Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Family

last week I went to meet one of my friend, she is a retired professor, but still keeps studying something,like social welfare etc. In the talks she told me that there had been a survey that rate of divorce is increasing in India by leaps and bounds.And in the discussions she says...Renu I have seen that all the relationships face some problems sometime or the other.But when young couple has some strife, men mostly keep it to themselves, and women, most of the time turn to their friends who are their peer group, in the same age group and facing the same problems sometimes and so their suggestions may not be very constructive or unbiased or even able to solve. Instead if they turn to someone senior who has been through that route and in the position to say.....been there done it, may be they can find some solace and some really good adviceand save the family.
This reminded me how young girls react to some little things even...

OMG...you are such a good cook, you are superb...
Or..You are looking so beautiful, just like aishwarya:)

I have seen that most of the time friends keep complimenting the friends, sometimes over complimenting...I know that appreciating others is a good quality and all that but when there is no genuineness, it brings disaster.because continuous friend's compliments make a person conceited, and when someone from a family has a genuine problem with them they dont take it in a right way, I have heard it from many people....

Outside everybody loves and respects me so much, its only my family who doesnt understand my value.

But these people never look inwards...and always put the blame on family for that.
Outsiders behave like that because...
it is social grace,
They meet you only for a short time,
In that period one is always on one's best behaviour.
And we also always do our best for outsiders,we speak to them nicely, never rudely, we go out of the way to be nice to them, if we call somebody we cook special foods for them , in fact work hard to maintain that image.
Whereas we take the family for granted, we dont make any efforts to be nice to them or please them and we are sometimes even rude to them.
and thats the reason in different perceptions,If the way we behave to outsiders, we follow those principles for our family, our life will be much more happier.

18 comments:

Phoenixritu said...

Made me think ... yeah its true. It takes maturity to realize the worth of unvarnished truth and take criticism positively

chitra said...

Renu
I have always noticed, instead of correcting one's own fault people try to blame others and try to find solace.

I also feel the appreciations must be genuine and must flow from the heart.

Dreamer said...

Totally agree 100%. It annoys me when I know I am looking like a fright and some well meaning acquaintance says - Wow you look so nice. So fake!!!

Renu said...

Phoenixtru:.It takes lot of character to realise that we are somewhere wrong.

Chitra: I always believe that blaming is done by weak,strong people sometimes take blame for others also to save them.

Dreamer:..A little deviation is Ok, but all the time talking in hyperbole doesnt do any good.

Jayashree said...

It's true that most of us take our family for granted. However, I think that it is only natural for a person to turn toward his/her own peer group belonging to the same age for solace.

SG said...

Nice one. You are right. On relationship matters, it is better to seek advice from elders.

Shrutzz said...

My MIL can be really straight forward, which used to make me fgeel very bad..Now I realise few things which she says is good for me, so don't look negatively at all..I have learnt what to take from friends & family and what to just let go....Nice post Renu!!!

Gouri Guha said...

A thoughtful read. The young ones should at least consult some elders when they have some complicated problem...can get good advice...after all experience counts.

Latika Mishra said...

I am here :)

Tomz said...

hmmm...phaps the reason was since the family consider him or her as its part and since they are so close, why do they need to recognise him/her beyond a certain limit?
Anyway that question you posted in bold letters is a serious problem and one often asked by many of my acquaintance..

Renu said...

jayshree: yes its natural to turn to your friends, but that should be for solace, for advice one must go either to professionals or people senior to you.

SG: Thanks:)

Shrutzz: You are one of your kind( thats the reason I like you:)..otherwise I have seen very few girls who take advice in a right way and MIL's advice..Thats too much too ask them to:)

Gauri Guha: yes, peer group nevr tells you where you are wrong, they only affirmate your views, so you may feel good for that time, but you will never make family.

Latika Mishra:Thanks:)

TomZ:...As Is aid in my post, its only because we are very particular about our image outside, instead if we look inside..we would be much better off.

SUFFIX said...

Valuable post Mam, i feel nowadays we do not have patience like our elders. Communication and well understanding between the couple are very important. We should never argue by assuming the matter, rather try to find the fact, not to fight but to solve!!

Renu said...

Suffix: Thanks for appreciating !!..we are loosing our values, if we just respect family and value it, may be we will think of saving it..today its I Me,Myself the best..

Tara said...

very true. v always long to hear the same from family too. but we know also theres no point in doing so... this balance is lost at times !

sunder said...

Divorce is increasing? why..to me unfortunately we dont meet teh right person first? or we make mistakes in selecting our partner?

In olden days , we didnt have any choice but to stick to our choices..this generation has more option comparitively..so why we want to look at divorce as a Taboo?

Renu said...

Tara>.yes we long to hear this from family, but somewhere our efforts are lacking...

Sunder:..Divorce is not taboo, but do you think multiple choices make the life better?..and in the process they spoil many lives.like of children and families.

Manasa said...

second your thoughts. Outsiders just flatter and that makes us on cloud 9.

Renu said...

manasa: the trick lies in knowing the reality:)