Monday, June 25, 2012


MY daughter keeps saying to me..when men were exploiting women, nobody said anything but today when women are doing it, there is so much of noise everywhere. I told her that it wasnt so. Men were also blamed but at that time there were not many avenues to publicise, today Internet has made it so.Ask any women in the age group of around 60 and you will find that 80% were not happy in their marriage. But they remained there because..
They were not economically independent or didnt want to struggle in life.
They feared the society..log kya kahenge.

Secondly it was the same women who were exploited, made the life of their DIL miserable, sons were helped by mother only or rather instigated by them..
And when I write so much, it doesnt mean I have an ideal I had a usual MIL and still have and today I have both..MIL and DIL and so I know the both sides of a coin. And I dont believe that to remove a malady, we must do injustice to some or misbehave.....I Make it a point, not to do anything with my DIL which rankled me as a me as a person, it matters that I dont do anything wrong...

If yesterday men were making life miserable, so today girls should do so?Then what is the difference between them and us.When they had power, they were self centred, today if we have power, we must show them what is fair dealing.Being good is all about being fair when you have everything going for you, not doing so when you have no choice.

God made women with lot of love and care and its only they who can love others with abandon, men dont have that quality, they can love their own only. So should we abandon our qualities and embrace their vices(smoking, drinking, promiscuity) to become equal..isnt it like burning our own house to  get light.
If somebody is stealing, it doesnt mean we can steal and we are not thieves.

We are much superior to men, why do want to be equal...Inspite of doing everything, my MIL has stayed with me only, and its me only who does all her work and looks after her, could my hubby do the same. Could he keep my mother for so long,without her doing anything for him and always saying bad things,NO..he would never be able to do that and so I think of myself as a much better person and human being,let him think whatever, but i dont need or want equality.


Ash said...

Very well written, Renu ji... there is a lot of wisdom in what you have said here, especially... "And I dont believe that to remove a malady, we must do injustice to some or misbehave....." and.... "Being good is all about being fair when you have everything going for you, not doing so when you have no choice."

Wonderful post.

muthu said...

Very hard perspectives. Rather than superior and inferior characteristics, I would like to think as women and men having rather unique characteristics. Yeah, There was a time when women were oppressed; I think the main reason behind that-- is rather the crowd mentality of society to follow in the path of the predecessors rather than gender distinctions. I know men who still take care of their mom and Women who can be brutal. Rather than bringing gender into the fray, I would simply like to credit the individual's characteristics.

Renu said...

ASH: Please remove that ji:)..yes if you want to test someone's character than see how he behaves when in power..
Thanks for appreciating it!

Muthu:Men and women are different and this we have to understand..women are emotionally stronger whereas men are physically better..
We are made like that..
You didnt read the post properly..I have written that men can take care of their own people only and mother is closest to them, its about caring for those who are not blood relations...

sm said...

beautifully penned
biggest enemy of female is no one but other female and her beliefs.

Irfanuddin said...

so beautiful l thoughts, i wish there are more n more MILs as well as DIls to be like you...:)


SG said...

Very well written. However, I think you made a general sweeping statement about men. From your post I get the impression all men are bad. That is not fair. I have stories about how guys took care of their wife's families.

Harman said...

very true renu!
I agree,,, n God bestowed everything in women ,beauty ,perseverance ..wisdom ..but the thing is ,,,which quality is to be used where?
why is that women is always jealous of women..
expectations are more in case of dils ..but where we see son-in law ..they jus treat them with respect n care ..why not same for dils?

Shalom said...

Wow, this is a power-packed post and I couldn't agree with you more! "Being good is all about being fair when you have everything going for you, not doing so when you have no choice" ... that is so true & well-written. Kudos!

Renu said...

sm:..yes, instead of punishing others, if we just try to make ourselves better, problems will be solved.

Irfanuddin: Thanks !..there are many more, the only problem is that if DIL is good, then MIL is not same and vice versa.god has made like this only..

SG: so good to see you back..If my post gives that impression, then I am not good at expressing myself..I can nevr say that men are I just say that men and women are made differently and have different qualities and we must celebrate the differences instead of trying to be the same.

Harman:SIL comes for a day or two, whereas DIL stays with them, so the treatment has to be different as former is a guest whereas latter is a memebr of the family.
Secondly DIL and MIL both being of the same sex,are bound to have some jealousy.

Shalom: Its always a pleasure to see you.

Found In Folsom said...

There's something bothering you for sure.:)I understand what you are trying to say.

sulagna ™ said...

Hi Renu i love the connection between both our latest know i am kind of on the other side of the coin. There are women who are genuinely unfair in gauging relationships and expecting from the husbands, but today most of us , girls have our own busy lives, work home children etc. On one hand i have a fabulously supportive FIL and on the other hand I have a slightly insecure MIL. the issues of familiy relations is eternal and it wont stop ever but yes at least we as todays women are not "bound to" adjust because we depend on our marriage.

i am blessed to have been married to a very supportive family that looks after my baby while i work.But at times my patience level drops and thats when the evil tongue wraths fumes :)and who bears it..the husband of course !!

Rahul Bhatia said...

Agree with your views Renu! Two wrongs do not make one right:)

Renu said...

Found In Folsom: wherever I see injustice, it disturbs me a lot:)

Sulagna: see here also you find FIL supportive.only other women only difficult...
But i am pretty sure that if you adjust in the will get lot of love and comfort later on...its always the teething problems in a new long as one lashes out at husband only its not a problem:)

Rahul Bhatia: And this is whats happening now a days.

Mom of A and a said...

I love this line: Being good is all about being fair when you have everything going for you, not doing so when you have no choice.
Thank you for writing this post!

Anonymous said...

That was a thoughtful post. I like the way you say how women are superior and not equal! Really love that - if only most women could behave with grace...I personally know a case where the MIL really tortures the DIL both with words and actions and she actually instigates her son to do the same...just like u said! Thats very such cases women are not equal, they are just really bad human beings!

zephyr said...

Oh Renu, we had discussed this in our mail, didn't we? But today the trend is to reverse everything -- stereotypes, superiority, control -- to make the other one suffer. Why do we do this?

BTW, you'd be labelled a 'martyr' for doing what you are doing, by the 'protectors' of women. LOL

Vetrimagal said...

Wonderful post, wonderful person Renu!

Such understanding and good attitude will make families peaceful.

Hope the young ladies who want to start a married life understand this .

Renu said...

Mom Of A; Thanks for appreciating:)

Muddleup: our problems are not because of any men, they are only because we are it in our role as MIL or DIL

Zephyr: I am no martyr,..I enjoy my life but nevr at the cost of others..and these so called protectors are ruining the women.

Vetrimagal: thanks a lot:)..I too hope they do...

rama said...

I agree women are the ones who always adjust to any situation in their lives, because we have been brought up to respect elders and not to make a big issue of small things.
Men too are good, and i have seen some of them going out of their way to do a lot of good to women.
The question of MIL being, the way she is probably a mystery yet to be solved.I cannot understand if a DIL can call her "MA" and be as good as she is with her own mother , why the MIl cannot reciprocate in the same loving manner. There is some mindset in MILs that is stopping them to walk that extra mile in this issue.
However, I feel the relationship between both MiL and the DIL would never improve if, the former showed no signs of letting her guard down, and start feeling free to interact with the DIl as her own daughter.
I still feel that it is not an impossible task, and I am sure the DILs would rarely face such problems from people of our generations.
It is up to us women to bring in the change within ourselves, and see that we don't fall into the same trap as our own MILs did.

Happy Kitten said...

As usual pearls of wisdom Renu. Now that women have become better educated and finacially sound, they ought to show more empathy to those around them. This does not mean that they should be a door mat but an intelligent woman can always turn things around and bring peace and happiness into the house.

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