Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Parenting

I was asked by Indusladies.com to write a post on parenting and include their banner. As usual I was late for everything, then even I am not able to put their banner here for some technical reasons. Anyway I am not sending it as an entry:)

Parenting is the easiest and most difficult ask, easiest because it comes naturally to parents,its inherent, nobody teaches us but still all the basic things all parents do. And most difficult is that in most of the area there is a very fine line between two extremes.

Just the other day we were talking that most of the time the parents who dont say anything to children are more appreciated when the children grow up...whereas the parents who dont say anything are not doing good rather..

they are not guiding the children,
They are not teaching them rights and wrong,
they are not teaching them value of hard work....etc etc.

and all these virtues make the life of children much more happier and successful.The parents who nag( language of children) dont do it for their own benefit, they do it to make the future of the children......they are not in the race to win popularity contest. They themselves slog to bring the disciplined well mannered kids. But again there is a fine line between doing it right and over doing it.Just the way it is wrong to give a complete freedom, so is the too strictness. We have to balance everything.

Recently we hear every day suicides by students and young children for very trivial things like one girl didnt like the frock her father bought. This is as much an impact of materialism of today as due to upbringing. There is one word..DELAYED GRATIFICATION and it must be taught to children. We dont get everything as we want and when we want. and if we get some thing after some wait it is more precious , give us more happiness. Loving the children doesnt mean giving only, its giving also and with holding also both judiciously. Totally pampering brings up spoilt children with hyper sensitivity. They become so habitual of getting everything at demand that they are not able to handle a single no or failure.Life is never so smooth..it has its ups and downs, and endurance is a very big quality. From the childhood only we can ingrain in them the value of character and say that it is more important to be honest,and hardworking then getting things.Most of the time parents over indulge, and try to over protect the children. But by doing so they are making them too vulnerable to face this harsh world...Let them be..go out and see the world.

Today for parents their individual satisfaction is more important than giving time to child and they compensate it by providing gazettes and money. They dont realise that it is they who are sowing the seeds of materialism.It doesnt matter who..mother,father or grandparents.but children need to be with someone till the age of 10.but its an impossibility today. Today we see lot of aggression in young kids..from where it is coming?....we drop them so early in the world of competition and they we are not there to listen to their fears and joys.

I dont believe in quality time or quantity time, both can be the other.....it all depends on the people and situations. But to me parenting doesnt mean providing only good food and education and clothes. To me parenting means bringing up a responsible citizen and a good human being.

15 comments:

Hobo ........ ........ ........ said...

I love to suggest parents that life is beyond education. Awareness is much more important than education And sports is also one of the career.

Deeps said...

Very nice post, Renu. Theres much to learn from what you've written about parenthood :)


Thank You :)

J P Joshi said...

A thought provoking post, especially for people in the parenting role. Loved the last line, To me parenting means bringing up a responsible citizen and a good human being".

Madhu said...

Renu...kids must be such a joy.
Early next year we are planning on a baby. Its freaking me out. I dont know if I will be able to implant everything which my mom did in me.

My journey said...

Well nice read again, But i think sometimes parents over expect which is also not good. Let them be what they are capable of doing. you can always have the chord to guide but you cant always whip to make him or her do what is not under his or her control or ability. :)

Sandhya said...

You have analyzed the role of mother very well, Renu.

The children should feel free to discuss about anything and everything under the sun with us, parents, which will give them self confidence. They should know that we are there all the time for good and bad. Then this insecure feeling will not drive them to suicide for flimsy reasons.

The last line is the best, Renu.

Piper .. said...

I disagree with the fact that parenting comes naturally to parents. I wholly believe that it does not. That parenting is as much a craft you have to work hard to master, as is photography or anything else. Only, parenting is far, far more serious an affair because parents deal with real 'lives'(so to say) rather than inanimates. Hence, parenting is one craft you cannot afford to go wrong with! That said, I love the last line Renu. But then again, therein lies the biggest responsibility! To be able to bring up a good human being and a responsible citizen!

Renu said...

Hobo: Even I believe that awareness is more important, but that is the next step.

Deeps: Thanks!

JP Joshi: to me it is a fact..I dislike bringing up spoilt brats:)

madhu: Kids are really a delight but for that parents have to work hard. But dont worry you will do well.

My journey:I know...there was this neighbour of mine who used to say that her son will study in IIT only, whereas her son couldnt even get maths due to low marks:)

Sandhya: yes its parents duty to assure them that they have nothing to fear, but its children to understand that failure also is a part of life.

Piper:..Yes thats also right,but how many parents try to learn, except giving meals etc..they may look after the physical side, but what about mentally?..parenting is a lot of hard work and a thankless job which many are not prepared to do..so they take the easy way out..just pamper the kids and leave them free.

up↑take said...

When I was working in India, my manager didn't have a TV at home as he and his wife wanted to devote their entire time to their child. Later, I had an American co-worker who did just the same. That sounds like a big sacrifice, doesn't it? I can't help but be awed by their values.

I learnt a term of great import here - Delayed Gratification!!

Renu said...

up take:..yes children bring out our best and nothing is too big a sacrific for children.

delayed gratification is very important word, and those who understand it go a long way in life.

Sandhya said...

My sidebar says that your new post is 'right ya wrong', but I am not able to open it, Renu.

Poonam J said...

Parenting is not an easy job...it requires care, patience and discipline. Children indeed bring out the best and the worst in parents. You summed it up so well in the last line...It is indeed a privilege to shape up good human beings........and Renu, well I just did a post..Thank you for nudging me.

PG said...

beinga mother now, i understand what you are talking about. I hope my love and care are enough despite my shortcomings as a mother to make a happy and healthy and respectful person with good values out of him one day.

PG said...

I forgot to mention something which i had once read in a parenting magazine and left an impresion on me which is also in agreement with your thoughts.
The writewr talkked about three types of parfenbts, those that are democratic -the ideal way of parenting- , then those authoritative- not an ideal situation but still better than and those 'wishy washy' parents who are too loose with everything, allowing children everything, no rulkes, no regulations, letting them have their way right or wrong. And in his opinion children of such parents are worst off, the most insecure, the unhappiest and those who don't have anyone to hold on to when need arises.

Renu said...

PG;In my family I have few children with those wishy washy parents..and really they are a sore to the eye..only because their parents never inculcated in them the value of discipline, work and certain rules of life..this type of progeny birings so much unhappiness in other families also after marriage.

I am sure with your love and care, Rishabh will turn out to be a good human being with right values.