Sunday, September 14, 2014

MY response

Today I got this forwarded by a friend....

(Son to his father)
Dear Pop,
I am very sorry to hear about mom’s ill health. During my last visit I had asked her to get her check ups done regularly and she had nodded in affirmative and this news is real shock to me. I could sense the distress you are going through my dear Pop and I really wish I was there with you. My presence would not make any changes in the situation but would give you some support. 
I spoke to my seniors and they have refused to give me any further leave as we have a client presentation and I am representing the company and am shouldering responsibilities which are not so easy to shudder. I am feeling upset about not being present with you but your effort of nurturing my future would also go in vain if I throw this opportunity in the air. So please try to understand me and forgive me for being selfish if its so. I am have already wire transferred 10,000 USD and hope it would be of great help to you. You have always been a strong man and am sure you will not succumb to the pressures. You have thought us to be optimistic and the same goes true today. Mom should be fine. Take her for the best of advice from senior doctors and get her the adequate treatment, please remember that money is and will never be an issue. I have got few telephone numbers from my friends of nurses on hire for terminally ill patients. You can reach them and hire one so that they can be of some help to you. Also look out for some help for cooking, do not torture your tired bones.
I spoke to Mansi and she too is busy with the exams of her children. Her sis-in-law is coming down from Switzerland and she has to be a good host for some time. After the exams she has enrolled her kids for vacation studies and she has also put forth her regret of not joining you but has conveyed her earnest prayers for Mom. In fact, she was choking on the other end when she spoke to me last night. She may call you up today and please do not worry her much as she has been very sensitive right from childhood. My mobile is always ON so that you can reach me at any time.
I will try to make it after I return from Germany, but that would definitely take a month or two. Please Pop, forgive me for being away from you. My prayers for the well being of my mom and for strength for my Pop will be there for sure.
Take care!

(Father in reply)
Dear Son,
I received your good wishes and prayers and was happy to know about your new assignment. I said a small prayer to the lord to give you success in all that you endeavor. I tried calling you up many times but your phone was switched off, I suppose, or may be you were traveling and were;out of range;. I also tried Mansi and she too was not reachable. I decided to cremate your mother quietly and would love to tell you she passed away peacefully. She always had a habit of writing letters to her children. During her last days, she was unable to write to her kids so she dictated it to me feebly and I have jotted down her words. If you have time please read hereon:
(mother's message to son)
Dear Son,
I understand that you were always ambitious in life and when I came to know about your new venture, my feeble hands trembled but surely raised for a prayer for the well being of my two beautiful kids. Mansi’s kids exams will go well and they will pass with flying colours. You too would grab the promotion and make your parents proud my son. I have no regrets of you not coming down, in fact proud of having such wonderful children to whom duty stands first. May be this time, it would be a bit late as I may not be able to meet you again. God gave me the opportunity to carry you both in my womb, go through the wonderful feeling of motherhood and raise you both as such responsible kids. I hope you have carried your leather jacket with you  my dear on your trip to Germany. The money that you have been sending for us is intact in the account as we were never waiting for it. The calls that were made to you were always to hear your voice and not ask for help. I have knitted a lovely sweater for you, do not forget to ask your Pop for it. I have made your favorite pickle; in case, you happen to fly down, do not forget to carry it. Mansi wanted an Ayurvedic medicine for indigestion. I had asked my friend to call in for it. She had got it for me a couple of weeks ago. Later, I was admitted in the hospital, but your dad is aware, please do not forget to collect it from him. Also the CD of your last visit to us is ready and we have been watching it whenever we miss you and Mansi. I had asked your dad to write the CD so that both of you too can add it to your memory shelf. I thank God for this life and am happy to move to the next stage. Your Pop will be lonely and that’s what is worrying me now. I had called for an admission form from the nearest Old Age Home; so that he can admit himself there and have friends to spend rest of his life. Thank you kids for being so wonderful.
Yours Ever Loving,

My response....

I dont agree with many things..mother's letter is not very kind but very cliche..very sarcastic too...

Secondly not many children write a letter like this one..sometimes they have some genuine problems too and initially its parents who teach children to earn more and more, then only they are satisfied, its parents who want children to go US because they find it a feather in their many parents are there who are happy if their children are not ambitious and earn less..they feel inferiority complex..its parents only who inculcate in the children that its only money that matters ..if they earn more they will be respected and when children learn this lesson, they want them to unlearn it..children are not their property they are individuals....
Now a days campus recruitment's are going many parents ask children whether they are happy with what they have found..not many most are interested in knowing and comparing the packages.and boasting about it.

If a child is not able to give luxury to his parents, then also they are not happy and if he works hard to give that, then they want him to be irresposible in his job, only loyal to them..what is this? what do you want? Are you bringing up children or your retirement plan?

I feel that as parents we must provide children good education( I dont mean fancy ones only),good values and shouldnt pamper them beyond our means..provide them nutritious food and clothes(not the designer ones), but once they grow up, let them be free....if you have given them good values they will be an asset to everyone not only to you.


indu chhibber said...

Yes Renu it is we who teach our kids to aim for a luxurious life style.If we have stressed on giving them the right values then i think they will not behave like the duo in question.

Perhaps it is our parenting which is at fault because the next generation is generally speaking,selfish and disrespectful of elders.

Renu said...

indu Chhibber; I find parents more at fault, they are so confused in life that they dont know what they want..

Most of the parents want their children to take regular profession and earn well..basically earning is the only criteria..they never bother about what child likes or want to do...
Then all depends on how parents behave themselves, when they themselves have no values, how can they give anything to children..

This self centredness in children is also what they have seen in their family..women dont want to share their husband with his family, neither his time nor money..thats what children learn...

SG said...

The whole situation in this story is very sad.

Shails said...

The dads letter sent a chill down my spine.
I struggle with this dilemma every day - on one hand you want to be there, on the other hand,your dreams and your ambitions and your greediness for a easier life pull you.
would I be ok if the tables are turned - which they will one day I ask myself. I think so, I tell myself.
But I cannot shake off the guilty feeling.

Avada Kedavra said...

I agree with your observations Renu. I feel parents who have shown love to their children, always get it back from their children even if they don't ask for it. I see some parents who never cared for their children when they were young but expect all the warmth from their children all of a sudden when they are old. e.g: I know how much my mom has sacrificed in life to give me good life and I can never be busy for her ever.

Renu said...

Indu Chhibber:Yes Induji!..It will be hasty to brand them selfish...sometimes they may have genuine problems is not easy..neither for parents, nor for children..

SG: Changing times..

Shails:I dont think you read my response...I dont want the children to feel guilty..they are also working hard to make a living for themselves and if they were not, then parents wouldnt be happy..they want their children to be succesful, earn pots of money and then be free for them...this is just not possible..

Avada Kedavra:and if your mother really cares for you as you say, she would nevr write a letter like this...this type of parents are a bundle of contradictions...

Anonymous said...

Your thought-provoking post reminded me of a story 'Grandfather's wooden bowl', which can be read at

Ashwini C N said...

We set rules and expectations and then worry when people dont break it and come out of it.

I feel both parents and children are at fault. Parents want the children to be well-settled and necessarily abroad and kids also should understand that they should be with their parents when they're growing old.

Renu said... have read the story many times...but I believe that 80% of time we get what we deserve.

Ashwini C.N...I think..first parents must change , hen children will automatically be different..change should come from the top..

B Pradeep Nair said...

Forget children going abroad and not being able to take care of their parents. I know children in the same town who have not been able to take care of their parents, who haven't been with them when they breathed last.

No two families are the same. Each has their own priorities and preferences. What is most important is being happy in any situation.

The letters make poignant reading. It's difficult to make a judgement on their relationship and their levels of happiness. I don't think it's right either. It's their personal matter.

There is nothing wrong in children going abroad for higher studies or employment, if that is their calling.

At the same time, there is nothing wrong in preferring to stay in India too, if that is the preference.

There is no right or wrong about such things. It's personal conveniences and priorities that matter.

But what is definitely wrong is forcing children to do what they don't like to do; or, parents imposing their wishes and priorities on their children's lives.

Jeevan said...

what we give, returns back !

Renu said...

B Pradeep Nair; I agree. you are absolutely right. This is what I want to say that forcing children or making them feel guilty for their choices, which may have been made initially by you only is wrong..children are not your retirement plan...

Jeevan: True!

Happy Kitten said...

The situation is all fine if the child never feels guilty for not having been at the death bed or even for the funeral. When promotions and salary hikes are all over, will it come back to haunt them? The parents may have sacrificed everything and sent them on their way but in their heart of hearts can you blame them if they seek the presence of their children?
Questions that can never be answered.

Renu said...

Happy kitten; Why make children feel guilty?....Whatever parents do its because they love children, its not a bank investment to get returns..

See parents are bound to children for their love, otherwise why cant they do a little for other children..i mean be a good human being for other gen. public...NO..their love is for their own only..

80% of the time everybody gets what he/she desrves.

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