Monday, June 13, 2011

Parents

This time my post generated so much of diversity in views,i respect all other opinions, but still maintain that...
In my opinion....

Respect for elders doesnt need any parameters.....they deserve it by just being our parents..no demanding or commanding business.

Changing times doesnt  mean defying elders ..the way we dont stop eating or sleeping, we dont stop respecting them.

Everything is subjective..in our times we were way ahead of our parents and, today our children are and tomorrow their children will be, but values remain the same.

Our culture is not materialistic, it is spiritual and has lot many advantages,so discarding it for the sake of luxurious life may not be good for our future..so think about it...looking after self  first is not our culture, we are made better than that, so why go for baser instincts?

I also believe that only a happy person can give happiness to others, but that doesnt mean that we must drive our happiness through..tamogun...happiness that comes after satogun is the real one only..everything else is momentary.

Atleast one relationship..thats parents should be left alone, and parents should never be judged on any parameters, right or wrong..we dont have any right to do that....utna karja unka banta ha ham par.

Last but not the least..whether parents should respect the children or not..its a different topic and a separate post can be done,it cant be discussed here in short





15 comments:

AS said...

Hello maam

thts true, i agree. But what goes around comes around. parents who have been very strict and a bit cruel to their kids never get that respect when their kids grow up.

Jayashree said...

Respect is a two way street, Renu. The views and ideas of children should also be respected.

pratibha said...

Even I agree, Parents are beyond everything and we must respect them unconditionally unless they have done something really harmful. They'd always do what they think is the best from their perspective and several times we might not see eye to eye with their ideas however it does not mean we disrespect them or hurt them. Disagreements can be expressed in a cohesive manner too.
Also, parents must also understand that just because we do not agree with their opinions or decline to obey them, does not imply that we do not respect them. Our love and respect for are parents is beyond these minor irregularilites and we choose to express our disagreements only because they have brought us up as self respecting and opinionated individuals.

Also, I strongly think as grown up adults even kids deserve the parents respect and it is this mutual respect which helps develop an understanding,strengthens the bond and restrains each party from having unreasonable expectations of the other. Due to this respect parents stop treating their grownup children as kids, expecting them to abide by their rules and the children stop expecting their parents to fulfill all their whims and behave responsibly.

And yes children must use their judgement of right and wrong always..even with parents and I think parents, if wrong, will always feel proud to learn from their kids.

Actually, I have a lot to write..maybe will make it a post :)

Babli said...

Very well written. In our childhood when our parents used to scold us we used to get angry but now we can feel it was good for us. Respect is from both the side should be given.
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Raam Pyari said...

very interesting post! I am reading up all the comments ect to see what people think about this issue!

Sandhya said...

My husband lost his parents - both of them - very young so I am not the right person to discuss this topic. But in both sides of my family children take care of their parents.

Some parents take advantage of the children they are with, some children take advantage of their parents - use them for taking care of their children without giving credit, etc. A couple of families are there, where the in-laws respect their daughter in law and vice versa. Nobody goes for blame game if something goes wrong in the family. This is a happy family, with all odds.

But all parents or children are not like that, Renu.

up↑take said...

Our biggest enemy is our own ego. It is not possible to have anyone or anything else as a bigger enemy. Let our fight against this enemy start at home, with obedience to our parents. My parents didn't tell me to respect them. Everyone else in the society told us. Our uncles and aunts told us. We were expected to respect all elders, not just parents. We as kids were expected to respect the bigger kids. This is our sangha neeti.

Education without humility is a joke. In the western society, there is a very good command structure at work. They may not respect their elders but they know how to behave in a team. The leader is obeyed. Sadly, I don't see that much at Indian work place. We are not very effective in teams. We should regain our culture.

Cocktail Party said...

hey....

Sometimes, I do believe that we should be grateful to our parents cuz they gave us the gift of life. And that really is smething too precious not to acknowledge. But on second thots, they decided to have us for their own sake. We are brought into this world for their needs - to fulfill their need to nurture or parent, follow the life cycle, or to have someone to take care of them during their old age. So it was not even our choice. So it becomes kinda their duty to look after us and ours to look after our kids. So who should respect who in the end?

A said...

Renu,

Most start respecting parents unconditionally. I agree with it also. But sometimes parent lose respect e.g. if they do something that is not ethical or legal.....

Harman said...

very true ..I agree with most of the points discussed here.

KParthasarathi said...

Nice analysis.
Being respectful to parents and considerate to their needs is non-negotiable.But one need not blindly obey them if what they suggest is uninformed or against one's conscience.The test for any decision should be whether it is right and not whether it is desired by parents or elders.

Renu said...

AS: cruel word doesnt go with parents.and those who are, are exceptions, not the norm.

jayshree: true, but as Is aid these two topics are different, cant discuss at a single post.

pratibha: this idea of respecting the children comes with this modernisation only, otherwise in our culture we respect the elders and love the children.

if you write a post, let me know:), I couldnt find your blog.

Babli...parents must love the children,and children must respect the parents.

Rampyaari: welcome here..so what is your opinion after reading evrything:)

Sandhya: true Sandhya..but here we are talking about how it should be...the ideal family if there is one:)

Uptake..that is the saddest part..that west has so many good things to offer, but we imbibe only the bad things.

cocktail party: welcome here!..as I said earlier too..its all about balances..its children who must respect and parents should love the children..that is Indian culture.

A: Thats always exception, not the norm, and here I am talking about only emotional quotient, yes anything illegal is to be condemned, irrespective of who does it.

Harman: Thanks Harman!!!

KP: If what the parents desire is unethical or illegal or even if it hurts somebody, then ofcourse one cant obey them..thats given anytime.

Happy Kitten said...

Respect for elders doesnt need any parameters.....they deserve it by just being our parents..no demanding or commanding business.

Many a times even I have felt the same since there will no friction at all.. but life can never be thus and at times one is also compelled to disagree with your parents.

Every relationship, including that with our parents should be open to discussion. One-way relationship (even the one with your spouse) will always be a strained one and may not be healthy. Friction in a relationship should be treated as normal.

pratibha said...

@happy kitten : I am nodding in agreement..a two way traffic is a must for healthy relationships

@Renu : Don't you think it is more to do with open mindedness and less to do with modernisation? There are several instances in history of fathere renouncing their thrones to their sons, must have been out of the respect for their son's leadership skills.
I do not think it is a cultural element at all, infact I think its the parents failure to accept their children as grownup thinking individuals.

pratibha said...

YES Renu, shall definitely post the link if I write a trackback post to this one.
Must say I find your writing interesting,so what if we disagree a lot.