Thursday, September 3, 2009

Children

Since I have come back I have been quite busy, first when I came my BIL and his family( devar devrani) were here. Then last Friday suddenly I got a call from my sis that her son was having high fever and hospitalised in VIT Vellore, so the next day I went there and brought him here and then my sis and BIl both reached here..this swine flu has scared everybody so much......When I see all my siblings so emotionally attached to their offsprings, I wonder, what is the reason,is it because all of them have a single child only? why today's parents are so emotionally vulnerable ?I always tell them to do their best for their children, but dont make them your life....In the long run it brings emptiness and hurt only.........
My sis and me talked non stop( as all the sisters do:) and we discussed many things...like everybody says..daughters are more caring and affectionate etc etc..but I dont agree with that at all because children are children, we cant make gender based assumptions, it sometime happens that the same girls who are very affectionate and caring to their parents, become the opposite of that to their inlaws, and make life difficult for the sons and they surrender to get peace.Otherwise my H has done more for his mother than his sisters, and the same for my brother, and my son takes the cake, rather the bakery:)........If at any point of life he is not able to do anything for me, I can never say that he is not good son, he is the best one could get, it is my destiny, my karma.
Then she read somehwere.....
First Americans made us love fast and junk food, now they are avoiding it.
First they got us addicted to aerated drinks, now they find it not so healthy.
First they popularised everything disposable, now they say it hurts the environment.
They only popularised the culture of spending first and earning alter on thru credit cards and now they are going back to our style of savings.
They only propagated nuclear families and I , me , myself theory and had so much of stress in life , that they look forward to us for peace, whereas we are as usual following them blindly .
What the future holds for us? what we see there.............see yourself

My sis loved Chennai, almost everything about it, but found it very expensive, even i think in the last 4 month prices have doubled, and then the govt. says inflation is going down and recession is there. When the prices are pinching me,I keep thinking about the daily earners, how they will manage. What is the point of development, if we cant afford even basics of life..like food and house.....I look forward to the day when we also shall be able to manage our food bill from the 20 % of our salary, not the 90 % as the situation is today.

22 comments:

Pradeep said...

Thanks for coming to my blog and leaving a comment...

The point you make about parents is very true, Renu. Sometimes it is the mother, sometimes it is the father: parents are a huge influence on the kids.

Often kids find the parents too nagging and emotionally overpowering. One reason could be that the parents are too worried that in the present atmosphere with so much of distractions their kids may lose their way.

I think parents should have lot of confidence in their children, that given an invigorating foundation, there is little chance of children losing their way.

manju said...

I'm coming here after a while.:)

Nice post, and very interesting points you have made.

Personally I don't think that we can generalize that all girls or all boys will act a certain way. Nowadays I have observed that much depends on the nature of the individual, not the gender.

Renu said...

Pradeep: Welcome here !!

In a few respects I think we are very lucky that all the boys and girls in our family are very principled and follow our ethics and morals. But still parents are parents, they will worry:) .

Manju:I always look forward to your perspective on my posts, and wish to see you regularly:)
I also wanted to say the same thing that caring is a quality of individul not the gender. I dont like this saying....
a son is a son till he gets a wife and a daughter is ur daughter whole life..because wife is also a daughter of someone..its always the circumstances which make or brak a perso.

Rush said...

loved the american criticism and the inflation issue.

Cudnt agree more on our blind following to the american ways of life...totally detest and u have brought it out in the best way possible.

ON inflation, yes...india is still in a stage where we are still surviving , india hasn't still come off the basic survival days..we need to go a long way, on that aspect. That will a one differentiator when India emerges as a developed economy.

Rush said...

You are my latest addition on http://memoirsofeverdaylife.blogspot.com/2009/05/thankyou-all.html

Hobo ........ ........ ........ said...

Whenever I tour I am sad.
Reason : The living condition. Not mine but many I find are in bad conditions.

Hobo ........ ........ ........ said...

Whenever I tour I am sad.
Reason : The living condition. Not mine but many I find are in bad conditions.

Shruti SriHarsha said...

Renu, I completely agree with you about Parent's influence on children and at times, how emotionally they attack them..I see that at my place at times and always think, when I have a kid - I know I will not be like this....Am not sure is it the parents insecurity later or the bonding, which results over caring and ultimately .......Few of them leave them and find their nest, while the rest stay back and get influenced and spread to their offspring...

I loved your America comparison!!! Somehow I don't look upto to them anymore nor the influence...

Renu said...

Rush: Actually there is so much good also about America, but we hardly follow that like they are hardworking and honest in day today life, follow rules etc etc:)

I hope to see that developed India in my life:)

Hobo: me too, sometimes my whole enthu for eating out goes off when I see people in bad conditions.

Shruti: There are certain things which are similar for everybody and are according to the age..like when we are young we say.. we will let our children live their life , wont interfere, wont be dependent and all that, even I said the same thing and even following it now, but for everybody sometimes that is not possible....so many of our virtues or vices are due to the circumstances.

We may look up to anybody, but its upto us to decide what we admire and want to copy..as Indians we always follow and copy the wrong things..

Deeps said...

Its so ironic that we blindly try to imbibe the american way of living and the americans look to us for tranquility in life!

Hows your nephew now?Yes the swine flu has really got us all on tenterhooks!

Sparkling said...

There is one thing I feel extremely strongly in our culture; we pressure our children with a lot expected responsibilities from their future. I won’t argue about the fact that perhaps, it was required decades ago. But we’re educated today and can well save for our future, I believe it is important today to release our kids of these pressures, educate them and then give them the free opportunity to go fend for themselves.
Let us not have a lot of expectations from them, if they’ve been bought up well they’ll well understand their duties and their emotional bonds, if not, well, he/she will someday face their own music too.

Renu said...

Sparkling: .....I know that and its not warranted .I loved this....if they’ve been bought up well they’ll well understand their duties and their emotional bonds, if not, well, he/she will someday face their own music too.........Even my daughter says the same thing:) and I think slowly this stage is coming,
But to come to this so many other things in our society need to change,so that children are not reqired or needed....like assistance living, medical help etc etc.
Presently its not only the duty of chidren, sometime parents are in dire straits and need it.

Piper .. said...

Renu, was the 'I,Me,Myself' part a potshot at me? :):)

Lata said...

Renu:
Your blog topics are thought provoking, I have some comments from the other side (devil's advocate?).

I would like on comment on this son-daughter issue. It is a proven fact that biologically the girls are different - more affectionate or not, they take better care of things -includes parents and in laws. There are of course exceptions to the general rule. Also, you can not compare apples and oranges - usually in traditional Indian envir., daughters are married off, away to another household and are not able to take care of things the way sons are. Would anybody expect the daughter to travel 500 km everyday if the parent is sick (reverse the situation: would or do all parents take care of their daughters when they need?). On the other hand, sons take over the house and therefore are entrusted with the parents' responsibilities. Even when they take over everything including all property of parents, many sons do not fulfil any responsibility, and the ones who do even partly, are praised a lot. I have not heard of a single case (in Northern India) where the daughter is given all parental inheritance and the son has still taken care of the parents. Would there be a first one? That would be a test.

In one of your previous blogs, you had made a comment about friends and family being miffed - there are only two ways to not bring this over:
Don't tell them about your blog - if they don't read, won't hurt, or, the second is: don't write things involving them - you must agree, every event witnessed/participated by/into by two people will have 2 separate perspectives. Also, it is no problem when you are praising somebody, it is difficult the other way round - applies to everybody.

There are many angles to every situation, I just wanted to offer another angle. Of course, all parents should be taken good care of by the kids and all kids should be treated equally by the parents, be it son or daughter, be it 10 kids or 1.

Amrita said...

Hey one thing that struck me.. you have your extended family too in and around chennai? How come?
Maybe one post on how you ended up being here though you hail from the north would be interesting :)

SG said...

Nice post. As Manju said it is the nature of the individual and not the gender.

I am sorry to say it has become a fashion to bash America. No one forced us to follow America's "bad" influence. If we hate them so much why are we standing in front of their consulates for a visa.

As you correctly said why don't we following their good "side". We lived in Salt Lake City, Utah, for a few years. Whenever there is a snow fall, a college student will come and remove the snow for a fee. One day there was snow and he did not come to remove it. I called him. He said that in a few hours another snow storm is coming and if he removes the snow he has to come again in couple of hours and remove again. He said then you have to pay me twice and I want to avoid that. I will come after the next strom in a couple of hours.

Renu said...

Piper: OMG..How could you think of that?..I never ever take potshot at friends:) and you are a very dear sweet girl Mishy, ....and you are so caring about your family also:)..infact I choose my blogger friends also that way:)..none will be like that:)

Lata; Answer to your comment requires another post, so I will do that:)
and you are right, I should havent told my Blog ID t my family, becuase now it restricts me in voicing my free opinion..may be I will start a new blog for relationships:)

Amrita: None of my relations are here:)..my devar is based in US and sis came from Lucknow:)...and its a long story how I came here will tell you one day:)

SG: SG ...You misunderstood me...its not America bashing..I have said in many of my earlier post also..that if US has become a super power, its not for othing, we must see what is that quality there.....I do the bashing for Indians only who always take out the worst thing everywhere to follow.
But yes I never hesitate in calling an spade a spade be it Indians or Americans or anybody else.

The Holy Lama said...

Societies and cultures differ across the world. What works out well for one might not work for another. Aping others senselessly is certainly not good for a nation. And as for the daily bread winners, just a thought: how many times have you haggled over price of fruits or vegetables with a hawker while happily paying exorbitant sum for embroidered Kurti at a swank upmarket ethnic shop. How may time have you waited for the small change from the taxi driver while you ate a tandoori roti priced Rs 15? How many times have you felt that the maid doesn't deserve the wages she earns?
Rush led me here

Renu said...

The Holy Lama: Avery warm elcome here and I mjust than Rashmi also:)

Yes I WAS GUILTY of all the things you menti0oned here, but then I was also struggling with finances, now when I am not.....I always tell my H never bargain with Vegetable vendors etc..though in the process sometimes I am b eing exploited, like I never cut the wages for my maid for any leave, as they dont have any medical insurance or LTA etc, and they taking me granted come sometimes for only 15 days in a month. Though I am very particular in one thing..I dont let anybody take me for granted:)..I bear with them, and if they are sick I help monetarily also:)

I am very happy to find one more person who thinks like me, thanks for coming here.I am delighted.

Renu said...

Deeps: sometimes I feel that we have this inferiority complex and whatever the Goras do is the best for us to emulate.

My nephew became fine as soon as he saw his parents:)...sometimes I feel that this is the golden period for children and parents, both are devoted to each other without any conflicts:)

Smitha said...

I don't understand how we follow everything that the west does - and still manage to get all the bad things from them :) I wish we would pick up their strong points like punctuality instead of the negative ones..

As for parents.. I think most children will do anything to ensure that their parents are comfortable and happy in their old age.. At least I hope that we are able to be there for our parents whenever they need us..

Renu said...

Smitha: You caught the contradiction:)..brilliant:)...yes they have many strong points, wish we emulate them.

and you have summarised my point so beautifully..this is what i wanted to say that children are children not son or daughter.