Tuesday, January 3, 2017

SCOUTING FOR A PARTNER

Now a days on of my nephew is looking for a life partner. And we came to know that today arranging a marriage is tough job, because earlier only boys had expectations, today girls have more expectations than boys, so matching them is quite difficult.
One thing i noticed that most of the time when boys scout for a girl , they like the girls who are good looking if not beautiful and talkative, and independent type,and they dont mind giving girls expensive gifts and doing other expenses while dating, but after marriage, they want wives to be economical, domesticated and polite.
And whenever they meet prospective candidates, they never ask relevant questions, instead its about trivia.like hobby, food etc.Though people change over time, i thought of certain things, which should be clarified before marriage...

  1. Both should know what they are looking for in a marriage..is it about eating out more, more movies and good clothes and exotic vacations only............................................................My thought...marriage means housekeeping, managing the extended family, cooking,and managing finances, so think who will do what?
  2. Is the partner ready to live with other one's parents? and if he situation arise how will they manage?.......................................................My thoughts..In our society its assumed that boys parents will live with them, so any girl assuming otherwise should be clear from the beginning,and if and when girls parents need them, boys should be ready for that.
  3. what do they think about having  children..
  4. what is their outlook about savings and expenditure?
  5. And most importantly..are both going to work? then what will be their coping mechanism?..My thought....is that if both work then both shouldnt be ambitious in career, one needs to take it easy..And if only one works, then other should take the responsibility of house without expecting any help from working spouse.
One's whole life changes with marriage, so its very important to take a decision with lot of mulling over all aspects.I like to think before marriage, and then make it work.





5 comments:

Sandhya said...

For checking so many things, they should meet often and talk/discuss. They should discuss sincerely. Even then, they might change later. It is very difficult to pinpoint what type of lifestyle they will lead after marriage. People change according to situation, mostly.

Amrita said...

I agree but don't you think these are a bit heavy topics to have a conversation on in the first few meets?
I am not sure... But mostly I have seen alliances being fixed if the boy and girl 'kinda' like each other. Elders do not want deeper interaction with the children being betrothed. It is not like some societies where long timed dating is allowed. Even in love marriage the pressure to consolidate the relationship with a wedding is immense.
For me Yeah it's a big change but it's a big gamble too. So we need lot of hard work and lot of good luck 😀

Happy Kitten said...

Good questions...

Renu said...

Sandhya: You are right, I have seen them changing their stance, but then many people have a courtship of many years, but still no clarity of thoughts.

Amrita: Yes lot of good luck:)..but when I see strife in relationships today..too much and almost everywhere, I feel that we must find a solution:)..I want to see..happily ever after:)

Renu said...

Happy Kitten: Thanks:)