Tuesday, May 26, 2015

40 YEARS OF MARRIAGE

Last week I competed 40 years of my marriage and when I introspected I realised that i have come a long way in my life. When i got married i was a very naive girl of 18 , not very worldly wise, from a small town, so had no exposure to anything except academics.I learned a lot on the way...Today i want to share my observations , experiences and inferences...

The best virtue in life is to be grateful and specially for the people who love you. Because we are free to love whosoever we want but getting love in return is not guaranteed, if we get it its a blessing of god,so we should never take such people for granted..rather treasure them.

We must never forget those who did something for us...either we shouldnt take help, hospitality or anything from anybody(which may not be possible)..but if we accept that ,we should be grateful for life..help in need can never be repaid.

In our culture , to be happy in life, its better for the girls to have alignment more with inlaws...it doesnt mean we cant  look after our parents and family..NO we should be there in their hour of need,physically and financially both ..but for all other day to day purposes, we should be on one side whole heartedly, otherwise we become like a coalition government where nothing works, nobody is happy.Equality doesnt  work this way.

Before marrying one should think hundred times about everything..candidates should talk about everything.expectations from marriage, duties and responsibilities,.finance handling , housekeeping, children upbringing and parents everything, but after marriage dont go back on your promises....

Today with my children settled I am in a happy space..and grateful to god for my health,finance and a good husband:)....But I have worked hard for all this..I have never shirked from my duties whether it was for my siblings or my children or my inlaws..,,My MIL still is with me only and  HAPPILY...I never got the return from the people whom i cared for ,but instead God gave me so many things that I have no complaints..It makes me believe in karma very strongly.


23 comments:

indu chhibber said...

You made me look back Renu.It is true adjustment is of paramount importance.And so is gratitude.Mine was an arranged marriage.Read about it over here http://jeeteraho.blogspot.in/2012/09/making-marriage-work.html

indu chhibber said...

Your post made me look back Renu.Mine was an arranged marriage and i had no dreams expectations or any sort of plans--just went with the flow.

Renu said...

indu chhibber: Mine was also arranged..and on top of that I had no idea how to plan future kids or inlaws:).....I too went with the flow and made some mistakes also.

Rama Ananth said...

Congratulations Renu!
Life is a process of learning for all, yes sometimes we make mistakes. It is good to know that you have successfully come along so far and that too happily and you are grateful for everything in your life.
Wish you both a very happy anniversary!

Sandhya said...

In our age, planning was not there. We lived as our parents lived. Only some rebelled and started new trends, many were good and some were bad. I was a timid person and tried my best to be called a 'good girl'. After many years I started changing slowly. Now, no regrets. 41 years are over for our marriage! Life is good for me! Good to know that you are also happy! God bless!

Jeevan said...

I like your perception! Glad you lead a happy life and I wish it sustain throughout...

Jayashree said...

As always, a very insightful and well thought out post, Renuji. Wish you a very happy 40th anniversary.

KParthasarathi said...

Belated greetings and best wishes for 40th wedding anniversary.May God bless you both with all the best.
I generally agree with you in what you have said except discussing with the likely partner about future plans and attitudes.Things change over a period and circumstances may not be the same.Still whether one can work or not,willingness to take care of elders,children are all things that can be talked about to know each other's mind.

Renu said...

Rama: thank you Rama !..very true.life is a long process of learning and adjusting, those who do come out victorious.

Sandhya:..This good girl banner, we all vied for it..and in the process sometimes we surrendered our aspirations too:)

Jeevan: Thank you Jeevan!

Jayashree: Thank you Jayashree! How are you ?

Kparthsaarthi: Thank you sir!..yes circumstanchane, but at that prevailing time atlease we can try to fathom what the other person wants..it frustrates me when I see people getting married after roaming around and still at loggerheads for everything.

Usha Menon said...

Congrats Renu on the completion of forty years of married life.I always believe that we must move on with the tide.Things fall in place autumatically.I have been married for54 years and never had to regret my decision.

Usha Menon said...

Congrats Renu on the completion of forty years of married life.I always believe that we must move on with the tide.Things fall in place autumatically.I have been married for54 years and never had to regret my decision.

Amrita said...

Congratulations Renu on having completed 40 years of wedded bliss! Yes we gotta compromise many a times in marriage but it's worth the effort

Ankita said...

this is indeed a very valuable post! very helpful indeed, thanks for sharing!

And congrats!!

SG said...

Congratulations on your 40th marriage anniversary.

sm said...

congratulations
in short you told the mantra of successful life
each sentence each word is precious

sweetyshinde said...

Congratulations, and wishing you many more years of peace and bliss.

Joseph Pulikotil said...

Hello, my hearty congratulation to you and your wonderful husband for this fantastic achievement. Yes, in the modern world this is truly a great achievement. After forty years of married life you are happy, contented and satisfied. Both of you are shining stars in the firmament to look up and emulate.

A few months back I was talking to a young man of twenty eight years and I was shocked to know that he was divorced. The reason,a very silly reason, is that his wife wanted to go and work abroad but he wanted to stay in Kerala.

In a married life of such long duration there are not only happy moments but many tempests which can easily upset the apple cart. Both of you have successfully weathered all the storms and come out all the more shining and strong. Fabulous.

From my own experience I have seen mother in laws and daughter in laws always fight over silly things. I remember a saying in Tamil to the effect === IF THE MOTHER IN LAW BREAKS IT IS MUD POT BUT IF A DAUGHTER IN LAW BREAKS IT IS GOLD POT.

You tips are very valuable especially from a person with such great experience in married life and this experience is something no money can buy or research can achieve.

Let me take this opportunity to wish you both,fabulous couple, a long,long happy married life.

Ashwini C N said...

Congrats :-) Wishing you many more years or togetherness.

Nice post, do share more such posts for this generation :-)

Renu said...

Usha Menon:Thank you Ushaji !I regret many thing..I could have done better, but life is like that..pluses with minuses make it so lively.

Amrita Thank you Amrita!:I think these are the adjustsments which if we dont make, life becomes a mess..

Ankita: Thank you Ankita!

SG:Thank you SG !

sm:Thank you sm ! These are true experiences:)

Sweetyshinde:Thank you Sweety !

Joseph Pulikotil:Thank you Josephji !..today the table have turned..these are DIL times and we have to learn to live with them.

I am much better synchronised with my hubby today then i was in my younger days..both of us understand each other more now.

As for the young man you told about..if his wife was adamant , may be he could have adjusted and gone and later on may be they could come back..but sadly today no one thinks about others..

Ashwini CN: Thank you Ashwini:..Sure..I keep sharing so that somebody may make a happy life learning from my experiences..

Chattywren said...

Belated congratulations on our 40th anniversary, Renuji! Thanks for sharing your experiences, yes we all learn from them.

Loco mente said...

Wow! Congrats... Wishing you all the happiness :)

Renu said...

chattywren: Thanks Vibha!

Loco mente:Thanks a lot!

SRS said...

This is such a nice post - in life today we get exhausted very easily very early into the marriage....some great words of advise for young people that might come across this post