Friday, March 19, 2010

MY MOM

Yesterday my husband was talking to my son and then he told me that this time when my son got his BP checked up, it was on the borderline, and I just felt as if my heart is sinking, cant explain the feeling even and I wished and prayed to god that both my children should remain healthy and shouldnt catch any of these lifestyle diseases atleast till 50..though its fool hardy to even think like that..but thats the way my mind works, but a realisation bigger than this dawned on me..how my mother must be suffering watching his children having all these health problems. It is truly said that we dont really feel anything till we ourselves face it.

If somebody hurts me, my mom cries for hours together the same way when she herself is hurt, whenever I fall sick she is so much worried and we keep telling her to take it easy and not be so tense all the time, but I realise now how it feels.My mother has taken so much of trash from all of us siblings and still she loves us so much..today i felt really humbled .Just the other day I was reading.UNACUSTOMED EARTH BY jHUMPA LAHIRI..and there one protagonist .an old father says...this idea of bringing children in this world is flawed from the very beginning....and I laughed at his cynical ways.But this is true that thru children only one faces the most of happiness and worst of miseries. Till they are 15 years old they they are total delight and bring happiness along with lot of work in the house,and from there starts a long journey of conflicts woven in happiness....and a swinging and see sawing of emotions.......and then one faces both..stress and pleasure.....hope and distress....kind of balance in all emotions...good and bad both.

I remember that when I got married and got away to Ranchi.a beautiful place but so far away from my home town in the days when one travelled by train only , it was26 hrs journey,and since I came from a traditional family where I was taught that girls go away after marriage to their home:).and I was so happy in my married life with my husband that I never thought my mother will be missing me and in those days there were no phones, only letters...so when i didnt plan a visit even after 7 months my parents visited me:)....I only realised the feeling when my daughter got married and I felt so desolate and lonely without her and went thru the feelings of being deserted:)

Some modern youths think that even animals leave their children then why humans dont..but I will say precisely that..because we are humans, not animals..we have feelings, sensibilities, a civilisation.....and its not only young people who want to be liberated, many old also want the freedom and would love to have it.

24 comments:

Amrita said...

Aww! I understand what you must be feeling Renu. Yea empathy is a very powerful emotion. I somehow feel , God might not put us in all the various scenarios that can be there to develop empathy for each and every person and circumstance. So I just try to think about how the person might be doing. I try to think what my mom does when I am around her, and same way what kind of emptiness my absence will leave for her. Generally I feel I am too close to her(emotionally) to leave her.. touchwood.
Yea i know kids give u the best of pleasures and the worst of miseries. Stupid kids :) Moms are the best , and dads too :)

Hobo ........ ........ ........ said...

Joint Family - I prefer.
No matter difference of opinions but staying together is always above all differences.

Chanz said...

Thats true Renu.. Its easy to be a spectator but very difficult to come and perform in front of everybody else.. Only when we perform, then we know what it is to perform.. Isnt it..??

Renu said...

Amrita:..yes thats the best way,but so many situations one visits again in life...it seems as if only characters are changed, and yes we do our best only as parents, ever as children:)..yes dads are also super..I am going to write some dy about him and how he has a very higb impact on me.

Hobo....yes with all pros and cons living together still gets more points.

Chanz:.yeah..tabhi oont pahad ke neeche aata ha:)

April said...

Good write-up! You're so true abt we only know the situation when actually we face it. Mom (and Dad) is Mom..no one can replace her. :)
Just today i talked with my mom as she is having very bad tooth-ache. And nobody is there with her except Dad. Do you think how i feel right now? I'm so so far from her and can't help her anyway. :( such a life...

Hope you're doing well Renu.

Renu said...

April:..if your dad is there, she doesnt need anyone:)..yes thats true if my husband is there I dont need anyone, I want them, thats a different thing:)
hey you have disabled comments? I tried communicating with you but there was no way..no email even?

Sandhya said...

Even I feel that the school days of the children are the best, though we have to be on our toes 24 hours a day, that is the best period in our life. Once they grow up and settle down, we get used to taking care of just ourselves and we should be there for them whenever they need us. They will definitely be there when the need arises. Life goes on with all the pains and happiness, Renu.

I will remember what you have written here, after marriage we should understand that the children have their own lives at least in the beginning of their lives. After they settle down and have children, they will definitely think in our shoes and think like we do now. I miss my mother even now!

Piper .. said...

I guess you`re right Renu! No matter how old we grow, we`ll always be children in our parents` eyes!
I hope your son is doing well.One time spike in BP is normal - could be due to several reasons - stress being an important factor - so dont worry too much. Hugs

Chandrika Shubham said...

I liked the last paragraph.

Best wishes for good health of your children. :)

Tomz said...

Humans beings have superior intellect, that is the factor making them different from other animals..

April said...

I've fixed. Now you can leave your comment at my blog.

April said...

Oops! unfortunately i left a wrong URL in previous comment. my URL is: thephaseoflife{DOT}blogspot{DOT}com only!
Thanks! :)

starry said...

So true Renu, we will always worry about our children no matter how old they are.I think we would rather be sick than our children.A mothers thoughts are always with her children.

Shali said...

Ur post brought tears to my eyes. I feel the same for my children and many times cry when they cry.

Truely said.. true happiness and worst of myseries are experienced through children.

Shali said...

Ur post brought tears to my eyes. I feel the same for my children and many times cry when they cry.

Truely said.. true happiness and worst of myseries are experienced through children.

Renu said...

Sandhya: Both of us are very similar in our thoughts and situations:)...children are better when they are young,later on they are more stress givers:)..I wish parents also get western way and leave the children when they are 16.

Piper:Thanks for your words, they mean a lot to me...today one needs a healthy lifestyle with food and exercise both.

Chandrika shubham: thank you chandrika..and I wish good health to everybody, to all my blogger friends too:)

TOMZ: exactly..I wonder how could educated people think that animals are better than us.

April: thank you, now I can communicate:)

Starry: mothers are like that, but do you think children deserve that?

Shali:...all parents are same and so are the children when they grow up.

Shrutzz said...

CHEERS to you lady!!! For being a lovely daughter and mom!!
I feel "different", when I see few people enjoying loads of freedom staying away from parents / Inlaws. But when I read such posts, I feel good...am there for them, no matter what....Its not easy though, but the bonding exist.

Jayashree said...

I've always felt that we start appreciating our mothers only after marriage and we truly understand them only after becoming a mother.

Manjunath said...

So true! its the only experience that will teach the younger generation how the mother care for that is when they become parents... until then cycle continues!

Renu said...

ShrutZZ..I so much understand the meaning of different..but I commend YOU..nothing is easy and as I wrote in the quotes even..easier paths are nevr lead to good things...you will see yourself that with the patience you are showing today, you will get it all back in the form of happiness years later on.

jayshree: tru we understand only when we ourselves face it.

Manjunath:..yes this is the cycle of life and it goes the same way.

Reflections said...

Absolutely LOVED the post Renu....brot back memories for me too. But then I was very close to my mom and missed her like anything when I got married and moved to Dubai. Then I remember telling my husband of 6 months that I loved my mother the most in the whole world and he looked at me so funnily;-D
Even now I'm most attached to her but am more sensible abt the distance.

Preeti said...

Hi Renu,

agree to all of it..

We grow up with a dream of our own life our independence ..why because such is our system , we are always told to do things , so much that we want our own ways ...but when we leave home we realise what we miss.

I am no mother , but i have cousins whom i love like my own kids ....dont i act the way I would have considered bossy and possesive some year ago :) its a cycle of life ...
I still like nuclear families..as you said both parents and kids need freedom ..but when my parents are old , i would like to be near to them ...like may be within 1km distance so that i can reach them when needed ..and we can still have some meals togther and save our privacies :)

Renu said...

Reflections:I was the first born, and so very much attached to my mother..but I always had my priorities very clear in my mind, as my mother always told me to look after my family first:)..but never realised how my mother must have felt

Preeti:.....and we can still have some meals together and save our privacies :)...this is a very ideal situation, if one can get it, nothing like it..but I know of many families who live together and get all the benefits of it and have privacy too.

Sparkling said...

Poignant :)
Yes, I believe that families are created for the very reason of being there for each other in sickness, pain, happiness, joy, etc...
As for Mom's, there're one of a kind and this species is truly the most blessed! :)