When my father was going to have his byepass operation, many of my well wishers used to sympathise me like this-----oh your dad is going thru this operation.............hmm........Its a serious operation na (as if I dint know ). I hope everything turns out fine.---I used to feel so irritated, i would just clinch my teeth and wished them to go away.
Once when my husband got into a serious health problem and was diagnosed with high BP, anyone who met me even after 6 months or 1 year, first sentence will be----aapki tabiyaat kaisi ha ab ? How much is you BP now. hey......hello...............its is six months now, are we going to be sick for our whole life now.
My sisters's friend recently lost her mother, obviously she was very depressed, but one has to come out of it. few of her friends insisted her to come to the ladies get to gether. And there what many of the ladies say to cheer her------ I am very sorry to hear about your mother. ( now when she wanted to forget that you are reminding her again ), I just couldnt come then--( but this is not her problem )
whenever any body has any problem, many people come for courtesy call and start telling their harrowing experiences, and complications either they or their friend circle have faced and depress the patient and start suggesting all sorts of treatments and doctors.
I have many more experiences like that, so I thought---one all the people are not well wishers theyare just doing a formality, second may be people dont know how to be sympathetic,may be we can put a guideline for that--
- .Be genuine, atleast here one needs not to put any facade.
- If you have nothing to say, dont say anything, just be there quietly for the support.
- If you want to help them, tell them that you are there and you will do whatever is required, cooking the food or staying in the hospital as per the situation.
- Please dont suggest treatments and dont ridicule his doctor also, as the trust is paramount in healing the patient.
- Dont narrate the stories of complications and all that, you are not there to scare them.
- Its better if you dont talk about the sickness at all, you are there to cheer them, so why remind them--- I have seen it myself that I am always cheerful and dont worry a lot about my problems but others make me stressed by asking all the time about the problem.
- If one is genuinely caring, it always comes out, no matter what you do or dont do, so just be yourself.
- never ever at a happy occasion like a party or get together, ask some body about unpleasant questions. I you want to condole, go to their place and do it in private.
- Never say what are the probabilities and what can or may happen? nobody knows that leave it to god. That nobody knows for a healthy person even, so just be positive.
- They say in hindi
- खुशी बाटने से बढ़ती हे
- और दुःख बाटने से कम होता हा
- लेकिन मैंने देखा हा की दुःख सब को बताने से और बढ़ता हा,