Wednesday, May 19, 2010

My experience

In my vacations i met many people in different situations with different ideas, it was quite in the train there was this old man of 70, he was going to Coimbatore, his son is commissioner in PF department.His wife's mother lives with them in Lucknow, so one of them has to live with her , so he was going alone, he said that he keeps going to his son regularly is a social animal, and if parents dont meet often to children, they will make a bonding with someone else, so to keep their relationship alive he makes the trips regularly.and though his DIL is not very good person, but then in a household where 2 people(his son and grand son ) love him so much,one person not loving doesnt matter, he always thinks about his son and grandson.

Then there was this family with three children..two daughters one son, going to kerala, I noticed that one girl was , very well dressed but very quiet,not bubbly like rest two and she never demanded anything, and took everything very hesitantly.When we started talking, I came to know that she is not their daughter, but a cousin's and going with them to spend her holidays with her grand parents.Her mother has a full time job, so she gets very bored whole day and she wants to go somewhere else. I felt sad that an innocent child's childhood is going in vain, because her mother works, either because she wants to give material comforts to her child or she wants to utilises her capabilities..whatever it is but it is little kids like her who are getting short changed.Specially girls they need their mother to bloom, and in the formative years its necessary to have someone at home..those who dont have the facility to have parent or those who dont want to live with parents, must think twice before taking a full time job.

Then i met this acquaintance of mine, she got her son married six months back, as is the Indian milieu, whenever someone see the bride, they notice either the beauty or the dowry and when they saw that bride is plump and not so fair, everybody condemned them,saying that they didnt find a good match for their handsome son, without thinking how it must have hurt to them and bride too. now six months later, when that girl is turning out to be such an affectionate and caring DIL, everybody is eating his words.I feel really sad when I see that people give more importance to outward things then real qualities.That friend is so happy now.

As for the appearances go, while going two girls were sitting beside me, both in a very proper corporate attire, none was perfect in looks, but I found them very attractive for their confidence, for their attitude......

Then I met a family who was coming from abroad to Lucknow, and all the time they kept cribbing about the bad things in India, this irritates me a lot, this is your country and instead of trying to do something for it, you have gone abroad for greener pastures, and if there is nothing good about India, why come here?....I know that there are many problems here, but listening it from the people who dont reside here always rankles me.........

I met a family where two brothers and their families all live together, and they are so close that one brother's children always want to go out with other's wife. Children and their mothers are all so friendly to each other and affectionate, really made me happy to see that old India still lives in our hearts.


G said...

Hey Renu. It was really nice reading your experiences with different people. This is a nice way of remembering those who have made an impact on you life even if in a small way!

Sandhya said...

Very rarely we see families like the one you have mentioned in the last paragraph, Renu. Earning of one person is not enough nowadays. Yes, it is very difficult to bring up children in a nuclear family where both parents are working. But there is no other go.

My own niece is in a top job and has got two kids. But her husband helps her in her household work also and both of them haven't got any ego and their parents also do not interfere much. So they seem to be happy and the children also are very well mannered happy children. Her parents in law live just an hour away and they help each other and I admire them too.

Chandrika Shubham said...

Family bonding is indeed very important.

Nice discription. :)

Amrita said...

Wow! quite some experiences i should say! I just take these instances per se.. the circumstances and the people involved give rise to certain scenarios... so i just hope there is a valid reason for everything. i felt sorry for the girl whos kinda left from her mom, but then God forbid, we have no idea wht kinda home she comes from. and its really nice to hear ur friend getting a nice DIL ... but i should say, we should nt judge ppl .. no matter what.. ppl i bliv are always good, no one is bad.. its jus what aspect of theirs comes to us under what circumstances...

starry said...

enjoyed reading this post and how you have described the different relationships between all the travellers.

starry said...

enjoyed reading this post and how you have described the different relationships between all the travellers.

Shrutzz said...

oppsss, nice one' sure u had lovely time, getting to know the diversities we carry in our countrylet all of us so similar!
a)The old man ( father) who wants to visit his son and grandson, so he can have the bonding. I feel sad for those children, who just don't value the old parents. There wil be lot of issues, but still the bonding is something forever!
b)working mom - I can't comment since Am going through some phase which am so confused myself.
c)its so natural people/relatives commenting on the bride. Am fed up and was one of the target for sometime HELL with ppl, who has no better job in life.
d) NRI's commenting about our country. I have shown my frustrating many a times, when I have same. Again to msg to all those, pls STAY AWAY.
e) Join family and so much bonding...WOW!!! CHEERS!!!!

Renu said...

G: Thanks G ! actually so many times I made good friendships even and my son always used to say that I always got good travelling companions:)

Sandhya: I didnt write the details, but those families are so well knit, that if one's daughter goes to her maternal parents, she wouldnt take a single gift unles sits bought for her cousin also and vice versa:)

Sandhya..most of the times husband and wife work not because they need but for luxuries or for girl's ego.

Chandrika Shubham: Bonding is best but everyone has to compromise a little.

Amrita: I disagree a little here..if we think like that then we can say criminals are also not bad, its only that we who are facing their bad side...No broader issues there is always good and bad well defined, its only minor things where we must not judge.


Shrutzz:..youth is always in a hurry to enjoy and make their own life.

Working I said unless eithe r in dire need one shouldnt work till kids are 10, or they should adjust with parents.

I also dislike people commenting on looks and dowry, I value nature.

In my extended family I saw still some discipline prevails and so the bonding remains.

Gouri Guha said...

Renu enjoyed the read. Agree with your thought about the working mother. Children miss their mothers and it leaves a psychlogical effect on their minds which can be traced later on.
A beautiful bride can break and tear apart a home...looks can be overlooked to some extent.
It was nice reading your last para. Wish such love and good bondings be found in many many more homes. And those who laugh at their very own India, which has fed and nurtured them to be what they are...abominable...

Chanz said...

wow Renu... I liked this post... Its always nice to meet people... you get too learn a lot... the reality of who is good and who is bad comes up only when we interact... Good Renu.. Nice

Piper .. said...

thoroughly enjoyed reading this post! You get to interact with such diverse crowds in train journeys! :):)
As always, there are points where I disagree - Renu, you cannot categorize all working mothers in a group! There may be hundreds of reasons, other than the two you have enumerated. It is not always about being able to buy material things for the child or pursuing one`s dreams. And why do I get the idea that people actually hold a woman in contempt if she decides to pursue her dreams? :):) Secondly, about the father visiting the son because he feels that they will develop a closer bond with someone else(??!!!!) - that is a little strange, dont you think?
And lastly, about people coming from abroad and cribbing, I fully agree. It irritates me too. I am not a tax paying citizen of the country any more.And therefore I have NO rights to complain whatsoever.
Anyway, I loved reading this post. It reminds me of so many of my own interesting train journeys and how I miss traveling by train now :(

Anita said...

I found your comment about the working woman being a bad mother and working for her "ego" really insulting. As the now grown up daughter of a mother who worked my whole life I can actually speak from life experience to let you know that I never missed anything in my childhood simply because my mother worked. I never had anyone but my parents looking after me, I had fresh food everyday, help with my homework and lots of attention and love.

In addition, by not placing any of the responsibility for the child on the train on that child's father, you reduce the father's parenting responsibility to bringing home a paycheck. The reason that my mother was able to work and be a successful parent was because my father also took an active role in raising me. He helped with homework, household chores and went with me to all my activities and classes.

Don't judge women and their decisions to work when you don't know their capabilities or circumstances. My mother was a wonderful and perfect mother, who also happened to be a wonderful scientist. Women shouldn't feel guilty for pursuing their own dreams and ambitions while also being mothers.

Renu said...

Gauri Guha: Looks < I think are least important, because in today's world with so much grooming everyone can look pleasing.

Chanz: ..I always observe people everywhere..and try to think about everything.

Piper: yes, we cant categorise all working mother in one slot..but I have said that it must be seen why you are working..if it is necessary then do, but dont work for filmsy reasons, secondly I feelthat till 10 yrs of age children need SOMEONE's presence at home, someone their own, not servants,later on one can work.....No I dont hold in contempt..but if one is so particular about dreams then one shouldnt have children, as kids are not a part time occupation,or the couple may take a stand and husband can stay home.

about that father..I have found it the bonds grow stronger if you meet often and communicate more..out of sight and out of mind is true for so many are a very good child, thats why you are finding it strange, but i have seen many like that.

Anita:..Welcome here !..First of all you didnt read my post properly, and if you have been reading my blog, you will know that I am avery fair person and dont blame anyone like that.

I nevr say that working women are bad mothers, but they simply dont have time and children need time..a mother who puts 10 hrs of a day outside, how can she look after the child who is at home, and if you think she can, then fine

Till today house husbands are not common, thats why i didnt say that, and secondly I didnt write in stand is always of the couple shouldnt ve too ambitious, but if both are they shouldnt have children, why victimise kids for your own dreams.

There are always all type of individuals, some fare well in all circumstances, I am not talking about them, but generally little ones need family till they are 10 years old, you cant deny it.

I am a women and I have worked also, and in my family most of the girls are working, so I know a little about them, I may not be an expert like you but still:) have sighted just one example of your mother,but i can give you 100 examples where where children are being short changed,

Poonam J said...

Interesting journey indeed..... Nice to have a well knit family..bonding is a two way street and most of the times, elders play a very vital role in keeping it alive..admire families like that. As for the old man..donot agree with his philosophy, but then like I always say to each his own..anything to keep the relationship alive....Renu as for the working mother part, I feel that no parent, repeat no parent will do anything at the cost of their child, sometimes working moms i feel can give quality time if not quantity daughter has avery successful career in Canada, and she makes time to talk to us everyday and i can see how involved she is with her daughter too..its a pleasure to see her enjoying what little time she gets with her...she has balanced it pretty well, actually no, not all children are being short changed..just becaz the mum is working.
We Indians are the only people I feel who have the audacity to complain for the system which we are not even part of....this attitude of people is their guilt, which I guess is all because they left their motherland for greener pastures, anything to justify that.

Your last statement summed it up so well..India still lives in our hearts....true, maybe thats why we complain of the systems too......interesting read

Anonymous said...

Hey! Trains are the most interesting places aren't they! In fact even I've written a post about people in trains!
Thanks for dropping by blog Renu, I really liked your blog and the layout!
I can relate to you easily! :)
I'm putting you on my reader, hope to see you soon! :)

Babli said...

Very beautifully written and I appreciate for your wonderful post. I liked it very much. I always feel that a good family plays a very important role in our life and to have a close knit bonding is most important aspect.

Anita said...

Just to clarify, my father isn't a house husband, he's a doctor, but I just gave the example to show that when both parents actually take interest in parenting, working women don't short change their children.

I didn't mean to lash out at you, but I feel that it is unfair to categorize an entire group of women as inferior mothers, without taking into account circumstances. It has never been shown that stay at home mothers as a group produce more happy or stable children. I think the comment about women working for "ego" was especially condescending.

SUFFIX said...

Only train journey brings us these type of experiences, its heartening to read about the man trying to keep his relationship with his son intact, hope his DIL will understand!!

Deeps said...

Enjoyed the read, Renu. I so agree with you on the outward beauty part. People still base their best impression of others on their outward appearances which is so unfair, isnt it?

Sparkling said...

Wow! You almost had a small Bharat Dharshan! :) Quite an interesting motley I must say!

Why is it that the DIL is always bad? I don't quite get this. Maybe it's just one side of the story, there is always two sides you know.

And working women make very good mothers, Renu. I'm a product of a very hard working mother and I've come out quite well ;)

Renu said...

Poonam J: see ..everyone likes good bonding in the family...but that requirtes a little compromise and a little sacrifice also, which many of us are not prepared to do..and those who do get it also.
About that father...its always parents who make utmost efforts to keep the relationship going...and they do whatevr they can..most of the children are complacent.

niveditatheperceptions: welcome here! and I am very glad you like it here...hope to see you often.
Train journeys have always opened us a new experience to me:)

its a pleasure to see her enjoying what little time she gets with her..this line of yours sums up all that i am trying to say....what little time..time is a precious commodity for a working mother, they give whatevr they have, but they cant give what they dont have..more time.

Babli: Family is the most important thing.

Anita:..yes its better if husbands take equal part in bringing up their children....tell me one thing..just remembr your childhood..did you not miss your mother then? didnt you want your mother to be more with you...its only when children grow up, and realise why their mothers needed to work, they understand, but in the childhood everyone wants mother with him/her.

Suffix:..I dont think any DIl realises this and for this even boys are at the onus of maintaining relationships lies with parents only.

Renu said...

Deeps:..i nevr liked this ..I taught my daughter also to look beyond the looks dnd she has really imbibed it.

Sparkling;DIL..yes that part I also dont like, but u see what happens, parents nevr like to blame their sons, all the blame goes to the girl....though today some girls are also getting quite haughty and rude..

Working mothers..yes I know and this issue is very complex, may be I couldnt make myself very clear..I wanted to say..working just for the sake of ego, or doing a job where children are left behind for very long hours in their tender age is not very good..but then everybody has his own take on this

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KParthasarathi said...

It is an interesting post with your meeting many persons in the train and relating their experiences.The one on working mothers and the slender bondingcan be sensitive.But you have handled the postwell.Will be regular visitor from now on

Renu said...

Megha:..I am adding you to my ID

Kparthsarthi: I have always believed that if our intentions are right , everything comes out well in the end.

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