Thursday, September 18, 2014

Do parents differentiate....

I read on a fellow blogger's about her two daughters asking--mama whom do u love more?and it stirred in me a host of memories from my childhood to my kid's, like when we were young we four sisters and one brother and whenever my dad came home and called any of us, the one who was not called will sulk..................you never remember me, dont call my name, you are all the time calling her only and all that..........while in a big family its never possible to call all five in a go:)
My poor mother was always accused of partiality among us, some were called her favourite and she had to bear the brunt of that।Of course as e quite common in Indian families sons are given more importance and on top of that my brother came after 4 sisters, so he was always the VIP,but since my brother was very cute and gentle even in childhood and today also is a very caring person and we all sisters also love him too much so he was not there in sibling revelry.My sisters feel that somewhere they were differentiated, but I never felt like that and still feel that all parents do their best according to the circumstances and times they are living in.

When i had children, I loved them and still love them more than my life,but my daughter will say---u always love bhaiya more, he is treated as a VIP and all that blah blah;;;;;;:)
my son will say----guria is mom's moppet,she will always favour her, mom cant see anything wrong with her,(गुरिया तो मम्मी की चमची हा)...........:)
Poor mom...............she is left wondering;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;On top of that I am given a dressing down from my H also that I have spoiled the children too much.Even today both my children want me to go their place and it becomes a difficult decision where to go...it may look like favouring one over another...which I never do..

Now I have full sympathy for my mom and have realised that----
If a child is very naughty, he will get more scolding but that doesnt mean less love:)
If a child is more laborious and good at work, will get more appreciation,and appreciation is not love.
Parents always love all the children equally, its only that they give more of scolding, appreciation,their time, money and efforts where they find them needed, thats it.

12 comments:

Sandhya said...

Ghar ghar ki kahaani!

SG said...

I have a boy and a girl. They both are treated equally in all except staying out late. I know some people will say I am not treating them fairly. But it is my home and I make the rules.

Jeevan said...

I think it happens with every family with kids more than one... I only wish parents stop comparison.

Found In Folsom said...

sometimes parents do have favorites. Grand parents especially. Though I treat both my kids equally; my son feels that his sister never gets any punishments which is not true :)

Renu said...

Sandhya: Do you also face this?


SG::):)..being autocrat:)..but thats right, parents have to see the safety aspect also..

Jeevan: Yes comparison is very wrong , it affects children badly..

Found in Folsum:..actually some treatments depend on child's actions too...its a reaction:)

proactiveindian.com said...

Parents do differentiate between their children. Most of the time, it is necessary because you need "Different strokes for different folks." Sometimes, parents unknowingly cause resentment in a child when they compare him/her unfavourably with a sibling e.g. "Why can't you be more responsible/systematic/etc. like your brother/sister?"
Parents need to constantly remind themselves not to make comparisons.

Amrita said...

I have heard similar arguments from kids and i do feel the parents are being misjudged for their actions.
But i have seen genuine pure differentiation as well.. some times it manifests in one kid's opinion being the unwritten rule of the house, where their relations with people make or mar how others are supposed to behave. Or it comes up as one of the child can do no wrong, though they may be outright breaking a law. Yes.. parents do differentiate.

sm said...

yes love is same for all but methods of expressing love differ

Renu said...

proactiveindian.com:comparisons are odious and poison children's minds.

Amrita:..very difficult situation and dilemma too:)

Happy Kitten said...

It is good to be back on your pages..not sure how I missed them :(

Can't blame the parents and can't blame the child too :) I treat mine equally, yet they sometimes grumble. I have grumbled to my parents too. You seem to manage much better though.

Renu said...

sm:;;may be..

Happy Kitten:..happy to see you here:)
its a universal situation:)

Salomie said...

Yes, this is a tricky one because what a parent intends and what a child perceives can be totally different. I guess communicating often is key, especially telling each of your kids that you love them.