Monday, September 21, 2015


Accepting a gift is also an art and not many people know it..I see many reacting like this..
Why did you get something so expensive?...( now expensive is a very subjective approach,it may insinuate the giver is not capable of affording it)
I never use it..
You give it to someone else....( who are you to suggest it...its so awkward to hear this, make you feel humiliated)
I dont wear this material.
I dont like border sarees..etc etc..

I see that people refuse to take gifts very easily saying.I don't use it or it wont be of any use to me.In the past i took whatever some one gave to me, later either I donate it or recycle it, in case  the gift was not of my liking, but i never could refuse it, because i thought it as an insult to the giver.
But today i am in a dilemma...what is the right thing to do...when we refuse to take something,
 what will that person do of the that gift?
 and if another gift is bought, may be its an additional burden to her,..
and is it civil and polite to say so?

And in the opposite case, if we take something and never use it, whats the point in taking?
Secondly the other person will never know our choice and may keep giving us the same thing?

Personally I think gifting should be kept as token and minimum, and shouldn't be refused, accepted with grace, irrespective of whether we use it or not?

What do you think?


SG said...

Equally bad is people do not know how to accept a gift gracefully. They think they "have to" buy a return gift as soon as possible and give to you. When I give a gift, I do not (in a million years)expect a return gift from that person.

indu chhibber said...

I couldn't think of refusing a gift or criticizing it.
This is a very ticklish matter.It is best to take it gracefully.

Bikram said...

I dont like the idea of Gifts.. have had some very good experiences that I will think twice or thrice before i accept one..

when relations break then those gifts suddenly become a heartache too .. especially when money is asked back.. :)


Amrita said...

Wow interesting one again..... Loved the post.
I had one instance where an acquaintance wanted us to come and get a gift that we had given to their son. It was a bit bulky and they were not in a position to carry it. Finally they gave it to someone else and told us they finally got rid of it!!!! Imagine that!

Well I am like you. I accept anything given at the moment. But I do let the person know later that I don't like a certain kind of stuff. For instance I don't like jewellery and one of my aunt in law used to get them. I told her I don't wear them so that she doesn't waste money. Some I recycled and I some I literally threw cos I hate clutter and I didn't find them worth giving to anyone I knew.

So again I feel there is not a one Size fits all. To close people you can be frank. You can again be brutally frank to people you don't like. ;) with acquaintance and with delicate relationships you need to be careful.

Lately I also tend to ask if they want anything. Not that I am comfortable telling what I want if someone asked me,but I have seen it works with some people.

The right response for giving I think is not to think too much about how people react. Each one has a different yardstick. If you think it's a pattern and all your gifts are always criticised, might be worth going away from gifting culture.

I read a comment which said people are over eager to give return gift. I am one of them ;) though I never expect a return gift. So you see we are not the same in our actions. It is based on which side of the fence we are on :)

Renu said...

SG:agree, even my husband wants tp reciprocate immediately, I always say that we will do what its time for us to do.

Indu chibber..looks like we are similar in attitudes:)

Bikram:..Thats too much, thankfully nobody has ever demanded something back from me:)

Amrita:Generally i dont care what people do with my gifts..but when they say..I dont need it, or I wont use it while i am giving, it hurts me, but even then I am unable to say the same thing to them, whereas there gifts also may be of no use to me,,

Anilkumar Kurup said...

Your last sentence is what it must be.
BTW gifting need not be an expression of love and sincerity.It can more often be vanity and a way to buy love and regard too

Rama Ananth said...

Hi Renu,
We always felt that instead of giving some gift which may or may not be appreciated, it always makes sense ot give them cash, os that they can buy whatever they want with that. I hate when people buy sarees in lots to give away to people during marriages as gift, it makes no sense at all. We have always stuck to giving money in a cover whether it is for the marriage or even for other appropriate functions.
Why go through the headache of searching for the right present to g ive , and even after that , the pperson may recycle it by giving to someone else , which is worse. If i don't like s ome gift , I cannot bring myself to give off to someone else.
Once for my daughter's wedding I had bought a few pure silver lamps which were quite big enough and very simple and pretty, and I gave gave them ot very close friends and relatives.If we fill it will oil to light it the oil owuld last at least for 3/4 days.
Now one of my very close friend opened the gift packet while she was going home with another friend, saying it must be white metal.
After few months when i met her again I asked her whether she liked the silver lamp which I had gifted her, was she using it?
She said OMG, I didn't know that it was real silver, I thought it must be some white metal, and gave off as a gift to somebody for their wedding.
From that day I was very firm in giving only cash for any function.
And one person gave a saree with some zari motifs painted on it, it kind of looked cheap, and since my maid liked it , I told her she can take it, she wore it only for one whole day and then just dipped it in water to lightly wah it without soap, she found the whole zari motifs just getting disolved. Sume times people can be so cheap, or maybe she recycled the gift because she felt it was not good enough for her.

sm said...

Gifts no perfect answer.
Giver may become upset if he knows that gift was given to someone else
If you say i do not use this ,In future gift giver will never give any gift to you again.
Its complicated subject

Renu said...

Rama: Rama what you have said, finds an echo in my heart..but giving a gift gives different type of satisfaction to me..but yes its better to give cash.

sm:very true, thats why i wanted to know some opinions.

Renu said...

Anilkumar Kurup: wherever its not a sign of love, it shouldnt be given any importance..whether its cheap or expensive its immaterial.

C'est La Vie said...

That's a really important question you raise Renu. I think a gift must be accepted graciously no matter what. It's good to put it to use in some way or like you said donate if we're not using it...

But if we have a good understanding and camaraderie with the person gifting, polite hints can be dropped about your preferences.... Nah...just a thought really ;-)

Renu said...

Cest La Vie:Welcome here Mamta!..I agree with you, with very close people we may hint later on.

Jeevan said...

I never complain about the gifts received and I see it just as a token of love... whether we like it or use it not, accepts with smiled face is my policy. But your points about choice and repeated with same make me think more. I think it’s very important to read people before gifting them something, because just gifting alone doesn’t change anything unless we share something quite to understand each other. I don’t anticipate gifts but a true greeting from their heart/mind.

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