Monday, September 7, 2009

So what is the menu today?

Sandhya has tagged me for fast and furious songs, Sandhya I am still searching my mind to find them , the day I complete the nos. i will put them here.
Yesterday i was talking to my daughter and she joked that i always compelled them to eat brinjal(she dislikes it) or that they were not allowed to choose vegetables,they were supposed to eat whatever was there in the menu,as I wanted them to eat all the different vegetables, as it is nutritious, so i thought may be I did wrong, I should have pampered them like some parents do where children eat whatever they want, do wahatevr they want, behave as they want, becuase I have seen that children brought up without any discipline of any kind are very attached to their parents as they think that their parents loved them too much.....whereas my thinking was to always inculcate a certain discipline, to make them adaptable to different conditions, make them independent. and to give them healthy food, of course balanced with ocasional pampering.
According to me to bring up the children with discipline be it in lifestyle, food or anything else, needs lots of efforts on the part of parents and certain sacrifices also. But then the results are also so satisfying as the children grow up
to be healthy individuals,without any vices,
to be such a person who bring happiness wherever they go.. ,
then sometimes children might be intelligent, but they need some guidance or a little push to reach their goals .......
.But sometimes I think that all these things parents do for the welfare of kids and they (kids) benefit also,but what do the parents get...sometimes the satisfaction of watching a succesful grown up and sometimes the accusations..mummy aapne hame roj baigan khilaya:) , aapne hame itna freedom nahi diya:)ofcourse in jest:).....whereas the second type of parents enjoyed their life and let their children also enjoy..if they become good and successful, its their luck and if they dont..well there will be always someone to blame:)
But given a choice again I would like to choose the same options.....I like to have certain discipline in life, certain decorum in behaviour, and that old world quality of wanting to make others happy:), so what if it is sometimes at the cost of our happiness also, that feel is so special, nothing can replace it.And I feel very proud when I see that my children have grown up to be a very sensitive ( remember for me being sensitive means being sensitive to other's feelings), and hard working persons, for that thing only I can hear it again and again....
mummy aapne hame roj baigan khilaya ha:) .......Once we had neighbours whose daughters were friends to my daughter. And they were so pampered, that if they wanted burger daily in lunch, they will get it, and if chowmein, so be it, they ate everything of their choice at their timings(no fix timings for lunch) and the result..both the girls became very fat, but the parents were hardly bothered, I could never be like that. and sometimes even children when they grow up, complain ...why you have made me like that, why you didnt make me independent and hard working etc etc.....you have ruined me.....
In matters of style, swim with the current;
in matters of principle, stand like a rock.~Thomas Jefferson~

23 comments:

SG said...

Nice post Renu. You are 100% correct. Parents are not here to win popularity contest with their children. They are here to show affection and raise them properly.

Smitha said...

Discipline is very important. I am very strict with my daughter about a lot of things. But I explain it to her - I do not force it on her. And most of the time, she understands perfectly when I explain - even though she is just 3. I do not like forcing things on her. So what I do instead , is give her an option - which is generally not a great one - so she ends up choosing what I wanted her to - in the first place.

One of our friend's daughter demands something, if she does not get it, creates a scene and the parents give in. In our case, what we do is - never give in if she is acting difficult. We explain to her and if she still does not understand and insists on it - we tell her - that she will definitely not get if she behaves this way. And she never cries and throws tantrums because she knows that she will not get away with it. In a lot of ways, I feel that she responds much better, when I treat her as an responsible child and praise her when she does.. rather than when she is forced to do things without us explaining it to her.

Jayashree said...

I don't give my daughter any choice about veggies either....she has to finish whatever is on her plate....no two ways about it!!! Wonder what she'll say when she grows up....

Pixie said...

Ayyo! I agree with you Renu!
My mom makes me eat brinjal even now!!

Uff! she makes sure I prepare it once in 15 days at least and makes sure I eat my share!! :D

So, yea the discipline is still there!

and yea, me no likes brinjal either - only 1 or 2 preparations I like!

Monika said...

ooh i agree discipline is required in every walk of life and the sooner its introduced the better

Smriti said...

You forgot to mention Ma that I also said you did the right thing :). I think half the fun of being parents will be gone if kids do not complain about all this, don't you think so?

Renu said...

SG:You are bang right on this point, as a parent its our duty to inculcate the right attitude and values in our chidren otherwise when they grow up, they will blame the parents only.

Smitha: You are so right and you are raising your daughter in the best way, todays children are an evolved lot and forcing is not effective at all, it wasnt even in our times....
I firmly believe that we must teach delayed gratification to our children. Mine were very happy kids, though I never loaded them with candies or gadzets or anything like that.They knew the budgets, limits and had their pocket money .That way they learned to manage the money also.

PIXIE:....:) actually we had a neighbour, i have added that bit in the post and I saw the bad effects of not disciplining etc, so I couldnt let that do

Renu said...

Jayshree: She will be thankful to you..see my daughter's comment:)

Monika: yeah right, one cant mould a teenager unless the seed is sown at childhood.

Smriti: I was waiting for your comment:)....and I love evrything about you, whether its complaint or praise..you are a perfect daughter.

Rush said...

cool post, love ur outlook and couldn't agree more...speaking for a kids outlook, now i look back and in total awe in the way our parents brought us up, with complete discipline and telling us how and why...i wish i can be half as much to my kids as what my parents imbibed in me!!

Renu said...

Rush: Thank u:)........and I am sure that you will do proud to your parents and will bring up your children with as much care..see these things are inherited:)

Sometimes I think that the amount of bending, adJustment,pampering, patience and work I do for my DIL, if half of that I had done for my MIL or meven mother.they would have been the happiest person,Not that they are not happy now:) still, but this is human nature what we can do for our children, we cant do for our parents..here is the..MOH..MAYA.

Babli said...

Thanks for visiting my blog and for your lovely comment. I am not at all scared of any animals and reptiles. Specially in Australia you will love to hold the reptiles and to pat the animals as they are very loving and friendly.
I liked your blog very much.I appreciate for your beautiful presentation.Lovely post and I enjoyed reading it.

Swats said...

You're spot on!
I wholeheartedly agree with u..
My mother feels the same :)

You are just perfect I feel :)

Amrita said...

oh inspite of making them eat brinjals i think u were a rocking mom
same with my parents
they lavished all comforts on us but never ever let indiscipline slip in.. and thats why i adore them
and pampering kids to just be in their good books is so lame.. cmon parents should kno better wo bade hain... and being liked by their kids who hardly know nething about the world is such a worthless trophy to have

Solilo said...

So cute. Whatever parents do, there is always going to be something which children will pick to complain. It is fun. I wouldn't like a perfect relationship where there is no complaints. It starts sounding fake. I LOVE little arguments with my mom as she is my bestest friend in the whole world.

Parenting is a tough thing and we are only human and it is natural for us to make mistakes. We do what we feel is right for our child. Tomorrow I am sure Peanut will find somethings that she didn't like and I would love and laugh at it when she picks on me.

A rebel all the way... said...

I agree. A certain amount of discipline is necessary. And so is a certain amount of detachment.

Renu said...

SWATS: Thank u:) I am grinning from ears to ears:), You made my day:)

Solio: Yes its fun, and I love it when my daughter bosses me:) or my son dominates me completely:).....I feel sort of taken care of..
but with my mother we couldnt ever argue, it wasnt allowed:)..even today she doent like dissent:), whereas me totally opposite, I almost always take evry advice and suggestions I get very seriously and actaccordingly, I mean I am always open to everything.

REBEL: U know only yesterday I was thinking of asking you..bhai kahan ho? and today when I opened the mail, saw ur comment:)
I believe that one should be a friendly parent, but not friend and yes attachment with detachment is the best policy as advised by Krishna also and those who follow get Niravana:).. I am also trying:)

the blogger formerly known as sansmerci said...

great post renu... :D:D:D

i partially agree with u.. and aprtially dont.. i think freedom is not something we give to kids.. soemtimes they are more informed and more smarter than us.. but yes it is a mothers duty and love to give themt he best of advcie and best of wat she knows since moms knows best and wishes the best for her kids.. otherthan which i don think any individual can take over any individuals life even if born from outa our own body cells :)

but ur perfectly rite.. kids shud b trained to eat everything .. until they grow up nuff to kno wat is good for them n wat is not ... but y do u think we cnt do the same with a lil pmapering attached to it?... there is always a way :)

Renu said...

Sanmerci: You are right, but advice is good only when they are grown up andcan understand what is good for them, but young kids cant decide for themselves what is good and what is not. After being an adult..I dont ever even ask them about anything..they are free from me:)..but yes as a child they never wanted to eat green vegetables and all that and for that I was particular, then they must be home by 7 or 7.30 , there were few such rules:)......

Hey come on:) I was not such a draculean mother:)....was quite soft also, ask them:)

Where are you now-days? not posting anything?

Sparkling said...

Everytime I read a parental post from you, I think of my Maa.

There is no documented book on Parenting, Renu, it is just matters of the heart, coz whatever the action, it is always effected keeping in mind the benefit of their children. I believe in a balance of both. To be honest, my Maa has been a single parent for such a long time now and I think she did a great job with us 3 girls. She gave us the freedom and she told us how far we could go with it as well. She is my best friend today and I can say that without any doubt, but I remember one thing very clearly, she never forced us to do anything. She reasoned with us very strongly. And I think that works, growing with your kids in mind and behavior is the best gift a parent can give their child, and believe you me, the child turns out good :p

Sparkling said...

Btw, I forgot to tell you, I love Baingan :)

Renu said...

Babli: Thanx Babli for your nice comment !

Amrita: I dont know whether I was a good mother or not, but my children are very good in most of the respects.
I have seen some spolt brats saying that their parents are very good because they let them do whatever they want:).

Sparkling:There cant be a better compliment for me:)..
Parenting is a matter of heart plus some hard work also, I have seen many parents taking it easy also,..not worrying about giving the kids food at a proper time(mother busy gossiping and kids filling them with biscuits etc) , or not spending enough time with them, many such things.

Everything has its own time, so there is always a time for reasoning and time to be strict, but yes each to his own, and basically if the end product is good everything is fine, BUT....suppose the children go haywire then the first person to get the blame is parents only.

Renu said...

Sparkling: Now my children also love..BAIGAN KA BHARTA:)

Sandhya said...

All of us in our family love brinjal, in any way! I feel all children will have some complaints about their parents, like we have! I do my best to raise my children with some discipline like my mother did with me. Like me, my family never throw away food. They never waste anything. Mostly follow the breakfast and lunch timing. Only dinner time changes a bit. I used to prepare a lot of oily things to give them when they came back from school. After they finished school, they were not playing outdoor games much and I started cutting oily food.

Like you said, we have to try our best to guide them and we are also human, we might make some mistakes. I am always open to accept my mistakes and say sorry too.

Like Smitha said, I used to explain why I don't want them to do something and they used to heed it.Even now I have got that habit...if somebody says something and if I am against it, first I explain to them why I don't agree with them. Never say abruptly that I disagree with their views.

Interesting post, Renu. Don't worry about the tag. Do it when you feel like it! I had guests at home for the past one week and I am reading the pending posts one by one, now!