I was always of the opinion that we are better off because we dont have divorces so much.because i feel that divorce always makes a very Strong effect on children, but thats another topic,another time.In this week i came upon a few couple and some of them in their 50,s and realized that they are living a facade, they are so unhappy and full of aggression, whereas outside nobody can realize that even.So I cant say now that unhappy marriage is better than divorce, but.yes I have a few suggestions to resolve that conflict,its only my experience which I am sharing, no expertise,,
For our happiness we have to take charge ourselves, it shouldnt depend on others behaviour or doing be it spouse, children, relative or friends.we should do what makes up happy, of course without hurting anyone.
We should have lot of communication, unless we tell our spouse what we dont like, how the situation will change.
we should do our own thing some of the time, like I love watching movies but my husband doesnt, so i go with my friends, and if no friends, I may go alone also. Same way if one person doesnt like travelling or has any other reason may be health or anything, and second one wants to see places, then occasionally make a programe on your own.
We can not be conjoined twins, we are two individuals, coming from different back grounds and different personalities and if its an arranged marriage, then may be we dont have a single common interest, so we need to find a common ground with lots of communication.
Many spouses never realize that other one doesnt like their too much emotional contact with their siblings, it doesnt mean that we stop loving our siblings, but we should honour our spouse feelings also, and he/she should always come first. we can love our siblings and do everything but without involving our spouse all the time.
I would say that..
Life is not about pleasing everyone,
but hurting no one.
For our happiness we have to take charge ourselves, it shouldnt depend on others behaviour or doing be it spouse, children, relative or friends.we should do what makes up happy, of course without hurting anyone.
We should have lot of communication, unless we tell our spouse what we dont like, how the situation will change.
we should do our own thing some of the time, like I love watching movies but my husband doesnt, so i go with my friends, and if no friends, I may go alone also. Same way if one person doesnt like travelling or has any other reason may be health or anything, and second one wants to see places, then occasionally make a programe on your own.
We can not be conjoined twins, we are two individuals, coming from different back grounds and different personalities and if its an arranged marriage, then may be we dont have a single common interest, so we need to find a common ground with lots of communication.
Many spouses never realize that other one doesnt like their too much emotional contact with their siblings, it doesnt mean that we stop loving our siblings, but we should honour our spouse feelings also, and he/she should always come first. we can love our siblings and do everything but without involving our spouse all the time.
I would say that..
Life is not about pleasing everyone,
but hurting no one.
8 comments:
Great suggestions. I would make one more. Don't go to bed angry.
SG: Thanks!
If a couple has different likes and dislikes then what you say is the best way to live in harmony.Going further,if a spouse does not fulfill your expectations in one area,just focus on what s/he is doing for you and stem your expectations.
Short and good.
Agree; honest & open communications and an atmosphere that gives one the confidence that the same will not be used against oneself. It takes time to develop but does so if both parties are interested, slowly at first though; take the first step, don't wait for the other half to start.
Me time; my interests; my hobbies are equally important, as our time, we time together.
Look at the goodness in each other; focus on them rather than on the irritants; all of us have irritating quirks.
Lastly Renu, you hit the nail on the head when you say that it all starts with taking charge of oneself; focus on 'what' is right rather than 'who' is right.
Well said! Communication is a great tool to solve many problems and preventive as well.
Marriages are not that simple. Think how I met your mother had a theory that one is a reacher and one is a settler. So the sooner these roles are established, the better it is. When one gives the other has to take and vice versa. There is no equality.
Some time one partner may have a more social life, more established hobbies, and an independent personality which might not gel well with the other who might be a total hermit. And one might feel they are sacrificing way too much . But if the other partner listens and advices you well, or does something simple as wakes up with you even if he/she doesn’t have to - the thought matters. Again it’s individual choice. Some might feel it’s not good enough, for some it might mean the world.
See what works for you and try to make it work. Human will is an immense thing. If we set our heart, we can make anything work, be it a difficult marriage, lest there are unpardonable offences like abuse, extra-maritals or unscrupulous activities.
My 2 cents.
Indu chhibber:..yes.and one should try to find a middle ground.
JP Joshi:Thanks for such good suggestions ! wish people think about it.
Jeevan: Thanks Jeevan!
Amrita:I totally agree with you. I too feel that most of time there will be a way out except in extreme situations.
very well said mam'.
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