.......... Many times i have seen that strict parents make their children's life much better and the long run.......while pampering them silly makes them suffer in their life an efficient person always gets lot of appreciation and praise which makes him always happy and increases his confidence in life, whereas for the others, no compliment and no praise makes them feel sometimes as if they are not good for anything,Once i was in Warora and there was this young married girl who was educated but knew nothing at all about housekeeping.She belonged to a rich family where everything was done by servants.and she was miserable as she didnt feel like doing any housework and made her husband's life also miserable with a dirty ill kept house, no cooking( eating outside all the time..and this is not a healthy option, plus being a small place it was not feasible also, they always had their meals at the guest house where food was prepared with lot of oil and spices, I never liked it much), she was very good to talk to and so i learned a little about was about ,not teaching ur chidren any work and then by chance her husband got a job in a such place where whithout doing anything one couldnt live......may be it was mismatched priorities, but then learning about the household never goes wasted,like i taught my daughter to work hard, be economical.....or i would say i didnt teach her, she learned by watching me and today with her hard working nature she is able to manage a job , house everything so well and makes so many people happy and I am so proud of her which i couldnt be if she was a lazy. and all that.
Heard somwhere that negativity sells...... but i dont think also, its always the positives in life which make it beautiful,and getting more comments with the negativity cant be a criteria for a post.I believe that more we write about positive values and good in life, more it is spread.
In the last post I wrote about Screen awards and we all blasted them...but on retrospection I thought that arent all the awards same..even these awards on blogs? How many people think twice before awarding them or giving those beautiful adjectives to one and all, if we cant be genuine in a small thing where it wont even alter anything much how can we expect others to reform. here we comment for the sake of increasing traffic, and sometimes even talk not worth mentioning even ,get so fullsome praise.....arent we fake then? We must clean our cupboards first then think about others....I am taking a resolution today that whatever i comment must be genuine and the same for awards, are you?

And last:) yesterday i did Haldi Kumkum in my style.....putting a few photographs here:), I prepared Halwa,peanuts masala,aloo bonda & sewian pulao in refreshments and gave them all a small token gift ( a small jewellery box,bindi,hanki,haldi kumum and supari


Amrita said...

Renu - Dont worry. Your kids might have felt sad/frustrated when u scolded them but in their heart of hearts they know you always meant good. and one bad thing about kids is that they forget to mention how much their parents meant to them in the day to day acts of life.. but they say it to others.... I wonder if my mom knows how much i love her.. but i tell my frnds shes the air i breathe.. i wonder my dad knows how much i adore him though he has such a horrrrrrrible temper but i feel.. i am jus his copy in many ways and i am proud i am like him...

i will always cherish my parents cos they gave us an awesome life.. inspite of all troubles... we never knew any... but though we had a shielded childhood, they instilled discipline and empathy in us... discipline to have a good life ourselves, empathy to do good to others....

hmmm.... and haldi kumkum kyun? bas aise hi? humare yahan kehte hain one should nt give hankies... they say relationships go sour... so get 25paise from the folks u gave hankies to - cos then it aint a gift na :)

aneri_masi said...

This issue of "where did the other 3 marks go", and "why did your friend get more than you" is a very touchy one for me. My parents did that all the time, and I always felt that no matter what, they will never appreciate the effort (still feel the same!) So its a very difficult situation for parents as well as kids :(

Anonymous said...

Renu, starlet and piglet only rhyme..Even I use have used the word ‘starlet’ in some of my write-ups and spicing up captions/headlines etc. is a way to grab eyeballs…lolz..thre is no particular word for male varies depending on their on screen/off screen image..e.g. the new BLUE EYED BOY of the Bhatt camp, Adhyayan Suman, is all set to tie the knot with GIRL FRIEND-ACTRESS Kangana Ranaut…lolz

Or CHRONIC KISSER/ SERIAL KISSER Emraan Hashmi miffed with the Bhatts…

In one of my interviews, even I have quoted Madhur Bhandarkar as- the three-time National Award winning director Madhur it really amusing?

I think today’s parents tend to over expect.. They often compare kids..this only provokes sibling rivalry..

As children, we hv many dreams and aspirations..Parents shud b supportive of our dreams..they shud give wings to our dreams and NOT force us into a vocation/occupation tht does nt interest us..

if xyz’s child is a doctor, they want their child to be a doctor too…if the neighbors kid is an engg, they want their child to be an engg too..

Obviously as parents, they have every right to guide, support, suggest and even interfere..but not in a way tht it suffocates the child..and children shud NEVER hold parents responsible fr failures..i believe every human being is responsible for his/her life..


I have read some of your posts. I liked the same and would like to revisit your website.

If you like short stories and paintings, then a visit to my blogs would be an interesting one for you.

Naval Langa


Chriz said...

good that i was not your daughter.. i used to flunk big time..

Reflections said...

Excellent Renu......Superb post!!!!!
Identified with every sentence u wrote abt the children.....I'm lost for words actually.

Some of ur sentences I wd like to highlight.....

"tomorrow if the children are not well settled, wont they blame parent..wont they say....we were young but you were adults, you should have been strict with us?"

"Seems to me that for parents its a nowin be strict and make them study, get them settled...still they feel hurt, You let them free..they dont study...dont fare well...they blame you for their failures."

"I believe that more we write about positive values and good in life, more it is spread."

I'm going to save this in my system & take it out & read atleast once a month.

Thank U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Renu said...

Aneri-masi: but what to do now, i would like to make it up for them in any way if i could...u knwo even the kids are not the perfect kids, they why do they expect perfect parents? and when i appreciate them then also they say..aap kuch jyaada hi taareef karti ho:)

SWATS: ----LOL:), actually no, if you are desribing a person or writing something related to that, then its was just theyw ere narrating Julai's trip where awards or photography didnt matter..
chalo yeh fir bhi theek ha, but I dont like degrading comments or insulting someone...I give equal respect to or the top or the bottom, it shouldnt make any difference:)

Thank god atleast onething i am not guilty of:)...fostering my ambitions on them,and i have heard many people say....agar mere parents ne na roka hota to main aaj US me hota, well settled..still struggling because of them...and many more like this:)
You are absolutely right and i also feel that parent must a give their children roots f wupport and wings of freedom:)

NAVAL LANGA: thanks for dropping and yes I am very fond of reading stories , so i will certainly visit you.

Renu said...

Amrita: Thanks for ur support:), yes now my children say that I loved them to my very best, but still the thought rankles me that once I was the reason for their hurt:(
haldi kumkum..bus aise hi..I keep going to everybody's wanted to call them also:) and give them a taste of my cooking, and i didnt know this thing about hanki:) I was looking for those sets of 3 hankies embridered and all, but since i coouldnt find that I made this packet.
If you ever come to this side meet me sometime:)

CHRIZ: what was the reaction of your parents? parents are same irrespective of caste creed or region:)

Reflections: Thank u Nancy from my heart for your koind encouraging words:)

Sandhya said...

Renu, sorry I missed the haldi kumkum. Someother time, may be.

What you say about children is correct. I have got complaints with my parents and my children have got with theirs! Still, I and my brothers and sisters have come out well and my sons have come out well. We will do our best as much as possible, nobody is a saint!

I love Julia Roberts ..her Erin Brockvich, Pelican Brief, Pretty woman ...

Good blog!

SR said...


We kids never realize anything when our parents are strict with us. My parents were strict with me but I realize the benefits only now. The very fact that I am able to manage an existence where I manage most things by myself is only because somewhere they disciplined me. Many people I know, expect single kids to be spoilt, pampered and not know a single thing! I am glad my parents never contributed to giving me that image and am full of gratitude when I see girls who are real scatterbrains and can't manage anything.

I am sure I was angry with my parents then, but now I thank them. I am sure your kids feel the same :)

Pixie said...

Hugs Renu... :-)
And don't worry.. all moms are like this only! :P
My parents always used to ask - "where did that one mark go?!"
And we used to always fight with them!! But, it's helped us and taught us never to settle for anything less in life and to always aim beyond the stars and not just the stars!!!

Piper .. said...

I dont know where to begin. Whether to feel proud of being the 'inspiration' behind this post(albeit self-proclaimed!) or whether to feel horrid about hurting deep sentiments.
Its not a matter of blaming either parents or children. There can never be one universal dictum for parenting which will keep everybody happy. But some basic rules need to be followed, just as in all relationships.Children ought to be respected as individuals. You cant dismiss a child of, as being ignorant and decide the course of his life. You cant really force your expectations(read desires) on a child and claim that he is incapable of deciding for himself. Maybe he is. But maybe, just maybe coercion isnt the right way.You cant comment on how fat/ugly/disgusting a child looks and make sure you say it on his face - so that for the rest of his life he`s scared to look into a mirror again. That is what I was talking about Renu. For years I have felt 'scared' of my mom - because of reasons I still dont deem as silly. Like losing 3 water bottles in a row and I would literally shiver at the thought of returning back home from school. That was me. That was my mom. Now when I try to discuss the issue, n number of reasons and explanations can be given. But does it undo the fact that when I think of my childhood, I think of the fear first before any of the joys? There are far bigger issues in my childhood and i dont care to discuss that here. But I shall email you at length. I really want to know how a mom would think/feel about it.
In the mean while, I`m sorry to have upset you this bad. It wasnt my intention. I was only talking about my mom. Not moms in general..:(

A rebel all the way... said...

A very relevant post Renu.
I completely agree with you when you say that the job of a parent is the most difficult in this world.
But 'parental expectations' is something I am strictly against. Infact, after the age of 18, parents should let their children do what they want. If the world considers them as adults, I see no reason why parents can't see them as adults as well. Yes, they should advice their children, but the final decision should be the children's. Sometimes I feel parents breathe down the necks of their children even when they are 30yrs old. That becomes sad and extremely extremely suffocating.
Also, too much love and a very close-knit family can also be the problem sometimes. Children feel so indebted to their parents that they kill their own desires just to make their parents happy.

Renu said...

Sandhya: rather i felt bad, I should have called you earlier:(.
You are right..we all five siblings are very close and all good human beings:) and same for my children and thats what i wanted to emphasize that parents who instill discipline and values, there children get lots of benefits in their life:)

I saw pretty woman 25 years back:)and since then started liking ms. roberts...I was going to write about Erin brockovich..very good movie:)
Thank U:)

SR: Tnaks SR, You got my point exactly this i wanted to say:)

Piper: Dont feel like, U cant hurt a fly just started the thought process of my mind,and the two incidents were so similar that i wanted to explain my point of view.
I never believed in terrorising the children for it a mistake, bad marks or indiscipline.Thats what gave them a confidence to come to me in any crisis. and please dont feel sorry, not at all.

REBEL: Ur name says it all:)

here i am talking about kids below 18, till then do they need guidance?
There is nothing like 'too close',and love and affection is never bad or not required..its only when it is without understandind that it creates problems.
And I believe that life is worth living only if you live a little for others, and killing a few of your desires for your parents is not such a bad thing..but yes there can always be a middle way where everybody compromises a little and all are happy:) actually its very complicated cant say everything in this comment, may be with a separate post:)

Shilpa said...

When I was in school, we usually fared well. When we didn't, my mom used to worry herself sleepless but my dad would still say 'Good', like always. That was kind of motivating - to really earn the remark, we worked harder.

Again, we learnt living by seeing how our parents did. Thats the best, lead by example.

Shalom said...

My parents are exactly like how you described yourself. As a teenager I used to wonder why they weren't more chilled out, why they were so overprotective .... but today, I am so incredibly grateful they gave us that discipline and structure as its made us efficient, competent and responsible adults. So please don't blame yourself or feel bad, I'm sure your children are as thankful to you as I am to my parents :)

Renu said...

Shilpa; yeah, so many thing children imbibe , naturally, even the parents realise much later:)

I think some scolding on bad marks is in order:), I know for myself..however I may try, but I cant ever accept bad marks with a smile:)

Shalom: yeah thats the reason our thoughts are so similar.
Cant say about my children, both of them read my blog, but none of them has said a single thing:)

Destination Infinity said...

The problem I feel is, to be frank with you, parents expect their children to perform so very well in their exams and education in general, that some times kids are deprived of some of their normal activities like playing, hobbies etc. But I was lucky to swing between being a good student (4th Highest in School - X) to a slow learner (77th in School - XII). I was very upset with my bad performance, that too in an important year like the 12th Class. But looking back, that was the best thing that could have happened as I am not Just Another Software Engineer like all my friends but I have a much more challenging career now. If I had scored well in 12th, I would have got into the same software grind. There is lot more to life than marks, which we fail to see at that time!

Destination Infinity

Renu said...

DI: yes parents have put a premium on marks, but there is a reason to it, earlier there was nno other different profession except the fixed ones where one needed to score, and since most of the parents as well as children aspire for a wealthy life, a good job is a must.
Of course now with so many vistas open, even parents have relaxed, secondly for a challenging career to have, the child must realise his aptitude also in life, if one has a passion be it for anything, one gets it.

Dreams of parents

Now a days counselling and admissions are going on for colleges, so I see parents fretting around and always talking about reservations and...