Recently there was a case in the court where court granted divorce because wife wanted the men to leave his parents..I dont remember the details , but there was lot of noise by women saying that when men take the girls away from the parents its called marriage, but when a girl wants to keep a man away from parents its divorce why?
Really why?
I think it has many reasons, some in culture and traditions and some due to practicality.
In our families its sons who bring a wife in our home..yes some places daughters also bring gharjamais, but thats only exceptions..as a rule girls only move to their inlaws. and even in case they are going to live in a separate city, but after marriage they first come home to their inlaws only..so the first step towards change would be.
The boys and girls should arrange their marriage on their own and celebrate it at a neutral place with their own earnings.
After marriage they should shift to their own home..they should arrange for that.
That way neither girls parents need to spend, nor boys parents need to give lot of jwellery and clothes.
Unless the young people decide to be totally financially independent they cant bring a change.
Second thing ..in many families parents spend all their future money on their sons in the hope that once they get settled they will look after them..as is our social structure..But when their DIL doesnt want them they have nowhere to go..After a few years parents will become wise when it becomes a rule, but today they are helpless..so for all the girls who think they cant take the responsibility of inlaws need to state it at the time of choosing the groom.
Till such time that a totally fair system evolves..its the duty of both ..sons and daughters to look after their parents in need..living together is not necessary, they may arrange a separate place for them but helping them with whatever they need financially or physically is their moral responsibility..Its true for both set of parents.
Really why?
I think it has many reasons, some in culture and traditions and some due to practicality.
In our families its sons who bring a wife in our home..yes some places daughters also bring gharjamais, but thats only exceptions..as a rule girls only move to their inlaws. and even in case they are going to live in a separate city, but after marriage they first come home to their inlaws only..so the first step towards change would be.
The boys and girls should arrange their marriage on their own and celebrate it at a neutral place with their own earnings.
After marriage they should shift to their own home..they should arrange for that.
That way neither girls parents need to spend, nor boys parents need to give lot of jwellery and clothes.
Unless the young people decide to be totally financially independent they cant bring a change.
Second thing ..in many families parents spend all their future money on their sons in the hope that once they get settled they will look after them..as is our social structure..But when their DIL doesnt want them they have nowhere to go..After a few years parents will become wise when it becomes a rule, but today they are helpless..so for all the girls who think they cant take the responsibility of inlaws need to state it at the time of choosing the groom.
Till such time that a totally fair system evolves..its the duty of both ..sons and daughters to look after their parents in need..living together is not necessary, they may arrange a separate place for them but helping them with whatever they need financially or physically is their moral responsibility..Its true for both set of parents.
6 comments:
I like your last paragraph! Parents and children should respect each other and give room to each other.
Why only girls was the question that came to my mind too. We don't leave our parents behind happily do we? And it takes much time to accept and adjust to the new family. Yes..most of us do after some time. The culture prepares us for it and somehow it is done. I think it is becoming difficult for the present generation to accept it as easily as the earlier generation. But how much can the courts intervene? To what extend can it?
I think no laws can change something that ought to come naturally with love and responsibility.
When we were young and helpless our parents did the best for us and hence we need to return it without any bias. It is not an easy task, but I think we should at least try.
Like you said, if youngsters are finding it difficult then they should refuse to take any help from their parents.
Sandhya: Thanks!
Happy Kitten: One thould think of everything before finalising the marriage.
media did not report the full story, it just highlighted wrong point, important point was threat of committing suicide and it may have become the ground for divorce.
don't know about others , but me I got married with my own money . I married a younger man and we bought a house for ourself and we live alone . We support both the families at any cost ! Simple as that . Even my parents lived the same way . We believe love, live, leave ! We have not thought to this point . But it's always good to read ! Take care .
sm: yes ..threatening suicide has become so common.
Shilpa Chandrasekheran: your case is ideal, the way it should be.
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