46THINGS TO RMEMEBR

Below are commandments of life I got from a spiritual site I like, now I want to check what is there in the list and how much they relate to me, what i do and what need some improvement:)


1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

This is the best mantra of life and brings happiness all around us, I have started doing it and it works like magic.

2. Memorize your favorite poem.

Instead of any poem I like songs:)


3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.

Another gem......so many times we hear something and make impressions which are far from truth, and as far as spending is concerned one must always save a substantial amount from one's earnings.Sleeping too much is bad for health and life both.

4. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
Oh.. hundred percent, I dont believe in lying in any sphere of life, I ask even my children not to give me cards where they promise me the moon, unless they can deliver:).

5. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
Its two hundred percent true..sorry is one word which is used in vain all the time, people say sorry just to calm other person, they never mean it. meaning it means, not doing the same thing again, thats the best way of saying sorry,

6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married and get your parents approval.
I believe in this totally for many reasons..six months period is mandatory because it will bring your fever down and let you see the reality, and by then if you are still in love, then it is a long lasting one, and parents approval is a must as marriage as it is a very difficult relationship and cant sustain without their support.

7. Believe in love at first sight.
I dont believe in this.

8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
True, because one always dreams about seemingly impossible things, but perseverant people make them possible also.

9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt, but it's the only way to live life completely.
At a time I thought that there is no point in loving anybody as we get hurt only, but then I realised its like not living, I must be my natural self..a loving person, what others give me is their persona..it must be irrelevant to me.So now I have decided to be natural the way i am always going over the top while loving, exce-t that i wont care now what theya re doing in return.

10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
OMG..this one takes the cake..anger most of the time brings out the worst in us, but then only our character is tested, I try to control myself and whenever I have lost it, I have regretted it.

11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
Of course how can we?

12. Talk slow but think quick.
I talk very fast and so is my thinking quick:)

13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
so true when someone asks you about salary?

14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
I agree.

15. Call your Mom.
Oh yes, I call my mom regularly, and so does my daughter, its my son who is irregular:).sometimes too much, sometimes too little.


16. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
I do>

17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
I learn everyday with everything and everybody something or the other.

18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
True.specially with the children, they want autonomy in the family:) but rarely perpared to take the consequences:)

19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship
But with me it happens....trying to change....
.
20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
That I am very prompt in... saying sorry..which I mean and making amends, no verbal sorries for me.

21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice
....Yeah, whenever I call my family, and if they reply in slow voices , I get unsettled.

22. Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other skill.
This is what I told my son about how to choose a girl:)..(of course it shouldnt be the main quality:)

23. Spend time alone
Me time is very important to me.

24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
Never!!!!

25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Even I think so.

26. Read more books and watch less TV
I follow this religiously....dont like TV much except for movies. give me books any time.

27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
Doing so:)

28. Trust in God, but lock your car.
certainly..God is not a watchman for us:)

29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
I cant even live with strife in the family.

30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation; don't bring up the past.
This is one of the best advice..as most of time fighting people go so far in blaming that they forget the point even they were fighting about.Earlier I was also guilty of this, now trying to learn.

31. Read between the lines.
sometimes it is good, and sometimes it is bad also.Reading too much bings strees(between the lines of course:)

32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
Doing that presently:)

33. Be gentle with the earth.
Then only we can use it.

34. Pray -- there's immeasurable power in it.
Prayer can bring miracles.

35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
Flattery is also good to hear sometimes:)

36. Mind your own business.
This one is so true..interference anywhere is not good, lead your own life.

37. Don't trust someone who doesn't close their eyes when you kiss them.

38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
now will start this tradition.

39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That's wealth's greatest satisfaction.
I dont make a lot of money but still want to help others.

40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
That i know, because there is a saying in Hindi..khuda ganjey ko nakhoon nahi deta......God is always great and he knows better than us what we need.

41. Learn the rules then break some.
I believe in living by rules, no rule breaking for me.

42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
Trying to understand this....true with children, difficult with a spouse:)

43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.


44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
Then I have a good destiny:)..character is one thing even I give the utmost importance in life.

45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
Yeah:) I do lot of cooking for my family and love them more than I should.

46. Realize that as you get older, you are not approaching death, but heaven.
That I have realised and I dont fear death and even if today i die I wouldnt have any regrets, I would die a happy person.

TWO STATES BY CHETAN BHAGAT

I bought Two States by Chetan Bhagat..and yesterdsay I started reading it..its so engrossing that I couldnt keep it down, had to finish it at one go..after a long time there is this book which I read till late at night.
His way of writing is so natrurla, and I read somewhere that he has made fun of south Indians..nothing like that,,infact north indians come out more as a shallow people. After rreading the book I loved Ananya the most..and then her parents, couldnt admire a single person of Krish family, even Krish doesnt come out so haloed as Ananya..how I would love to see a girl like that...she is a sooper:)..can you believe it that she has certain traits which I dislike but still I love her...cant get her out of my mind..she is a lovely person.

There are certain things everyone can identify with...

Boy's mother having a chip on her shoulder..about being groom's mother,

A girl bringing more dowry considered better:).(education and compatibility be damned)

Groom settled in US get more weightage.

Bride; earning more will get more respect.

many things one can relate to completely....like he writes..

Tamilians love to irritate non-Tamil speakers by speaking only in Tamil in front of them. This is the only silent rebellion in their otherwise repressed, docile personality.

But it is true with most of the people except north Indians may be, when I was in WB, wherever two bengali met, they will start chattering in bengali leaving me bewildered and isolated and the same happens with marathis also...I also sometimes feel like saying something in Hindi in conversation, but stops my self, but here on blog I take that liberty, so i am also equally guilty.

One of the fellow blooger Rich has dont the review..a detailed one and agree to her:)..you may read it here


Most of the characters in the book are well sketched..be it Bala, Ajay or the girls in Krissh's family. yesterday i read an article in TOI written by Chetan Bhagat on language issue..its worth reading, very well written.

All in all a good book and I will recommend to everyone...it gives us insight onto the life of IIM hostel life also:)

WHAT I THINK

Lately I have read on many girls blog many things which I feel that they are confused about, instead of writing long answers there I would like to write all about taht on my blog WHAT i THINK........

Someone wrote..its a choice whether we want to live with our inlaws or not, nothing wrong or right with that or no crime in not loving your parents(inlaws of course)


I say..there are many fields in life where we have no choice, parents are nor chosen and if one is very particular then before marrying check inlaws also and only if you find them to your liking marry, otherwise dont..Second suppose the parents also exercised this option of choice and didnt do anything for their children where would they be..today the boys who are well established and educated.attract the girls, but will they be there in the same position if their parents didnt work hard for them....and will the same girls like them then? .are they there without any contribution from their parents?

Yes if inlaws are bad, then issues must be sorted out keeping in mind both the parties...I would anytime love my daughter inlaw to come to me and say that ma I dont like this or I like this,and I will try my best to fulfil her wish, as children's happiness is paramount to parents. but I would never accept if she talks rudely to me.....politeness is always demanded, I dont know whether I command it or not.I totally reject this concept of commanding etc, because in that case in the eyes of DIL ..inlaws wills command respect only when they are dead...my BIL always says that whatever you do for your DIL, it will never be enough for them, they will always say....अभी इन्होने मेरे पैर तो धो कर पीये ही नहीं हैं:) ......so if you believe in family values and importance of family its better to be polite and a little disciplined...I feel that it is more important than loving,because not many can love inlaws..its fine, will not disturb the balance but bad behaviour will do...Dont hide your bad behaviour behind this commanding bussiness.....even some great people were also not respected by all or their inlaws.


And about boys not liking their inlaws and it not making a issue....its because in a patriarchal society, boys dont live with their inlaws but a girl comes into a new family, seondly still boys are treated as VIPs in their inlaws house..may be because they are guest there whereas bahu is a member of that family..I know that I am entering a dangerous territory:) as the new girls are going to bombard me with their equality theory:)

Most of the problems come because of no communication, we never communicate our desires or wishes simply,.all the time we are either blaming or complaining. and living with parents is not a joint family..joint family consists of one or more brothers or sisters family living together..its a western concept where family means husband wife and children...I am yet to see any boy writing that he would like to live without his parents, though I read a few who said that they would like to marry a girl who would live with their parents...and girls dont want to see the writing on the wall, they deluge themselves thinking that the boy will love them whatever they do.and of course here I am taking about normal families, not aberrations.

And there is a solution for everything..some girls think that after marriage one has to work too much and she is taken as a domestic servant, asked to cook all the time...this is not the scenario anymore..if both are working, they need to workout between them how will they share the housework, but if girls are housewife...like my husband, my son, my brother all work out side for more than 8 hrs everyday, so if their wives demand or look upto their husbands to share their work its not proper and justified for those who demand equality, yes if they willingly want to share its their choice.
.
I dont find doing work in my own home demeaning,its my fort and I can do whatever it needs, why is it that working in a office even if one is a steno is dignified but doing your housework is not, being a personal assistant to some stranger is very important job, but being the same to your husband or your MIL is insulting........

..isn't it a irony that we can work under anybody outside and feel proud in taking orders from a stranger,if he/she scolds us we are prompt in saying sorry, we dont talk back, even if we say something its with utmost politeness, but inside our home we deny our inlaws even a simple desirecourtesy,leave aside their orders, reply them rudely, talk back frequently...We need to do some introspection.

.we can be courteous and kind to total strangers and say we are good human beings, but we are very rude and impolite to our inlaws..are they worse than even strangers? why?..
when we talk to our boss, our temper never gets better of us..we have that much control, but when we talk to 0ur mother.inlaw..( mano na mano boss to woh ha ghar ki)..we loose temper and say whatever comes to us why?

I read so many blogs and girls talk about everything good....
being kind to environment
do some charity work
donate
kind to animals
give time to social work
look after the poor
they have a responsibility towards society and country everybody( but nothing towards their husband's parents) etc etc....why invest all your energy time and nature outside..why not inside?

but when it comes to inlaws they are most uncharitable, lazy, unkind why?..think about it..if you want to be kind to human beings , animals and environment, but you cant be that to the parents of your husband..why..try to be all that at your home first..charity begins at home..and It can assure you a happiness rare to find......give some of your time, and your heart and you will see that investment multiplies many fold and returns are unprecedented.

A family is a boon..ask the people who dont have how they miss not having close relatives,but those who have it take it for granted. Nothing comes free...free things are not really worth it also..so make efforts and see the change.Today girls are doing so well in everything then why not in this aspect of life.....

What is your current obsession?

Here comes a tag..I am tagged by Chanz of life thru my eyes.....


1. What is your current obsession?
To be right.

2. What are you wearing today?
salwaar kameej

3. What’s for dinner?
aloo matar tamatar. gobhi and parantha and raita..our staple diet:)

4. What’s the last thing you bought?
vegetables and fruits.

5. What are you listening to right now?
few songs my daughter uploaded on a USB which I use on my digital frame( presently its the only music system I have)

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
Chandni is a very sweet young girl who is very apprehensive about the life after marriage.

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?

should be somewhere in a cool climate, near nature, near my loved ones.

8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?
cotton salwar kameez.

9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
will go and see my mom.

10. Which language do you want to learn?
Tamil

11. What’s your favourite quote?
There are many...one can see here

12. Who do you want to meet right now?
my mom and my son..as I havent seen him for a long time.

13. What is your favourite colour?
keeps changing, earlier it was torquoise, now its maroon.

14. Give us 3 styling tips that work for you.
wear with an attitude
wear what suits you, not what you like.
Like what you wear.

15. What is your dream job?
Where i can see places and meet new people.

16. What’s your favorite magazine?
Not favourite but I like good housekeeping for new ideas and New woman for its ideology.

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
I f I am getting it from someone, I would give it to someone else who needs it.

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
There are many.....Keds with formals. people wearing dressing without considering their body structure,

19. Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?
everybody who is considered, because I dont find any..

20. What kind of haircut do you prefer?
In Chennai weather liking doent work:)

21. What are you going to do after this?
Going for lunch.

22. What are your favourite movies?
many...but Silsila is one I can see again and again.

23. What inspires you?
everything and everyone around me

24. What do your friends call you most commonly?
I never had any other short or pet name:(

25. Would you prefer coffee or tea?
oh tea tea and more tea:)

26. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?
cant say, because I feel low quite often, may be talk to my sis.

27. What makes you go wild?
Nothing I am too grounded for that.

28. Which other blogs do you love visiting?
All those in my blogroll

29. Favorite Dessert/Sweet?
triple sundae:)..with lots of thinga:)

30. How many tabs are turned on in ur browser right now?
3

31. Favorite Season?
winter...

32. If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?
What you like:)

33. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?
I would like to ask them..why did they do it?....Because if somewhere deep down any of my action is responsible, I would like to change that.And if not, then forget them:)

34. What are you afraid of the most?
Nothing. because whenever I fear something..same thing happens.

35. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
I look good:).....hey I am not bragging, I am a positive person thats it:)

36. What brings a smile on your face instantly?
when my children praise me, love me:)( because my siblings and hubby love me unconditionally and all the time, but it is children's love which keeps wavering:)

37. A word that you say a lot?
I read somewhere>>( because I read all the time)

38. What would you do if you were made President of India for one day?
Cant do much in a day, but would like to make education compulsory for everyone.

39. What is that one thing that keeps you going.
My father said once....yeh dharti acche logo ki wajah se tiki rehti ha nahi to pataal me chali jaati..means there are always more good people that bad ones..and its their deeds which make the world go.

Rules for those who are tagged:


Respond and rework – answer these questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own, and add one more question to the list. Then tag eight or ten other new set of people.


And, I’ll tag the following 10 :

Balvinder Singh

Shruti sri harsha

Sandhya

G

Dreamer

radha

April

Manjunath

Amrita

Shail

Sankranti

THREE BIG FISHES
kOLAM MADE ON OUR MAIN GATE
kOVALAM Beach
Been away from this place two long for me:) actually i had my hubby's sister and her husband with us. Both are senior citizens and in the same boat as us( their son also settled in US)..so i was busy with cooking, talking and as usual my maid was absent. But we met after a long time, so enjoyed picking up the threads about all our distant relations and everything going in the family, as we are living quite in a distant place here...and sometimes I think I live in my own virtual world quite out of the sync with reality, talking with her I realised that still there are.....

Inlaws who dont allow their DILs to wear salwar kameez even, leave aside western wear......( I never ever set any protocol about dress to my DIl, its totally her choice what she wants to wear),

MILs.. who dont help at all their DILs in any housework when they visit......

Still a girl's parents are looked down upon by her inlaws if they stay....

There are parents who dont help their daughters much if they need any financial assistance, though the parents are rich and can do so, but they let their daughters suffer.

MILs have the authority to scold their DILs for their mistakes.

And this I am talking about educated, well-to-do families.

I was quite surprised , but life is such, it surprises you at every corner..if you see one person always doing and thinking about the right thing, then dont think that even that gives the right results. It is always different permutations and combinations in life for anything and everything .I read on many blogs that there is no right and wrongs about disliking inlaws..its personal choices only, but I think that there IS right and wrong my dear..its wrong not to want to live with your inlaws but your parents are fine.if they live with you...If we deny someone's right, we never get that in our life also. To live always the way we want to without any thoughts about good or bad, or whom we are hurting is not living like a human being. I dont believe that any boy can love his wife whole heartedly if she is not respectful of his parents..I completely refuse to believe that....none is made like that....not atleast educated cultured boys.so the girls who think like that, dont even know what they are missing and what they are loosing in this bargain.......

We were planning to go to Chidambarm and Thanjavur etc, but didt due to this eclipse,one day we went to Covelong or Kovalam, whatever is that. I had read so much about this place, and the route was quite scenic also.this is a small fishing village. But it is very dirty, all the place is full of garbage..littered everywhere...It could be a good spot if our govt. takes some interest. but presently it is in bad shape.there were many boats, long and narrow ones, one fisherman caught 3 big silver colored fishes int that.Beach is quite good and unique with some rocks and all. There is a dargah also, there also first time I found that many people were after you for money, religion is being sold everywhere..I thought only Hindu Pandas are like that.Most of the places demand some cleanliness.

We wanted to see # Idiots but didnt get the tickets:(

BELATED HAPPY PONGAL, SANKARANTI AND LOHRI TO ALL !!!

I WENT TO A PARTY MOM

I went to a party Mom,

I remembered what you said.

You told me not to drink, Mom,

So I drank soda instead.

I really felt proud inside, Mom,

The way you said I would.

I didn't drink and drive, Mom,

Even though the others said I should.

I know I did the right thing, Mom,

I know you are always right.

Now the party is finally ending, Mom,

As everyone is driving out of sight.

As I got into my car, Mom,

I knew I'd get home in one piece.

Because of the way you raised me,

So responsible and sweet.

I started to drive away, Mom,

But as I pulled out into the road,

The other car didn't see me, Mom,

And hit me like a load..

As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,

I hear the policeman say,

"The other guy is drunk," Mom,

And now I'm the one who will pay.

I'm lying here dying, Mom....

I wish you'd get here soon.

How could this happen to me, Mom?

My life just burst like a balloon.

There is blood all around me, Mom,

And most of it is mine.

I hear the medic say, Mom,

I'll die in a short time.

I just wanted to tell you, Mom,

I swear I didn't drink.

It was the others, Mom.

The others didn't think.

He was probably at the same party as I.

The only difference is, he drank

And I will die.

Source:email

Moral of the story..sometime we pay for the mistakes of OTHERS, we can do only onething that we are never those..OTHERS.

HANDLOOMS...OUR ANCIENT CRAFT

This Sunday i went to a hand loom exhibition going on in a govt college in front of Taj Connemara.I always feel that handlooms are a special craft of India, and we must do everything to save them, so whenever i get a chance I go and buy. and it is not that we are compromising, their products are good, with natural dyes and provide employment to rural population.So in one stroke we are benefit ting many. Through my blog I urge you to think about this. Whenever any upmarket boutique opens and advertise saying that they are environment friendly etc, people flock to them buying those exorbitant pieces, but here we get everything at such a reasonable price, but since it is without any pomp and show we dont realise their value. Their cottons are so soothing to the skin, rates are so friendly to the pocket.

I bought dining table cover only for 120/...and same for nighties, towels, table mats, there were Banarasi kota saris , very good for summer..very comfortable and beautiful ones from 1600/-. onward and paper silk embroidered sarees were very beautiful and only for 2500/- ..I liked one sari which was on display, rather two, but he refused to sell them, now I am going to their shop in Egmore and chk if it is available there.I request all of you to give a thought and try to buy their products..it will be a step towards saving environment and helping our countrymen and their craft.

Yesterday I read two articles by Menaka Gandhi, she may not be a succesful politician, but I admire her convictions for environment and animals. She always advocates that milk was not meant for us and it doesnt benefit us in anyway.For the synthetic milk, she says we can recognise by putting litmus paper , in real milk blue litmus paper turns red and in synthetic it doesnt. I thought of sharing this with you all. She has written a list of products which contain melamine and shouldnt be bought and any product which says..protein enhanced..must be avoided. When I read the article, I felt so sad that what the world has come to..so much adulteration is there, that sometimes I think we must try to use packaged food as little as possible.

I have started plants in my balcony with the organic waste of my kitchen and will keep updating you with the results and if the experiment is successful, I will suggest you all to do it..we will get greenery and some vegetables at no extra cost and totally organic.

I am thinking of not buying any purse or bag in pure leather anymore, when there are so many good things available in alternate materials then why not?....

This time in our apartments New Year was celebrated and very well managed..some of the residents put the stall for eatable from 7pm to 8 pm and then we had cultural programme where the residents and children put up a grand show with orchestra and all. I liked this idea of everything done by the residents..everyone got to have good food at reasonable prices and wholesome and clean fun and entertainment without spending a bomb....only thing I missed was bollywood songs, wish they had included one or two.

I saw Ajab Prem Ki Gajab Kahani.....good, but quite a rehash of old films, but Ranbeer and Katrina made it worth a watch..Raj kumar santoshi seems to have made an old film only the main couple revived it