Do parents differentiate....

I read on a fellow blogger's about her two daughters asking--mama whom do u love more?and it stirred in me a host of memories from my childhood to my kid's, like when we were young we four sisters and one brother and whenever my dad came home and called any of us, the one who was not called will sulk..................you never remember me, dont call my name, you are all the time calling her only and all that..........while in a big family its never possible to call all five in a go:)
My poor mother was always accused of partiality among us, some were called her favourite and she had to bear the brunt of that।Of course as e quite common in Indian families sons are given more importance and on top of that my brother came after 4 sisters, so he was always the VIP,but since my brother was very cute and gentle even in childhood and today also is a very caring person and we all sisters also love him too much so he was not there in sibling revelry.My sisters feel that somewhere they were differentiated, but I never felt like that and still feel that all parents do their best according to the circumstances and times they are living in.

When i had children, I loved them and still love them more than my life,but my daughter will say---u always love bhaiya more, he is treated as a VIP and all that blah blah;;;;;;:)
my son will say----guria is mom's moppet,she will always favour her, mom cant see anything wrong with her,(गुरिया तो मम्मी की चमची हा)...........:)
Poor mom...............she is left wondering;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;On top of that I am given a dressing down from my H also that I have spoiled the children too much.Even today both my children want me to go their place and it becomes a difficult decision where to go...it may look like favouring one over another...which I never do..

Now I have full sympathy for my mom and have realised that----
If a child is very naughty, he will get more scolding but that doesnt mean less love:)
If a child is more laborious and good at work, will get more appreciation,and appreciation is not love.
Parents always love all the children equally, its only that they give more of scolding, appreciation,their time, money and efforts where they find them needed, thats it.

MY response

Today I got this forwarded by a friend....

(Son to his father)

Dear Pop,

I am very sorry to hear about mom’s ill health. During my last visit I had asked her to get her check ups done regularly and she had nodded in affirmative and this news is real shock to me. I could sense the distress you are going through my dear Pop and I really wish I was there with you. My presence would not make any changes in the situation but would give you some support. 

I spoke to my seniors and they have refused to give me any further leave as we have a client presentation and I am representing the company and am shouldering responsibilities which are not so easy to shudder. I am feeling upset about not being present with you but your effort of nurturing my future would also go in vain if I throw this opportunity in the air. So please try to understand me and forgive me for being selfish if its so. I am have already wire transferred 10,000 USD and hope it would be of great help to you. You have always been a strong man and am sure you will not succumb to the pressures. You have thought us to be optimistic and the same goes true today. Mom should be fine. Take her for the best of advice from senior doctors and get her the adequate treatment, please remember that money is and will never be an issue. I have got few telephone numbers from my friends of nurses on hire for terminally ill patients. You can reach them and hire one so that they can be of some help to you. Also look out for some help for cooking, do not torture your tired bones.

I spoke to Mansi and she too is busy with the exams of her children. Her sis-in-law is coming down from Switzerland and she has to be a good host for some time. After the exams she has enrolled her kids for vacation studies and she has also put forth her regret of not joining you but has conveyed her earnest prayers for Mom. In fact, she was choking on the other end when she spoke to me last night. She may call you up today and please do not worry her much as she has been very sensitive right from childhood. My mobile is always ON so that you can reach me at any time.

I will try to make it after I return from Germany, but that would definitely take a month or two. Please Pop, forgive me for being away from you. My prayers for the well being of my mom and for strength for my Pop will be there for sure.

Take care!

(Father in reply)

Dear Son,

I received your good wishes and prayers and was happy to know about your new assignment. I said a small prayer to the lord to give you success in all that you endeavor. I tried calling you up many times but your phone was switched off, I suppose, or may be you were traveling and were;out of range;. I also tried Mansi and she too was not reachable. I decided to cremate your mother quietly and would love to tell you she passed away peacefully. She always had a habit of writing letters to her children. During her last days, she was unable to write to her kids so she dictated it to me feebly and I have jotted down her words. If you have time please read hereon:

(mother's message to son)

Dear Son,

I understand that you were always ambitious in life and when I came to know about your new venture, my feeble hands trembled but surely raised for a prayer for the well being of my two beautiful kids. Mansi’s kids exams will go well and they will pass with flying colours. You too would grab the promotion and make your parents proud my son. I have no regrets of you not coming down, in fact proud of having such wonderful children to whom duty stands first. May be this time, it would be a bit late as I may not be able to meet you again. God gave me the opportunity to carry you both in my womb, go through the wonderful feeling of motherhood and raise you both as such responsible kids. I hope you have carried your leather jacket with you  my dear on your trip to Germany. The money that you have been sending for us is intact in the account as we were never waiting for it. The calls that were made to you were always to hear your voice and not ask for help. I have knitted a lovely sweater for you, do not forget to ask your Pop for it. I have made your favorite pickle; in case, you happen to fly down, do not forget to carry it. Mansi wanted an Ayurvedic medicine for indigestion. I had asked my friend to call in for it. She had got it for me a couple of weeks ago. Later, I was admitted in the hospital, but your dad is aware, please do not forget to collect it from him. Also the CD of your last visit to us is ready and we have been watching it whenever we miss you and Mansi. I had asked your dad to write the CD so that both of you too can add it to your memory shelf. I thank God for this life and am happy to move to the next stage. Your Pop will be lonely and that’s what is worrying me now. I had called for an admission form from the nearest Old Age Home; so that he can admit himself there and have friends to spend rest of his life. Thank you kids for being so wonderful.

Yours Ever Loving,

 Mom

My response....

I dont agree with many things..mother's letter is not very kind but very cliche..very sarcastic too...

Secondly not many children write a letter like this one..sometimes they have some genuine problems too and initially its parents who teach children to earn more and more, then only they are satisfied, its parents who want children to go US because they find it a feather in their cap...how many parents are there who are happy if their children are not ambitious and earn less..they feel inferiority complex..its parents only who inculcate in the children that its only money that matters ..if they earn more they will be respected and when children learn this lesson, they want them to unlearn it..children are not their property they are individuals....

Now a days campus recruitment's are going on..how many parents ask children whether they are happy with what they have found..not many most are interested in knowing and comparing the packages.and boasting about it.

If a child is not able to give luxury to his parents, then also they are not happy and if he works hard to give that, then they want him to be irresposible in his job, only loyal to them..what is this? what do you want? Are you bringing up children or your retirement plan?

I feel that as parents we must provide children good education( I dont mean fancy ones only),good values and shouldnt pamper them beyond our means..provide them nutritious food and clothes(not the designer ones), but once they grow up, let them be free....if you have given them good values they will be an asset to everyone not only to you.

vice and virtue

Today i find lots of changes in the fabric of society, it has become a polyester from Khaadi, No stain is bad, it can be washed, however dirty you make it, still it can look clean, not like Khadi--which is to be maintained sprightly clean, cant take a single spot.

Earlier even a hint of some bribe, scandal used to make big noise in the society and a big embarrassment to the person. Its not that there were no tainted persons , or no corruption or no opportunists., because greed is a human quality, so existed in all the ages, everybody knows that Mahabharata took place only because of Duryodhana's greed. But there was a stigma attached to every vice, so whoever indulged, did so on the side,and when confronted would not accept it easily.
See how the times have changed.Today nobody has any scruples, instead of feeling ashamed they will start telling you the names of hundred other people who are corrupt and all that। क्या सब के चोरी करने से चोरी चोरी नही रहती ?

here i want to say that -------I am afraid that............if the majority is corrupt, then there is a chance that tomorrow corruption may be converted into a virtue------------.I feel scared of living in that society.......................where journalists start supporting the politician only because they have been very candid in the dealings or feelings.( It happens on TV so many times that if somebody accepts the dealings he is glorified)

kya karen ham aise hi hain:)

I have come back after a lo0ng vacation. I was in my home town in UP.and one thing I realise every time I go there is that how much your mother tongue is important to you..there its so relaxing to speak Hindi and listen Hindi:).

And the next thing is food..one never gets the same flavour anywhere else and then summer fruits, I havent eaten..peaches, apricots,berries, leechis  dussehri mangoes and many more for many years, here one rarely sees them.

But inspite of all this I am always happy to be back..love my place, my routine everything.I really wonder when people want to live with children, leaving their own circle of friends, routines and life styles....May be that those living on their own have to work more, may have less luxury..so what..I would any day prefer that...I love my independence too much to sacrifice that..

Are you on Whats App?

First it was Orkut, then FB and now whats APP..anybody and everybody is into it and people forward the messages without reading properly or understanding the message and sometime create mayhem:):). Recently one of my sis forwarded a message...a very simple one where it was extolled that women should look after themselves TOO..only then they can look after the family...People took it as women should give self first preference everything else comes later...

Now the circle or label of people who are in Whats app and all is such that its very difficult to find women who are sacrificing themselves or being dominated by men..so such messages are totally useless here. Even in earlier generations I have seen many old women who kept a facade of all giving type but they were not actually so....I have seen that before serving everyone they took out the portion for themselves, because in a big family nothing may be left when they eat..not bad..actually they were prudent. Then I saw many who would eat the goodies when children were out, it was the men pampering their women.....Then I saw many women keeping fruits and dry fruits more for themselves, sometimes it was due to health reasons..but even if I am sick I wouldnt partake anything without giving it to my children and family..whatever I can afford, I would like to share...

Then I see the old mothers wanting to be put first in priority in everything....for me if there ever arises a situation where my son and I both need something, be it food or medicine or anything else, I will ask it to be given to my son first, because he is young and needs the best care as he has many responsibilities to take care of, as for me I have lived my life well, my children are settled, so a little delay wouldnt matter, and at present stage I wouldnt like me to be first priority, it should be the next generation.......but I see that in most of the families old parents be they 75 or 95 delight themselves in being the first priority..so how are they sacrificing themselves?

A good society needs people who are compassionate and take care of others, think about others,and wherever self comes first or self gratification is the most important thing, it deteriorates,we bring up the generation without ethics and integrity. yes we shouldnt let ourselves be exploited, but we should never let self interest take over everything..

And please forward those messages only which you believe in otherwise you are spreading something even you dont believe in...

Queen

In the last one month I saw many movies and would like to share the highlights only ..the best one I saw was Queen, this is the story of a simple middle class girl who is chased by one of his father's friend's son and they fall in love and their marriage is set, just before that the boys goes to London and feels that this girls is not up to his standard and ditches her on wedding day,without thinking about the prestige of her parents, financial losses and her heart break.Even his parents support him by keeping quiet.This girl had a dream of going to Paris and Amsterdam for honeymoon and since the trip was booked ,she goes alone..the way she comes out of her shell and breaks many stereotypes, forms the story and its beautiful to watch,and her ex fiancee later on wants to marry her, says sorry and all but now she has tasted freedom, freedom from a system where a girl is at the mercy of guy, he decided whether she should work or not, whether she should drink o not......now she is independent and happy....
The best thing I liked about the characters is.... the girl doesnt get spoiled or embraces any vices, she is simple but good and intelligent and remains the same,initially she tries everything to bring her fiancee around, when he is adamant,she leaves..
Kangan Ranaut has brought life to the character..this movie is a must watch..

Holiday...This movie is worth a watch to see what committed intelligence officers can do against terrorism..there is this one dialogue....kya jaan dene ka theka sirf aarmy waalo ne le rakha ha civilians nahi de sakte.....This is the mind set we have to change, for the better good of the country, one or two lives of individuals should never be bothered with....Akshay and Sonakshi both look good...

Personality

I keep thinking that what is the main  thing that affects the most in building personality traits,
what is that core thing required ,is it upbringing? but then a parent has 4 children but they are never alike, one may be emotional, other one practical, one very straightforward in life, other one may be selfish;
 so then is it environment?......but then many poor kids who are living among criminals ,even then they are honest..........
then what iis it?   Sometimes I wonder, what is that thing which
makes a person what he/she is;
 I think basic nature is the result of permutations and combinations of genes which may be different even in siblings and the habits are acquired through upbringing, environment and surroundings. and basic nature is very difficult to change, it is  inherent and based in the psyche.

Think about it and tell me.