I read about adjustment and Jugad at one fellow blogger's post and when I thought of adjustment, it reminded me a very old story I read long back may be 20 years back but even today one identify with this.here is the synopsis of that...
Aparna was married to Shyam with lot of fan fare. Shyam was a very loving and caring husband and she was very happy with him.But his mother was a typical MIL who never wanted to leaver her hold on his son.So Shyam asked her to be polite and respectful to his mother whereas he will do everything otherwise to make her happy. WHenever Shyam went somewhere and brought 2 sarees for two most important women in his life, it was his mother who chose first and he then consoled Aparna saying..she is immature, but you are mature, let her take it, you can adjust, after all she is not going to be with us forever(though she outlived Shyam) and life went on. She had a son, who grew up to be a fine young man and a caring and loving son.
She married the son the with a girl of his choice, and now whenever he brought anything it was his wife who chose first and his son always said..amma you are the most understanding mother and mature too, she is immature, let her take it...
It left her pondering..was she born mature? is it a crime to be flexible and understanding? and in the end she decided to live independently and do what SHE wanted to do, instead of being mature and understanding all the time..Finally she was free of adjustments.
This story touched me so much that I could never forget it, because I have seen it that whosoever adjusts more, is always suppressed more..its the vocal and uncouth who get the upper hand in life. Does that mean that we must stop adjusting?......I dont know actually ....I think adjustment should be from both sides,one sided maturity or understanding never brings love and harmony in relationships.
Most of the women complain about inlaws asking them to cook for whole family and do all the chores single handedly and do the job also,I can say for myself that I did everything as a DIL too and I do as a MIL too and there I dont have any complaints even,because for inlaws I thought it was my duty and I could never shirk from my duty and for children I love to do everything.
Aparna was married to Shyam with lot of fan fare. Shyam was a very loving and caring husband and she was very happy with him.But his mother was a typical MIL who never wanted to leaver her hold on his son.So Shyam asked her to be polite and respectful to his mother whereas he will do everything otherwise to make her happy. WHenever Shyam went somewhere and brought 2 sarees for two most important women in his life, it was his mother who chose first and he then consoled Aparna saying..she is immature, but you are mature, let her take it, you can adjust, after all she is not going to be with us forever(though she outlived Shyam) and life went on. She had a son, who grew up to be a fine young man and a caring and loving son.
She married the son the with a girl of his choice, and now whenever he brought anything it was his wife who chose first and his son always said..amma you are the most understanding mother and mature too, she is immature, let her take it...
It left her pondering..was she born mature? is it a crime to be flexible and understanding? and in the end she decided to live independently and do what SHE wanted to do, instead of being mature and understanding all the time..Finally she was free of adjustments.
This story touched me so much that I could never forget it, because I have seen it that whosoever adjusts more, is always suppressed more..its the vocal and uncouth who get the upper hand in life. Does that mean that we must stop adjusting?......I dont know actually ....I think adjustment should be from both sides,one sided maturity or understanding never brings love and harmony in relationships.
Most of the women complain about inlaws asking them to cook for whole family and do all the chores single handedly and do the job also,I can say for myself that I did everything as a DIL too and I do as a MIL too and there I dont have any complaints even,because for inlaws I thought it was my duty and I could never shirk from my duty and for children I love to do everything.
13 comments:
Well, it is true... sometimes, it is better to be vocal abt ur feelings... and if u don't do that den u r taken for granted..
That story conveys lot of messages. Relationship to blossom must be always win-win
Nice story with lot of messg. I think a relationship will blossom only if it is a win-win situation.
good
at to see that at the end she became mature
and also it depend on situation when to bend and when not to bend
yup Renu, if u dont assert you have a backbone people will assume you have none. Something I have always believed. Its ok and infact healthy to sometimes state aloud what one wants. Hidden expectations are very insidious, and they either result in fatal eruptions or as i have seen in the case of a close relative, hidden illnesses (diabetes heart probs etc)my relative has them all, cos he takes everything without uttering a word of complain. everyones happy around but for him. hmm... but then some people are more dhairyawan and dont speak much, what to do.
In the end, what is your existence for? A woman has a difficult transition from daughter, wife, to a mother. Different roles expect different behavior (not that men dont have transition - but here the topic is different). To assert to prove a point? Is that love? To remain de-assertive and to suffer? Is that love? To have to speak out, to be heard, to be made to feel what you need to the loved ones - is that the need of the hour? Maybe the days are gone when love was so, that you did not need to speak. But be prepared, even if you speak, the results may be the same, but then there is this feeling, that i tried at least.
Chanz: yes atleast youy can have the satisfaction of atleast saying.
Chitra..but there are rarely win win situations, as long as adjustment doesnt make you miserable its ok, but beyond that one must not do.
sm: yes, she became wise, but is that what she wanted..no .she wanted aloving and caring family too.
Amrita: yes Amrita, I see it all around me, even am also one of this type, but life is so complicated that there are no simple answers to that..
AS: you have sxpressed it so well..speaking out ias not the only answer, we need the change all around us.
And Renu reading your comment on my post, your hubby seemed jus like mine :)
what sun sign is he btw?
Amrita: helloooo:) bhool gaye, ham dono ek raashi hain aur hamaare hubby bhi same raashi hain:)
:) nothing beats doing what one loves..
I also prefer to say and be vocal its better to let people know rather then keep it inside :)
Bikram's
Bend,not to the level of breaking!
ohhhhhhhhhh serli bhool gai thi :D
I think the deeds we do should be out of love rather than duty...and hence even if i have to do something for my loved one, i would not do it if it harms him in the long term
So the question we'll have to ask ourselves is- 'Are we adjusting because we don't have choice?'
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