Monday, June 19, 2017

Can you suggest something?

This is a personal problem of my close friend, she is not able to find the solution to it, so I am posting here, may be somebody could tell her what to do.

It relates to her husband, he is always doing what he likes, without giving any consideration of her feelings, like he would welcome  many people to their home, and expect her to be very hospitable and do everything for them, though these people may have insulted her and even now dont give her any respect or love, not even to her husband, but whenever they need they suck up to him and he is all theirs.there are some who havent done anything for her her or her family in last 20 years.Even if the need arose, they were not there for them.

She feels very hurt that her husband has no consideration of how she feels, according to her, her feeling should be more important than other people, whether they are his friends or relatives.

What do you think? Should she allow him to trample her sentiments and  tolerate it? It hurts her self respect, because there are some in whose house she was totally ignored and treated badly.

If not then whats the solution?


SG said...

They both are disconnected. A connection comes when they both sit together and talk openly. Just the two of them only. No friends. No relatives. Not even children. May be she should catch him when he is at a vulnerable mind set. She should NOT start with how hurt she is because of what the friends and relatives do to her. She should start with how hurt she is because of how the friends and relatives are taking advantage and not respecting her husband. She should put some kind of act (I am serious) and tell her husband she is hurt because her husband is being taken advantage of. It hurts her to see her husband not being respected. It hurts her to see her husband being insulted.

Never tell the husband (at least during the first few conversations) that she is being mistreated by the husband or relatives or friends.

Your friend should keep bringing this subject often …her getting hurt because how others disrespect her husband. (Never talk how she is not respected.)

He will eventually change his mind. There is a Tamil saying “adi male adi vaithal ammiyum nagarum”. (If you keep pushing, even a big solid rock grinding stone also will move.)

Good luck to your friend. God be with her.

Sandhya said...

I agree with SG here! More than pinpointing his mistake, she should express how hurt she is because of their misbehaviour with him. He might change slowly.

Good luck to her.

sm said...

i will only suggest following -
1-stop complaining to husband
2-Start inviting them more and more until husband says do not call them
example - if husband invites Family A for dinner in a month once she should invite them twice so total 3 free dinners for Family A.
3-Stop giving importance to husband and give more importance to the people whom husband respects more than her.
4- Fighting will yield nothing use the power of Love let her husband trouble her how much he wants, he should increase the love and show him that it does not affect her at all thus no complains about anyone to husband

Jeevan said...

SG has said a nice idea to deal the problem... not many look after others emotions but when it's for them sure to give a ear.

indu chhibber said...

I have been through this Renu.I am not capable of creating scenes or starting altarcation so i just thought that it is their Karma and i shall do my duty.I was brought up this way.
But it drfinitely hurt my self respect.

Renu said...

Thank you all for such good suggestion, may be something out of them can help her improve her life.

Anilkumar Kurup said...

Yep, wonder if they have discussed the issue.
I have seen such spouses ( male), who are tough on their wife and drool over friends who are dime a dozen- Parasites often!
I guess she must confront him and explain in direct words what she is being put to. Ask him that without the comfort of the family he may not find friends sticking to him.Self respect is not to be bargained with. and most of such men as described here are feeble. They can only confront a meek and submissive spouse but not an assertive woman who takes control of the family. The

Sujatha Sathya said...

She should stop entertaining these false family and friends parasites. It is both physically and mentally draining for her. Even if she has to incur his wrath, it is better to tell him straight up that I have done all you wanted so far without complaining but now I can't.

hellen said...

Its unfortunate, she should try and do things together with him, like preaching, taking walks in the park etc.

Esther said...

a marriage is between two people. let the people talk and discuss a way forward.

WordsPoeticallyWorth said...

Sorry for your friend's trouble. I feel for her.

Thank you. Love love, Andrew. Bye.

Haddock said...

Like Anilkumar said, its better to discuss it out with him when he is in a relaxed mood, especially about the fact that his friends are taking him for a ride. Make him understand that these same very people will not be available when he is in trouble or needs help.

Panharith said...

He will eventually change his mind. There is a Tamil saying “adi male adi vaithal ammiyum nagarum”. (If you keep pushing, even a big solid rock grinding stone also will move.)

แตกใน xxx

Loco mente said...

for any problem, there is nothing better than clear and open communication. It need not be through harsh words or through tears; but with clarity. She should tell him that she is a human first with emotions like his and she has self-respect too. She should tell him clearly what she doesnt like or hurts her. If he is not ready to listen or indifferent, a third party like a close friend or family member should be included. Else, couselling is always a good solution when nothing works!

Third and last day

suddenly we got up late and when we saw it’s 9 we rushed to ho for breakfast and after that we got ready to checkout. Left our luggage ther...