In response to my last post I got quite different views and I thought that instead of giving long answers, I will write a different post, as I am not sure home many people check the answers to their comment.
everyone should have their time and space to live and grow as they want.
Complete freedom is never conducive to a civilised society, and one can never do what one wants all the time, certain amount of decorum is always required to be a good human beings,Total individual freedom is bound to bring unhappiness.
most of the successful guys and girls are from conservative Indian families where parents are not defied. And most attribute their success to the discipline that their parents instilled in them.
I totally agree with the above statement, as I see many youngsters who are very intelligent, but since there was no push or guidance from their parents and they were given freedom, they got into a mediocre education only..I know a family where children were very intelligent, but their parents never gave them any aim to fulfil or any targets, and today they are just an average employed person, whereas they could have reached much higher, if they had that discipline in their life.
Nice thoughts, but was that little Utopian thought?
Why does everyone think that it is a Utopian thought..its possible with a little adjustment.
I guess whats important is that we are happy
But not everybody is happy, one generation is suffering.....
whatever it is, as long as there is some harmony in place, its a good deal.
why do we want to settle for some harmony, why not strive for complete happiness?
Daughters or sons,it is their duty to take care of parents.
completely agree.
Please tell me which typically patriarchal family would encourage their DILs to have a prolonged stay at her maternal home, even for taking care of parents? II do not think it is possible to take serious responsibility of parents for girls staying in patriarchal set up, its an evil skewed against women on most counts.
I think the need for longer stays is not a common need, its only at rare times, and today when inlaws tolerate everything, they will be happier if in other ways they find their DILs caring....it all depends on the girls , if they are genuinely caring and look after their inlaws well, they get lot love and freedom too...and in anything we must not look at any thing from the point of woman or man, but family as a unit, and for a family to work cohesively, it has to be either matriarchal patriarchal...wh6 do the girls feel the need to strictly look after their parents, their brother and his wife will look after them, and occasionally they can do so....because if they want to change the equation, then boys may complain the same thing,so ultimately we are back to square one
with one set of In-laws staying with couples the other set is generally not comfortable visiting often and for longer durations. Why should the girl and her family be devoid of each others company?
It is not a question of devoiding anybody of anything..it is our culture..if you want to change it then....
in the marriage girls parents shouldnt do Kanyaadan, that time they do it and feel great, why complain later on..or we do everything without understanding the meaning?
There shouldnt be any concept of Baraat or anything else,,it should be registered marriage, because in a traditional marriage, a girl always goes to inlaws and boys take the dulhan to their home.
When we want to shun everything Indian, just because it suits us fine, we are veering towards west and following them blindly, we have many good things like....
A family who looks after our interests before themselves.
Our children respect elders and take care of them with love.
Our children get the loving care of grand parents, not the clinical environment of creche.
Our youth thinks twice before going astray as he has the pressure of family , and he thinks about them before himself.
Our children dont have to live with changing fathers and mothers and with siblings all from different parents.
And in face of contingencies, whole family stays around us and helps us.
Whenever i have any problem, all my family is there to help me, they never think, how it will disturb their routine or how much will be spent, I never get into loneliness, though my children are abroad, only because of my family and to maintain that one has to adjust and compromise somewhere.I look after my MIl ande my parents are looked after by my sister in law and brother..and suppose my SIL is not good(hypothetically), then it also may may be that tomorrow daughter's husbands may not be so good,and may not like to live with their wives's parents..... these things can be same...then it is everybody's Karma.
last but not the least, I always believe that happiness that comes from self gratification is temporary, to find long lasting happiness, one has to do something for others..and what better way of doing it than looking after your own family first......today young people think of doing lot of charity, but make their own hubby;s parent pariah:(..sad indeed.
Today whatever the west does is the golden mantra to every one, but they have materialistic culture whereas ours is a spiritual one and you can yourself decide which would be better in the long run. Earlier if my mother told me to do something for tradtion, I never questioned her, whereas today my children question me like a quiz master.But whatever their friends do or westerners, it is accepted without a quiver. MY mil gave me khichdi with ginger..nothing else for one whole month after delivery and i never protested, or questioned her as I thought it was only for my health and my welfare only,That was the trust we had in our elders, today for everything everybody has hundred querries, but whatever the west does, it is acceptable without any questions..Nobody even bothers to search, wheather they are really very happy and healthy with their choices and even if they are, why should we copy them?..if they do it, we will also do it defying our elders and everything, but their families are different..so many things we follow because that way we make a tradition, we shall leave some cultural inheritance for our children, otherwise they will have nothing, only borrowed ideas , culture and history.
One more thing, please dont think that I am myself a dependant parent or something like that, no given a choice, I would never like to live with the children permanently,I prefer my independence and self respect too much, but yes I would love them to want me to stay with them....I always write what I feel is right and should be done .
