I was reading those one words tag and noticed one thing that whenever anybody is asked about mother everybody says..an angel...and I thought that with so many angels in the world why its so full of hurts, miseries, deceit and painful things....so what is it?
Is it like my mother is an angel and yours..........
or the mothers are angel to their children only,not for the rest of the world ......
Why a women cant be an angel, why only mother?
why cant we behave well in general?
why ? why? why?
I for one would feel very proud if people unrelated to me find me good and my children, instead of giving me a high pedestal( may be its a case of sour grapes:), would themselves behave in a way where everyone will say what a good upbringing they had, to make me feel proud. A company is always known for its products:) why not we broaden our horizon, where we just try to be a good human being and with that we can cover all our relationships also and make the world beautiful to live in.
Most of the problems come because of our perspectives only, if we condition ourselves that the way we see only good things in our mother, we must adopt the same about all other relationships also. It doesnt happen that way, because most of the human beings are self centred , they want to enjoy the best of everything, ignoring the rest, we adopt those things only which benefit us only..
I feel really sad when I see the partisan behaviour of women..women because normally I have seen that men are not so conditioned to ..mera tera. I am considered a strong person in my family and then I feel strong and behave with courage, even if someone dear to me is sick, not like I see that many people say they are very strong, but their strength is only because they dont care for that person , but when some one dear to them falls sick, then they are totally down even in a simple fever, the same people who were claiming to have lot of strength even at the time of someone's life threatening condition, reason is very simple, their heart beats only for certain people.But then you cant claim to be strong.
Now-a-days my mother is not well, and I am disturbed, as I cant even go now, with so many other family responsibilites and problems..but then that is life and one's test of strength only comes at such times how you conduct yourself.
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28 comments:
Renu, I don't think everybody refers to their mothers as angels. I am reading an autobiography where the author almost hates his parents.
Well, on a generic note, I think that mothers are worshiped mainly because as you grow up you become more aware of how well your parents have raised you. In this, the mom usually has a better role than the dad cos he is mostly perceived as the villain :D
And of course, in India there is Bollywood's "Maa" to blame for the ideal mother's image. :)
G:Not everybody. but many bloggers keep writing adulating posts about their mothers..so much so that sometimes I feel envious of them:)..I think there is lot of hype here also, as in everything...what is the definition of good mother is also different to different people and of course bollywood has a big part in our perceptions of life.
To add to your post, if there are so many angelic mothers, how come there are so many awful MILs???
I am sorry to hear about your mother. Its one of the hardest things indeed to be torn between family & you are absolutely right, this is a major test of character. But from what I know of you Renu, I know you will come through & you will bring your loved ones through with you too. My prayers with you.
Jayshree:..right:)..this is what I wanted to point out that it is our perceptions that we find our mother as an angel but is it the same with our SIL? and if it is same then only our mother may be an angel.
Shalom: Thanks for your sweet words....I have one consolation with me that last fortnight only she came here and I was with her,though now I am not able to do anything for her.
Most of the mothers are angels to their daughters and demons to their DILs, though exceptions are certainly there, in both ways!
But everything changes once they are 'not anymore'. We tend to remember only the good things about decesed parents or in-laws.
Hmm, I don't have a daughter and waiting to see how I and my DIL will get along with each other, after I get one!
Basically, we are humans and can try our best to be reasonable with everyone.
You have covered most of the points nicely, Renu.
i hope mommie gets well soon and u get to be and take some time out with her. Hoping for the best and im pretty sure u'll deal with it just right.
Sandhya:..this is what I wanted to say..be a good human being..be goosd to others.
your second point is ..what i want the people to understand..there is no pint in praising or missing in some one not any more..why not praise and appreciate when they are alive..my mantra is to do whatever we can in the present.
About getting along with DIL, earlier I was very sure that if we love some one ..it will always bring love only, now I am not so sure..luck is also very important..its our destiny what we get.
Rush: thanks for your kind words ! I am also hoping and praying that she gets well soon.
I think mothers have faults too, they are human too. I know mine does. But when I look at her or think about her, I can only think of the good she has done for me, for the family. Having said that, I have a close friend who hates her mom. I don't believe any feelings are universal that way.
Thinkala: welcome here ! hope to see you often:)
The crux lies in these words of yours....But when I look at her or think about her, I can only think of the good she has done for me, for the family.....its the way we see a person or want to see a person...so if we do that in other relations also, life would be really beautiful.
I am not at all a Bollywood fan so I can safely say that my Mum is an angel because she is MY Mum. She has her weaknesses but it is overshadowed by her strengths. I am also of the belief that a good mother rarely makes a good mother-in-law. My MIL is an amazing mother. She plays a huge role in having made my husband the good human being he is...in fact, having instilled in him the very qualities that I love about him. But as a MIL, she can be perceived as pushy and intrusive to an outsider (namely, me). But considering that I wasn't the DIL she was hoping for, she has been an angel to me too. I hope your mum recovers soon. Will keep her in my prayers.
Shades Of grey:..my gist was that mums seem to be good because we want to see them that way, secondly they love us..but if we make our perspective broader..like be a good human being first and we see all others also that way.wouldnt we make our life much better......
And many of our confusions in life are always because we are self centred, what we appreciate in one person, we dislike in other..because one place it benefits us at another it disturbs.
Thanks for the prayers ! She needs all of them.
Well actually we have the habit of calling every body an angel. I think we are short of words and since angels are good fictitious characters, therefore we link everybody good to be angels. Mother, father, brother, sister, friends, etc etc.. everybody is an angel. You know what, there is a girl whom I dont like at all... Infact she is my top enemy. However, I have heard a lot of people saying that she is an angel. But I go like, ask me. I know that she isnt. I feel that she has an evil eye. So how can she be an angel. Whenevr she is around me, thngs go wrong. She is not an angel. Not for me atleast. So, it is our way of calling those people an angel whom we like.
And as far as writing about mothers is concerned, dont forget that writing is also a very impulsive thing. People write about things which they see at that moment. Or just a few days here or there.
Dear Renu, first time here via Thinkala's blog. :)
I am not sure about that every 'Maa' does fit into angel word. I remember that I had a schoolmate (girl) who used to hate her parents and she literally would cry when she leaves school and returns from school trip. She used to being happy with surrounding people, teachers and school staffs. Though, to my view she was not likable person either...at least not to me. I always feel that something is wrong in her personality or nature. Don't know yet. :)
Chanz: I agree..people write for the sake of writing..otherwise it is impossible,I think some people dont even know the meaning of angel..Being angel doesnt mean being nice to your daughter...but the best to all....which not may people are.
April: Welcome here! My thanks to Thinkala!
This is I like best about blogging, I got so many perspectives...That girl must have a dysfunctional family..and I think the girls who glorify everything too much are also not natural...instead of verbally boasting, i would say..Behave in such a way or do something to make your parents proud of you.
Renu, firstly, why all mothers are not equal in behaviour to every one. Well there are twelve zodiac signs and each one behaves differently. Even within one family the mother may behave differently with her different children.
Secondly the strength comes automatically when one is put in a responsible position. When you know that you have to take care of a sick family member, you may forget your own pain or illness during that period.
And yes sometimes you feel helpless by not being able to attend to a dear one because of your own commitmets. Well that what life is. But i appreciate your sense of compassion for all. The way you express yopur feelings, I feel you have given right 'sankaras' to your children.
Balvinder singh:..yes all the people have different nature, , and mother may behave differently but she loves all of them..thats what I wanted to covey..love one,love all:)
Thanks for saying those generous words,... I always reiterated that..my real happiness will come in watching you become a good human being first, then only any other accomplishment matters to me...and i keep repeating the same sentiments thru my blog posts.
Renu ji..kya haal hai?
Hope mom is better..i`ll pray for her...
Well jeevan mein sam-bhaav rakhna zaroori hai par bahut kathin hai..I am a mother and my children definitely don`t see me as an angel! I am at times really mean and rude to them simply cos they DARE to argue or do things i don`t approve of...
i respect your sentiments but honestly its tough to be compassionate to all ,though it`s a desirable quality..
yes i agree with you,
every one is angel just we humans kill them on the name of religion.
First I would to express my wish for a speedy recovery for your mother.
As G wrote, not everyone thinks their mother is an angel. There are millions of abused children by their mothers. Please read the book "Call me Hope" i mentioned in my blog titled "Hope".
My space: welcome back Aarti..I was missing you..aapki shudh hindi bahut acchi lagti ha....with all your prayers, my mom is better, thank God!
haan sambhaav mushkil ha, par asambhav nahi, aur kisi se pyaar na karen, par agar ham kisi ko kam se kam durbhav se na dekhe to woh bhi accha ha.
SG: Thanks for the wishes, I think god accepted all the prayers, as he always does:)
I really wonder what type of parents can abuse their OWN children.
sm:why cant be just a good human being instead of trying to be an angel and ending up as nothing?
Renu, hope ur momma recovers soon... and quite a thought provoking post. Well our moms are angels to us cos of the extent to which they go for us. No one else would do that. Imagine staying up late for the childs exam, sitting beside a sick child whole night, praying to a 101 Gods for the childs well being... only a mother will do all this. But would she be able to do it for every person even if she wants to? I dont think it is humanly possible. If a woman has 4-5 kids for instance i dont think she can do the same for all of them also - even if she wants to. That would in turn make her an angel for some kids and maybe not so angelic to some :)
For instance I myself, how much time am I able to give to my parents even though i so wish to? Similarly a person can do only so much. And there are priorities in people and of course the closer the person is the more you would do for them.
Another aspect I feel is, many times people have a lot of hidden problems and all. So their bitterness needs some vent. This leads to the -ve vity that you were asking about. I am good at home and office, but the stress might make me rude to a street auto wallah which will in turn spoil his day and make him rude to his next passenger. No one is bad. God made everyone in His image, how could he have made any one bad? Its just what aspect of a person comes across to us. As much as possible we can try to forgive. Beyond a limit - Ignoreeee :D
I took a lotttttt of space :D
Amrita:...I love long comments:)....main yahi to kehna chati hoon ki ham log bacchho ke liye jaan kyon lagaate hain..isliye nahi ki ham angel ha isliye kyonki hame moh ha unsey......agar koi really angelic hoga to uska behaviour sab ke saath accha hoga, infact wahi angel kehlaana deserve karta ha.....and its not only a question of being good or bad, its about being less self centric.
@Renu:
Maybe the fathers are the problems (read 'devils')! ;)
Hope your mother recovers fast.
Best regards,
Salil
Salil: Nice to see you back ! Thanks for the wishes!
Fathers were never in a doubtful positions:) its only mothers who we arent sure about:)
Liked the conclusion.. Nice post :)
How u been doing? Long time!
Manasa: Thank u !
its long time since I saw you, nice to see you here:)
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