Friday, January 13, 2017

Changing times

I was thinking that how with the times sensibilities also change..Like when I was young before marriage I wore salwar kameez , and after marriage, as was the custom sari..never found it uncomfortable or cumbersome, instead whenever some one from my in laws side wanted to see me in other dresses, I felt shy and uncomfortable....Today girls feel more comfortable in any  dress other than sari.

After marriage, when my surname changed, i never felt that its an attack on my identity, I felt even happy with Mrs. so and so..with my changed status.

In the same way I never ever thought that after marriage , I will do everything as in my parents place or follow the traditions of my parents family..I took to everything in my inlaws house very naturally, because i was brought up with that..I was given lot of love and everything, but i never thought that I will have any share in my parents's property, nor i will have any responsibilities  towards them...both remained with my brother.My duties and rights both  were in my new home.

Because of this type of thinking, in our times girls took less time in becoming one with the new family.


SG said...

Nothing wrong with today's girls' thinking. If you/we were like that, it does not mean today's girls also should be like that. Today's girls are educated, working, and independent.

However much a girl can identify with her inlaws, a mother-in-law can never be her mother. There is always a line in the sand.

Amrita said...

Well I will be very logical in this. I feel there is something called unconditional love which comes without any initiation - for family, friends, country, pets etc etc. The younger we are the more fluid these feelings. With growing up comes consciousness of emotions and feelings. We become judgemental.and again that's not a bad thing.
So a girl can become one with the family technically. But I feel the tipping point is when she develops the semblance of unconditional love. It might be in a year, a decade or never.and there is nothing wrong or right in it. Doing justice via your actions is enough. No one needs to be immaculate.
I know women who love their in laws more than parents because the in laws are more accommodating.i know women in my mother s generation who abandoned their in laws family. So it is all about human emotions. Yes time brings changes in way thosw emotions get expressed.

Zephyr said...

That was indeed another era when women had not realised their potential and individuality and so went along with the age long traditions that their mothers and grandmothers accepted. Breaking out of the traditional mould to find oneself is fine, but what is happening is the other extreme of that period. By going all the way to the other end, things have only remained the same, the perpetrators and victims have changed places, that's all.

Renu said...

SG: yes i agree to everything you say..I have just put my observations..MIL can never be a mother and DIL can never be a daughter doubt about that.

Amrita:I know..I meant to say that with time, how things change and with being i didnt mean that they were in love,but the acceptance was there..that this is my home and I have to look after duty if not love..but today that system is changing.In the zeal to be a good daughter, the girls are rocking the boat of inlaws.Its like to make a line bigger, we dont have to cut another one..

Zephyr: you are bang on the bring justice, if we do injustice to some, then its useless.

Shilpa Chandrasekheran said...

There is only one thing I do to fix this . I don't tell what's happening in his house to my house people and won't tell what's happening at my home to his house .only he knows everything and we manage both the sides . I never changed my sur name ! I believe the son knows better his mom so I just take his advice , shut my mouth when required n proceed with life .

Sujatha Sathya said...

Things sure have changed. I an sure my mother had similar experiences as you described in your post. Like they say, the only thing constant in life is change.

harman singh said...

.. it all depends on your upbringing and tolerance to handle other human beings..
I m very adaptable .. place ,clothes or humans .. :)
Many a times out of respect I have done things which may not be to my liking .. but never let others take undue advantage ..
Surname we generally dont put .. its jus "SINGH'S"so no issues ..
mother-in-law is a mother to the person we love and spent rest of our life with me it stands for love and respect ..and likewise.
.. everybody has an opinion to me "give love and get in return" .. we dont have to prove anything .. its the almighty who evens out everything in the end.

indu chhibber said...

Zephyr has said all I want to say on this subject.
Our rearing was different from the one we have given our children-hence the difference....only now things have gone to the other extreme.

sm said...

now India is changing slowly many families support daughter in law
understanding is enough if they understand mil and dil

Ruminating Optimist said...

Zephyr, I completely agree with you. More the things change, more they remain the same ... husbands as perpetrators have now become the victims, and vice versa. With empowerment comes responsibilities ... the sad truth is, it has brought more of arrogance. Being the husband's parents has become more of a punishment.

I have tried to capture some of my thoughts around this wrong interpretation of empowerment in a post a few months back (


I was always of the opinion that we are better off because we dont have divorces so much.because i feel that divorce always makes a very St...