Wednesday, June 6, 2012

woman....

Life is such a big teacher , it teaches everything.everything you didnt want to learn and everything you didnt want to know even...she  was living a dream..mainly because she was such a simple girl, no other interest other than studies and house work. And in that she was really good. achiever there and excellent here.People talked about gender biases and parents differentiating between daughter and sons, but she never thought about it.Her parents loved her and it was enough for her, she never bothered about what they were doing for her brothers, as they were  so dear to her too and she loved themm from her heart.
But life changed everything when she got married...neither her parents considered her own, nor inlaws.Her parents didnt bother about her comfort or needs, they did their duty and wanted to shake hands off and inlaws..they were typically inlaws type who wanted more and more from her parents, and her parents didnt even want to do anything, not even the traditional gifts( thought they were well off and could do it, but for them girls didnt have any right on parent's property and she was not a family now, so why should they spend on her) and she became the punching bag.

And in the process the girl who was an idealist suffered a lot. She always wanted a loving family and wanted to live with inlaws in harmony and care for them as they were her only family, but their attitude created a mistrust between them.And she never wanted herself to be a burden to her parents, so on one side her inlaws demands pained her a lot, her parents reluctance to do anything also made her feel very sad and unwanted.

Now in such cases most of the time it is said that inlaws are bad people and they are targeted, and girls also form a morcha against them, but somewhere I feel that there are so many things which contribute..like traditions..where if girls side is well off, most of the people start expecting a lot, but on the contrary if they are not giving type discontent starts.I dont think there is anything wrong with parents giving to their daughters, dont they leave everything for their sons? why everything given to girls is considered dowry and a bad word?....yes here it may be used by inlaws, but once married, they should also be considered family, not outsiders...we must think of everything in a positive light..

And since we are conditioned like that, when a mother marries her son, she expects a lot.I know its wrong, but mindsets are not changed in a day, now people are changing, but instantly branding her bad is not fair.She should be given time to understand the changing scenario and in all that she must get due respect as a mother....Many new weds take this as an excuse to get rid of any responsibility towards inlaws.Many girls I know whose parents earn money thru all means and they take pride in that, but disown inlaws for any little fault, .families are there forever and we must try to solve the differences.. we cant get rid of them

And so she made a resolution that she will give her daughter best education, let her stand on her two feet and will support her in adversity,.......(continued)

17 comments:

Meera Sundararajan said...

Renu first of all thanks for visiting my blog.

I can completely understand the issues that you are raising here. Dowry is something that many parents give in order to get past the issue of not giving their daughters any rights on the parental property. It is actually speaking a woman's personal wealth and is voluntarily given ( like an inheritance) but the way society has turned it into a commercial transaction is very disgusting! I am looking forward to knowing what this girl will do...

Meanwhile you may like to read a post I did on the same topic sometime last year. The link is herehttp://meerareflections.blogspot.in/2011/02/bridegroom-bazaar.html

L KRUPAA said...

Thought Provoking! We surely need a change in the attitude & thinking. I find it difficult to accept as to how girls can be indifferent to parents & in laws.

ashok said...

thoughtful post..

KParthasarathi said...

Looking forward to the next part.It is true mindsets have not changed for the better as much as we expect.There should be no expectations from the girl's side after the marriage and the girl should also identify herself as part of the new household.The inlaws should also accept her as their own .There should be greater tolerance and kindness on all sides

Renu said...

Lkrupa: its a situation everywhere..sad but it is..

Ashok: Thanks!

KParthsaarthi:Both sides are adamant and nothing happening:(

Renu said...

Meera: welcome here!.I read that post and wrote my views also...

Dowry as such is not a bad thing only people's attitude make it so..

manjujoglekar said...

Looking forward to the next part, Renu. Will comment after reading the whole story. :)

I agree though, that attutudes cannot be changed in a day.

Harman said...

nice post ..to my mind it should be girls decision to live wid in-laws or not n not boys with these kind ...wht did a girl get after marriage did anyone think abt it?
where is her happiness ? her dreams ?
so parents or in-laws its duty to ask the girl her happiness .. she needs to live her age and time like everyone did when they were young.

sm said...

thoughtful post
its not easy to change mindset when there is no fear of law.

deeps said...

like life, your posts are great teaching lessons too

Reflections said...

"families are there forever and we must try to solve the differences.. we cant get rid of them"

Couldn't agree more:-).

Renu said...

Manju: Actually manju, I was making a sketch of whole life of a woman, and how one could learn from every stage:)

Harman: Marriage is a meeting of two people and In India two families, so everything should be decided by mutual consnt, and if girl is not interested in living with inlaws per se, then she must say so before marriage, after marriage everybody must compromise and bring a solution.

It should be our life, our happiness and our dreams.

sm: the change is not change if it happens for the fear of law.

deeps: Thanks Deep!..where were you, absent for a long time.

Reflections:Thanks Nancy!..seeing you after a long time..how are you?

goingbeyondthepages said...

Nice post. The change has to come from within and that we can bring by making our children understand.

Will wait for the next part.

Ellen said...

I have come to be familiar with the Indian culture and tradition in marriage through my acquaintances and friendships with wonderful Indian friends. But it still boggles my mind as to some issues there. Yet I think things will change as the emancipation of the Indian woman evolves or continues to evolve. Until that day it will help everyone concerned to exercise a wee bit more of tolerance, understanding, patience, kindness, consideration, and other fine qualities which would serve as soothing balm to an otherwise sensitive situation.

Looking forward to learn more from your next installment.

Blessings to you and your loved ones.

Renu said...

Ellen: the qualities you have written about, they are essential in our life and will bring betterment wherever applied.

rahul aggarwal said...

a thoughtful post ..

i believe by talking one can resolve all issues which may arise due to unforeseen reasons!!!

Renu said...

Rahul: exactly, but how many people do that, either nobody communicates or nobody listens...