Monday, August 29, 2011

Difference in living in East and West

I observed so many differences in the upbringing of children between east and west..and I am not saying who is right who is wrong,but then results are always different..see how...

There they leave the infant on the bed to sleep all alone and if he cries  then they let him, he will slowly reconcile himself and sleep..and for this behaviour they have their own compulsions as they have no family support to bring up children and most of the mothers are working too, so they cant devote so much of time to children, but to advice doing so to everyone. irrespective of circumstances is not required...We in India never leave a child alone and never let them cry for long..they are always made to feel precious and very valuable to us.

But then they contradict themselves by saying that mother should give the skin touch to child and tell all the artificial ways to make it so..why not do it natural way...pick up the child when he wants to be comforted.But NO everything should be done as we want it, not the way child wants it..we must programme the child to suit our life style.

There, personal life is very important, and personal entertainment cant be postponed even for some period, and people will take out time for themselves..managing the children.....anyhow...and this is where we sow the seed of self importance..self comes before everything, whereas in Indian culture..there are so many times in life when other than self is more important..sometimes children, sometimes parents,inlaws, relatives and that makes our life so beautiful.and meaningful too....WHenevr I go to my children, I nevr think about my likings,whether I would like to laze around or sleep late or go out, I always try to think of their comfort , and to make them happy, its they who think about me, and this makes everything so charming, if everyone thinks about self...then also the same things will happen, but there wouldnt not be so much of charm.

Then.... dont give any water, or Indian gripe water or janma ghutti, but one can give anything advertised on the net.its safe, just because its on internet,and other users are advocating..how can one authenticate the internet users?.whereas what our elders say.it is authenticated.

 one thing is positive that there children become very independent from the early age...and want to have their own way.one incident remains in my mind..one young child whenever disliked some instructions or anything from any body be it elders or outsiders, will instantly snap at them saying..go away to your home..or stop laughing..now in India whenever a small child says something like this, we instantly tell them with love...beta bado ko aise nahi kehte.its not nice, we dont just laugh it off.

But one thing I liked that there girls really work equally, they have no qualms about lifting heavy things or doing any work. whereas Indian girls want to have their cake and eat it too, that way I appreciate my nephew who never vacates the seat for girls in bus, he says...if you want equal rights, then stop asking for the privileges..I also feel the same and asking for any special treatment is an insult to me

21 comments:

Rachna said...

Yes, there are lots of differences in the parenting styles in both the places, each has its own merits and demerits. Of course, we will be comfortable with ours. I found the last part funny where you said that girls when expected to be treated equally must not suddenly demand concessions in their day-to-day situations. I agree with the same.

Sandhya said...

I noticed that there, the men work at home too, unlike here. Here, whether the women work outside or not, men just sit at home after coming back from office and expect their wives to bring even a cup of water and give them! Many of my friends buy vegetables and provisions when they come back home from office and go straight to the kitchen. The husband will be sitting and watching cricket match in the TV! It is not like that in most of the houses over there, Renu.

sukku said...

Thanks for sharing Renu, I always felt that we as parents are different in the east as we pamper our children and at times we are over protective. We also sacrifice our life when our children are growing up by giving importance to every needs of the child. I know when our kids were growing up we never went to the theater or movies until they were old enough.And we don't wash our hands off the kids when they reach 18 years...

Amrita said...

I also agree that each sort of upbringing suits the life the person ultimately leads. So for our Oriental culture, our traditional way is better I believe.

meg said...

So interesting to read about this. I think of the different parenting I've seen in my own neighborhood. Like one neighbor never held her baby. She just stayed in her child carrier. My mother's friend would put her baby in a backpack when she cleaned house. He liked to hold on to her braid. He was the boy who grew up to kiss everyone in class..girls and boys. He was very affectionate.

Harman said...

there is lot of difference..in lifestyle and culture..
I think my son is more responsive then I was ...at this age..
Rest with no d]domestic help available..kids keep their rooms clean at the age of 4 and try to do their work themselves...as they grow up they look for part time jobs .. as not to be burden 0n parents..
\its good in some ways..But has some big dents also...
Dating ..starts at early age as its part of culture,then.. with that comes with other issues too...

deeps said...

If we start comparing the upbringing styles of parents, I would say , it would vary from family to family no matter they are from south or north or east, though there may not be significant differences…. But then every parent supposed to know whats best for their kids….
Nice post as always …

Wicked Witch of the West said...

It is so interesting to hear your comparison of the different parenting styles, and this is something that just fascinates me (there is even a book comparing about 6 different countries). As does everything to do with comparison from household things to social lives - so very happy to read this post :)

The not picking the baby up or letting the baby/child sleep with you or fall asleep in your arms as strict parenting advice here is one thing I always found so strange. Most regard it as weird and wrong and 'hippieish' at least publicly (but many do these things but don't let others know) and the child health nurses told me off for letting my then 6 week old fall asleep in my arms. It seemed very strange to me as, well, when I thought of having a baby, it was the cuddling that was one of the most appealing things (as I told her). My kids slept in my bed and 9 and 8 respectively. But, this was the subject of argument between me and my parents, despite being the norm in most of the world.

And love your observation on the 'independence' too! I did notice that seeing badly behaved children in India was so, so much rarer. Here kids have the 'independence' in some ways (like the ability to assert themselves, even dictating things to their family :O) but not in ways that relate to actually looking after themselves - I know high school kids who live 1km from school but still picked up every day, 12 year olds whose parents pack their bags for them or do every little thing for them. Which of course also means that you end up with rather helpless young adults. (not mine I hope - they get themselves ready for and to school, do household chores and simple shopping). There are such a lot of 'experts' now promoting views, and such a lack of time given to parenting (I do work, but my outside work is child dominated) by the parents who still party like they are 20 and practices have changed so much in the last 40 years, which is never a good thing from what I have seen (when I was a kid, we were expected to do chores, to walk to school, to not get everything we wanted)

I do disagree with the comment on housework though - from those I know, it is in the great minority that men do things like cooking, washing or cleaning. My ex would limit himself to moving his legs as I vacuumed near his chair...

Now I am greedy for more posts on your observations...please :)

Renu said...

Rachna:.I strongly feel that we must be at a level playing field for equality.

If we are exposed to both the cultures we can try to absorb the best world of both.

Sandhya: yeah thats true, but then it was like that may be in our times, but today i see that my son works and still does lot of things in the house, though his wife is not working and same for my son.in.law, his wife is working but he is always there to pitch in.

Sukku: yes what you have stated, I find all of that as good things we have and we shouldnt change.

deeps: parenting style vary, thats why individuals are so different..but there are some basic things and if parents teach that to their children, its good not only for individual but for society too.

WWof W: thanks:)..kids can sleep in their own room after 4 or 5, but leaving infants in the crib alone in the room, and let them cry to sleep..is totally against my grain.

As they say that freedom comes with lot of responsibilities, but most of the people be it children or adult lap up the freedom and do away with the reponsibility side:).Today Indian young parents will listen to Gina ford more religiously than their own mothers, their colleagues who are still going thru the experience and are not any better than them, but they are considered better guide than their own family elders.

As for work, as I said earlier I see my son and his friends doing more than their wives:)..so i thought times are changing.

Bikramjit said...

It depends on parents how they bring there child.. I have seen here in uk people bringking thee child with MORe restriction then in india.

I had so my free will back home, parents taught meright from wrong ..

indeed times are changing but i do think kids brought up responsibily is better then jsut letting go..

i do agree with u leaving kids on there own.. no thats not right ..

Bikram's

up↑take said...

Nice post, based on keen observation. Western upbringing, I feel, helps the child in facing the world, while ours helps to connect with the inner self (like all things in India are).
I heard this story a few years back -- when a child falls down while trying to walk, the western mom helps him/her get up and try again. An Indian mom, under similar circumstances, beats the floor, to indicate to the child that it is the floor's fault :)

Renu said...

Bikram; its best to tell the children about rights and wrongs from the beginning and then it is so well ingrained that they are made that way forever...but for all that parents need time to devote, where is that time today?

Uptake:.I also knew that and from the beginning, I didnt want anyone like floor to blame for their failures or mistakes.

I think that if we take the best from the west and incorporate it here, we can get the bedst of both worlds, whereas in reality we are having the worst:(

Raamwanti said...

One of the first things I observed in Germany when I came here was that the children rarely cried .. they would happily sit inside their prams observing or walk along with parents and hardly make a fuss. I have seen the parents here are just as loving/concerned about their children but treat them as young adults. Unlike India, Fathers here actually take out time to take children to parks/swimming/museums etc. and spend time with the kids. You can also see them talking very patiently ... The kids are also more confident, self-dependent and well-behaved. I cannot say about U.K. , as I very well see that German society is very different from theirs in terms of sexual behaviour of teenagers etc., Germans are conservative like Indians.
I have seen Indians have many wrong notions about western society's upbringing of children.

sm said...

after all nothing is perfect not east or west
like the last para and equality.

Renu said...

Raamwanti:.its not a question of wrong notions..what i have stated is a fact..thats the way they do there and and advice.

West has many good things to offer and if you were reading my blog regularly, you would know that i have been writing about them too, its we.indians who take easily to their wrongs than rights.

sm:thanks:)

Santosh Kumar said...

Hi. East and west, both have their own cultural advantages and disadvantages regarding upbringing of kids. Generally, we belongs to east so that western culture and lifestyle does not suits us, we also do praise Western lifestyle.

One thing is clear and should not be avoided that is 'a child needs love, company and togetherness of parents, parents should devote time for upbringing. If we fail performing good practices of upbringing, the child can develop some type of disorder with behaviour and personality.

Nice post, you have raised very important issue.

Cocktail Party said...

Whoa! This is very well-written. When I was a teenager I used to advocate the western way of living. I thought it was very cool to be independent at a young age etc. But as I reached my mid twenties, I kinda realised the value of having a stable family. Now I value it as one of my greatest treasures....

And yea, I agree that some women have double standards. They want to treated on par, but at the same time, they want to be made special. How unfair!

thebritishasianblog said...

Interesting read, I don't think I agree with all of what is written. I am an Asian living in the UK (born and bred) and I have experienced the up-bringing of my nephews and nieces (oldest being 10 years old). Much of what you have explained of how it happens in the West is slightly incorrect to my knowledge.

Children managed to adapt to the environment they are living in, in the West (UK) the weather is always changing and we experience four different seasons, but the child/baby stays stable in these variations of weather because he made to live in a stable and secure environment. I'm not sure which mother or father would watch their child cry and fall asleep continuously - a child needs attention all the time, it needs a regular engagement, cuddles and assurances that all is ok.

It is true that children in the UK are matured and become independent more quickly and that's because the child is shown respect and equality, giving the child to mature and blossom in its our time and space.

I really can't comment on how children are brought up in India as I never been there or experienced it so it would be wrong for me to assume anything.

Renu said...

Meg: If ewe bring up our children with lot of love and care, attlease we can have the satisfaction of doing our best, whatever the result might be.

Santosh Kumar>I see most of the Indians adopting the worst of western culture as that is easy way of life.

Coctails; Women without clear ideology totally bug me off:)

Renu said...

The Britishasianblog:..I have written with practical experience..whatevr I wrote I saw over there one month back.....

About letting the child cry to sleep..yes this what young british mothers said and advised us for my grand child.

Its not that everything is wrong there and here everything is right, everyone has pros and cons, and I feel that we must not let go our good things.

rama said...

Even I feel we can incorporate certain things from other countries, and keep the good elements of our own country.There can always be a balance.