Sunday, September 13, 2015

Am I being selfish?

Now a days I am reading Spouse..truth of Marriage by Shobha dey.and since its a book on major relationship in life ..one starts thinking about so many things, like there are some people in my life who claim to care for me, but rarely call me or even if my hubby goes on tour, i am alone,even  then they never make a call even once to ask, how i am managing..and about few of them, i can say that if I ever need them , they will be there for me, but some others ..may be..may not be, or whatever is convenient to them..
so what I am supposed to think..do they really care?
 Should I consider them my own...or i am right in feeling hurt? These are the same people whom I  have cared a lot and done a lot..so is it like asking my pound of flesh?
 Am I being selfish in the feeling that they should reciprocate?..I did what my heart told me to do, because i cared for them, why do I need their social grace, yes its that, to feel happy..Shouldnt I be happy with the feeling that I have done the best I could? and move on....
If ever for some reason, I am not able to do something, people make me feel so guilty, but they themselves never conform.
Is it right to feel exploited or this is the norm today..not to keep up the grace of being in touch..

Really, I am exasperated..sometimes people and relations make me feel so frustrated, but I am a typical saggi..comes out of this phase very fast, and start believing..I am doing my karma, they theirs...

16 comments:

khushi said...

AS you said , "I am doing my Karma,they theirs" .

So relax and take a chill pill! :)

Ankita said...

diff people have diff ways of expressing love. coming quickly out of depression is a remarkable trait :)

indu chhibber said...

You are not demanding something unreasonable,we all want to feel loved.But life might be very hectic for those whom you find lacking,it is not about exploitation or not caring.The flow of 'mamta'or affection is downwards.We love our kids and bring them up;they have to look after theirs.That explains the neglect we might feel from our kid.About others,well laziness too-at least it prevents me from calling up folks--not that i dont care for them.

Sandhya said...

This happens with everybody, Renu! I hurts when we think people our responsibility to help at one stage, just turn away when we need them most. What you are doing is right...just carryon with life, engage yourself as much as possible...I know this is not that easy to follow!

sweetyshinde said...

Hi Renu, I don't know if I'm qualified to comment. But maybe the fact they don't pester you is an indicator they consider you independent, able and competent. I'm sure that's what you are.

But if you still wish them to call, then its best to state your wishes to them openly. Sometimes, people miss the most glaringly obvious to-do things in life.

Renu said...

Khushi: may be, I should do that:)

Ankita: thank you Ankita!

Indu Chhibber:This is not about my children, they are better than I expected:).its about my extended family...
Some social etiquettes are necessary for everyone I think, otherwise it creates so much of confusion, like it is in my mind..whether to consider them family or keep them at a distance...

Sandhya:..Yes in India, even extended families take lots out of you,one makes lots of adjustments for them, but most of the time all is in vain.

Sweetyshinde:: Why not..infact you are better qualified, because being young you may know their how their mind work.
Your first two line are totally accurate, but since they are not my children i am taking about, but extended family, They have taken a lot out of me, but today they seem to have vanished.

Ashwini C N said...

I'm staying alone for a few days now. All those who gladly asked me to stay at their place in front of my parents have conveniently been ignoring me. Not that I'm bothered because I dont like to depend on others, still. I'm again not generalizing, but certain people say stuff only for formality.

Happy Kitten said...

Everyone goes through this phase of life..guess one can be content that one did the best when needed. I am sure it was returned maybe through someone else. Maybe this is how it works?

Amrita said...

Renu I totally understand what you are talking about here. And no it does not mean you are being selfish. It is just your parameters of behaviour are different from others. That does not make either of you wrong.
For instance our upbringing shapes a lot of our attitude. I for example have seen my mother always praise people for any gift,always return a gift and one typical thing she used to do was never return an empty vessel of anyone sent any food. She never consciously taught me to do all this but I sort of picked them up. There were a few episodes where others did not do the same to me and I used to feel offended. But then I realised in this fast paced world people are too busy doing their own stuff. Its OK to expect them to return a favour but it's also ok for them not to. When I read discussing this with a friend she said'you keep doing what you think you should else these traditions will die 'so I try. But if I think from my Mil 's perspective there are some rituals which I don't for the lack of time and facilities.
So do what is feasible. Hold back if you think you are being 'used'. You are the best judge. :)

Loco mente said...

I related to each word you have written...
And when I read that word "saggi" I understood everything...
Cheers buddy :)

Jeevan said...

I think it doesn’t differ much from each other. People care for us is an attitude... but to spend time and sharing is depend on their priorities.

Renu said...

Ashwini CN: people are too hypocritical now a days...

Happy Kitten: very tru my dear very true..I too think like that but sometime human mind strays:)

Amrita: Even i dont like to send back the empty vessel..:)Generally i do what I feel I should and move on, but with some people you feel attachment and thats the reason their lack of grace hurts....but the truth we cant change others, only ourselves.

Loco mente:..:)..are you too saggi:)

Jeevan: Exactly jeevan, thats what I feel..that may be i am not a priority for them.

SG said...

Ignore them and carry on with your life.

Avada Kedavra said...

Sometime back, I used to get upset because of such people. Many friends are like that too. These days I have stopped worrying and just do my part.

Anilkumar Kurup said...

Well, well I think you are giving much to what others feel. Indeed it is necessary that we not hurt the other , but then tethering your happiness to what others do, feel for you or how they reciprocate your actions is giving away too much. Let me be honest here from my experience. This word "sacrifice" is indeed twin edged . Those who claim or feel have sacrificed is sure to extract their pound of flesh later , one day. That will be a situation of distraught.

My take is if someone is not appreciating you, well move on. There is no sense in hanging on like a limpet. The matter is clear.

sm said...

thoughtful post
valid questions and i do not think its selfish to expect
No1 Mantra is never expect anything from anyone