Thursday, December 30, 2010


My last post created lot of confusion, as I didnt write it clearly,It was not about independent people but about those who are dependent  or live with their children so I want to say here now very categorically
I love the people who maintain themselves and live well and are active and live life well.I admire them.
I was talking about
this tendency of reminiscing about their youth and its flirtations, and exaggerating the importance they got from opposite sex:).......talking about which looks very ridiculous at this age..atleast to me.I can never talk to my children or even my sisters and tell them that i was so popular among boys etc etc, I find it embarrassing. and feel that they are not so important topics now, as life has much more to offer.

My second point was about the DEPENDENT older crowd that most of the people find old people's plight very pitiable and bad, but do old people make any effort to make life better for their young children.and most of the problems can be solved with a little different attitude to life.If all women love their DILs and care for them when they enter their family, they will get if not hundred percent, but I am pretty sure atleast  50 percent return will be there..but then when its time to do, nobody wants to do anything, but when its their time to take, they are ready to take from both hands. And a good life comes to givers not takers.

In the old age also  elders are so demanding ,..Even if they have always taken the best of culinary they must be accommodating and partake everything with pleasure.simple food is good for their health also, but I see that whatever they couldnt get in their youth even, they want it now.

May be they had a very hectic social life in their prime, but now do whatever the situation demands..One cant tag along the children everywhere, or make your own separate circle and socialise with them, dont ever try to dominate your children's friend circle.

May be you were very fond of travelling and sight seeing, but now do it if you are able to to do it on your own,If children take you anywhere, bless them, but otherwise too dont feel bad, we can see so many things without going anywhere too if we put our minds to them.and we must try to see thru our children's eyes.and find our happiness in the family.

Elders get respect if they are generous with their mind , not only with their age, but if they behave according to the age...and its children's duty also to see that their parents are comfortable, well looked after,and make them feel a part of their life,not a liability.What happens is that everyone wants to do the best for  children and least for the parents( not true for all) and this is the way life circle goes on.

I will end this year with this quote....

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better man.
- Benjamin Franklin



Rachna said...

Not behaving one's age is certainly putting off. I think,it is okay to reminisce if kids ask you about your college days but to do so to show off is really ridiculous. Change and adaptation to change is the key. Do not expect that your kids will live by your yardsticks, and always put yourself in others' shoes. That puts much less strain on relationships.

Bikramjit said...

I agree with what you wrote and above to Rachna too, one shud act there AGE.. otherwise it looks silly , you dont only make a fool or urself but others around you too..

as I said i do things i did when i was young i still play hokcey but not with 18 years or 20 year old that wud be fooling i play with my own age group people and yeah from 18000ft jump i have come down to 14000ft :)

and i loved the last qoute :)

Wishing you and every around you a very happy new year ...


chitra said...

Again written well. For me there was no confusion. There must be lot of understanding between the children and parents and too much expectation leads to misery for both.
keep blogging
Happy New year.

Sara said...

Renu, this is a very sensitive and relevant topic.I respect your opinions and thoughts.And Benjamin Franklin quote is so true too.
Happy New Year!

rama said...

I can understand what you mean.
The quote is very inspiring.
Have many wonderful new years!
I am glad we are friends.

Renu said...

Rachna: well said rachna..change and adaptation is the key to happiness.

Chitra: yes its expectations which bring lot of misery in our life.

Sara:Sara, I see all these things all around me, and sometimes they disturb me.

Anonymous said...

Thought-provoking quote by Benjamin Franklin!

Renu, wishing you and your family a Very Happy New Year 2011!

Gayatri said...

Renu, It would surely feel embarrassing to hear somebody talk like that.
Would like to wish you and yours a very happy new year..and many more such! Take care.

Renu said...

Bikram:..I understand what you always come around as a very sensible person in your posts:)
Thanks for the wishes!!!

Manju Joglekar:Thanks for the wishes Manju!!!

Gayatri: Even I feel the same and dont understand why people do that..instead of getting admiration they get ridicule.
and Thanks for the wishes!!!

bhagyareema said...

I agree, Elders sometimes expect that their children will behave the way they used ot earlier. Yjhe children on the other hand expect tha parents will be understanding to the changing trends
Taking the middle path would be so better for everyine. Being A little understanding, a little accomodative would be so nice

Jay said...

very interesting...
My Heartiest Wishes for 2011..:)
Tasty appetite

Gouri Guha said...

It becomes really harmful if elders are always demanding and commanding. It shoots trouble betwen children and parents. With age elders should become more adjustive and in this they can be happy and also make others happy.
Yes, the last para says so much.
Renu, wish you a happy and prosperous 2011 and more to come...

Sandhya said...

'Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better man.' Very apt quote for this post, Renu!

Happy New Year to you and your family!

A said...

Well written. It is an important subject and a sensitive one. You handled it well.

sm said...

happy new year

Tomz said...

when you talk about the habit of old age people reminiscing their past days, what came to my mind was some foreign fiction, especially Tolstoy's anna karenina..

And belated happy new year wishes..

Jayashree said...

Both the posts are very well written. I think it is the inability to accept that everything is not under their control that becomes the undoing of most elderly people.

Renu said...

Bhagyareema:Yes and both are mistaken:).neither children want to listen too much, nor elders want to accomodate too much:)

Jay: Thanks Jay and wish you too a very happy and happening New year!!!

Gauri: Thanks for the wishes and I reciprocate them from my heart...I feel that with age one must learn to get satisfaction with little and youngsters also learn to value the family.

Sandhya: Thanks Sandhya!.wish you too a fabulous New year!!

A: Thanks A!...I have borne the brunt of older generation who was very dominating and bearing the arrogance of today's youth also who care for nothing:)

sm: Thanks and wish you too!!!

Tomz:Where have you been?...Anna Kerenina is an all time book, I can read it again and again.

jayshree: yeah, loosing the control and that too to a totally arogant generation needs a lot of understanding of life.

Deeps said...

I read both your posts, Renu. You've covered some relevant points. To me age is a state of mind. The way I look at it is that the moment you begin to feel old or weak, you begin to look old or aged. Also I somehow cant accept when our elders demand or expect us to respect them or try to thrust themselves on us despite their ridiculous ideologies and regressive attitudes just because they are older to us.Just because you are old and have reached a certain age doesnt mean you can command respect. Its your virtuous deeds and attitude that make you earn that respect

dr.antony said...

There is only one Biblical solution for longeivity.That is taking care of parents.Unfortunately love flows like a cascade.It just flows down like water,and never can flow up and back.We give so much of love and care to our children,but not even a faction,back to parents.

Renu said...

Deeps:yes deepa, thats the trend today, everyone says that respect cant be demaned, but i beg to differ a little in the sense that some protocol of behaviour.( like being polite orally) has to be followed irrespective of anything, rest as you say if one is virtuous and good, one gets respect.

Dr. Antony: That pattern is made by God, may be it has some virtue too..In Hindy scriptures it is said that this is Maya, under whose spell we love the children so much, but since children are born, they are so helpless and need our utmost care too, so god decided this way.

Dreams of parents

Now a days counselling and admissions are going on for colleges, so I see parents fretting around and always talking about reservations and...