Friday, October 14, 2011

Some misconceptions

I read on Harman"s blog about how people have certain myths. I have also experienced it and some more.People have certain biases or preconceived notions like....

Any one who speaks good English is a learned man, whereas its only a language proficiency only.And fluency in English doesnt indicate the intelligence or knowledge..

Anyone who cant speak English is not worth knowing, as he doesnt know much, whereas he might be a real learned man..its time we differentiate in real sense.

Anyone dressed well is competent and if not well.sloppy..but this definition also limits to appearance only, many fashionable and well dressed people are totally dumb otherwise.Fashion is a choice of dressing only, it doesnt have anything to do with intellect.

Fair complexion and beauty and youth is given preference everywhere..whereas there are some professions which demand it..like this time in AI..air hostesses  there were so aged,plump and ordinary looking, and their service was very poor without any smile, so it irritates the passengers, and same for glamour world, we watch TV for entertainment, and deserve to see good looking and fit  people ..but otherwise in every profession looks dont count and shouldnt...and same in personal life too..after a time its only the qualities of a person which make them endearing.

Some people call GANWAR to anyone who is traditional and gives importance to Indian way of life,or doesnt speak in modern lingo, doesnt call people by names, instead with didi, bhabhi etc...to me GANWAR means a person who doesnt have manners and etiquette's and doesnt respect elders and love children, is not kind to others etc.
With the influx of arrogant girls, today boys are getting lot of misconceptions, like my nephew says that he would like to marry only a girl from a small town and not highly educated one because he wants a close knit family where the new entrant respects the elders, but it is not that all big city girls dont value families or dont want to work in the house or are ill mannered, and same goes for the other side too.not all small town girls are family oriented....My two friends have DILs who are doctors, one of them works, but still cares and does a lot for family, second one is not working even..and out of choice only, and totally being a homemaker keeps a fabulous house and does everything to even perfection.so its only individuals only  and what makes difference is their upbringing.

Some people have regional biases also, but I have seen good, bad all sort of people everywhere.I see lot of biased behaviour in south too..like vegetable seller charging me double and not treating me well,making me wait,auto rikshas and bus driver not stopping for me,maids asking double rates etc etc, but in comparison to those few I find more people who are nice and friendly and I remember them and feel happy.

To me real education lies in thinking without a bias.be it regional,caste or creed.

One thing I would like to add..that in north, they have this complex obsession even among themselves, for many old people beauty meant fair complexion, irrespective of feature, height wt or figure..nothing else mattered..girl could  be short, fat,big teeth, no hair,no brain, but if she is fair, she will do:)..once I had someone in my sasural, who was such a bore with her dumbness, and big mouth,she couldnt talk about anything sensibly,..but was considered beautiful just because of that one thing..:)..from the beginning i taught and wanted my children to think beyond.the appearances....


14 comments:

up↑take said...

Our English obsession is the reason why we produce so many engineers but so few innovators; why we lag in original research.

Madhu Kishwar addresses this Dominance of Angreziyat

Amrita said...

You said it!!! :)

sm said...

nicely written
yes i agree with you it does matter in which language you speak, it does not matter girl is from small town or big city we must learn to think with clear mind , without bias.

My journey said...

"but in comparison to those few I find more people who are nice and friendly and I remember them and feel happy" , thats it. Period! Very nice. :)

Jyothi said...

I like this! They should teach this in school too. And the marriage part, I hope a time comes when, its the two people who make the decision and not for the sake of family in any way.

Renu said...

uptake: ...exactly !I laways liked Madhu Kishwar's writing..mansi was a good magazine, but now I find her nowhere..thanks for the link!!

Amrita: ab tum bhi kuch kaho na:)


Sm: yeah I believe that color, caste creed, language, nothing matters, what matters is our heart and good manners.

My journey: after a long time:)

Jothi: I disagree a little..family is always a part of the individual and must remain so.but yes individual's choice remains most important in marriage, but they must consider family's happiness too.

Rachna said...

Very correctly said! Looks are paid so much attention to and are deceptive too.

Sandhya said...

Everyone is an individual. They have their own manners, tastes etc. Region or education comes later.

One of my mama's daughter in law is a lecturer in a college. On working days, she has to travel for more than 45 mts. one way. So she is not allowed to do anything at home by her mother in law. But on Sat. and Sun. mostly, she takes care of the kitchen. They are very close to each other.

In Chennai all autowallahs, well, mostly, are rude to everybody. I have heard that all the maids think that Hindi speaking people are very rich and always expect more pay!

In my niece's college, many North Indian students study along with her. She says that they always think that South Indians are dark and dumb! One girl asked her friend who was fair, 'are you from North? How come you are so fair?'! We have to take them as individuals! This behaviour applies to all.

I have also seen that people who don't speak English are called 'ganwaar', here, pattikkaadu by many people!

Interesting discussion, here, Renu!

Bhagyashree said...

Oh misconceptions.... I have some more- a fat person is believed to eat more
a woman who follows some customs is a behenji
a person who has her own mind cannot adjust to family life etc.

But as you said, good bad ugly, there are all sorts of people and we should not judge anybody at a glance

Harman said...

... thanks for mentioning me...Working for fashion industry and being a Vivid reader ..I was always taught..to be your best ..in whatever we do ..Caste ,creed , religion doesn't matter... what matters is your outlooks and your appearance...Not everybody is intelligent jus like not everybody is beautiful..
Gnwar ..or illiterate.. is something you cant guess frm appearance But definitely how clean you are you can guess ..from dirty nails unclipped or dirty cracked heels and body odour!
The personality should not stink ..with thoughts or with body odour!
"A PERSON SHOULD BE CLEAN NECESSARILY"
English is important to communicate to World which is nothing wrong otherwise we would be a dumb person.
Fashion is not generally high end clothes or styles..its your general presence which should be appealing.
I went to a srilankan (Physician)in US who was stinking ..with body odour .....and absolutely ...unruly hair ..and dirty smell..I regretted as who made her a physician who doesn't know personal hygiene...
Here brains dont matter.. all matters is you shld be absolutely clean ...and presentable to handle ..patients!
I agree with you ...BUT I cannot ignore the fact ..most of the indian women's need maintenance too!
at the age of 30 they become aunties..or behave like one!
its sad!..and Men ..most of the indian men needs maintenance too..they become fat avoid gyms!its good to keep your self fit and avoid health problems.

Arti said...

You are so right Renu ji... People who are from villages or are uneducated, when they see someone talking in fluent english, they think that the person is highly learned and at a very high post... But its not right always... I think that English should be the third language in schools, after the mother tongue, then our national language Hindi and then any other optional language...

Renu said...

Rachna: Looks are very misleading:)

Sandhya: I know this complexion obsession in north Indians, even dark among themselves are also outcast.

harman: oh..thats just too bad..cleanliness is a basic requirement.I have seen and been to some houses which stink...I dont think that women of the house ever get my respect again..
and I have seen many people who overdose on perfume to avoid a bath..and only others know how they stink.

Arti: please remove the ji:)...
whatevr we do but we must remove the biases.

Rachna said...

@Sandhya and Renu I think you guys are falling for stereotypes. It is not as if South Indians are doodh ke dhule. I have seen many among South Indians too obsessed with fair complexion. It is a pan Indian phenomenon where fairness if preferred. I belong to the North and am dark complexioned, but I did not come across any overt bias either among family, friends or relatives. On the contrary, I've always received compliments about my looks. So, please refrain from bracketing people. You started the post with not stereotyping but alas, you have fallen into the same pit!

Renu said...

Bhagya: on the contrary most of the fat people eat very little:) whereas slim ones can and do hog:)

Rachna:..I am talking about what most of the people feel, but I dont feel that way, I am myself a dark complexioned north Indian and even at this age get many compliments, but there are many who feel like that..
people get bracketed because of majority thinking....whereas I want to make the minority thinkers increase their nos...and that day there wont be any bracketing..my reason for this was was actually that only..that think beyond stereotypes.